Say No To PASSIVE Men & Attract Your King
A coach uses the Adam and Eve story to argue that attraction requires masculine men who lead and feminine women who receive. She answers questions about men who won't commit, setting boundaries on money and sex before marriage, and how to inspire a man to step up.
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Hello there. Today I wanted to just hang out with everybody and answer some of your questions live. So if you have any dating questions, romance relationship questions, go ahead and start posting them in the chat in the comments below. And I'm going to start answering some questions as we continue this today. And I'm also going to start some training and teaching some powerful principles on relationships and how to attract a man and also how polarity is the secret to creating chemistry and attraction long term. While we're waiting for some questions here. So let's go ahead and start with this training piece that I have here. So this actually comes from the Bible and an interesting point that we can learn here about men and women. Actually, I'm going to go ahead and read this here and then point out this fascinating principle that will help you understand relationships more so when we read this here in Genesis 3, 6. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. And she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate as well. Now what's fascinating about this is a lot of people give Eve a lot of flack for being tempted by the snake and, and eating of the forbidden fruit. Now, what's not often covered is that Adam was right next to her. Adam was next to her while all of this went down, while the snake was tempting her, while he was talking about how great it was and how they were going to finally know what God knows and know the difference between good and evil. And Eve decided to go ahead and go for it, to take the fruit and to eat it. And Adam passively just watched. And so what's interesting and fascinating about this, if we take it as a learning principle here, Eve decided to finally take charge, right? She decided to be a boss babe and to do things on her own and take the initiative and make the decision and lead, lead the relationship forward herself and take the fruit, which of course we know led to their expulsion from the Garden of Eden and ultimately the pains of humanity in the struggle that befell them and, and humans. Now, Adam as the man in the relationship, he had basically became passive. He had given away his responsibility as a husband, as a man and lost his sense of leadership and basically was in the feminine energy. He had moved from being a healthy masculine to a feminine energy and basically letting Eve do what she wanted to do and take the helm and take the steering wheel of their relationship. And so we see here that actually in the beginning, a lack of polarity was the cause of so many problems that we now see. And because there was a depolarized relationship where Eve had. Had stepped into her masculine energy and Adam has stepped into his passive feminine energy, or let's say relaxed into his energy, the polarity was reversed. And of course, we know what follows. So what's really interesting about this is just to realize that it's even written in the very beginning of the Bible, the design, the healthy design of relationships. And it actually shows you the healthy design of relationships by giving us a glimpse into. Into what the opposite looks like. Where the opposite would be a man being passive, a man not taking leadership, a man not really having a spiritual covering over the relationship where he is protecting his woman, he's protecting his family, he's protecting his relationship, his woman, from evil, from bad things happening. Instead, he's not doing that. He's passive. He's letting it go. He's letting the devil talk to his woman, to his wife, and watching it happen, just standing there, watching it happen, likely. And just. I can. I can already see the visual. It's like him standing there, like, watching this all go down and be like, you know, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to do here. It makes sense what the snake is saying. It makes a lot of sense. You know, it would be. It would be pretty nice. I'm not sure. And then here's Eve getting really excited about, like, yes, I want that. Yes, that sounds great. I want to know what God knows. I want to know the difference between good and evil. And even though God told her not to, God told both of them not to do it. And then instead of stepping in and Adam taking that leadership and actually saying something to her like, you know, maybe we shouldn't do this. Maybe it's not a great idea. Maybe we should go talk to God about this instead. He let Eve take control. He let Eve make that decision, and he relinquished his. His responsibility as a man, his leadership capability, and allowed evil to happen. And so the message there is what an unhealthy relationship looks like. And the healthy design, which is polarity, where a man is stepping into his healthy masculine energy, taking charge, investing in the relationship, protecting his woman, providing for his woman, trying to make her happy, making sure he's creating a container for them both where they are safe, where they can thrive, where they can stay in the garden of even, where they can bring heaven down to earth, and where Eve is still being Curious. There's nothing wrong with being curious and asking questions and wanting to know or sharing her desires. But then allowing her man to take that lead, allowing him to put in the effort to take those risks himself. That's really his job. If they're going to make a decision like that, if they're going to take a risk and go against God in a sense, then she should allow him to take that responsibility and take the fall for that also. And to take the. Either take the gold or take the fall for that. And instead she decided to do it herself. She said, well, he's being too passive, perhaps. Maybe this is how it went down. She's like, well, Adam's not doing anything. He's just standing here. He's just listening. So I'm going to do it myself. Okay, yes, yes, we'll take the fruit. Give it to me. I'm going to eat it. Here, Adam, now eat this. She even gave it to him. Like, here, eat it. So in a sense, she was providing for him. She was making the decision. She grabbed it, she went for it, and she gave it to him. She was providing for him. So she's fully taking the masculine role and Adam is just passively, okay, yes, dear, I'll take the. I'll take the fruit. I'll eat it too. Yes, thank you so much. Thanks for being my mommy. And of course, that's when evil struck. That's when Satan had an entry point into their relationship, Right? He was able to slither himself in between them, you might say, and break the polarity, break the healthy polarity where they're no longer in a healthy dance, but now we have a passive masculine energy, a passive man and the boss babe, woman taking charge herself, being the mom, providing for him, protecting, trying to protect him, trying to make good decisions for him. And everything went to crap. So it's a great metaphor and a great story to look at and just see, oh, where some of these principles might have some ancient components to them that I'm teaching here and how to create chemistry, passion, and a healthy relationship that lasts long term by inspiring your man to not be the passive Adam, but be the proactive Adam, be the in charge, the empowered Adam that is looking out for you, that is providing for you, that is bringing you healthy foods to eat, not poison fruit. He's providing, he's protecting, he's leading, he's making decisions. And you're in that dance together where now you can receive, being in the feminine, receive from him, trust him, respect him, appreciate him, allow him to do all the work, allow him to chase you, allow him to put in the effort and that you don't have to be the mommy for him anymore. You don't have to be that boss, babe. You can actually be taken care of by him. And that doesn't mean you, you still can't have opinions, you can't share your desire, share your feelings, which you should because you're a high value woman. You have a high sense of self worth. So you still want to communicate, but at the end of the day, you're not going to step into his role. You're not going to wear the pants for him, you're not going to make those decisions for him. You're not going to provide for him or buy things for him, or pay for the dinner yourself. That's where evil happened. That's what we saw in the Bible. That's where things all started going to crap. So you can remember this metaphor. Anytime you, you feel tempted to give a man a gift or to pay for something for him, or to make a decision for you both, or lead, you know, plan out things for the future for you both without him having to put in any effort or plan things himself. Just realize that that's exactly what Eve was doing here and that's where everything went to crap. And instead you want to use magnetic feminine polarity, magnetic feminine communication to inspire him to, to take that role, inspire him to provide for you. And oftentimes it just starts by you not doing it yourself. You not paying for anything anymore for him, not giving him any more gifts, not trying to meet his needs and make him happy and be the mommy or be the man for him. You have to stop that so that somebody has to step up. Because let's say in the story, let's go back to the story for those who are just joining us. If Eve would have said, no, I think I'm gonna pass, or if she didn't do anything, if the snake was talking to her and saying, hey, take this fruit, it's gonna be really delicious. And you're gonna know God, you're gonna know everything. You're going to be fully enlightened. And then if Eve was standing there listening to this while Adam was being passive and she just says, no, I'm gonna let Adam decide, or no, I'm not gonna do anything here, I'm gonna wait and I'm gonna see what Adam is going to do. And maybe if she would have done that, Adam would have said, because maybe he was just thinking, maybe he was standing there Just thinking about it and wondering what the right decision was. But he hadn't made up his mind yet. So she might have gotten impatient, and she might have said, you know what? I'm just going to do it myself, okay? Forget about it. But if she would have waited, maybe gave him some time to think and to process, he may have said, you know what, babe? I don't know if. I don't know if I trust this guy. I don't know if I trust this snake. Maybe we shouldn't eat it. Like, let's. Let's think it over. Let's. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it tonight in bed. You know, let's just let it sit for a little bit. Let's not. Let's not jump to conclusions here. But we'll never know. We'll never know what decision Adam may have made if he would have had space for that, if nothing would have happened, if Eve hadn't said yes. We don't know what he might have done. Of course, he might have still taken it. He might have still made that bad decision. But then that's on him. Now it's his fault. And now he has to learn as a man how to make better decisions moving forward. And that he screwed up. And now she has every right to let him know about that and remind him of that often. But unfortunately, now we will never know what could have been the result of that. So that's another piece of this is to give your man space to let him, rather than. So I love this metaphor. When you're driving in a car, one person has to take the steering wheel, right? If you have two people trying to drive the car, you're probably going to crash. And so in a car, if your man isn't driving, if he's not moving the relationship forward, if he's not providing for you, if he's not protecting you, if he's not leading the relationship or leading you in a healthy way, in a good way, giving you happiness, giving you bliss, making. Making sure your needs are met, then that's not your job. You refuse to take that steering wheel to say, look, okay, if you're not going to take the steering wheel, I'm not taking the steering wheel. So I guess we're not going anywhere. I guess we're just going to sit here for a while, and maybe that's what your relationship needs. Maybe that's what you need to do, is give your man some space and not do anything for a little while. So he has to step in he has to take over that role or else you guys just aren't moving. At least you're not crashing, but you're not moving. And so that's why I believe it's also very important to let your man drive, like metaphorically and in reality, like if you have a car together or if you have a vehicle and he doesn't, find a ways to encourage him to drive because that's how you do one thing is how you do anything. And that's inspiring him to take the lead, to take the leadership and to take the steering wheel in your relationship, in your life, to guide and move things forward himself, that you're not going to be his mommy. You're not going to take care of him. You're not going to make sure he's protected and provided for. Like, that's his job. That's his job as the healthy masculine to do that for you. And sometimes your man might need a little inspiration. He may need to be trained and he may just need the space of feeling that space that nothing's happening otherwise, that you're not taking that role. So he has to take it. Somebody has to take it. All right. So hope that was helpful and enlightening for someone. Someone needed to hear that today. And let's go ahead and answer some questions here. Tammy said, good evening, everyone. And let me see here. Tammy said, I've been praying for a godly husband. That's great, Tammy. That's a noble thing to pray for. And that's important, godly that he's taking care of you. He actually cares. He's healthy. He's putting in the effort. He's wanting to take that healthy masculine role and not be the passive Adam that we just talked about. So I'd love to hear that. Tommy Gerda said, hello from Sweden. Hi from South Texas. Hello from New Jersey. Welcome, Mary Ellen. All right, let's get some questions here. So Bonnie said, what if he states he doesn't want to get married again even before he's ever met me? Well, I don't know why that conversation's coming up. Maybe you're talking about a man that you were messaging online and that he said, he said he doesn't want to get married in his bio or you're having some messages in the beginning. And he said, you know, just to let you know, I don't want to get married. You know, that's not something I'm looking for. So. And it's different also if he said he doesn't want to get married. Period. Or if he said he doesn't want to get married to you. And one obviously is going to be a bit more painful than the other. But the idea here is that. The idea here is that if he, if a man tells you he does not want to get married again, you should probably believe him. And the reason he's telling you that even though you haven't met in person, is because he's just very clear he doesn't want that again in his life. Now, that's going to be a, a huge uphill battle for you as a woman, when a man has already told you that he never wants to get married. And the biggest reason, the biggest reason that's a problem is because he can always fall back on that. He could always say, well, I told you in the beginning I didn't want to get married. So again, sort of like the passive Adam, right? Giving up, relinquishing responsibility, like, well, I told you, you can't blame me. I told you from the very beginning I did not want to get married. So why are you asking me about marriage now? Or why are you bringing this up now? Or, you know, why are you wanting commitment now? Because also, if a man says he doesn't want to get married again, he probably also doesn't even want a relationship, really. He just wants his freedom right now. He just wants space. He just wants to heal, perhaps, because in my experience, generally why a man will say something like this is because he's wounded, he's gone through a bad breakup recently, he had a bad marriage, he's divorced recently, maybe he's widowed. And he's just in a place emotionally where he doesn't have the capacity for that. And he knows he doesn't. So he's kind of giving you a warning. In a sense, it's actually a good thing because he's probably protecting you. He's probably a healthy man somewhat protecting you. Now, the other reason why a man may say something like this is because he doesn't want to lead you on and he does still want to have sex with you. He does still want some kind of connection, maybe friendship. But he wants to make sure you're very clear. He doesn't want a relationship. He doesn't want anything deeper than that. So it's another form of giving you a warning signal. So one may be just like, I'm, I'm not capable or available for any of that. The other one may be, I still may want to sleep with you and, and be friends potentially, but nothing more than that. And I hope you're clear on that. So he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or he doesn't want to lead you on and get hurt later. And. Yeah, and that could happen, of course, before he's even met you. Because he's not using that as a criteria for why he's making that statement. He's not saying, you know, maybe once I get to know you and fall in love with you and find out that you're amazing woman, then I'll decide to get married. He's saying, like, I don't care how amazing you are. I don't care how much we connect or how much of an, of a high quality amazing woman that you could be in a relationship. I don't, I don't want to get married. I'm very clear on that. So I would move on personally. If a man says something like that, I would say, okay, thanks for letting me know. And yes, I am wanting to get married at some point. So it's probably better that we just stay friends for now or, you know, it's probably not a good fit for right now, you know, but I wish you good luck in your search or something like that. Graciously decline, because that's what a queen would do. A queen's not going to say, oh, you don't want to get married? Okay, that's fine, let's go ahead and go, go on a date. Let's just get to know each other. Like, I don't really care about that. Even though she does. A queen would not do that. A queen would say, oh, you basically just disqualified yourself. Like, you've disqualified yourself from my life, from my dating pool. Congratulations on that. Because if that was your goal, because it's effective, like, I'm no longer interested. And you will know when you've healed yourself and the deep healing has happened. When you're no longer interested in those guys, you're only choosing guys moving forward who are interested in you and who are emotionally available and who want commitment. And if a guy is not interested in you, if he's not pursuing you, if he's not prioritizing you, if he's not open to emotional connection and open to commitment, this doesn't mean you need to grill him. But if he said things like this and he's showing me with his actions, he's not wanting that or open to it, then he's disqualified himself and you're no longer interested in those guys. Like, that's where the healing happens. And so you may need to look at some of your early childhood experiences you may have had with your father particularly, and see what wounding is there. And what beliefs have you adopted that may be causing you to be attracted to those kind of men? A man who's unemotion, unemotionally available, that's a good one. Emotionally unavailable, that you're saying, no thanks. And also that you're recognizing that that wounding probably happened from a man or maybe your mom or other early romantic situations where someone wasn't giving you the love you need, needed. And so your brain is interpreting that as, oh, this might be my opportunity for healing. Even though that healing will never come from him, it'll never come from a man. The healing will only come from yourself and perhaps from Jesus and from God. That's where the healing is going to come. And doing this deep work, ideally with a coach or somebody who knows these patterns, who could walk, walk it through with you, that's where you're going to heal to the point where you, you simply say, I'm not interested in that. I don't even feel interested in that. I don't feel the desire anymore to go after a man who's emotionally unavailable or to even say yes to a date with a man who's emotionally unavailable. I'm just, I'm not there anymore. So thank you, and I respectfully decline. That's a healed woman, and that's a woman who's saying yes to what she actually wants. Because when you're making a decision, you're actually saying no. You're mostly saying no to all the things you don't want anymore. And that takes courage. Often it takes courage to have a mindset of abundance, to believe when you say no to all these guys that you're saying yes to that man. Because you only need one, that one man that will fill that space in your life and you will have an incredible relationship. So that's what the path looks like. And Mercedes said, it's so dopamine busting. Listening, listening to this. Yeah. And that's the idea. Because when you've healed, you're no longer getting those dopamine hits from those men when they pull away or when they act emotionally unavailable or they display some traits, like your father perhaps, maybe they have some addictive tendencies or some abusive tendencies or some narcissistic tendencies. You're no longer getting the dopamine hits from that saying, oh, yes, this could be it. This could be finally the one, the guy that can give me the healing I need, that can finally bypass these wounds and actually show me the love that I craved from my father or from so and so. And when you bust that dopamine and you say you like, it's like a record that's playing and you scratch the record and you say, nope, I'm not playing that track anymore. I'm gonna scratch this record so that it. It can't play anymore. I'm done with that. I scratch it out and I'm gonna put a new record on the plate. I'm gonna listen to some Elvis Presley or some Frank Sinatra or some Celine Dion, and I'm gonna play that instead. To get to my ideal where I'm having dopamine from an emotionally available man. I'm having dopamine when a man says he's interested in me. I'm having dopamine when a man pulls the chair out for me or pays for the meal or asks me out consistently or is texting me regularly or is putting an effort. Let's just keep it at a bare minimum here. He's putting in some kind of effort into the relationship. Like, how about you get dopamine from that? Rather than when he's not. When he's pulling away, when he is neglecting to text you and you start to say, oh, I wonder what he's thinking. Does he still love me? Oh, maybe I should text him. Maybe I should lean in and maybe I should just be nicer to him and compliment him more and give him an amazing gift for his birthday or write him a poem like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not going to give you the healing like in Star Wars. You know, this is not the healing you are looking for. This is not the droids. This is not the man you are looking for. This is a false, false reality here. You got to leave the matrix, leave the illusion and leave the fantasy to ultimately get in the relationship you want. So Veronica said, I've messed up royally. Well, don't beat yourself up about it, Veronica. If you notice these things have happened in your past and some mistakes have happened, forgiveness is the path, right? Forgiving yourself as well as forgiving him. Because as long as you're holding resentment towards yourself and saying, why did I do this? Why did I say yes to this? A hole. I did it again. I wasted another four months of my life dating this guy who was clearly not available, who clearly said he was not going to commit to me. I am screwed up. What is wrong with me? You have to get out of that and say, listen, I'm perfectly imperfect. I love that I'M perfectly imperfect and I love that. I'm moving through my wounds and I'm getting more awareness in my life and I am moving forward and I am growing and evolving. And just like a broken pottery that is stitched together with gold in between the cracks, you can actually become more beautiful afterwards. You can become more beautiful after the wounds, after the bad experiences, when you get the lessons, when you get the wisdom, and when you learn and observe and become aware of these things for yourself. You become a stronger woman, you become a more capable woman. You become even a more loving woman potentially, if you don't let those wounds destroy you, if you don't just stay as the broken pottery on the ground, but you start to stitch it together with golden threads, golden welding, I guess you would say, that is put in between the cracks of the pottery. Now you're a whole woman. And so forgive yourself, forgive him as well, because he was doing the best he knew how with the wounds he had likely. And he was flawed in different ways as you were. And so just to forgive him as another human being on the spiritual path of life, no matter how horrendous the things he might have done, now you can forgive, but that doesn't mean you forget. That doesn't mean that you now choose a similar man like him, or that you go back to him or that you allow that behavior again. If there was some abuse or some other poor behavior on his side that you, you observe, that you learn from it. You can forgive him to let go of the connection. Because also, as long as you're holding resentment towards him, it's like holding poison in your hand and drinking it yourself and hoping that he's going to die from that, that he's going to be wounded from that poison or holding a hot coal in your hand and it's burning your hand and it's like, oh, this hurts so, so good. It's because you are resenting him and you want him to burn, but instead you're actually burning yourself because you're holding an energetic tie to him. You have to let it go, just let it drop, let it go so you can be free. You know, Jesus said, forgiveness is the path. Forgiveness is the path to freedom, really. So you have to forgive because he knows not what he does. And sometimes you have to have that grace for people and for yourself in order to be free, to actually create the life and the relationship that you desire. So hope that was helpful, Veronica. She also said, the guy I've been dating asked to borrow money. Now I am Broke and he was supposed to pay me back months ago. Now here I sit, struggling, broke and could really use that money. Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like you may have been caught by an online romance scammer, which is unfortunate. There's a lot of bad people all around the planet that will create these fake profiles and eventually ask for money. And there's some YouTube channels and resources you can look to to learn more about that. How people get scammed online and they ask to borrow money and then they never pay it back. And especially if you never met this person in person, than likely that was. I'm not saying it was an online scammer. I'm just bringing that awareness to everyone here because I did not want you to get scammed by any of these romance scammers. Instead, you have to learn that if you haven't met him in person, if you haven't at least talked on the phone or zoom, ideally, then he's probably not who he says he is. And even when you meet him in person, sometimes he's not who he really says he is. So you have to give men time. You have to learn through his actions. Is he pursuing into you? And then like I said in the beginning, you did exactly here what we read earlier, what Eve did in the Garden of Eden, right? You were providing for him, you picked the fruit and you gave it to him. And then what did he do? He ended up falling from grace, as you did with him. You both ended up falling from grace because you ate of the forbidden fruit. The forbidden fruit is do not pay for things for a man, do not give him money, do not provide for him, do not try to meet his needs and make him happy. That is his job. His job is to provide for you and to take leadership and be the protector. And for you to receive openly and appreciate him for that, appreciate him for that. But you do not want to be his mommy, you do not want to be his piggy bank, you do not want to be his. You don't know. You don't want to be the man to him and him be the woman in the relationship, in the feminine energy. Like you don't want to do that because for one, that's not going to be enjoyable for you long term. And how relationship starts is generally how it will continue. So if the relationship starts by you giving things to him, compliments, gifts, money, solving problems, giving him advice, etc. Letting him live with you, whatever, then that's 99% of the time that's how the relationship is going to continue. It's not going to change. And so you have to stop yourself from giving money to these guys. And any guy who asks you for money, even if he says he's just borrowing it, like, no, unless he's your husband, that's the only time that that would maybe be okay. Unless he's put a ring on it. Then you could potentially loan him some money if that's. You'll be combining finances at that point, hopefully, and letting him be in charge of the finances, letting him take care of everything, letting him work out the taxes and the investments. You know, assuming you trust this man and you, you would trust him if you got married to him and he's jumped through the hoops, he's proved himself to be a healthy, trustworthy man who cares for your heart. Only then will you give him some money, maybe, or give him some favors. Maybe if he asks you and it feels good to you, that's when you can start to reciprocate a lot of these things. But especially in the beginning when you aren't married to a man, just say no, do not do it, or you will fall from, you will be expelled from the Garden of Eden and you will not be able to bring heaven onto earth. We want to avoid that. So bring. That is a lot of wisdom. I want to keep going back to that because it's a lot of wisdom there and what not to do in a relationship. Like, do not give him the fruit. All right, so Rhonda said, what are three important things a man likes in a woman? So three very big ones is high self worth. So believing that you are a valuable woman, believing that you are worthy of being cared for, being adored, being cherished, being loved by a man, being pursued, being prioritized, you have to start adopting a worthy woman mindset. And we teach this in our training here and in all of our coaching programs and our, in our communities. Like we teach you how to be a man that is of high self worth. And sometimes you have to overcome a lot of old wounding around that. People who said you weren't good enough, who said you weren't beautiful enough, who said you didn't deserve to be loved, or that you'll never have a husband or a quality man in your life. Or maybe you unconsciously got those messages. We have to start reframing those beliefs. Remember scratching the track on the record, putting a new record down that says, you know, I am amazing, I am the gift, I am worthy, I am lovable, I am cherished. And not only saying these things to Yourself, but. But also proving them to yourself, proving these things to yourself with your actions, which means having high standards, like I said before, saying no to the wrong men, saying no to bad behaviors, and being willing to speak up about those things to share your feelings, which, that would be the next thing, important thing that a man wants in a woman is a woman who is connected to her feminine energy, who is able to share her heart, to be vulnerable in those moments, in the right moments, to actually share what she's feeling. Her desires, her fears, even her insecurities, potentially. And watching how he responds, because that'll reveal to you what kind of man you're dealing with. Because of course, a man may not take care of your heart. When you open your heart to a man, which is the only way to have a man really connect to your heart and to be able to take care of it, what does he do with it? Is he throwing it on the ground? Is he listening to it and showing care? Is he ignoring it? Is he breaking down and getting into his own feminine energy? Well, that's going to reveal the kind of man that you're dealing with and who you should probably step away from. But it also can reveal that a man is a healthy man and he has care for you when he takes care of your heart and treats it well. And so that's really important thing that a man likes in a woman is that vulnerability, your feminine energy, your heart, and how you share that in the proper way, which is what we teach our women with magnetic feminine polarity, magnetic feminine communication, how to actually do that properly. Now, the last thing, number three, I'll just put on this list for today, that a woman, a man really likes in a woman is a woman who appreciates him when he is doing well. Because a man needs to know that he can win with you, that he has a chance that he can make you happy. And if a woman is just constantly bringing up to him problems, issues, complaints, criticisms, then a man is going to feel eventually that he can't win that. What's the point? I'm obviously failing here, and I obviously can't make you happy, so I want you to be happy. I'm going to let you choose another man. Now, the key with this also is not only that a man feels that he's winning with you and that he can win with you, but also it is training, in a sense, it is giving him a map for how to win with you, how to make you happy. Because most healthy men, if he has any level of care for you, he's going to want to make you happy. And he often needs a guidebook. He needs a map to see how he can make you happy. What actually, what activities does he do that creates a positive impact for you, whether with his words or with his actions, where he makes you feel a certain way. So that's why it's so important to share with him appreciation in the sense of how he makes you feel when he does those things. So saying something to him like, thank you so much, babe, you make me feel so safe when you say things like this to me, or, oh, I appreciate so much how you did xyz. It makes me feel so loved and cared for. I feel so happy when we can just spend time like this together. You're giving him a sense of the emotional impact, which helps him to empathize with you. And at the same time, you're doing what I said again with point number two. You're sharing your heart with him, so you're sharing your vulnerability and your emotions and your feelings. And at the same time, you're allowing him to see the positive impact that he's doing. And so there's a lot more to it. But those are three big things that I see come up oftentimes that I just want to let you know about, Rhonda, so hope that helps. Veronica said, I'm giving him space, but now I feel as if he is using me for just one thing. Yeah, well, it could be true, like I talked about earlier, Veronica, that's entirely possible. And giving him space is good. And if you've given him enough space, the next step I would recommend is having a magnetic, feminine conversation with him. Now, this is a pretty advanced principle here, and I would recommend getting more training on that, because when you have a conversation with a man where you really are bringing up to him your deep desires or an issue that's happening for you so that he can understand it and actually do something about it. You need to have some training around it, because oftentimes women will. Instead of doing it properly, it turns into complaining, it turns into criticism, or it turns into begging or trying to manipulate a man to get what you want. Because healthy feminine energy is about openness. It's about detachment from the outcome and simply communicating and sharing in a way that allows him to feel your heart and to feel inspired, to want to connect with you and to want to help you, to be your hero, to solve the problem, to provide for you in that way. And so you need to have some training around how to have that conversation but if you were to reach out to him and say, may I ask if we can talk on the phone sometime when you're next available? Or I would love to talk on the phone sometime when you're next available, may ask what you think about that, then that gives him a space to actually say sure or yes or okay. And then you have a conversation with him over the phone or in person, ideally, where you share your heart, you share your feelings with him, you share what's coming up for you objectively and respectfully and vulnerably, which we call magnetic feminine communication. We have a whole formula that we teach for how to do that, but that can allow him to really understand what's going on for you and why in a way that he doesn't feel criticized or complained to or blamed or shamed. And then he will likely, if he's a healthy man, want to help. And this will also reveal what kind of man he is. If he does help you or not, if he wants to come closer, if he wants to fix things and work on things, or if he doesn't, then, yes, he may be a broken man. He may have just been using you for sex, like you said, and that's unfortunate. But there is a way to get connect with him in a deeper way that can allow you to understand who he really is and what's really going on there. D. Lee said Psalm 91. Let me check that out real quick. Psalm 91. Let's see what that says here. So Psalm 91. My refuge and my fortress. He who dwells in the shelter of the most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, my wretch, my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. Yeah, that's beautiful. So what if your man could also be that, you know, with spiritual alignment, where if your man is spiritually connected to God and he's holding a covering, a spiritual covering over you and the relationship, then he can also become, in that sense, your refuge and your fortress. And I want everyone to feel into that, what that would feel like, what that would be like to have a man in your life who is your refuge and your fortress. Let me see if I could share the screen here. That could be interesting, too. Oh, it's a little too small to see. All right. So, yes. So if a man could be your refuge and your fortress, what that would feel like in your body. What is a. What is a refuge? A refuge is somewhere you can go when you feel unsafe, when you feel scared, when you are lacking protection provision. It's a place you can go to and be protected, be safe. Actually, let me see if I could also put this up as a comment. This could be good. Somewhere where you can be safe. And so what if your man could be that for you. And that you can trust him fully because. Oh, the other piece I want to mention here. So fortress. So he's your refuge, but he's also your fortress. So what is a fortress? A fortress is a place where you are protected. You are protected from evil, and that evil stays outside of the fortress. Your man is literally keeping it at bay. He's making sure evil cannot enter into our relationship. So he's doing the opposite of what Adam did, where he was letting the snake convince his woman that the fruit was going to be good. He let evil enter into the relationship. So a healthy, masculine man, he's going to be especially a spiritually connected man, let's say a Christian, godly man also. He's going to be that fortress for you. You, of course, God is your ultimate fortress, and God is your ultimate refuge. But what if your man could also be, let's say, your secondary refuge, your secondary fortress? He's keeping evil at bay, and he's keeping you protected because everything inside of the fortress is precious. Everything inside the fortress is precious to him. And if he's the fortress for you, you are like his warm place that he goes. You are like the softness. You. You're the. The hearth and home. You are a place that he can also refuge in and feel deeply connected to. But he is the fortress. He's providing that protection. And so just to sit with that, what that would be like, that's a powerful feminine meditation. That's a powerful feminine prayer. To have that in your life and to believe in that and to keep fighting for that. Now, the last piece of this, which is really powerful, and thanks again for sharing this, is that you trust him. There's another typo here to find a man you can trust. Because trust is so important to polarity and it's so important to relationships that if you can't fully trust your man, there's likely going to be issues stemming from that. And a big part of that means finding a man you can trust, attracting a man that you feel you can trust. And sometimes it means trusting first. That's the scary part, to trust a man before you know fully, if you can trust him all the way. Because what can happen oftentimes is a woman can have a lack of trust, a lack of fear due to past hurts, past trauma, past pain. And so she creates a wall, she creates a fortress within her own heart and where she is holding love at bay. And she's saying, I can't let a man in because I don't trust. I don't trust that I'm going to be protected. I don't trust that I'm going to be safe. And sometimes, oftentimes I would say this kind of woman will develop that same relationship with God. She will say, I don't know if I could really have faith here. I don't know if I could really trust because I've been hurt before. Maybe I've been hurt by the church. I've been hurt by other quote unquote Christians or Christian men. I've been hurt by people in my life. And I don't know if I could fully trust. I don't know if I could fully trust God or man or my man. And so oftentimes the way out of that place, which can be a very lonely place to live and also a tough place to live because now you're outside of the fortress, right now, you're out in the wilderness having to do battle on your own, having to make your own money, build your own shelter, be the boss babe, provide for yourself in a way, not just financially, but also spiritually, emotionally. You're out there being the shero. You're being the like the Amazon woman out there with the shield on her back and the bow and arrow and you're having to do it all yourself, which may feel empowering for a little while, but then it actually starts to be a drain. It's like being on a stranded island by yourself, having to survive and eke out a living. And what ends up happening is you get tired, but also it gets dangerous. It gets dangerous out there. They say it's a dog eat dog world sometimes. Well, that can be true. If you're a woman on her own out in the wilderness trying to survive and eke out a living on her own, that can get really tough and that can get also dangerous at some points because you're not under that protection. You're not in the protection of God, or not under protection of, let's say a godly man or a good man, a healthy man, to help you in that battle, he wants to do it with you. Once you attract a high quality man who's masculine and connected in that way, he said, let's go hunting together, let's build the farm together, let's build the castle together. And so you don't have to do it alone. And so oftentimes you need to start trusting first. You need to give a little bit more trust and then see how he responds. See what happens when you actually do give him trust. What does he do with that trust? How is he performing and that he knows about it. So just like that scene from Aladdin when Jasmine says when. When Aladdin says to Jasmine, do you trust me? And she kind of looks at him because she senses a little bit that this may be a man she actually can trust to some extent. He may not be just the prince of Alia Boubu, Alia Baba, but he may be that peasant boy that she fell in love with. And so she says yes, and she gets on the magic carpet ride with him and has an adventure. Now, of course, of course, Aladdin wasn't actually fully trustworthy. He was pretending to be a prince. He wasn't really Prince Ali. And so Jasmine's trust was broken by him. And then he was able to win back her trust. But it all started really with her saying yes to at least give him some trust. And then observe what he does with that. And that that night, he actually did a good job. He took her on a magic carpet ride around the world. He kept her safe. He showed her some amazing things. They went on an adventure and he brought her back safely, right? So he did show her that that trust was warranted, at least in that moment and that date that they went on. So sometimes you have to trust first, just a little bit to open your heart, a little bit enough to where he can actually feel your heart and where he can lead and he can show you what he's made of, he can show you what he does with that trust. And if he does a good job, of course, appreciating with that, letting him know how you enjoy trusting him, it feels good to let him lead. It feels great to follow his direction. I enjoy this oftentimes when me and my wife and my family, my kids, we all go on a trip together, which we actually just went on a trip yesterday that was pretty intense. It was a road trip. And what I love with my relationship and with my wife is that she often will trust and say yes to these adventures. And sometimes it doesn't always go perfectly. Sometimes there is some challenges. Like yesterday, my wife got a little bit of car sickness because the roads were windy, and I had taken her on perhaps too long of a drive. We went on, and so she got a little bit of car sickness, which I felt really bad about. But I made sure to get out of it as quick as we could. Not too quick, because that would just make it worse. But I chose a different route to make sure we're on straighter roads and not curvy roads. And so I learned, right, she trusted me enough for me to do it. And I learned that maybe that wasn't the best decision at that time. But of course, I learned, next time we're going to not go that far. We're not going to go on that windy of roads. And then typically, though, when she trusts me on her weekends, we have a great time. And she usually will say, you know, I have to just remind myself that when I let you lead, we have a great time. And I enjoy it. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that she gives me that chance, the lead. And of course, she still shares her desires with me. And I often will check in, you know, what do you want to do this weekend? Or do you have any ideas or do you know of anything? And I'll kind of gauge where she may be at, and then I'll take that information and then decide what I think will be a great experience for the family, for us and together. And that's the process. So sometimes you have to let him know that. But it feels really good to me as the man, to know that she does trust me in that and that she can respect me in that, to take that lead and to let things happen and see where it goes. Take us on the magic carpet ride. Like, I really appreciate that. That makes me feel needed as a man. That makes me feel respected and appreciated and empowered with that. Because now I have the responsibility, and I feel that responsibility. I feel the weight of that. Like, okay, now I'm responsible not only for keeping the family healthy, happy, strong, protected, but also to give some fun, to give some enjoyment and some pleasure to my wife and make sure our kids are having fun. And so that's a lot of responsibility. But I like having it because then at the end of the day, I get to feel like the hero. I get to feel like I created a great experience for all of us. So that's what it can look like also in a. In a relationship, to open up that trust and to let him lead in different ways like that. Okay, let's see. We have some more questions here. We have a lot of questions coming in. Thanks for sharing that, Dan. I appreciate that, sharing that verse. So let's see here, other questions. B Said, I hear you from Rio. Welcome. Be great. Great to have you here. I'm going to look for some good questions here. Rhonda said, I will be my husband's best forever, and he will be my best forever. Thank God. Yeah. And at the end of the day, it's very important that you're also friends with your man. I mentioned this in my last live stream, but it's. It's important that at the end of the day, you can have a great friendship and enjoy each other's company and really be each other's best friends. Like, why wouldn't you want to be best friends with your life partner? And to think about that as a goal, to feel about that as a goal as well, that not only is he your fortress, he's your refuge, but that he can also be your friend, your companion to do adventures together with. And you will have that, Rhonda. Keep praying into that, keep feeling into that. Get the support you need. Like you are here. The transformations, the mindset shifts, the awareness, the learnings that you're getting here. To become empowered in your romantic life, to become aware of how to create the life that you want, the romantic life that you want. So now you don't have to have an excuse anymore. You don't have to at least say, I don't know what to do. You will know what to do. You will know how to do it. And now it's a choice. Will you have the courage to actually do it? Will you have the courage to actually say yes to that? Because sometimes it's scary to say yes to love, to say yes to a relationship, or to let a man lead or to trust him, or to respect him in a way, to give him a shot or to give it some time using our 90 day challenge, some time to see who this man really is. Sometimes it takes courage, but to say yes to the process, maybe to detach from the outcome, but to say yes to the process of attracting that, that's what will ultimately lead it into your life. So that's great to hear that you're in that place, Rhonda. All right, let's see what other great questions we have here. Yeah. Rhonda said, I'll continue to heal and wait for my husband. That's great. We're doing powerful healing work here. So I'm glad you're in. In that process, Rhonda. Okay. Catherine said, I'm having a hard time with men not understanding. I'm not going to be intimate with anyone unless he's my husband. So you're having a hard time with men not understanding that? Well, at the End of the day, it almost doesn't matter if they understand it or not. Like, as long as you understand it and your reasons why, that's the important thing. And now a man is either going to step into that or not. You're showing value for yourself in that moment. You're saying, I'm a high value woman. I have a standard. I don't want, I desire. You can maybe even state it as a desire. I desire to save that until I'm married. I desire to be intimate with the man I am going to be with the rest of my life. I desire to be intimate only with a man who has fully claimed me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and then the physical. And so that's a standard you're holding for yourself, and that's important for you to understand because feminine energy is not about telling him what to do. It's not saying, no, no, no, you can't get this until you put a ring on it. You can't have sex with me until where? Exclusive? Well, exclusive is actually exactly great. But again, the point is marriage is the ultimate exclusivity, right? Marriage is the ultimate commitment. It's the ultimate claiming that a man can do with a woman. And so for you to not say, no, I'm not, I'm not letting you do this. It's not that you're not putting an ultimatum on him. That's actually masculine energy telling him what to do is masculine energy. Like, you can't do this or you can do this. You're treating him like a child. However, feminine energy is doing that with yourself. It's setting a boundary with yourself. It's setting an ultimatum with yourself and saying I, using the word I. I'm not allowing myself to do that until I'm exclusive. Like I desire to wait until I'm in a marriage container before I have sex with a man. And that's feminine energy, actually, because it's about you. It's not about him. He doesn't need to understand it. It's about you. It's your standard for yourself, your desire for yourself. And then him as the man in the masculine. Now he's empowered to choose. He's a masculine man. If he's a masculine man, he can choose what he wants to do with that information, if he wants to continue dating you, or if he doesn't want to continue dating with you, if he wants to wait until marriage or if he wants to pursue that path with you, or if he doesn't want to pursue that path with you. Now you don't need to bring this up right away. The first time, the first conversation you have with a man, I would wait until you actually even see if this is a man you would even be interested in marriage with. And that conversation will likely come up naturally at some point. He may ask you about sex. He may try to make a move on you, or he may be making out with you a lot. And then you may want to bring it up at some point and say, may I share something with you? And he'll say, sure, likely he's a healthy man. And you would say, you know, I'm really getting turned on. I really love connecting with you and I like where this is seems to be going. I really enjoy our time together. And I just wanted to let you know that I have some fear because I'm telling myself a story. No, this is what you'd say. I'm having some fear because the desire in my heart is to wait it until marriage to have sex with a man. And I'm telling myself a story that maybe you may not want that or that may freak you out or that you may not understand that and I'm not sure what to do or that, you know, sometimes men may not understand that so you don't have to just put it on him. You can say, you know, sometimes men may not understand that, or people may not understand that, and I'm not sure what to do or I'm curious if you have any thoughts on that. And so that's an empowered way to bring up that conversation from your feminine so that he understands and can actually empathize. He's heard your heart because you shared you're feeling some fear and oftentimes you want to share that first that you're feeling some fear and then the reasons why, or if that's true for you, or some uncertainty or some anxiety, perhaps some nervousness. And then he understands and he can empathize and he realizes where that place is coming from. He may have some more questions for you around that. But then he's likely to understand, at least he's not to be getting confused about it. He'll understand where you're coming from and be more likely to want to protect your heart and respect your heart and value your heart to where he's not going to keep pushing the issue, or he may even fall in love with you even more. He may even feel even more connected to you because you're holding that standard for yourself and you're holding value for yourself. And if a man doesn't understand that and if you've communicated in that way kind of way using magnetic feminine communication, he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. He's still pushing. Then he's not the man for you. You got to move on. You got to be only with a man who's showing care for your heart over time. And if he's trying to push you and if he's trying to disacknowledge it or he's making fun of you because of it or whatever he might do, that's clearly not the right man and you have to politely just decline to continue seeing him and move on, move forward in your life. So, yes. So with that I'm going to answer. Actually I have to start wrapping this up for today. There's so many great questions here. We'll have to do this again sometime. And I'll bring on the live stream. I think it actually gets more engagement here when I do it vertically. So that's interesting. But for those who want to go deeper, who really want to master this and get your questions answered 247 in our community we where we're helping you to master the principles of magnetic feminine polarity. Magnetic feminine communication. The first place I recommend is to take our free quiz. If you haven't already, take our free quiz to get a loving, long term committed relationship with the man you want. And you can get that by going to magnetizeyourman.com magnetizeyourman.com or you can click the link below this video or in our bio or the description. You'll be able to find it there and you can get access to that today and start your path, start your journey towards mastery and having that love in your life as a godly woman, as a feminine woman, attracting a high quality masculine man and all the principles and techniques and the advanced steps that go into that that will go really quick for you. And we give you a path and we give you a plan and we'll make it happen for you very quickly when you engage and when you're willing to have the courage to open up in that way and let that shift happen in your heart. So much love. Take care. Hope you have a great rest of the day and I'll talk to you again very soon.
