This Pushes Away A High-Quality Masculine Man (Surprising)

How to avoid sabotaging a relationship with trust issues or fear if you find that consistently in relationships with men that you are starting to do things early on or later on in a relationship where you're actually pushing him away and you're noticing, you're starting to have enough self awareness to notice that you're likely doing those things either by stepping into your masculine, trying to lead him, criticizing, controlling him, complaining to him, disrespecting him, that you're likely doing that for reasons of self sabotage because you are afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe you've had relationships in the past where you were hurt, you were abused, you were, your trust was broken, a man cheated on you, or he lied to you, or he didn't care about your emotions, he crossed boundaries, he disrespected you, he wasn't valuing you. So all these situations which are totally understandable, that you would have trust issues or that you would have fear towards a man that is new in your life and you try to make everything a red flag, you may be painting the green flags red and saying, oh, they're actually all red flags. I don't know what his intentions are, I don't know what he's doing. This is actually could be a, could be a bad thing what he's saying, even though he says he loves me, that maybe he's just trying to control me, maybe he's just love bombing me, maybe he's getting ready to like you know, seduce me into a situation where now he's going to then break my trust, where he's going to then cheat on me after I care for him and after I do all these things and then he's going to leave me and then he's going to hurt me. So it's totally normal to have those fears. Every emotion is valid. There's no ugly emotions, there's only ugly behaviors and there's potentially ugly thoughts behind the emotions. But the emotion itself can be beautiful and it can be useful. We want to look at it now, what you want to do with a man in those situations. The way you actually stop yourself from sabotaging the relationship is by rather than going into your pattern of then feeling the fear, feeling the trust issues, and now either closing up, withdrawing from the relationship, being distant, being weird or awkward or uncomfortable with him, or attacking him, blaming him, criticizing him, questioning him, trying to lead him, trying to control him, or doing other things that are pushing him away, insulting him, potentially disrespecting him rather than doing either of those things. Instead, what you want to do is vulnerably share your feelings. I know it's going to be scary. It takes trust. So one thing that can help with doing this, I'm going to teach you how to do it, but also to get prepared to do it, is look at what is the fear costing you. Yes, you've been hurt before, yes, you've had trust broken, likely now if you continue to operate from that, that all men are going to do that to you again, that that's the way your life is, that it's always going to happen. At some point you're basically put yourself in a situation where you can never win, you can never actually have a healthy, happy relationship with a man because you're constantly going to be replaying your fears and the what ifs of what his intentions might be or what could go wrong. So instead you have to look at what is that fear costing you. Also to get both sides, to get perspective. What is the fear costing you? What are you missing out on because of the fear or because of the trust issues? How is it costing you to have a happy relationship? How's it costing you to actually not see when a quality man is in your world that he's actually going to be a great man who actually wants to care for you? But you keep painting the green flags red and telling yourself stories that he's trying to hurt the relationship or he's trying to hurt you, or he's going to abuse you in some way or he's must be a narcissist or he must be, he's coming on too strong, so he must be wanting to do something bad to you later on. So you're costing yourself all these, these potential great experiences. You're costing yourself a future, you're costing yourself having a great relationship if you continue to operate from those fear, from those fear based memories and fears, fear based programs and trust issues, again, it's fine to have them, but you want to look at how that's also limiting you. If you continue to operate from that way and then to look at the other side of it, what's on the other side of moving past the fear, just again, like my hat here, faith over fear. When you have faith and you believe that it's possible to have a great relationship, what's possible for you then? That you can actually have a man who loves you, who treats you well, who doesn't want to hurt you, who doesn't want to abuse your trust, who is a man of integrity, who is with you for the right reasons he's with you because he authentically cares about your heart and he values your heart and he feels received by you and he feels like he wants to be your hero, your protector, your provider. That's all waiting for you on the other side of the fear. That's. That's just like this golden, beautiful home that you can step into if you actually just are willing to walk towards it and actually go through the fear, go through what may be a scary, like, you know, tunnel of bushes and brambles that you're walking through to get to the. Actually the house of the beautiful openness and love that is awaiting you. So that'll help you to move past the fear, to do that as a thought experiment and to feel what that feels like, what it's costing you to continue to hold on to the fear and what's waiting you, the pleasure that's waiting you when you get on the other side of it. And actually to have a man who treats you well. So now how do you do this when you're with a man? The fear is still going to come up. It's still going to be normal. You have these issues you have. You've had these things happen in the past and the way you let go of them, controlling you and sabotaging the relationship, is you share them vulnerably. So you'd say something with a man like, may I share something with you? And he'll say, sure. Say I'm feeling fear, I feel fear. And he'll say, why do you feel fear? And he'll say, likely. He'll say this if he has any care for you, but you have to be detached also from the outcome in whatever he. He may say, whatever he's going to say, but he'll say, why do you feel fear? Likely? And then you'll say, because. And then you show him what the problem is. Because I've been hurt before in the past. I've had men who told me things and said things like. Like off a lot of things you said. You said to me like, I love you, I care about you. And I got hurt in from them. And my fear is I'm telling myself a story that I may get hurt again or that I may get in a situation again where I. My trust is broken or I feel hurt or I feel. And so you either say, you can frame it as this is a good way to add into it, I'm telling myself a story which is true. You're just replaying these old stories in your head and you're Just vulnerably sharing with him what those stories are or a part of you, A part of me feels that I may get hurt again. A part of me is still afraid because a part of me was hurt in the past and I don't know what to do. So you can even end it with, I don't know what to do and I don't know what to do. I need help. This is another great way to say it so that he's like receiving it now. He's get to hear what you're at. He gets to vulnerably see your vulnerable heart, your feminine heart. He knows where you're at, he understands where you're at. And now he gets to be activated to want to do something about it, to help you, to, to provide for you, to give you his provision to help solve the problem and say whatever he might say. I don't want you to feel fear. Like I don't want you to think I'm gonna hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I, I, I do not want you to get hurt again. And it's gonna be more likely also because he's feeling your heart, he's feeling that vulnerability and he's gonna, his masculine instincts will be awakened, more like most likely to want to protect your heart and to want to do what you need rather than hurting you or rather than continuing to allow you to feel fear. He's going to probably do more things that are going to now reassure you. He's going to want to solve that problem. So that's, you have to be open to. However he responds, he may also not respond well. He may say, you know, I don't care. In that case. That's a good saying, a good sign that you actually are dealing with somebody who doesn't care who could hurt your heart. And it is a real red flag. Or he might brush it off, or he might try to say like, no, you're making things up or you shouldn't feel that way, which is a sign he's probably emotionally immature. Or it could be based on also how you've been treating him in the past. So it may take a little while for him to, to open up properly, but you have to let go for from caring what the outcome is going to be. Femininity is about the process. Masculinity is about the outcome. So you have to just stay focused on the process and let the outcome be, whatever it may, and see how he responds and use that as a gauge and do this several times as those Fears continue to come up, continue to share them with him. It doesn't matter even if, if it's unreasonable, if it doesn't make sense, continue to share what fears come up and just say I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Like you don't always have to know, just share. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but the fear is coming up again and I need help. I don't know what to do with it. This is about being vulnerable. This is about being in your feminine actually opening up to have a man actually care for your heart and want to protect it so that he would never hurt your heart. He would do whatever he can to to make sure your heart never gets hurt. He'll even protect you from other people. He'll protect your heart from other people that may try to hurt your heart. That's how activated he'll and inspired he'll likely be to want to care for you when you're sharing this in a feminine, vulnerable way. Rather than not sharing with him how you're feeling and instead going into attack and instead judging him and being triggered and blaming him and emasculating him or trying to lead him, trying to control the situation so you don't get hurt putting on a mask, closing up your heart, withdrawing any of those behaviors are not going to help him to ever feel inspired to want to care for you. So you see how this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, right? The more you fear that you're going to get hurt again, the more you close up your heart or do behaviors that are disrespectful to him or that are making him feel attacked or blamed or criticized, which is going to make it more likely that he's going to hurt you, that he's going to not feel respected, that he's not going to care about your heart and he's going to feel defensive and he's going to actually it's going to become create a combative relationship as opposed to when you instead vulnerably sharing your feminine now he is actually getting to see your heart, witness your heart. And it also shows that you have control over it. It shows that you're not being driven by your fear, that you actually can see it to the point where you can actually share it. I remember when me and my wife were dating, she shared with me one time, a part of me wants to manipulate you right now. And I was like wow, what is that all about? And we talked about it and was one of the most powerful conversations we had. And it made me trust her more. It made me trust her more. So this is how you can build up trust in the man, because you're showing him that you trust him with your heart. You're actually going first and you're revealing that. And again, you get to see how he responds. And you don't have to continue. If he could. If he doesn't respond well and he's not treating your heart well based on being feminine, vulnerable, and sharing that in the right way, like we're teaching here, you have to be willing to set a boundary with yourself and step away and say, like, I need to get space. I am feeling triggered right now. I need to step away for a bit or I need to leave or I can't have this conversation right now. I need to go. So that's basically you setting the boundary with yourself. You're still not attacking him or telling him what to do, like, stop talking to me like that or don't do that or get away from me. Instead, you're saying the boundary with yourself and saying, I need to go. I need to detach. I need to protect my own heart because I'm a worthy woman and I'm not allowing myself to be in a situation where my heart's not cared for. After you've consistently done this, that's what you're sharing with him without attacking him and blaming him, which then allows him also. It allows you to set a boundary with yourself to get space that you need to. But it also can inspire him then to also see your value and never want to do that again and never want to be doing the thing that was hurtful to you again. Because now he sees you're not willing to stand for that. You're not willing to just take it. You're actually a worthy woman who's willing to walk away ultimately, which will make him value you and make him much more attracted to you as well. So, again, a lot to unpack in this video. Watch it again if you need to. I hope this was helpful. Much love and look forward to talking to you more in our next powerful trainings. Bye Bye.