Antia Boyd (Magnetic Feminine AI Coach) argues that most women remain single because they 'date their self-esteem'—they repeat dating patterns rooted in childhood emotional ruptures and low intrinsic self-worth. She explains two common outcomes (partners who are passive/collapsing, or partners who are manipulative/narcissistic), emphasizes that patterns can be identified and interrupted, and offers Christian-polarity-informed coaching (with a quiz link) as a next step.
The reason why 99% of women stay single. In the Bible it says he has made everything beautiful in its time. And today we're going to talk about why women date their self esteem. Now I know what you want to say. You've heard all the dating advice. Men are just passive. There's nothing for you to do. Like he needs to step up to the plate. He's just a cheater, a liar, dishonest, manipulative. But hear me out, because think about it. When you date a man who's emotionally unavailable or he's outright manipulative, maybe has narcissistic traits. And I get that in the beginning you don't know that he is actually manipulative, right? Because you think he's the best thing since sliced bread. And he shows up with his, the best version of himself. And I hear this from my women all the time, that the first month or two he is very consistent and he texts you all the time and he, he moves the quote unquote relationship forward and then it shifts. And that's what I'm talking about is when it shifts, why do you stay? And the reason why you stay is because you're dating your self esteem. Now. Understand that you are already successful, you are accomplished, you have 100, a thousand employees underneath you, flying all over the world. I get all of that. However, you really see where your true intrinsic self esteem is based on how you allow someone else to treat you. So if you continue on with a man who dangles a carrot in front of your nose, who like breadcrumbs the heck out of you, and what I mean by that is of course like every other day or maybe even just every other week, you get like a text message. Maybe he asks you out for ice cream and that's followed up by some sort of hookup unfortunately, because there's always something in it for him. But yet you continue on and then you come to me to say, and here I know what I'm doing, but I don't know how to stop it. Well, number one is understanding that it's because you actually don't value yourself as much as you think you do. You're doing it externally, you're getting accolades all the time. You win of course your awards and things like that all the time. However, in dating, it's a different story. And why is that? Well, because in your childhood you had actually a rupture. You had a parent who didn't treat you like the best thing since sliced bread. He like this person, the mom, the dad, didn't attune to you, they didn't cherish you, they didn't make you emotionally feel safe, they didn't respond to your needs. Maybe they belittled you, maybe they made fun of you, maybe they ignored you, or maybe they even threatened you. And so then what do you decide in that moment? Because you have a wound where you felt in that moment embarrassed, insecure, inadequate, unsafe. So you promise yourself, I will never ever feel this powerless and helpless again. And here comes. Because of course we humans are adaptable. The coping and protection strategy. Now you're coping. A protection strategy may very well be, you know, I'm going to make sure I don't need anyone. I'm going to become Miss Independent and then that way I can never get hurt again. However, the problem with that is that the decision actually comes from low self esteem because you no longer ask for what you need. You're already assuming that you don't get it and therefore you're going to just meet it for yourself. That's actually not true. Intrinsic self esteem, right? Because what you do then is you become of course like the top of your company. You own your own company, you become the doctor, the lawyer. Because in business that serves extremely well to be so driven and to be masculine and to be assertive and to be the leader. And then you try to use those same principles and patterns that you have, by the way, full control over in your dating life. However, it doesn't work. Now, how do you know it doesn't work is because you end up in one of two scenarios. Number one, you end up with a man who's more on his feminine side. The feminine meaning he's passive, he's not taking initiative, he's not moving the train forward, you're running the household, you're raising the kids, you're winning the bread, all these things. In the meanwhile, he becomes drug addicted, porn addicted, exercise addictive, you name it. But he just like kind of escapes, he just collapses. Or second scenario is that you end up with a manipulative, narcissistic, sociopathic kind of situation, right? Where you really have someone who is outright lying to you, cheating on you, dishonest, and also knows it. Now why is that? Well, because you're in a way not honest with yourself, right? You're actually saying, no, I'm not going to lead with my needs because I already know they're not going to get met. And so then you attract, unfortunately that mirror back to you where the man also not honest with himself, of course, right? So Men who cheat, who lie, who manipulate, they're obviously also not honest with themselves as well. They're totally conflicted inside of themselves. And so you sent mixed signals. You get a man with mixed messages inside of himself, mixed ways of approaching the world. Dishonesty, gray area, gray zone. And that is, of course, a recipe for disaster. So that's why it's so important to understand, like, how does this actually happen? Because then you can shift it. You can do something different. You know, one thing I always tell my women, if you identify the pattern, the pattern can be interrupted. The pattern can be changed, can be shifted, because you're that powerful. But what it takes is being honest and authentic with ourselves. And again, I'm not saying it's your fault, because obviously you didn't learn that. And yes, you could say, well, what about the men? Why don't the men need to work on themselves? I never said they don't have to. My husband Toddy, worked on himself as well. Like, I just didn't have to do all the work by myself. And I didn't cut him any slack where, like, he was abusive or where he was dismissive or where he's disrespectful towards me. But I learned to communicate in such a way that I get acknowledged because I'm acknowledging myself. I actually take a stand for myself. But I do it in such a way in partnership. Not like I have to do more work or he does more work, but I communicate in such a way that my man still feels empowered and motivated to continue to pursue me. So if you want to learn more about how to actually really learn about and integrate Christian polarity into your life, then take our quiz at Magnetize your man or simply click the link in the comment section. I'm looking forward to talking to you next time. Take care.
