Antia Boyd explains the "worth without works" mindset: knowing your value without needing to earn it through achievement or pleasing others. She contrasts this with the performance trap, where people-pleasing and over-apologizing kill authenticity, and shares how to check in with yourself on dates: Do you feel seen, connected, in your body?
The one confident female mindset that drives men wild. The worth without works mindset. Let me explain. When you are a high achieving woman, you're naturally more, what, Approval focused. Why is that? Well, because when you were a little girl, you were told, good job. Here is the medal, here's the trophy, here's the award for reading or for performance. And then what happens is you enter the performance trap. Now, what is actually the most essential piece that really gets in the way of dating is because the performance trap actually lies to you, because it says you're only worthy if you perform. And that turns you into a people pleaser, that gets you into fawning responses, that gets into lack of boundaries, that gets into being over apologetic, over explanatory prefacing things, right? And like always, you know, putting the other person on the pedestal. However, if you have the worth without works mindset, then you know your worth comes from the inside. You actually don't need approval. Maybe you got where you are today because your parents cheered you on to do what brings you joy. That cheered you on, encouraged you, what you're passionate about, where your gifts are lying, where your sense of fulfillment and connection or peace is coming from. You see, I give you an example. So let's say you have like an athletically, super skilled, talented child, right? And you of course notice how the other parents are saying, oh my God, so great. And how old is she? Oh my God, she's already so good at this and that and the other, oh my God, like my daughter couldn't do this when she was two years older and whatever. So there's all this comparison. And of course, what does an insecure parent do? Pushes the child. Because the insecure parent actually wants to get approval indirectly from the parents, from other kids. So it's kind of like confusing, right? Because it's like, wait a minute, so you are basically saying you are living vicariously through your child and you're basically taking like credit for if they perform. And so that's why I hear from my women all the time that they're being forced to put on certain makeup, forced to put on certain outfits, you know, like travel the world, be on stages. And in the meanwhile, they're actually totally disconnecting from themselves. They're actually creating a different sense of self that I'm going to call the performance self. And I move further and further away from the authentic self. Now the crazy part about a performance self is that it's actually numb. It doesn't even know it's performing like that. Self, that sense of self that you have, do you actually think that's who you are? However, you know that that's actually not true. If you are attracting, for example, men into your life who are also putting on a show externally, but then they're not matching that internally. There's no follow through or they're pursuing you at first, but then they're collapsing into their feminine because they actually secretly want you to pursue them. They actually don't want to do the heavy emotional lifting and it's that they want you to take the risk. And this can of course be for many reasons, one being that they are emotionally unavailable. So if you find yourself in relationship challenges over and over again and ending up in dynamics where you feel like you are the one who's giving it, you're giving all your power away, but you giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, but you actually not as compassionate to yourself, chances are that you are truly falling for the performance trap. So here's how this looks different. When you have the worth without works mindset and that is you don't have to do anything, right? Like the woman who has the worth without works mindset is actually going on a date and just taking a deep breath in, experiencing the presence of herself, connecting with herself, asking herself, do I feel seen? Do I feel hurt? Do I feel connected? Do I feel in my body? So it's really about the woman who has the worth without works mindset is coming back to herself over and over again. And here's what she doesn't do. And this is of course the woman who has the performance trap does, which is she's not like asking, oh, is he having a good time? Does he like me? Did I say the right things? Like, is he gonna ask me out on another date? Was that funny? Like, oh, was that embarrassing, Right? So she's not gonna analyze herself, but she's asking herself if it feels authentic to her, if it feels aligned to her mind, her body, her spirit to be in the presence of this particular man, and if she actually feels authentically desire to continue this kind of relationship. So if you are struggling with that and you don't know how to break out of the performance trap, then take my free magnetize your man quiz@mungetize your man.com and the link is of course also in the bio below. Take care, much love and I will talk to you in the next video.
