These 5 Mindsets Make Men Obsess Over You

Five confident female mindsets that drive quality men wild. Hey, I'm Anti Boyd Love coach with Magnetize youe Men. And together with my husband Brody Boyd, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world to get a committed, connected and long term relationship that they desire fast. Hey. In this video you will discover what truly makes a healthy, secure and emotionally available dynamic tick and how to attract that into your life. And it's not what you think. Number five. Number five confident female mindset that drives quality men wild is I trust. So look, I grew up in an emotionally unavailable household, right? My mom had narcissistic traits and guess what? Because of that, I learned not to trust. Like I learned not to trust my emotions first and foremost, but also because of course I had an inconsistent response from my primary caregiver. And I remember I was 18 months old and I tried to crawl into my mom's bed. Now I have like two toddlers babies right now, right? And they also come to bed all the time. Actually we co sleeping. But in any case, you know, when I was 18 months, try to cross my mom's bed and she rolled over and said, which means don't bother me. So guess in that moment I didn't trust myself anymore because I learned that, hey, I had this idea, this agency to crawl to my mom's bed. But obviously it was a horrible idea because they got judged, it got criticized and I'm sure you have experienced that as well. Well, guess what? Now of course I made the distinction that I really can't trust anyone. And then guess what happened. Of course I attracted a lot of men into my life that you guessed it, didn't trust themselves and then therefore also weren't trustworthy. You know, they were obviously breaking promises, right? Like you know, the X X and their words didn't match and so on. So what I teach my women is really integrating on an embodied level. I trust, right? I trust. You know, so when you say, when you set a boundary, when you say something that really matters to you on a date, when you think like, oh, that makes me actually undesirable right now to express that I have this quote unquote weakness, you know, maybe you have an autoimmune disease or maybe you have some sort of secret that you haven't shared and you're so nervous how your partner or how your date is going to respond to that, it's like breathing into your body. I trust, right? Because when I was in 2009, however old I was, I actually wrote this down. 134 times, because I was in a moment, right? I had just communicated with this man that I met online. And of course, I got really attached to him because I created this fantasy, my head, that he's the man that he obviously was not. You know, he was actually designed to disappoint me because that way the heart could break open to myself, right? The heart could break open to actually trusting. So I back then wrote down I trust 134 times. I even wrote it on pieces of paper that were a little bigger so I could put them on my wall so I could read them every day. Day, right? So when you fully trust, this shows up in your body language, this shows up in the consistency, how you communicate. And guess what? It really increases your intrinsic confidence, which inherently is so irresistible. Number four is I am a queen. Now, if you followed Bernie me for a while, you have learned that, that we talk a couple different about couple different archetypes or energies inside of ourselves. So one archetype is the queen. Now, for us, we actually put it on the scale, right? So it's on one side of the scale of the archetype of the doormat. And in this case, the doormat is really the person who gives all of her power away. Now, we have, of course, this incredibly successful women that come to us that are very, very powerful. But then in relationship, they give their power away, they let the man abuse them. They're oftentimes being abused by men who have narcissistic traits, right? Who are even like, sometimes slightly sociopathic as well, but actually also have quite a dismissive avoidance streak. And in other words, leaves the woman fully, like, rejected and feel feeling her not good enough, right? And feeling, like, taken for granted or feeling taken advantage of. Because of course, those women give the men a lot of things because they can afford it. But of course, the goal is just to get their approval. So that's what the doormat archetype does. Now, on the other side of the spectrum is the archetype, the energy of the bitch. By then I can hear you already say, I don't want to be a bitch, right? Like, my mom was a bitch, you know, this classmate was a bitch. My aunt was a bitch. You fill in a blank and what did you decide that moment? I will never be like that. Now, that's going to cost you. Because that means that every single time when you're about to set a boundary, that's what a bitch does, right? When you're about to focus on yourself, that's what a Bitch does, you actually start to compensate for that and you start to become apologetic, you start to become hesitant, right? You, you start to become like kind of wobbly, right? And you over justify, over explain. We see this with our women all the time. When you look at screenshots of text messages and there's so much explanation and so much prefacing about why they want what they want and you know, and how this for example, could look like or sound like is, Hey, I want to mention something to you. I know, I know it sounds like a little, you know, weird or it may sound a little like off, off putting or. Right? So they already like hand a man a resume and I was already try to manage the man's perception of her, right? And already telling the man what this is what you're probably gonna think about me after you read this. And so that's how you give a lot of power away. Now the queen is in the middle ground. The queen has a heart. She's very compassionate and loving. However, she's also very loving and compassionate to herself, right? So yes, she loves her friends, she supports her friends, and of course she also loves her partner or the man she's dating. However, she also makes sure that she is fully resourced, right? That she has a lot of energy inside of herself, right? That she has eaten enough to slept enough, that she's true to herself, that she speaks her truth and so on, right? That she actually takes a break when she needs some space, that she may take a moment when her nervous system doesn't quite feel safe. And it doesn't have to be because the man is actually unsafe, but it could be because she actually learns that it feel that it is safe, right? But for it to feel familiar, to attract a man into her life who pays attention to her, right? Or who ask her for, for what she desires as well, right? Or even ask her questions period on a date instead of just talking all about himself, right? So confident female mindset number four is I am a queen. And a queen respects herself. Look what king a man who's in this king archetype once said, look, I will treat you like a queen, but you have to know that you are one. So now if you're like, I have no idea how to do that, how this actually looks like. All I do is give my power away. Then take out free Magnetize your man quiz to get that loving, long term committed relationship that you desire fast. And the link is of course in the description below. Or you can simply hop on over to Magnetize Your man dot com. Now, female mindset number three is I am safe. You have to be your own safe haven. Look, if you grew up in a household that was emotionally unavailable, that was emotionally indifferent, right? Dismissive, potentially even abusive, maybe your dad, your mom was an addict, or there were like seven kids in the house and you didn't get any attention because you felt invisible, like you didn't feel safe. So what that really means is that you learned to put up your guard, right? Because I'm not safe equals like I have to protect myself. Not, unfortunately, when you protect yourself, you could go overly into your masculine, right? And how often? Oftentimes that looks like on a date, let's say, or in a relationship that you lead with accomplishments that you start to control, right? That you tell the man what to do so you'll suddenly emasculate him because you don't trust that you are safe with a man, right? Or you don't trust that you're actually safe being vulnerable, right? And because of that, you're always the eternal goofball. You never get to the next emotional deep level. Or you also attract men into your life who are emotionally unsafe as well, right? And I could either look like that they're outright emotionally unavailable, but because they're so conflicted inside of themselves. Or you could attract a man into your life who is like super overly emotional, right? Because he actually can't hold a safe container for himself. He can't parent himself. He can't parent his own inner little boy. And then because of that, he wants you to be the mommy. And you may find yourself nodding your head right now as I say that, right? Because you're done mothering the guy all the time. Look, I help women that I work with all the time and that pay for the. For the guys, like plane trips, you know, and like, you know, bails them out of some sort of situation, you know, I hear this all the time. And what's really important is for you to breathe in and say, I am safe, right? If you can say, I am safe to be seen, right? I am safe to be heard, right? I am safe to speak up. That was one of my biggest things when I broke through my unconscious ancestral agreements, which I'm going to talk about in other videos, right? It's actually really breathing in that you are safe. Now, confident female mindset number two is I am a magnet. Look, so many women, because they learn to put their parents on a pedestal, which of course, every child does, they continue that on in a codependent Pattern and put the man on a pedestal. But look, what I say is the soulmate is real. The pedestal you put them on is unfortunately not. Well, fortunately, right? And so what that means is it's time to focus on yourself. So what do you need to do? Say, I am a magnet. Well, first of all, you need to feel safe to actually get attention, right? Because what do you do when you get attention, right? Like, I'm sure you learn. Well, I learned to be my queen, so I say, thanks for noticing, right? But if I'm actually checking into your body, I will actually notice that you will have already left your body. You will actually not be connected and associated. When you really say, you know, thank you for the compliment, right? Or I am a magnet to incredible experiences, right? Can you actually fully experience being in the moment with a man without mentally already rushing to the next, what the next goal is, right? Because your brain feels like much safer future projecting. Your brain feels much safer to project outward, right? To some sort of target, right? Or to some sort of vision instead of saying, I am a magnet. You know what I always tell women is what I want you to visualize is like almost like a magnet inside of your heart. Like inside of your heart, inside of your throat, inside of your gut, wherever it feels good. And just really like the men are already around you. You know, the quality men already around you, the high caliber men, the emotionally available men already around you, you are the magnet, right? But it's about like really knowing that what you think, what you say and what you do is in alignment. And that of course means to own your truth. Which of course then leads me to confident female mindset number one that drives quality men wild is the unknown is my friend. So how do you navigate being a magnet is understanding navigating the unknown. Now, what do I mean by that? Now visualize yourself on a date. And maybe you said something that you don't know how the man is going to respond to that maybe you talked about your religious beliefs or maybe about your beliefs that you don't know. But what the other person thinks about that, maybe something edgy, right? But you also said, look, I have to be true to myself. Now, what women oftentimes do when they enter the unknown, they're coming more for an anxious attachment style, right? Or fearful avoidant is that they actually start to compensate. And what does that mean? Well, they either laugh when something is actually not funny and then the man's going to say, wait a minute, you just shared something vulnerable. Maybe you shared something sad, Maybe One of your parents died a few years ago, or maybe you lost a pet or something sad happened. And you're like. But then you learn, wait a minute. I learned to judge my emotions, which includes judging my sadness. And that then means the man must also be judging that emotion, right? Because you actually project the relationship you have to yourself onto the other person as well. So then of course you're like, no, he's gonna judge that true inside of me. And so then because he judges the sadness inside of me as inadequate or weird or too much or not good enough or too complicated, then I need to laugh about it, make fun of it, right? Like, I'm just kidding, right? Just joking. And you use one of your shame shields. Now what really is important is actually leaning into the unknown, leaning into the tension, leading into the discomfort, right? Without being afraid of the images that may be coming up. Because what oftentimes happens is when we lean into the discomfort is that images of rejection are going to come up, right? So if you have, like abandonment issues that say you had a mom who was like, emotionally abusive, unavailable, or like, was just full out ignoring you, maybe you are an orphan. You know, there's so many different ways how you could have developed the abandonment wound. Of course you avoid uncertainty at any cost. Because at a nervous system level, it feels so unsafe, it feels so uncomfortable, it feels so intolerable, right? You can't deal with it. But if you actually, like, lean into the unknown for what it really is, it's just the unknown. It's just anything, you know, like the next minute was the unknown a minute ago. So we actually see, oh, the unknown happens all the time. But actually a lot of wonderful things come out of the unknown. To actually focus on what wonderful things have come out of the unknown, out of the uncertainty, because out of nowhere, out of no thing away will be made. And why is that? Well, because the more you're in your feminine, the more you're in your creativity, right? The more you're in your vulnerability. And the vulnerability is like so magnetic, but it's also so powerful because it's so intuitive. And you got access to your gifts of the holy spirit, right? So all of the sudden you have access to gifts of knowledge, or you have more access, access to gifts of like, healing, let's say, right? Or maybe you have a prophetic gift. Like maybe you just see things and not as a sudden you catch this prophecy for yourself or someone, you know, maybe like really visionary, you know, so, like, that the supernatural gifts are gonna come through you and they're actually reliable to truly, truly guide you, right? Because they are your true north star. So what that means is you may do something that doesn't make sense to someone else, but it makes sense to you and it feels right. You have peace and you get consistently signs, how it says it in the Bible, right? You see that the fleece is wet and the ground is dry. Or the other way around, right? So you do all those tests and you get so many signs. And you know what, even Sarah Blakely like, she's so funny, of course, the youngest female billionaire founder of Spanx, for those of you who don't know her. And she has, she's happily married, has four wonderful kids and by when she, you know, was working on her life and of course building Spanx, right? She is of course known for one of her statements that she ran decisions by the universe, right? So she really said, well, let me ask the universe, right? So should we hire this director for the creative department? Oh, let me run this by the universe. Or should we do this marketing campaign? Oh, let me run this by the universe. And it went so far that her CFO actually started to joke with her and said like, well, good thing that the universe is not on our payroll. But of course what he meant to say was that she ran so much, she checked so much in with the universe. But I really believe that she's very connected supernatural gifts inside of herself, right? And never, of course, a thousand percent more reliable. And why is that? Because he's like, why should I listen to that? Why shouldn't I just pay attention to data and the external and forget the unknown and just create more strategies? Well, because we are processing two billions of bits of information per second, however, only 134 out on a conscious level. So when you create all your strategies even at work, you're doing it just with that little tiny bit of like conscious knowledge, right? But if you step into your supernatural gifts when you make the anonymous friend that takes care of the other, whatever, 1 billion, you know, 900 million, whatever it is, right? Bits of information per second that are on the unconscious level. So give this a try and let me know how it goes. All right? As usual, ladies, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below and I will talk to you in the next video. Take care, lots of love. Bye bye.