Magnetic Women Avoid THIS Key Mistake With A Man

What I have learned is love is not enough. Love is not enough for a long term, committed, healthy relationship to fully work. And I think we've been told our whole life, love is all you need and it's just for me, not true.

What else do you need?

Values, vision and lifestyle. Personally, from my experience, it's so true.

Love is often not enough to sustain a long term, healthy relationship. And yes, vision and values are important. One of the most important, important elements I found is masculine feminine polarity. Meaning that you're able to be in your feminine receptivity, receiving a man's gifts. The man is able to lead from his healthy masculine and give to you and provide in the relationship, invest into the relationship and you create this healthy dynamic that is like a dance, it's like a tango dance that you both get to enjoy and create this chemistry, create this spark and create this passion that sustains in the relationship long term.

The difference between people pleasing and genuine care for other people is that people pleasers top priority is making sure others are pleased with them and they want to maintain a pleasant environment where they can feel safe, right? It's an inward facing orientation to an external expression of care. Because people who genuinely care for other people, they're willing to disrupt to the environment, they're willing to threaten the relationship for the sake of the other person because of how much they care.

This is an important clip for people pleasers to watch if you've had any of these tendencies in the past. Because it helps you to see that people pleasing is actually a very self centered orientation. It's about you wanting to be liked. People have to like me. It's actually about me, me, me, me, me. People need to like and approve of me at all times. But if you have real love, real care in your heart, you're willing to rock the boat occasionally and speak up and share. Just like what a queen would do. A queen would share and express her feelings and emotions on a regular basis so that they are heard. And she does so in a respectful and a vulnerable way, but doing so so that the other person, your man, knows how you're feeling, what the problem might be, so that he can actually fix it, make it better and the relationship can continue to grow and thrive long term.

Here's a fun couples therapy exercise you can do with your partner. Go into separate rooms with paper and a pen. On the paper, write down the cruelest possible thing you could say to your partner. Try to come up with one single sentence that would completely destroy them. Seal this in an envelope with their name on it and put both envelopes on the fridge. Seeing these envelopes every day and resist resisting the urge to open them will remind you that you each have the power to destroy each other and yourselves. And that love means making the conscious choice not to.

I love this. True love is knowing that you can destroy the other person, but choosing not to. Well, this may be a interesting analogy for how relationships are, because the truth is, you actually could likely destroy your partner at any time with your words. You can attack them, you can criticize them, you can bring up old things to use against them, even things you know about from their past relationships, from their childhood, et cetera. Now, being a graceful partner, being a feminine partner means that you're able to share your feelings, your problems, your issues that come up in a relationship in a respectful way. That's showing care for the other person while still being willing to speak up and navigate different situations that might be challenging in the relationship. So. So that you can continue to grow without having to attack, criticize, complain, condemn, or try to control or compete with your partner, which would ultimately only push them away further.

Oh, my God, you guys are making me laugh. Number one rule of not mothering your man, we'll break it down. Number one rule is, know that he is not your responsibility and you cannot control him. So see his actions as not ones that you're trying to prove preempt, but ones you are trying to just evaluate and judge. So if you're worried that he's gonna go out and, I don't know, drink and hook up with someone else, let's just take it to an extreme. Instead of going, you better not go out and hook up with someone else like a mum would. You just go have fun and you analyze and see what he does. Wouldn't you rather know who he truly is than try and prevent the situation? He's not your child. You cannot raise him. He's been raised. That's been gone and done. Stick to what you're gonna do and let him stick to what he's gonna do. I know it's scary. You feel vulnerable. You want to somehow have a little bit of control over what he does, but you don't have that control. There's my son yelling at me. I'm gonna go tell him what to do because I am his mom. Don't tell your man what to do.

Anytime you're telling your man what to do, even with subtle ways such as sending him a reminder or getting him a list of things that he needs to pick up from the grocery store unless he's asked for those things or handling things for him, preempting his needs. These are all controlling mothering activities that are putting you into the masculine role and are pushing him into the feminine role. Just like a mother and a little boy. Taking care of him, nurturing him, trying to make him happy, trying to please him, trying to anticipate his needs, trying to help him, being his therapist, helping him in his work, helping him with his health, with other situations he might be struggling with. Anytime you step in and try to help without him having asked for that or led you to help him with the solution, you're in your masculine. You're pushing him to his feminine, destroying the polarity. And ultimately the relationship will wither and die. Either from you becoming burnt out and getting tired of being his mother or him being tired of being told what to do, being in his feminine, losing attraction and pulling away. Either way, it's not going to end well. I've never seen a man as mad as when his woman does that to him. Like cheating, disrespectful.

Oh for sure.

The feminine's greatest desires are to be cherished and adored, really, to be fully loved by your man. The masculine's ultimate desires are different than that masculine man. His deepest desires are to be trusted and respected, to follow his lead, to appreciate his lead, to know that he has value to offer you, to be able to allow him to provide that value. Of course, if he's not providing it, that's a different conversation. But, but whenever you are disrespecting him and not following that, not trusting him, if he hasn't given you those reasons not to trust him, not to trust his leadership in the relationship, that's going to be a deep wound for a man. Just like as if he were to pull away his love from you, or to tell you that you're ugly, or that he doesn't find you attractive at all, that would be the level of emotional reaction it would cause for him, for you to disrespect him and to belittle him, to criticize him, to make fun of him, to emasculate him in different ways, make him feel like less of a man. All these activities will cause deep pain within his masculine core, his masculine center. Because all men have a masculine core, all women have a feminine core. And ultimately his self esteem will drop and he will not feel needed in the relationship. He will exit the relationship or become very combative and end up fighting you or submitting to your leadership. Becoming a more feminine man, becoming depressed long term, and likely exiting the relationship or having you break up with them later on. So none of those situations again will end up well.

You need to get the mindset out.

Of your head that wealthy or provider.

Men want to control you.

If you think those men want to control you, then try dating a broke guy.

I love that she's breaking down here. This idea, this misconception that a man who wants to take care of and provide for you wants to control you. And that's how the idea is typically easily broken when you look at, well, what about guys who aren't providing for you? What about guys who are trying to take advantage of you? Is that actually a better situation? And ultimately you'll realize the answer is no for that. If you've had enough experience dating any kind of feminized or emasculated men or men who are non providers who are just trying to take or take advantage of you. And so what's the solution? Is to find a healthy masculine man, which means he does want to take care of you, he does want to provide for you, but he's doing it from love, he's doing it from care for your heart. He also loves and respects himself, but he's showing his leadership for you in the relationship, wanting to take care, wanting to be your hero, fix things for you, solve problems, but he's doing it from a place of love, wanting to make you happy. If a man is doing those things, but not showing care for your heart, not showing that he listens to your feelings or wants you to be happy, just wants you to follow whatever he's doing, that's not a truly masculine man who shows care and devotion for you. And that's not a healthy situation to be caught up into either. So you have to look for those important distinctions. The classic love bombing. If you've been in a situation like this, so many women who come to us have experienced this, or in this now, where a man has proclaimed his love to them even though they haven't even met in person, or they've just been messaging online for several days or weeks, or they have met in person or even had sex potentially, and now he's saying all these things like he loves them and they're the one, don't buy into it. Be very careful because this is a very easy tactic that men have used because they know women are so susceptible to words that they will say things that the woman wants to hear and they will use this type of emotional manipulation to make a woman Fall in love with them by them pretending they're in love with the woman first. So you want to be very careful with this, watch out for it and take a step back and say, well, I've been on this planet for whatever, 30, 40, 50, 60 years. I've had so many different experiences, so many facets about me. How could this man really know me and really know everything about me to be able to feel feelings of real love, genuine love, within just a couple short weeks? It's a lifetime. You are a lifetime person. And they can't get at lifetime person in just a three day, just as a three day person or a five day person, or a three week person, or even a three month person. It takes time to have these genuine feelings of love. So allow that to develop. And don't believe the false words that are being whispered in your ear.

Never do this with men, never complain and never explain when you complain all the time, you're never going to get what you want. The only way to get what you want from him is to literally ask him. And when you explain yourself, you give away your power. Let your silence be your strength. Because a high valued woman will only speak when necessary.

There's a lot of good points in this video. The first one is never complain, of course. Complaining, criticizing, blaming, attacking a man, that's only going to push him away. The more you nag at him to try to get him to change or try to get him to give you what you want, the less likely he's going to be to actually do those things. The next point about asking him directly for what you want, there can be some value to that, but what's more valuable is actually to instead present what the problem is and to present your vulnerable feelings, the core of what's going on for you as a feminine woman that actually magnetizes him and inspires him to want to solve the problem himself. To take leadership and say and feel your heart and want to take care of your heart. So sharing the feelings and sharing the problems vulnerably without trying to control him, without trying to get him to do anything with it and then letting him take the initiative to solve it because he cares about your heart, because he wants you to feel happy.