Why Men Lose Attraction (Most Women Miss These 5 Things)

If you want a great relationship, there are some things you should never do for a man. Even if you like him, even if you're in love with him, you should never do these things for a man. Today I'm going to share with you five of these to help you not only keep your self esteem high, but lead you to a great relationship that will last for the long term. If you're giving a man unsolicited life advice, you're not his woman. You're basically his mom wearing lipstick. It's like trying to seduce someone while simultaneously reminding them to floss. When. When you abandon who you are to please a man, you both lose because he's not actually falling in love with you. He's falling in love with some fake version of you that you can't sustain anyways. It's like catfishing, but in real life. So the first thing you should never do for a man, no matter how much you like him, is never give him unsolicited advice or coaching. Now look, I get it. You're smart, you're successful, you've got your life together, you see his potential and you're thinking, if he would just listen to me, his life would be so much better. If he would just update his resume, if he would just eat healthier, if he would just communicate better with his mother, everything would be perfect. But here's the brutal truth. When you try to coach a man who didn't ask for your coaching, you're operating from masculine energy. And masculine energy in a dress is still masculine energy. It's like putting a tutu on a cowboy. Sure, he's wearing the outfit, but everyone is just confused about what's going on there. Think about the dance analogy. In ballroom dancing, the man leads and the the woman follows. Now imagine if you're in mid dance and you start grabbing his arms, repositioning his hands, telling him how his posture should be. What's he going to feel? Criticized, Emasculated. Like he's auditioning for Dancing with the Stars. So the same thing happens when you give him unsolicited advice. You're essentially telling him, I don't respect your ability to figure this out. I think I know better than you. Let me fix you. Now here's what modern culture won't tell you. The masculine gives, the feminine receives the the masculine solves problems, the feminine shares problems. And when you try to solve his problems for him, you rob him of his masculine purpose. You're basically stealing his superhero cape and then wondering why he's not Saving the day anymore. Think of it like fishing versus hunting. Hunting is masculine energy. Going out, chasing the goal, conquering the challenge. Fishing is feminine energy. You're the bait, you're the prize. You're sitting there looking absolutely delicious with while the fish does all the work trying to get you. You're not jumping in the water, swimming after the fish, going, please pick me, choose me, love me. Come here, come here. What do the fish do in that situation? That's right. They swim away as fast as they can. So when you're trying to coach him, improve him, change him, you're hunting, you're chasing an outcome. You're trying to control him. And control is masculine. You've basically become the drill sergeant in the relationship. Except instead of push ups, you're demanding more emotional availability and more frequent texting. My wife, auntie and I have been married for 11 years with two amazing kids. And for over 20 years combined, we've been helping women attract loving, long term, committed relationships. And I can tell you from working with thousands of women, this is one of the biggest mistakes they make. They turn into his unpaid life coach, career counselor, therapist, nutritionist, and personal stylist all rolled into one. You're not Home Depot, and he is not your newest fixer upper episode. One of our clients, Stephanie, she came to us after years of attracting emotionally unavailable men. And when she finally attracted her man, a good quality guy, her. Her first instinct was to start helping him. She started forwarding him job postings. She started suggesting ways he could communicate better. She thought she was just being supportive. And what actually happened? He started pulling away. Why? Because she moved into masculine energy. And he had to move into feminine energy to receive all of that coaching. When that polarity reverses, attraction dies. Now here's the feminine way to do this. Instead of telling you ask, may I share an idea I have about that? So see the difference? You're inviting him to receive your perspective if he chooses. Proverbs 21:9 says it's better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. You know what that means? A man would rather go alone on a rooftop, probably getting sunburned and eating stale crackers than inside of a beautiful house with central air conditioning with a woman who's constantly criticizing him. Think about it. That's how bad it is. So here's your homework. Stop being his coach and start being his sexy cheerleader. Do you think a man is more attracted to his coach or his cheerleader? Appreciate what he's Already doing well. Ask questions that invite him to solve his own problems, but never try to fix a man who didn't ask for you to fix him. It's like that old joke of trying to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and precious energy and ends up just annoying the pig. The second thing you should never do is never stay silent about your needs or while hoping that he'll just know. This one drives me crazy because it's so common. Women will have needs, desires, and feelings, but they won't speak up. They'll just hope that he figures it out somehow. They'll think, you know, if he really loved me, he would just know. And then when he doesn't know, when he doesn't meet that unspoken need, then they get resentful. They get passive aggressive. They start giving him the silent treatment. And he's standing there completely confused, thinking, what the hell did I do wrong? Did I forget something? Is it her birthday? Did I leave the toilet seat up again? Men are not mind readers. In fact, most men are absolutely terrible at reading between the lines. We're very literal creatures. If you don't tell us what you need, we often don't know what you need. You could literally be sitting there thinking, I really wish he would just hug me right now. And he's two feet away thinking about the Roman Empire. You're treating his text response times and analyzing his emojis like you're trying to solve the Da Vinci codes. Meanwhile, he just hit the first yellow emoji he saw because he was holding his phone with one hand while eating a sandwich with the other. Now, you may be thinking, but, Brody, shouldn't he just know? Shouldn't he be paying attention? And here's my answer. Even if he could figure it out, why would you rob him or delay him from getting the greatest gift you can give a masculine man? The opportunity to be your hero. Unless you're trying to make him work harder and suffer more, just ask respectfully for what you want. Think about it. When you ask a man for what you need, when you're vulnerable enough to say, I. I would really love this, you give him a roadmap to make you happy. You're basically handing him the GPS coordinates to your heart. And a masculine man's greatest joy is knowing he's making his woman happy. But when you stay silent, when you hope he'll just figure it out, you rob both of you of that beautiful dynamic. Let me tell you about one of our clients, Krista. So early in her relationship, she Got sick with the flu. Her first instinct was to tell him not to come over. She didn't want to burden him and she didn't want to get him sick. She was going to tough it out alone, like the strong, independent woman she'd always been, basically ready to go, I don't need no man while surrounded by used tissues and empty tea mugs. But then she remembered what we taught her. She texted him, may I ask for some help? I'm feeling really terrible with the flu and I would love some company if you're available. You know what he said? I don't care if I catch it. You're worth it. He came over, made her soup, rubbed her back, took care of her. And she told us later that she felt that his love actually healed her faster. Which, honestly, might be true. You know, science says love boosts your immune system. So if she had stayed silent, if she had tried to be Miss Independent and handle it all herself, he never would have gotten that opportunity to be her hero. And she never would have felt that depth of care. She'd just be alone, miserable, watching endless Love island episodes on her couch. So here's what I want you to understand. Only a high value woman feels comfortable asking for what she wants because a high value woman believes she's worthy of receiving what she asks for. Let's repeat that again. Only a high value woman feels comfortable asking for what she wants because a high value woman believes she's worthy of receiving what she asks for. A low value woman stays silent because deep down she doesn't believe she deserves to have her needs met. She doesn't think it's possible. And she doesn't want to be too much or too needy. But a queen. A queen knows her worth. A queen asks. A queen says, this is what I would love. Can you help me with this? A queen doesn't just do hint dropping Olympics or hoping that he'll catch on. She just asks directly, respectfully, vulnerably, like a human being. And the right man, a healthy, masculine man, will be thrilled to have that roadmap. Now, here's another feminine way to share your needs. Not demanding, not complaining, not expecting. But asking. May I share something with you? I feel really happy when we spend quality time together. Could ask if we can plan a date night this week. See the difference? One way of speaking makes him feel like he's failing a test he didn't even know he was taking. The other one gives him an opportunity to make you happy and look like Superman. This is something we go much Deeper into. In our advanced magnetic feminine communication course. And I want you to understand, to stop staying silent. Stop hoping he'll just know. Speak up. Share your heart. Ask for what you need. Do it vulnerably, respectfully, with an open heart. Because a man can't fall in love with someone he can't fully know. And he can't fully know you if you're not fully sharing yourself with him. So stop playing emotional hide and seek. The third thing you should never do for a guy is never treat him like your girlfriend instead of your man. And this one is sneaky because most women don't even realize they're doing it. But it's absolutely deadly to attraction. And here's what it looks like. You talk to him the way you talk to your girlfriends. You analyze every situation with him for three hours, except it's Tuesday and he just wants to empty out. You expect him to be emotionally available in the exact same way your girlfriends are. You want him to ooh and ah over your new nail color. You want him to analyze the Real Housewives drama with you. And here's the problem. Men and women are wired differently. Masculine and feminine energy operate different, differently. I know it's shocking. Think about in ancient times. In ancient times, women gathered. They spent time with other women. They shared stories, processed feelings together, connected emotionally. That's feminine energy connecting with feminine energy. Men they hunted. They spent time with other men. They strategized, competed, took action in complete silence. They communicated just through hand signals often. That's masculine energy connecting with masculine energy. They weren't out there processing their feelings about how the boar got away. Both dynamics are healthy and necessary. But when you try to make your man your girlfriend, you're asking him to step out of his masculine and into his feminine with you. The masculine thinks and solves problems. The feminine feels. The masculine's in the head. The feminine is in the heart and body. When you're with your girlfriends, you can be fully in your feelings. You can process, vent, talk about everything for six hours straight. That's beautiful and necessary. But when you're with your man, you want him to be in his masculine and you to be in your feminine. You can still share your feelings and ask him for help, but do it in a way that invites him to lead, protect and provide for you. Here's another way women treat men like girlfriends. They expect them to care about the same details that girlfriends care about. Let me tell you about everything that happened with Sarah yesterday. So Sarah said this thing to Jennifer, and then Jennifer Told me that Sarah actually meant something else when she said that to her. And then I was thinking about what Sarah might have really meant by that. Do you think she was being passive aggressive with me? He probably doesn't care. And that's okay. That's what your girlfriends are for. He's sitting there nodding, but internally he's probably thinking about literally anything else. Did he lock the garage door? What's for dinner tonight? Was Die Hard really a Christmas movie? Your man cares about making you happy. Your man cares about you feeling good. But in order to do that, he doesn't need to care about every little detail in the same way your girlfriends do. So here's what you do instead. Spend quality time with your girlfriends that lift you up. Get that feminine energy connection filled. But when you're with your man, be the woman to his man. Be the damsel to his knight in shining armor. Not just a girlfriend to another girlfriend. Not his therapist, not his emotional support. Human, be his woman. Because the law of polarity states that opposite energies attract. Masculine attracts feminine, feminine attracts masculine. But when you're both in the same energy, there's no polarity, there's no attraction, there's no passion. It's like trying to connect two positive magnets. They just repel each other. Now, the fourth thing you should never do for a man is never give more than you receive. This is called overinvesting and over functioning. And it's one of the fastest ways to kill attraction in your relationship. Here's what overinvesting can look like. You're the one always driving to his place. Your GPS on your phone knows the way to his house better than it knows the way to your house. You're the one planning all the dates. You're basically his personal event coordinator, except you're not getting paid and he didn't even hire you. You're the one texting first, calling first, and reaching out first all the time. You're buying him gifts, doing him favors, cooking, cleaning, supporting him emotionally. Meanwhile, he's. He's just receiving. He's just showing up and letting you do all the work. And you're telling yourself, well, I'm just being loving. I'm just being generous. I'm a caring person. I'm showing him how much I love him. But here's the harsh truth you need to hear. When you over invest, when you're way out in front of him, you kill the polarity. You reverse the roles. Now you're in the masculine energy, giving, giving, giving. And he's in the feminine energy. Receiving, receiving, receiving. You've basically become his sugar mama. Congratulations. And when that happens, a few things occur. Number one, attraction deflates. He's no longer pursuing you. He's no longer working for your affection. You're doing it all for him. Why would he chase you? You're already standing in front of him, putting out an entire circus performance to get his attention. Number two, resentment starts to build because deep down, you're keeping score. You're noticing when you're driving to him three times a week and he never drives to you, you notice that you planned the last five dates and he hasn't planned one. Number three is he starts taking you for granted. Not because he's a bad man, necessarily, but because that's human nature. If someone just hands you a million dollars, you might just blow it on something silly. But if you earned that million dollars through years of hard work, you're gonna treat it like it's sacred. Think about fertilization. The sperm chases the egg. The sperm competes with millions of other sperms. The egg. The egg is the prize. The egg signals, the egg attracts. The egg is selective about which sperm gets in. The egg is basically the bouncer at the most expensive club in town. And only one sperm gets through that velvet rope. The egg is not chasing. That would be broken biology. That would be like the reproductive system having a full meltdown. It's the same thing in relationships. When you're chasing him, when you're doing all the work, when you're over investing, you're reversing the natural order of things. You're basically fighting against human biology and wondering why it's not working. So with me and Anzu, when we were first dating, there were times when she wanted to see me. But instead of driving to my place, calling me up, planning the whole thing, sending me a 47 text manifesto about why we should hang out, she simply said, I'd love to see you this weekend if you're available. That's it. She signaled. She expressed her desire, and then she let me take the lead. Let me plan, let me pursue. She basically put out the bat signal and let Batman do his thing. And you know what? It felt great to me. I got to be the man. I got to be the hero. I got to make her happy. I got to plan something special and see her face light up when I told her what we were doing. If she had done it all for me, I wouldn't have been able to feel that same sense of masculine purpose. And I would have just felt Like a passenger in my own relationship. Like I was just along for the ride and she was driving. So here's the power principle with this, you have to look at your overall relationship with him. And in general, he should be giving more to you than you are giving to him. If he texts you, you can text him back, but you're not texting him five times for every one text he sends you. You're not his overeager pen pal who just discovered texting. If he plans a date, great. Maybe you can plan one if he asks you to. But you're not planning 10 dates while he plans zero and wondering why he's not invested more. You're creating polarized balance in your relationship. You're creating reciprocity, but from a masculine feminine perspective. Because here's the truth. The masculine gives and the feminine receives. But the feminine also gives back through appreciation, through vulnerability, through radiant feminine energy. And then the masculine receives that. And that appreciation feels like a reward which makes him want to give more, more. It's a beautiful cycle, like a well oiled machine of love and polarity. But when you interrupt the cycle by over investing, you break the polarity and attraction dies. The machine stops working and then you're both just standing there confused about what happened. So if you're currently over investing, stop, hold back, let him step up, let him invest, let him pursue, ask for help. I know it's scary and you're thinking, but what if he doesn't? Then at least you'll know. And that's valuable information that tells you that he's not the right man for you. And you get to move on and make room for a man who will value you. A man who will actually work for the privilege of being in your life. Think of this like our magnetic feminine 90 day challenge that we teach in our advanced Feminine polarity course. You give a man 90 days to be in your full feminine energy and then you observe if he's showing more care for your heart over that time. It's basically a probationary period for your heart. If he does great, you keep going. And if he's not, by the end of that 90 days, you walk away. Because a high value woman doesn't chase. A high value woman attracts. She's the flame, not the moth throwing herself at the light. The last thing you never want to do for a man is never complain, criticize or nag. Instead of sharing vulnerably. This is probably the most important distinction you'll ever learn, because how you communicate will either draw him close or it'll push him away. It's literally often the difference between him leaning in and him running for the hills. Here's the distinction. Complaining, criticizing, nagging comes from masculine energy. They're attempts to control, to direct, to change. They're also attacks. They're basically verbal warfare disguised as communication. Vulnerable sharing, on the other hand, comes from feminine energy. It's an invitation. It's a window into your heart. It's slowly opening the curtains and letting him see inside in a sexy way instead of throwing rocks through the window. Let me give you a few examples. So you feel the difference with this complaining would be you never spend time with me anymore. You're always so busy with work or sports games. I don't feel like a priority to you. And clearly you care more about your friends than your actual girlfriend. Vulnerably sharing would sound like this. Could I share something with you? I've been feeling sad lately and I noticed we haven't had as much quality time and I'm telling myself a story that maybe I'm not as important to you and I'm not sure what to do. Do you feel the difference with that? The complaint attacks. It's like coming at him with a verbal chainsaw. The vulnerable share, however, invites him in. It's like opening up a door and saying, may I have some help, please? Criticizing would sound like, you're so lazy. You never help around the house. I have to do everything around here myself. You just sit there like a lump on the couch while I clean up everything, like your mother. Now, vulnerably sharing with him would sound like, may I share something with you? I'm feeling some overwhelm right now with the housework, and I'm telling myself that maybe you don't care how much I'm doing. Could I ask for some help? Now nagging would sound like, did you take out the trash yet? You said you would do it yesterday. Why didn't you? Can you just do it now? Why do I have to remind you 17 times? Do I need to tattoo it on my forehead? Now? Vulnerably sharing would sound like, hi, may ask if you could take out the trash when you next have a chance? I'd super appreciate it. Are you seeing the pattern here? Complaining, criticizing, and nagging make him feel wrong, like he's failing, like he's not good enough, like he's taking a test he didn't study for and the test is in a language he doesn't even speak. And when a man feels that way, he either gets Defensive and starts arguing with you. Or he shuts down like a computer that just got a virus. Or he just becomes a shell of himself and just agrees with everything you say, just hoping that anything will make it stop. But vulnerably sharing makes a man feel like he has an opportunity. An opportunity to be your hero. An opportunity to solve a problem. It activates his fix it mode instead of his fight or flight mode. Men are wired to solve problems. It's in our DNA. Back in caveman times, men were hunters, protectors, providers. We solved problems. We overcame challenges. We protected the tribe from saber tooth tigers. That same wiring exists today in single man. It's the way God designed them. But here's the key. We want to solve problems voluntarily, not because we're being nagged into it. When you complain or criticize, you rob us of that voluntary choice. You make it a demand. You make it a punishment. And men rebel against demands from women we're romantically involved with. But when you share vulnerably, you activate the masculine instinct. You flip the switch in our brain that says, she needs me. I can help. I can make this better. I can be her hero. Now, sharing vulnerably is also a test. It's basically a compatibility detector. It shows you if you're with a healthy masculine man who cares about your heart. If you share vulnerably and he responds by trying to help, asking questions, wanting to make you feel better, that's a great sign. That's a man who cares, and that's a man who's worth keeping around. But if you share vulnerably and he dismisses you, ignores you, or doesn't seem to care, that's valuable information that tells you he's either emotionally immature, broken, or doesn't care enough about you. And if that's the case, you use our magnetic feminine 90 day challenge. As it says in Proverbs 27:15, a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm. You know what that means? Constant nagging and criticism is like Chinese water torture. Drip, drip, drip. It slowly drives a man insane until he has to escape. He would literally rather be outside in the storm getting soaked than inside listening to the dripping. Remember, there's no ugly emotions, only ugly behaviors. It's not your feelings that push a man away. Your feelings are valid. Your feelings are important. It's how you express them that will either draw him in or push him away. When you complain, you push him away. When you share vulnerably, you draw him in. When you attack his character, you make him defensive. When you share your heart, you make him want to protect it. So the next time you're frustrated or upset, take a breath, get into your body, feel your feelings, channel your inner feminine queen instead of your inner drill sergeant. Then share with him vulnerably. So my question for you is which of these five things do you struggle with the most? Is it giving unsolicited advice and turning into his mommy? Is it staying silent about your needs and hoping he develops mind reading skills? Is it treating him like your girlfriend and killing the attraction? Or is it over investing in becoming his personal assistant? Or maybe it's complaining instead of sharing vulnerably and wondering why he's so defensive. I'd love to hear what that is for you in the comments. And if you want to discover your personalized next best step to attract a loving, committed relationship you want with the man you want, make sure to also take our free Magnetize youe Man quiz. The link is in the description or comments below, or you can go to our website magnetizeyourman.com to get that. It's free. It only takes two minutes and you'll get your personalized top recommendation to stop making these mistakes and start attracting the relationship of your dreams. I hope this was helpful to you, and here's to your amazing expanding love life. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you again very soon.