The REAL Reason Some Men DON'T COMMIT To a Relationship

What makes a man commit to a woman? If you have a man who's been stringing you along, maybe you're in a situationship, you're unsure what to do. Why is he not stepping up, giving you the care, the adoration, the devotion that you crave, then this video is exactly what you need to watch right now. I'm Brody Boyd with Magnetize youe man and for over 20 years, combined with.

Ta da da Da I'm Antibody, also fond of magnetizing men.

We have been helping thousands of successful women all over the world and we're excited to help you as well to start attracting loving, long term, committed relationship fast. So we're going to go into this discussion today giving you a particular insight into the background of how I actually started to want to commit to a marriage and to get married to the lovely wifey. And what was the behind the scenes of what actually clicked in my mind? What made the difference between me pulling away and committing and how a man thinks and what his heart feels? So we're going to dissect that today in this video. It's going to be very powerful, very interesting. So make sure to stay tuned for the entire conversation here because you're going to get some many golden nuggets that will just enlighten you into the whole perspective on how men think and what they want. So let's go ahead and start with. I want to hear. We're going to go back in time to when we first started dating because we've been Married for over 10 years now with a baby and, uh, many more on the way. So let's talk about.

An amazing welcome to all marriage.

My goal is to have as many kids as possible. I always wanted a big family. And that's just, that's just my desire, my, my masculine craving and purpose. So let's start from the beginning. So when we were dating, I want to go back and hear from you, what were your thoughts when we were in this phase where we first met each other in Waikiki, we were dating, we were attracted to each other, we were interested and we weren't sure what's gonna happen. And maybe you started getting the point where, why isn't this guy stepping up? What was your mindset in that period where we were, when we were first dating?

You know, it's so interesting because I wasn't even really looking for commitment because I had been looking for commitment for 10 years and I was kind of over it, you know, So I went to Hawaii or Waikiki or wherever to Actually further my relationship with God. I'm with myself. And I know you may find yourself laughing right now watching this or listening, because isn't that just like the usual story, right? You let go and there is, but.

You know, let go and let God.

Yeah, totally. But there's going to be some steps, of course, that we're going to be sharing about. But I mean, I met Brody and, you know, I mean, he told me the first night we met that I'm the girl of the story and all the things, right? And we have a huge responsibility to humanity. But you know what? I had met lots of men who made me, you know, all the promises and the stars from the skies and all the things. So I'm like, you know, let's see what happens. You know, I mean, let's see how this actually plays out. Which, honestly, I actually believe that's a really healthy mindset to have as a woman. You know, when the man says something, don't just be like, oh, my God, we're going to get married next week. Right. He just told me I'm the girl of his story. But be just like, we'll see, we'll see.

Yeah, because we had a girlfriend who we always had this running joke because every guy she met, it was, I met my future husband. It's happening. And then we're like, just relax. Like, you don't know if it's your husband or not. Get to know him. And so don't do that. And instead, like what Auntie was saying, she was much more detached from the outcome, which was what we teach around masculine, feminine polarity. The feminine is detached from the outcome. The feminine is enjoying the process, enjoying the journey. The masculine is getting outcomes. The masculine is making things happen. And you want to make sure you're shifting into the feminine. Open, practicing. I like to call it the practicing mindset, where you're just. You're practicing. Who knows if this guy is going to be your husband or if it's going to work out or not. But you're practicing the principles we're teaching you about how to be high value and feminine so that he starts coming towards you and, and starts wanting to make the outcome happen of, for example, commitment with you and ladies at the.

Same time, you can't pretend you're practicing because I know exactly what you're thinking right now. You probably have a specific man in mind and you're already attached to him and you're attached to the outcome. So you're like, oh, if I can just trick God, look in those 10 years when I was single, I was single my whole life. It never worked for me. You know what I mean? God can tell the difference. Men can tell the difference.

Yeah. And so just to give everyone listening an idea, so our timeline is we met in Waikiki at a sort of spiritual self improvement workshop we started. I told her the first night that we met because I felt a connection with her on all levels that night. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm like, wow, this is different. This is a woman I can actually talk to about masculine, feminine polarity, some of the books that we've read, some principles on personal development and growth. And she was physically my type. And there was just everything was kind of lining up. So I told her that night, after I asked you to go on a. Another date with me, I said, you're the girl from my story and you're the. That we have a huge responsibility to humanity. Because I sensed that night that, wow, we're going to be doing something big together, like helping the world. Because I had a sense with us coming together and having this knowledge and combining forces in our. The way that we can compliment that we're going to be having an impact on the world.

By the total side note, Buddhist. Such a prophet, like, that was such a prophetic word that came through. And I could sense that in my soul level that it wasn't like just like a gimmick, you know, like sometimes you meet guys and they just kind of pretend to be something, tell you what you.

They think you want to hear.

Illusionary, you know, I mean, language. And I was like, no, this comes from somewhere else.

Yeah, I mean, it was like a strong intuitive hit because I never said something like that before to anyone. And it actually surprised me that I said that, but it felt right and it felt that's. That's the message I got. So then after that, we continued dating and we were very casual, actually. Even though I said, you're the girl from my story, I also wasn't, okay, let's get married tomorrow. I was still trying to understand what I wanted and if this was really the thing. And just I had my own old patterns too, of being slightly more feminine, being more passive, being more avoidant. And so we were casually dating for about, I think, two and a half, three months in Hawaii. And then to go back to that point before I ended up telling you that I was having feelings of love for you and wanting to be exclusive, what was your mindset leading up to that point? And what do you think may have Influenced me wanting to commit to you, at least in the sense, first off, of being exclusive.

I feel part of it is that a man needs to have some sort of sense that he could lose the woman. Because I remember that we were attending another self development group. I forgot what it was, but. And that night I got picked up. And this was not on purpose. It was not, like, to hurt Brody or anything, but I just got picked up by another guy. He picked me up with his car from that workshop. So I left a little earlier. And so that made Brody, like, very curious. And so there's this aspect, right, that where man is like, what. What happened last? Who was this friend that just picked you up? And again, ladies, this is not going to work if you do this to test them. I was just living my life. So this was super authentic. I was back then also interested in this guy. This is, like, so weird to say because it's like he's not even comparison to Brody, but, like, back then, the perspective I had. Right. Like, I was genuinely interested in him too. So, you know, he picked me up. And then Buddy's, like, asking all those questions. I call them buying questions about to purchase the car.

And I'm like, tell me more about what's included in this. What's going on with this package.

Yeah. So is this a guy? Did he stay overnight?

Did I really ask that? I don't think I asked if he stayed overnight. Yeah, I think I asked if you guys were dating.

Yeah. And you ask if he stayed overnight. Because then my next statement was like, oh, you know, I'm seeing other men. Because for me, because Buddy was so Mr. Aloof and Mr. Cool, Too Cool for school. I was like, oh, he's seeing other women. Like, I guaranteed. And so for me, it was like, oh, you know, I'm seeing other guys. Right. I mean, again, not to manipulate him or anything, but I was actually shocked that he was not thinking that. You know what I mean? So I think that was one aspect that made it, for sure, attractive to you. I was living my life. I was waiting around and, you know, checking my watch every five minutes and waiting for text messages and if you called or not. But I was just, you know, I was being pursued.

Yeah. So from my point of view, it was. I think I was getting more feelings of interest and commitment towards her wanting to commit. Because I could sense that you weren't putting me on a pedestal or just obsessing over me or just making me your only option, which we know so many of the women, our clients that Come to us. That's the case where they have this man on a pedestal, and he's the only man I want to be with. There's nobody else on the planet. I need him in my life. And if I don't have him, I'm going to be miserable and unhappy and everything sucks. And so this guy is on the pedestal, right? And you're obsessing over him almost when he's not giving you the time of day. Often he's not even really probably he's dating other women and he's doing other things and he's not prioritizing you. And he has his other, you know, his kids that he's managing or his family or his. His job, his career is taking his time. And then you're not. So what was happening with me and Antj is I felt like she wasn't doing that with me. She was more detached from the outcome. She was living her life. Like you said, that's in the feminine. You're following the flow. And it's like. I call it like the bachelorette effect. You know, when you create situations where you are potentially dating multiple men, it doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with multiple men. Hopefully not. But when you at least have other men that are potentially pursuing you, it creates this situation where now you're the prize and he gets activated. Because that day when we had that conversation, I was thinking to myself, how do I actually feel about this? Because I was a bit surprised. I suspected it could be possible, but I was a bit surprised that it was a reality. I was. I wasn't. In a way, I wasn't fully expecting that. And then when you. When I found out, I started evaluating, like, how do I actually feel about this? And I started feeling within myself. I don't like it. I don't want you to be dating other guys. I don't want other guys courting you, touching you.

Just feel this. Ladies. Oh, it just made me shiver. Just. Just as masculine. It's like, like, I think in that moment, it's like an energy of like, claiming. It's like, I don't like it. It's like a masculine decision that he's like, no, no, no, no. Right. It's sort of. I don't know. I just thought that when you, when you said that, like there was something very deep.

Yeah, well, claiming the territory, right? It's. This is mine. I don't want any other guys around. I don't want them looking at you. I don't want them to touching you. I don't want anything. So that's when I started getting present to those feelings. Right. Like, I don't like that I want you to myself. And that was the day. And then why do I want that? Oh, I think I have feelings for her. And so that was the next step is I think I have feelings for her. And then when we went to the beach that day, I told you. What did I say?

You told me that you have feelings.

Of love for me or that I'm starting to feel feelings of love or something like that.

Well, you said you had to, like, look into your heart, which then I made me trust you even more because it wasn't again, a gimmick, Right.

I wasn't using it as a tact to get you to break up with other guys you were dating with or something. And I was actually surprised. I didn't expect that. But then I realized, wow, I do have feelings for you.

Yeah.

And so it was kind of surprising me. And then I shared authentically. And then that was the day that I believe we became exclusive. Right after that, it was okay. We're just dating each other. I don't know if we had a formal conversation around that.

It was like the day when I realized that he snuck itself himself into my heart. Because up until that point, I was just kind of, you know, I'm just kind of cruising, I'm breezy, I'm taking it easy, just having a good time. And just, you know, sometimes we women, like, love to ourselves, right? Like, we're just, you know, so I didn't even realize how much I like Brody because, you know, again, he. I didn't really know if I can take him seriously because he never had really dropped into his masculine. I could like, really feel him in that weekend because it was Saturday starting to tell me and looking into his heart and telling me Sunday that you had really those deep feelings of love for me. Right. I was starting to feel those feelings of love for me. But it wasn't about, like, the words what you said. It was more about just. I felt you coming from a different place. And I think that's what I want to encourage women to do is like, really listen to sort of their feminine intuition. Like, I could, like, feel because I had encountered, like, people who played pick up, you know, they learn how to pick up artist lines and. And it feels so disassociated to a feminine woman, to somebody who is like, connected to their intuition and to their body, who's like, I don't know something about that. I don't really buy that. But in that moment, Brody sounded so different. Like, almost like serious, heartfelt. It was coming from a different place. And then I realized, oh, let me look into my heart, because I didn't really do that also, because, you know, intimacy is scary, right. And so if you got hurt in the past and rejected and abandoned and. And so on the story goes, then of course, it's just kind of, oh, we're just. Just kind of hanging out.

Right.

We're just having a good time. And so it was scary for me, too, in a way, to be like, oh, I actually liked this guy more than I kind of thought.

Yeah. So we tend to lie to ourselves about what we actually feel because it's too scary to acknowledge those feelings, both good and bad. Whether it's, I love this guy, but I'm not going to actually admit that to myself, or whether it's, I know this guy isn't the right fit for me. I know I actually am not. Should not be with this guy, but I'm not going to admit those feelings to myself either. So it's more being authentic with yourself and starting to feel those feelings so you can acknowledge them and you can even share them with your guy in the right space when it comes up, when you have a feminine, vulnerable conversation with him. And so now, before we move into the next stage of our relationship, because it's really two big stages, I would say there's, like, pre exclusivity, and there's between the exclusivity and the proposal. So before we move on the next section, I just want to see, was there anything else, any other decisions you made around me, our relationship, or any other mindsets that you had that you think may have contributed to us continuing to develop as a couple and me wanting to commit, wanting to go deeper with you, or having deeper feelings for you?

One part that I remember was when after three weeks, I. I just decided we're probably more friends because. So what happened is when I met Brody, I couldn't categorize them because when we actually recalibrate our emotional guidance system, then what happens is we no longer attract this crazy attraction anxiety kind of man, where it's like all fireworks and then it all just burns out, right?

Yeah.

But it's also not just the friend. So I just didn't know how to categorize it because we're also, like, physically attracted to each other. I'm usually. I tend to not really be physically attracted to my friends. That probably still friend zone, you know what I mean? So Usually can't get out of that one, but. So, yeah, so I was just. I just got to be honest with Brody. He's a good guy. Just got to be like, hey, we're not. You know what I mean? We're not working out, like, romantically because remember, like, I was still running on my anxious attachment style. And the anxious attachment style always wants to create certainty. So after three weeks, I was like, I gotta create some certainty. I can't be in this free fall in between friends and attraction anxiety, because that's all I knew. So I didn't know that there's something that a secure attachment style, a securely attached man, actually feels like a calm leg where it's like deep, but it's. It's not crazy. It's not up and down. It's not crazy waves and all this stuff.

So. So you didn't know what to do with the calmness. You're like, this is weird. I don't understand what's going on. Why is it so calm? This doesn't feel normal. So I must not be attracted to him, right? I must not be really. This must not be a romantic connection because it's too calm.

And I feel. Honestly, I feel what I really felt was because it was so calm, I didn't have anything to react off. So all I was left was of my own reflection. So, like, my insecurities I had about myself, my stories I had about myself, my self perception. So I'm like, I don't like it. So therefore I don't like Brody. You know, it isn't that interesting, but so, you know, so we have like Godwins along the way. And I really encourage you to pay attention to that when you date. And I had forgotten my towel in his backpack. It wasn't my towel. It belonged to host I was staying with. So I had to. I had to get back.

But then this was after you basically had a breakup conversation that I didn't even realize was a breakup conversation until later when you were saying in sort of, you were very indirectly, I guess, saying that you don't see. It's a. It's a match to continue. I didn't even realize that. I'm just like, okay, that's a little weird, but whatever, it is an interesting hangout. Yeah, but apparently it was a breakup conversation. But then you realize you left your towel in my backpack.

And then just something. When I met you after the workshop, because Buddy went to another workshop. Buddy and I were just like workshop like junkies back then. I mean, we still are, but so he was going to another workshop right after I broke up with him. And so we met right afterwards and just something was like, drawing me towards him and kissing him. And I was like, what's happening? So there was like something that was carrying the relationship. Right. That. That was beyond sort of the logical and beyond the resistance. So I think that's also part of, like, God was definitely in the midst of our relationship. And I. And that was one part where I was like, well, I've never experienced this before. I. I wonder what. What that's all about.

Yeah. So there was something where you still leaned in, even though it was uncertain and it felt calm. But there was something where you said you already talked about trusting your intuition was something where you leaned back into the relationship even slightly.

Yeah.

That allowed us to reconnect and continue dating, where it could have ended right there and. Or it could have turned into maybe more, like you said, drama or arguments, and then probably fizzled out after that. But you're just kind of slightly leaning in. You're still giving it this following that intuition and trusting your. Your actions in that. And then there's a lot of things that happened. There was that other night where you ignored me at the party that we both ran into. And then there was. There was the art. There's a lot of things in these first three months. And there was the art gallery. We both ran into each other. There was two different events. We ran into each other when we were like, casually dating. And I pretty sure both of them. You ignored me. Try not to talk. And I'm just like, okay, whatever.

And at the art gallery, there was like all this, like, hers around him, and Brody was like, dressed in white. And I was like, oh, my gosh, give me a break. Let's go to different sections. So, you know, again, like, we're. Women are so funny. But I think another one that really stands out to me is, you know, I was used to kind of sort of getting my way with men. And I remember one day I told Buddy, I'm like, oh, I'll come by for lunch and we're just going to go to the beach. And Buddy was sort of a nine to fiver. Right. But, like, he put this on his own schedule. So he literally went to a coffee shop and worked diligently on his business from 9 to 5. And we were going like, snorkeling, swimming with the turtles, sailing. And I mean, Brody has just this unwavering commitment and dedication to his purpose and his craft and his mission. And he said, well, I'm working. And I'm like, well like you are self employed, you can do whatever you want. And he's like, no, I mean I'm working until 5, we can hang out afterwards. And I was annoyed. Remember I told you that I was annoyed by that, you know, because I was used to getting my way. So remember, part of us as women, we want to be like. At least the women that come to me all the time want to be in control and want to be empowered. And so that part of me was like annoyed. But honestly, that moment I grew more attracted towards you because you didn't tell me something I wanted to hear, you didn't want to do something to be more liked. And I really respected you. And I think that was a huge component for me to actually consider you as like a long term potential was that I was annoyed, but that I. That I was annoyed that I respected him, you know.

Well, that's a good point.

I trusted you. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I was coaching one of our clients this morning around the idea of respect. Because we talk a lot about, in our, in our courses, in our coaching around the idea that the masculine's deepest desires are to be trusted and respected. The feminine's deepest desires are to be cherished and adored. So what happens when you know a man desires to be trusted and respected but you're having a hard time getting a sense of trust or respect for him? Well, one thing you can do is actually look for the scenarios where you actually things about him and things that he does or things about his character or his skill sets that you do respect. And then what you focus on expands. You're more likely to then approach him with respect and trust. Just like you want a man to approach you with adoration and caring for you, you approach him with trust and respect and he's going to be much more likely to do more of those things that you trust and respect him for and also want to cherish you and care for your heart. So you just have to find those things about him, whether it's his work diligence or his skills or his character or something about his character that you admire. And then that will amplify and he'll feel this sense of polarity and want to continue to devote himself to you and likely commit. And there was another element. The last thing I want to mention before we go into this phase two is when we were at the hot tub, the hot tub night, where you basically were very vulnerable and even broke down and cried, which I had Mixed feelings about. But what I loved about it was that you were authentic with me and you shared that vulnerable part of you that was scared. So what was your mindset that day when you broke down? I know you didn't really want to break down. You definitely weren't using it as a tactic. But what do you think was going through you in that day when you were literally really letting me see that part of you?

Well, I think part of it for sure was that I felt so safe and you know, you created a space just energetically the masculine container that. Because I surprised myself, I mean I was. I kind of usually know what I want to say and to what degree. And people who know me know that, that it takes a lot for me to break down. There's only a handful of people have seen me cry. And so I was really surprised. But I feel like again, you know, it was just there was such a compatibility and there was such a synergy between our nervous systems because I really believe that nervous systems actually talking to each other and I could like feel, you know, that your nervous system is secure and that it's actually co regulating my nervous system. And I could feel, yeah, the little girl, like I was more connected to the little girl. Like what the little girl was actually feeling and what her true inside of years are, her true insecurities are. But again, it wasn't something you could fake because nervous systems like you can fake that. You know, either a nervous system feels safe with another nervous system or it doesn't. Right. And if I don't, then I just go into performance. Then I would have just like shown you how I. How I. Yeah, but want to be perceived.

So. But in order for a woman to do that, she needs to be with a man she feels safe with. So I'm wondering if a woman isn't fully feeling safe yet with him or maybe she just has so many trust issues or so many blocks. Like what do you think if you weren't in feeling that level of safety with me or something that would have allowed you to stretch into that too. Just stretch into the vulnerability.

I mean, you know, just even a sharing like the discomfort potentially that I feel around this conversation, you know, just. Even just saying like I'm noticing something. Can I be honest with you? Or can I share something and, and just say I just feel like discomfort in my body around this likeness. You know, there's parts inside of me that feel a little like imbalanced around this. Right. Or whatever. You know, obviously I can't think back at this time now. But something along this line, it's like just really making the man aware of, like, hey, this is actually not easy for me to talk about. This is super vulnerable. And. Yeah. And then just kind of hoping that the man just kind of, kind of slows. Slows his roll or just kind of attunes a little bit more, you know, pushing and prodding. Yeah, exactly.

Well, yeah, because that's very powerful. Because what a man wants really is to feel the feminine, vulnerable heart. To feel your feminine, vulnerable heart. And that was definitely one of the things that made me. As I looked back, even after that day, though, after we had the conversation in the hot tub, I'm like, yeah, I don't think so. I don't think this is the woman for me. I mean, I feel she was so. She's so many issues and so many challenges in her life. I just don't think it's good fit to get involved with. However, that was my mind. But in my heart, what I felt was careful. I felt her heart because she was so open and raw and real with me. So it kind of sat with me. It's like she planted a seed in my heart of, wow, she was very open and real with me. And that felt good, actually, to my masculine core.

That may add something to that too, is I feel like those moments have to happen because if you really want to go past the plateau stage, you know, you may be in sort of a situationship and it's just not moving into commitment. That's because you don't want to expose yourself that opportunity possibility that you could be rejected, even if it's just in his mind that you put yourself in a position and that you don't trust that a man has also the capacity to work through the different parts of him. So when Bernie shared that with me the first time, you know, I felt like, definitely uncomfortable and a little hurt. But also I said, you know what? Like, that makes actually sense because we have all those different parts inside of us. And of course, if there's like, there was a lot of plethora of things and complexity to my situation back then that, you know, the, you know, the confused mind says no, and if it goes into overwhelm, it says no. So it's just a fight or flight response. But I think a mature man really shows that he's going to process through that. He's going to go through the ring of fire. But you need to give your man the possibility to do that, because otherwise you're not going to get to the next stage. And then you come to me, and it's just, like, plateaued for years or months, and nothing's going forward. And we've. Sometimes women come to us who are in situations for like, five years, 10 years, no commitment. It's absolutely great. So that's the piece. You know, you have to be willing to go for that little dad hurt. And what work do I need to do? But also, that's the edge, right? That's the fire that has to be there for you guys to grow, for you guys to expand, for you, for there to be passion and romance and the deepest level of intimacy.

And we're not saying, by the way, that just use that as a tactic to cry in front of your man and to just break down and be completely a mess.

I know you.

Because it's also very tempting to use tears as actually a manipulation. And we see this all the time. We. And you know this. We've. Children do this all the time. They'll fake their tears. They'll cry on purpose to try to get sympathy from their parents and get what they want. You don't want to use that as an adult woman. However, if you're using authentic vulnerability and you're doing it respectfully and not blaming him, like, you're making me sad or you're causing all these issues, you're causing me to break down. Like, why won't you commit to me? I just want to have a relationship. I just want to be loved, and you're not giving me what you want. It's clearly trying to use those emotions to try to. To manipulate him, to move him, to lead him. And that's masculine. When you're using anything to try to get an outcome from him, it's masculine. If you're sharing vulnerably, that's feminine. Now, with that, I think we can move into phase two, which is the. After we're exclusive to the proposal, we moved to. I hired your best friend as a business coach. We moved to San Francisco. We were living separately for a little while, I think 10 months. You were in Tiburon, I was in San Francisco. You were visiting occasionally. And so when we were in that stage, what was your mindset like? After we were exclusive? There was no proposal yet. Were you anxious about the proposal? Were you thinking about the proposal of us getting married? Were you detached from the outcome? Like, what was your mindset that you think may have influenced us moving towards the proposal?

I think it was actually good for us, how it was set up, because my anxious part, because we're dealing with all the parts inside of us all the time. In my anxious part, of course, wanted to basically move in yesterday. And I remember when your plane landed in SFO like 10 days after me, that I just got really excited and I was like, this is real, this is happening, this is, this is a relationship. And I didn't really think about a proposal like for, for a while for sure, because, you know, I still was going through my runner stage. We can talk about that. When I was driving from San Francisco to LA to punish you and things like that. So there was still like many pieces because, you know, you were building your business and I was learning through you. So that was also that dimension of our relationship was we were building our business together, you know, so it's really stepping into our purpose, which was funny because that's exactly what Brody said the first night we met, that we have a huge responsibility of humanity. And I think we went immediately. There was so much action and so much momentum on that and so much forward. So that I didn't always think about the romantic aspect at that particular moment, as far as I can recall. But also, I mean, obviously I missed you. I couldn't wait for the weekends. We saw each other mostly on the weekends because again, Boris are dedicated, you know, to his craft and so on. And it just made the most sense to just see each other consistently, consistently over the weekends.

And we were also living in different cities, so.

Yeah, totally, yeah. But just how, again, you know, how you handled all those situations, you know, when I was, when I was wanted to punish you, when I wanted to manipulate you and I told you that I wanted to manipulate you and.

Well, that's a good point actually, because that one night that what happened was we had some plan, it didn't work out for some reason, maybe I changed it slightly. And then you got upset and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna go drive to LA to go visit my friend.

So you still were coaching men and sometimes you had like sort of a half VIP day and then sometimes you had an added on component like going out at night.

So I think I missed, communicated. I miscommunicated with you that I was. Maybe you thought I was available that night, but then I probably reminded you or told you probably too late that I'm not available.

Yeah.

And then so you got upset about that and rather than waiting for me to finish that or. And you just drove to LA that night to go visit a friend. And then I was hoping that we were probably going to see each other after the event or after my coaching night. And then when, when I found out you were in LA because I texted you and you're like, oh, I'm in LA now. And then I was really upset and I'm like, I no, I don't like that. And like, did you went down there? Because then it was like I broke sort of your expectations and you broke my expectations. It wasn't good. We both were getting back at each other. Right? You're. You're getting me back for that. One of the biggest things in relationship, because I was still pretty new to serious relationships, is managing expectations. And we are both breaking our expectations. There's almost a weapon we were using against each other. Whenever expectations are broken, that's usually when the biggest issues I've seen in relationships will happen. Because oftentimes if you're both expecting the same thing and you're on the same page, usually there's not going to be big arguments, there's not going to be big things. There'll be slight disagreements, adjustments, but it's not now massive breaks in trust or massive frustration because I thought we were going to hang out and then we ended up not. Or I thought we were exclusive, but then we're not actually exclusive.

And I would say also, I think this was a very pivotal moment because it really showed also, like, my pattern how I place something out, because I had watched from my mom, you know, when I was a child, that it was about, like, punishing withdrawal and punishing, you know, with manipulation. And so, of course, I would create something unconsciously where I could be mad at you. Because, you know, the truth is, I could have say, hey, I just want to double check. Which, by the way, I barely did. You know, this was something I still need to train my brain. Right. Like, hey, just want to, you know, want to confirm. Right.

Like, because assumptions are a part of the assumptions and broken expectations, those do massive damage to relationships.

Yeah, because. Because I didn't communicate that to you. Then this tension inside of my body built because I had this anticipation of our night. And then I didn't know what to do with all this tension and all this heat inside of my body. And then, so guess what? We want to release it. And so how I released it was I just drove as fast as I could from San Francisco to la, because that was about as much time as I needed to release all that tension in that intensity.

Yeah. So I didn't like that in that moment. But then what I think happened, which was good about that I was Able to see that we were able to make adjustments. I don't think something like that really happened again after that. No, not to that level.

Yeah.

And so that built more trust for me is like, yes, we can have these moments of disagreements and things happen, and maybe where we hurt each other a little bit, either intentionally or unintentionally, but then we're able to adjust from that, heal from that, and continue to move forward and not do those things again. Because I'd been in relationships in the past where it was also like my first relationship, where the same issues would keep coming up or the same toxic behaviors would keep coming up, but with us, it was like we were able to make adjustments.

Yeah.

So it's part of adaptability. But you being committed to yourself and you being committed relationship is, are you able to adjust when your man clearly communicates that something doesn't work for him and you're able to find a common ground together and you're able to adjust into a healthy way of being. Of course, he has to meet you there as well, and he has to be making adjustments and showing care for his heart, for your heart. That's part of him being in his healthy, masculine. If you guys can make these adjustments together and move forward, that's going to build trust for him that this is a partner. This is not just someone I have sex with. And it's just whatever. It's like, oh, I can actually build a life with her because we can make adjustments and we can continue to grow just like a flower, just a blooming, continuing to grow. Rather than. It's like, oh, sleep, it's broken. Oh, shoot. And we can't. We're not making adjustments and it just kind of dies and the thing withers away.

And also, at least in the last 11 years, I never found you holding, like, resentments or grudges. So I remember I got home the next morning or whatever, dinner at night, and you just said, you're never going to do this again. And then that was it. Like, you never. The next morning, you didn't, you know, not have breakfast with me or, like.

Be continuing to punish you or be angry?

Yeah, I just said, okay, okay, got it. You know, and again, it's a. It's this unconscious test, you know, and again, I'm not saying in any way, shape or form, you know, tests go out and test your men, but I think kind of I needed that. I want someone who was putting me in my place. And because I knew it wasn't right. And I'm pretty Sure. My friend who I stayed with overnight in LA probably also is like, what are you doing? You know, this is so typical, aren't you? And it's not good, you know, and so I think, you know, talking with her and then getting the feedback from Brody, the loving feedback, the loving and stern feedback. The boundary. But then that was it, you know, like there was no more holding on to grudges or resentment, so. Or paying me back. Passive aggressive.

Yeah. And then I'm sure at that point I never did. I was very careful after that to also manage your expectations, like, when I'm available, when I'm not available, what's happening when it's happening. And like extra communication. So we're both learning from that. That was good in that sense. So that was one aspect. And then the other aspect I want to mention that was important in that phase, moving to proposal was which I use this story a lot. The night where you said, a part of me wants to manipulate you right now. So you want to share that story?

Yeah. So I think I had, like, left dishes in the sink or something. I don't know what it was, you know, something, you know, just one of those annoyances. And. And I happen to have sometimes a go of a rigid pattern. So if things are not exactly the way I, you know, predict them to find them, you know, my system can get a little bit deregulated. And so anyways, so back then I had not much of a frame for that. But, you know, in the personal development that I. That I had studied so far, you know, this one coach was like, sharing how he was like, sharing honestly with his wife or fiance or whoever. Right? Because you know what he said, and I thought it was really powerful. He said, if I wouldn't have done it, then what kind of relationship do we have? Like, what kind of trust foundation do we have? What kind of level of intimacy do we have? If I actually want to hurt her, but I'm not going to tell her, I'm already out of integrity. And so. So, you know, I just took pretty well then, you know, I was having this conversation in my head, in my brain, and I was like, well, then does that mean now I need to, like, tell Bodhi that I'm manipulated?

What were you feeling in that moment? Like, why would you feel like you wanted to manipulate me?

Well, just again, I was, like, deregulated. I made it your fault. I was annoyed.

So there's something you're unhappy about. You probably were also feeling. Because I thought it was because you were. Weren't feeling like I was giving you the attention that you wanted.

But that might have been.

That might have been something on top of it.

Right. It could be like, you never care.

I don't remember what the situation was ahead of time, but yeah, it was something you were unhappy about.

Yeah, totally. And, you know, it was something about that. And, you know, I. I just felt, like, this friction and I felt, you know, the heat. And I just, like, really love to, like, go to what I actually feel in the body.

Yeah, well, that's the family, because that's.

The most real, actually. The rest is just story interpretation and, you know, creating illusions. And, you know, I said, so I knew that if I don't share it with you, then I'm gonna be acting in somewhat. A weird way. I don't know what's going to be passive aggression. I want to do something. I want to be snappy, punishing. So I knew, like, okay, so it's going to come out anyways, right? So I may as well tell him that I wanted to manipulate him. And hopefully I'm not. It's not going to come out sideways because it's going to come out anyways, ladies. And, yeah, I just said. And I remember when I said it, my mind was saying, you're nuts, you're crazy. You're, like, literally just giving all your power away right now. He knows now that you wanted to manipulate him. As if men don't know that. And, you know, we women always think we're like, the best secret keepers.

And so what did you say?

A part of me wanted to manipulate you?

Yeah, so you said a part of me wants to manipulate you right now. And so the reason why this was so powerful for me and one of the reasons I proposed to her, I feel like it was definitely one of the components because it was this vulnerability and the honesty. And that's what we teach our women around feminine communication. How to really vulnerably share your feelings and what's going on inside of your mind as well, with a man, but doing so respectfully, and which is magnetic. Feminine communication. And we have so many teachings around that and the principles and the actual scripts we give you as well for how to do this. But to share your feelings and to share something as vulnerable is like a part of me wants to manipulate you right now. Manipulate you right now. And you weren't. So for a couple things you weren't doing, you weren't saying, like, I want to manipulate you right now, which is fine as well. But you also noticed that it's just a part of you.

It's like, notice that little smile that Buddha just had on his face.

It's. Well, it's like we say, I'm telling myself a story. It's similar to that. Like, I'm telling myself a story. Or I noticed a part of me wants to manipulate right now. So it's. It's already showing you have some control over yourself, right? That you can now notice what your. Your brain is doing, but not necessarily be caught in it. Like, I'm just manipulating you, or I'm just going to try to make you feel guilty, or I'm just going to try to get an outcome from you, or try to control you right now, or try to make you feel bad or punish you. You're actually saying, I'm noticing my mind wants to punish you right now. Or I'm noticing my mind is wanting to manipulate you right now. I'm. Part of me wants to manipulate right now. And so you shared that with me. And what happened was, for one, I was. And she. I'm sure if I was you, I would have had some fear about sharing that. Like, wow, that's pretty vulnerable. And also, how's he going to react? Is he gonna be upset? Is he going to not trust me anymore? Is he going to think I'm like a manipulative biatch? Or is he going to just pull away? So there must have been some fear around that. But you had the courage, which also shows your high value, that you're willing to share that and kind of whatever happens, happens as I'm detached from the outcome. Because it does take a level of courage and confidence to be detached from the outcome, to not be. No, he can't reject me. I just don't want him to leave me. I can't speak up because I don't want to rock the boat. I need to make him happy. I need to please him. I should only be saying nice things or I shouldn't say anything at all. And that's not. That's being the doormat, what we call the doormat archetype rather than the queen. So you had the courage to share that with me. You shared it. You showed me that you were detached from it, that you were able to say it was a part of. You showed a lot of awareness. And the main thing is it built a lot of trust for me. They're like, wow, this is a woman who can be honest with me. She could be real with me. This is a woman I could build a life with. I don't have to worry about her having secret resentment or trying to do things behind the scenes to make me feel a certain way or to get what she wants. Like, she'll just be real with me.

Joseph Campbell has the saying, the cave you fear to enter holds the treasures that you seek. And I think that was like, one of those caves. I mean, that was. That was a case. That was. That was like do or die, you know, with a different guy, like, who has some other wounds. And again, that's the risk. You're riding a little bit sort of this way from this edge because you don't know. You don't know what's going to be triggering and how is he going to recover from that and how he's going to. What. What is his level of resilience and what is his preparedness of having this level of authenticity. But see, it came from me because I wanted to have that. I said, you know, to me, it's not worth it. It's gonna fall apart anyways. Because I know myself. I can be manipulative. I can be, you know, moody and passive aggressive. And so if I can't be that transparent with you now, it's not gonna last anyways.

Yeah. So there's no foundation.

But it wasn't like, to make you, like, be more attracted to me or anything like that. Right. It was more for me to know, like, I have actually the love of connection that I know is going to be sustainable. Because otherwise, what's the freaking point?

Yeah.

Otherwise. May as well just move on.

Yeah. There's an old Chinese saying, he who stands on tiptoe is not steady. So if you're feeling like you have to tiptoe around your guy and you have to walk on eggshells because you're afraid of. If you speak up and say something, how you actually feel or what's going on for you, that you're going to scare him away. That's not a steady relationship. And the person who's standing on their tiptoes, what usually happens, they end up falling down and the relationship falls down because it's not sustainable. It gets really tiring to walk on your tiptoes all the time. To walk on eggshells all the time, it's exhausting. So to be authentic instead and to be real, which is what we teach you with the no games method, is the other way I like to think of this the way we teach it with magnetic feminine polarity. Magnetic feminine communities. Communication is, you're authentic, you're real, you're vulnerable. In a respectful way so that he can hear what's going on for you. He understands. And you're also not trying to get an outcome. You're not trying to lead it. You're not using it as a tool to like, oh, I'm going to say this so that he now trusts me and he comes closer to me so that I can, I can manipulate him into proposing to me or doing whatever it's like, no, you're actually doing it for yourself. You're doing it for yourself to proof and practice for yourself. I'm a high value woman. I'm a high value feminine woman and I want to be on my feet. I don't want to be standing on my tippy toes anymore. I want to be real and I want to have a real authentic relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to constantly question and doubt if what I'm saying is going to offend him or not. I'm just going to be vulnerable and real and share my real feelings with him. And yes, you still want to do it respectfully, because if you're just telling him what to do or you're saying you're controlling him or you're guiding him or you're attacking him or criticizing him, that's not going to go well either. So there's a way to be authentic and real where you're also not in your masculine and telling him what to do or guiding him or controlling him or criticizing. So we're teaching you this perfect balance of being the queen. The queen is not the doormat archetype. She's also not the bitch archetype. She's a perfect blending of these two that creates this magnetism that draws a man to you like bees to honey, like the moths to the flame who he throw so that he wants to commit. That was some of the big critical aspects for us for leaning towards my proposed.

Maybe one thing that the ladies would like to know is what was like your, your instant reaction in your mind and your thought when I said a part of me wanted to manipulate you?

Yeah, well, like I said, the instant reaction was surprise and intrigue. And actually, I think if I was honest, it was excitement. I was like, oh, let's go into it. What do you want to manipulate me for? What's, what's going on here? Let's dive in. So I think that was probably what it was. And it was also like probably excitement from this. Oh, this is a woman I could actually go deep with and we could really have Some good conversations here. Because if you're being this real with me, then I could be this real with you, too, and we could have real conversations, which was exciting.

You know, one thing I say is we hand men an emotional resume. And I think before I communicated this to Brody and basically showed up emotionally congruent with that, obviously, I don't think he would have considered that this is even possible, to have a relationship or a marriage like this where you can be dishonest. I mean, he. Maybe he didn't even know that he was not that honest.

Dishonest or this honest?

This.

Yeah, this. This. The German accent. The German accent.

This honest. Like. Like what Aurora shows. Dishonest.

That's our. That's our daughter. Yes.

Not. We all have that.

This much. Yes. So then the other aspect, I think this will be one of the last aspects before the proposal was there was this aspect where I had pretty much decided. So one night when you were sitting on my bed, I remember this clearly, was one night you were sitting on my bed in San Francisco, and you were not naked on my bed. You were fully clothed. Just.

He's already, like, all the fantasies are rising.

So we were just hanging out. It was just normal hanging out. And then I had this feeling inside of myself. I don't know what it was, but something. Everything just kind of clicked together. Because I was already kind of considering it. Like, do I see my life with the rest of my life with this woman? And I think it just clicked for me that that day I was just seeing you there and just feeling we were talking about something, and I'm just. Yeah, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this woman. Like, I could see us being together forever. Like, I could really see it in that moment. I felt it, really. And it wasn't anything particular you were doing. I think it was just the energy of, wow, I just felt so natural to have you again visiting me in my apartment and being there and us communicating. And I'm like, this is just. Just felt really right. It felt natural, the way it should be, and it should be for a long time to come. Like, this is just. This is it the natural way of things. And so then shortly after that is when I was like, okay, I'm going to propose, and I'm going to get find out the ring. I'm going to ask your ring size. And I didn't know how to do it, so there's some things I shouldn't have done. But I asked her your ring size. And then I think Around Valentine's Day. And then shortly after that, I proposed. And then what's interesting, the story we shared before, is how you actually felt you were kind of a. To me before, a couple days before I actually proposed. And so do you want to just share that mindset? So then it's kind of.

Yeah.

Interesting to them to see the op. The other perspective, you know, And.

And I really love this because, you know, women always feel like they need to be completely healed and perfect and polished and show up in the right way all the time with the perfect makeup and perfect manners. And here I am actually kind of doing exactly the opposite of that and getting proposed the next day. And I think part of it is because you're setting the foundation ahead of time. It's kind of like with your body, you set the immunity ahead of time. Right. When something hits, you're not just like, oh, out of the sudden, you know, no, you need to have something already foundationally set. And I think because we had gone through so many moments of trust building vulnerability, where I could have manipulated you, where I could have been passive aggressive, where I could have withdrawn, where I could have, like, cut off communication, but I kept leaning in. That that was not coming to your mind? That when I was. Had like a momentarily, you know, deregulative night.

Well, we'll tell them the situation. So I think it was like the day before I proposed. Was it the day.

Yes, the day before. It was Friday.

Before we froze. I think we had what, just an argument or something happened?

Yeah. And I was stressed of finals. I was like, taking some extra classes.

You were stressed. We had maybe a little bit of, like, an argument or some conflict.

Yeah.

And then you were concerned after that. You actually told me later that you're like, oh, he's not going to propose anytime soon.

Yeah, totally.

Which is actually kind of good because it's kind of like detachment from the outcome. Right. It's like, all right, it's not going to happen anytime soon. I ruined it. Whatever. And so you're kind of, like, detached to that point. What you didn't realize is that I had already made my decision. And just because we had a little bit of a conflict the night before, I'm not going to. I wasn't going to just. I mean, if it would have been really bad, maybe I would have considered, like, maybe I should wait a little bit longer before I propose. But I had already, like you said, the momentum had been built up that had been set within me, within my heart, that I was ready to propose. And I had the ring and actually, I don't even think I was thinking about that. Like the day I proposed, I wasn't remembering the night before, like, oh, we had an argument the night before. Maybe I shouldn't do this. That's the big thing, is you added some bad things that happen with your guy. If maybe you did some things that you regret, you said some things that you regret, or you accused him of some things, or you attacked him in some way, have some grace for yourself that like, those little things, if it's, if it's like one thing or even a couple things necessarily aren't going to kill the momentum of the whole picture. A man, I think when a man is thinking about commitment, he's looking at, to the whole picture is this relationship what I want for the rest of my life. And yeah, I know we're probably going to have. If we get married, if we're living together, if we're having a life together, there's still going to be issues that come up. There's still going to be bitchy moments and arguments and challenges. And I'm going to say things that I didn't mean and you're going to say things you mean or we're going to be sometimes mean to each other, whatever, those things will happen because stuff comes up and emotions get triggered and we're not always able to be perfect communicators. But he's making a decision from a place of like, are we able to overcome those things? Like, are we still. Is the overall momentum of the relationship positive and forward, moving and enjoyable for me and peaceful for me for the most part. It doesn't have to be always a peaceful, harmonious relationship, but it's like, are we growing? Are we enjoying it? Do I enjoy it? Do I feel like I can be in my healthy, masculine. Do I feel honored, appreciated, respected by you, trusted? Do I feel that you're receiving me my gifts, my help, my being the hero, my provision, protection, just moving the relationship forward? Do we have a healthy polarity? Are we able to dance together? And that's what he's looking for. Ultimately, when a man is making that commitment decision to take it to either exclusivity or a proposal in a marriage, he's looking at the overall picture, not just a couple bad situations. And so you want to take some pressure off yourself. And yes, you can make amends for those things. You can apologize. The most important thing is just to get back on track, to use what we're teaching you here to get back into Your healthy, high value magnetic feminine energy, tapping in your feminine core and being respectful, vulnerable, communicating in the proper ways that will get the relationship back on track. So that you can. Now he can see the trajectory moving forward. You start to create an upward spiral rather than a downward spiral. And if he sees the trajectory in general going upwards, he's going to say, okay, this is a woman I could see my life with. It doesn't have to be perfect and there could be little hiccups. But is the general trajectory good? There's a general trajectory. We're growing. We're enjoying life together. So that's an important piece, I think, to mention. And that was one of the big things that I can recall that was. That wasn't really an issue, but that was one thing that happened that I thought would be interesting for you to know. Before I proposed, before I actually proposed at a Thai restaurant in San Francisco near the Golden Gate Park. And you were pretty shocked.

Well, Brody asked me, can I ask you something? And you know, remember I was the bitch the night before. So I thought he's now backpedaling and he's going to ask me to split a check. Because that would make sense. Because if men is, you know, it's.

Like, you were a bitch last night, so now you owe me. We're going to split this check. I'm not going to pay for it.

Yeah, because, you know, when you date an avoidant attachment style, they don't give you that grace. And so I wasn't used to that grace because an avoidant attachment style and is using for anything that takes you off the pedestal. Oh, you're not perfect. Okay, Not. I'm not marrying you. I'm not, you know, I'm not committing to you. So I wasn't used to that resilience that a secure man brings to the table, you know, So I. I remember I was like a ghost. I mean, I kind of just disassociated. You were shocked. I went numb.

Well, and your man doesn't have to be a perfect, secure attachment style. Like, I was definitely more on the avoidant side, but I was secure enough and that I was able to overcome some of these things. And the thing is, also when you use feminine communication, you're communicating vulnerably. Because I was much more avoidant when we first met than I was when we, when I proposed. Obviously, like an avoidant, very avoidant man, a very feminine man likely isn't going to propose because he's like, oh, I want you to take care of me. And I. I'm just playing around here, and I'm just having fun. And, you know, why would you ruin something? Like, we have such a good thing going. We don't need to, like, have a piece of paper or why do we need to be exclusive? Like, it doesn't matter. That's like a more feminine or more avoidant man. So I got more to secure because of some of our conversations, those experiences, your mindset, who you're being in, your feminine and open and vulnerable, that I was. I was able to become more secure and feel safe, to actually come closer to you. And that was even revealed even more when we got married and we had our wedding with that statement that we added into our wedding around the rings. What was the statement?

Well, I believe in parts integration. So I said, with this ring, I set you free.

With this ring, I set you free. Right. So what if your ring. What if the marriage was actually a gateway for more freedom, more security, more ability to be who you really are? Freedom and security. What if you can have freedom and security together? So there's some mindset shifts, hopefully, that's maybe blowing your mind right now. The idea of, like, if you can be more free in a relationship, more free in a marriage, more expressed, more who you are. So that's some of these mindsets that will help a man to feel safe, to come closer to you, to feel safe to commit, is like, I'm not trying to control you. I'm not trying to be the ball and train. I'm not trying to lock you down. Like, I want to beat you to be who you really are and free. And we both said that to each other in the marriage. So it wasn't just for me, but it was helping each other to feel fully safe, to come close and to be committing, to be going deep and building a life together.

And also, you know, what I really meant by that is that every man. Well, every woman, too, but I mean, in this particular case, the man has a part inside of him that wants to be free. And usually that part is the wild man. And we teach all of that in our programs and all the things. But the commitment I made is that when I notice certain symptoms that the wild man is drained or that the wild man as being neglected because we had a lot going on and we were building a business and all the things. So it's easy to neglect a wild man. That I would say, hey, babe, you know, like, you know, do you need. Do you need, like a. What do you. What do you call it? A rejuvenation a recharge, a recharge retreat. Do you need a recharge retreat? And all those just time where he.

Goes out by himself, right, Giving him space, like, yeah, anticipating that he may need some space. And you can actually help him, like, just, babe, if you need to go out, like, please just take some space, take care of yourself rather than like, no, don't ever leave me. You got to stay with me all the time. Because then you, you might talk to some other women or you might leave me, or you might realize the relationship is like having the courage, the strength within yourself to be like, you're not trying to control him, you're not trying to keep him on a leash, like, trusting him. And that's paradoxically what makes him actually more trustworthy. When you're trusting him in the right way, when you're respecting him, when you're vulnerable and feminine, he actually cares for your heart and he doesn't want to do anything that would hurt you, but he actually appreciates that you do trust him. He feels good. And then he wants to cherish and devote you to you even more. Because again, the masculine's deepest need is to be trusted and respected. The feminine is to be adored and cherished. So when you trust and respect him, he's going to be much more likely to cherish and adore you. So, yeah, I think that was the journey and that's how you get a man to commit. There's many gold nuggets in there. Hopefully you took notes, you can start practicing some of these things for yourself and writing them down. There's many principles we covered such as being vulnerable, open, honest, authentic, real, and trusting the process, trusting your intuition, detaching from the outcome, letting it go, giving it up to God, and sharing what's going on in your mind and your heart and giving him space. And with this ring, you can set him free. With this commitment, you can set him free. It's going to be very powerful for you. So if you'd like to go deeper into these principles, especially around magnetic feminine polarity, magnetic feminine communication, to have a man come closer to you, want to cherish and adore you, and commit to a loving, long term, committed relationship, it's going to be so important for you and so valuable to have some extra support, some distinctions customized for you, where we can actually do this for you. Make sure to take our free Magnetize youe Man quiz by clicking the link in the description or the comments below or depending on where you're watching this in the bio as well. Or you can go to our website, magnetizeyourman.com magnetizeyourman.com Much love, and we'll talk to you later.