EP 218: PSA: Emotional Reactions Can Cost You Millions

Welcome to the making of a DM. When relationship capital goes wrong, ha! I got a great real-life story that happened literally minutes before recording this show, so make sure to listen. And so with that said, let's get started.

I'm Mark Evans. I'm here to help and teach them what I know and how I did it to discover freedom. Ain't no question, Mark Evans, when he step in the doubt, he's closing deals. Time to tell them what the DM stand for. I'm a deal maker, a deal maker, but I'm not just a deal maker, I'm a dream maker.

Hey there, it's your boy Mark Evans, DM. That's right, you are the DM of your life, deal maker and dream maker. Appreciate you being here. We got a lot to cover. I got a big subject I want to share with you, and I got an email That I just got as I'm sitting here before I talk to you that I'm going to share and what not to do. And more importantly, how this is a blessing in disguise in relationship capital building. Again, first off, thank you so much for being here. I apologize for not being so consistent with the DM Podcast Show. I am absolutely crazy busy building companies. I am a real business builder. I have a lot of stuff going on. Our telehealth company is absolutely going bananas in a good way. We have a lot of stuff going on over there, and I'm so excited to share more of that stuff with you guys as that keeps coming online and building bigger and bigger and bigger. But we have some really new discoveries and things happening over there, and people's lives are being changed in a big way. So I appreciate you sticking with me. Apologize for the inconsistencies. I love to be consistent on these types of things. But, uh, sometimes you just got to prioritize, as you know, in real business. Sometimes things are just take precedent over others. Not only that, I appreciate everyone that's still sharing the show, uh, leaving 5-star reviews. It means a lot to me. And not only that, the way the algorithms work, whatever platform you listen to, as you leave those reviews, it allows people to learn about who, who we are and what we stand for and what we do. And, uh, Means a lot to me. And I love reading those reviews and my team does too. So thank you for that. As I'm sitting here, it is actually Sunday when I'm recording this. I'm at the office here in Cleveland, Ohio. I just got back late last night, about 8 o'clock. I've been gone for 16 days and I haven't been posting a whole lot. Just been working on some cool projects with the family. We went out to Wyoming and hung— well, actually we went to Denver, then we went out to Wyoming. At this amazing ranch, super high-end boutique ranch, which is really, really cool. Got to meet a couple billionaires randomly just hanging out at the same facility, which one day I'll share that with you because it was very, very amazing how it all went down. And that's not what you think probably, but it was really cool and I'm super excited to share that with you. And we left there, went to Idaho to check out Meet up with a buddy, a great human being that's on some really cool projects. Maybe I'll get involved in some of the projects out there in the Idaho market. Wait, I'm sorry, not Idaho, South Dakota. South Dakota. And then, then ended up rounded off at the Hamptons, New York again, to put my kids into a cool camp for a week where it's from 9 to 4 every day. Hang out with some really cool people. So it's been a pretty cool thing. And then we actually drove home. It was almost a 12-hour drive.

Wow.

I don't typically drive, but it was really neat to drive. No radio with the kids talking, being goofy, being mad, yelling, screaming, kids are crying, you know, all that fun stuff that happens on these road trips. But I do believe these are some of the most amazing memories we will set as a family. So I digress, and I just want to share with you guys today— I'm not sure how long the show will be, but I want to talk to you about relationship capital. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about relationship capital. Maybe some people don't even understand what I mean by it. I've been building relationship capital my whole life. I've understood the power of relationships. I've done them right and I've done them drastically wrong for sure. I've been taken advantage of many times. And I get better every single time. I try to have a better filter, listen to my gut a little bit better every time. I keep evolving. But I want to, I want to go through a list of things I put down because like I said, I'm smoking a cigar. It's about 1 o'clock here. Father-in-law's over at the house, and as soon as I'm done with this show, I'm gonna go hang out with them and the fam. But I wanted to just get this to you because it's it's super important, and it's real, and it's fresh. So number one, relationship capital. It's not just about time, right? It's not just time. It's not like oh, I have relationships. I meet one person one day, and we're doing big stuff tomorrow kind of thing. And then I have some relationships that they just are great relationships, and they're just great connectors. And it's just a long-term thing as well. All these are meant to be long-term relationships for sure, but it's not just you put in time and that's it. That's how you win. You just put in time. No, you got to be valuable. You got to show up. You got to connect. If they have a big moment in their life, good or bad, you got to connect with them and let them know you see them and just shoot them a video, shoot them a text or thumbs up or just any way to engage with them and let them know that they have their— you see them. You see them, you're thinking about them. And I don't know why people think this is so hard. It's not hard at all. It's actually the opposite. It's so easy. Most people don't do it, but everyone's posting when they have a kid. Everyone's posting when they do something cool. Everyone's posting when they win. A lot of people post when they lose. A lot of people post if there's a death in the family, it could be an animal or it could be a family member, et cetera. Even though most animals, all animals are family members of an extension, right? So you could send a condolence letter, condolence flowers in that particular situation. It's really, really easy to connect with people. Or if you see they close a big deal, or you hear it through the grapevine, if you're taking a walk and their name pops in your head, just take out the phone and shoot a video and say, what's up, thinking about you. These are all little things I've been doing my whole life. And I do it a lot more consciously now. You know, like I said, 3 to 5 a day. Text, video, email of some way just to connect with people. And like I said, it's how you act and react. So a lot of people react and they don't act accordingly. So I'm paying attention virtually of people I'm trying to connect with and I am connected with how they talk. What kind of company are they holding? What do they talk about? Are they negative talkers? Are they positive talkers? Are they lifting people up? Are they tearing people down? If anybody tears people down, I unsubscribe, I unfollow immediately. I don't try to rekindle it. I have zero time for negativity. I have zero time for shit talkers. I just don't enjoy it. It's not what I think about. It's not what I want to be around. And the beautiful thing about the world we live in, you can unsubscribe, you can disconnect. If you don't like someone, stop following them. Stop listening to them. Stop engaging with them. You know what I mean? So the messages out of the blue and gifts are so huge. You know, just sending quick messages, thoughtful messages, insightful messages. If you see something you like, an article or a newspaper ad or something online, or you just see, you know, some funny tchotchke thing at a store and it reminds you of so-and-so, just shoot them a video. Show them the— hey, look at this. Oh man, this is cool. I remember when you invented blah blah blah blah and did that. And you know, whatever it is. And by the way, this is at all levels. I don't care if it's, you know, someone that's doing big stuff or little stuff. Everyone loves to be connected with everyone. Everyone, right? Another lie about relationship capital is I pay and now I have it. Well, no, you paying to be in a connect— a community of some sort or a membership or a club or whatever it is, that doesn't guarantee you have relationship capital. It just means you have the step To start the relationship capital, paying is just the entry point to start at a high curated relationship capital network. So don't think you just pay and show up and you make money. So that's not how it works. That's a lie. I see people say that all the time. Just pay to play. Well, you can pay to start to play, but you actually got to do something. You got to have some meat to the bone. You got to actually work. You got to connect people. You got to. Be thoughtful. I mean, you got to be a good human being, right? When you show up to take, you will always lose long term, right? I see a lot of people showing up acting like they're trying to build relationship capital, but all it is is about them—me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. It's not a good way to live life, and I promise you, you're not happy if that's you. And takers will never win. You can disguise yourself however you want, and maybe it looks like you're winning today, but I promise you, long-term, that plan will never, ever, ever work out in your favor long-term, ever. Right? Also, another thing many people don't realize is when you are in communities of some sort and you leave, well, guess what? People talk and they're going to want to know why you left or why you got kicked out or whatever happened happened. And you're going to lose a lot, a lot. Of opportunity and money in the long-term value game, right? So if you're in there taking disguised as relationship capital, and then you dip out for whatever reason, well guess what? The other people in the community are gonna say, "Yo, what about Steve and blah blah blah or Nancy or whatever the names are?" And then all of a sudden, they are literally going to. Take money out of your pocket, not on purpose, but just by default. Like, oh yeah, not a good dude. Oh yeah, not a good lady. Oh yeah, they came in and took and then they bounced. That's just what they do. Right? So when I'm looking for individuals, I always pay attention to longevity. When they're in other communities, how long do they stay? If they're constantly, oh, that's 3 months in and out, you know, it's not a good community, but they say that all the time. Well, it's not the community, it's the individual. Pay attention to what people say. Pay attention to what they do versus what they say. They'll tell you in plain sight kind of how they are without them even know they're telling you how they are. Another thing too with relationship capital, this is very interesting to me. When I was young and dumb, I was like, I always peacocked, right? Because I was very, I was just uneducated honestly, and I didn't understand what I'm about to share with you, but I would tell everyone what I was doing. You know, it's funny about real true big players. They're typically the most humble people you'll meet, and you might ask why. Well, when you're at a high level and you've you're you've generated lots of wins and losses, most more losses than wins actually, but you've generated them. You have a tendency to understand like dude, it's hard, and when you're winning, you think it's easy. And in the beginning, when you're young and you're winning. You think you're invincible. At the end of the day, big players are the most humble individuals. So someone's in there peacocking and talking like they're, you know, their stuff doesn't stink. Just know that they are there to take, and they are. They've never ran a real cycle. They've never really done real business at big scale multiple times, and they haven't taken a big hit yet. And I'm not wishing a hit for anybody, but it definitely will humble anybody That is growing uncontrollably, and then all of a sudden you get whacked. So just so you know. So those are some tips on relationship capital. And I want to share with you an email I got that actually kind of stimulated this conversation with you. I got an email. Actually, I stimulated the email. I shot the email out. I met this guy. His name is Kevin. I met him at a car event. It was about a year ago here in Ohio. There was a— I don't really do car shows, but this guy, this lady asked me, her husband passed away, and they said, hey, can you bring a couple of your cars over? So I was like, all right, cool. So I brought the Hummer, the H1, and then I brought the Aventador. And it's cool. Ohio is different. You know, in Florida, you know, Aventadors are like Honda Civics. In Ohio, not so much. So either way, I brought it. And another guy pulled up in a nice Aventador. His name is Kevin, come to find out. And I've never met this guy in my life, but I was sitting in the restaurant area with the family and, you know, talking and getting something to drink. And he comes up and starts talking to me and he's like, hey man, what's up? You know, got introduced, which is cool. Super nice guy. And I was talking to another guy, Peter, about, you know, he works on cars like mine. And Kevin's like, hey man, you mind if I connect with you? I know so-and-so. And we come to find out he's a real estate investor. Which I am. I've done that for 30-plus years. So, I understand a real estate investor a little bit. I understand the conversations and the struggles and the opportunities and kind of the way we think. Some is good, some is bad as well. But we connected and he sent me a really cool email a couple weeks later, very detailed, kind of where he's at, what he's going— what he wants to do, kind of all that fun stuff, which is awesome. I replied back and, you know, I'm busy, just like you, just like him. We're all busy. And this is a new relationship. So, I messaged my buddy that knows him very well and said, "Yo, Joe, is he a good dude?" Yes, he's a good dude. Cool. Thumbs up. I'm in. Right? Keep in mind, I said other people talk about other people. It wasn't talking negative. He'd be like, "Yeah, be careful," or "Yeah, he's a good dude." Cool. So I engaged him and said, "Hey, man, let's connect." This was last year, by the way. Let's try to connect before I head out. 'Cause I travel a lot. I was going back to Florida and I just couldn't make it work. Right. Genuinely, I'm squeezed with time. I got family, I got businesses, I got life. We're all busy. So, when I was in Wyoming, he popped in my head. I was like, man, I owe this guy an email or a call. I haven't talked to him forever. I want to reengage with him. He's a nice guy. He knows a lot of my guys. He's in the real estate space. I hope he's doing amazing. Right. So, today I sent him an email. And I said, hey, happy Sunday, Kevin. I've been on the road with the fam the last couple of weeks and I was thinking about you. And I did a wink emoji. Hope all's been amazing. Wanted to reconnect with you as I'm in town until December 1st. So we have a couple of months to link up. How's the next couple of weeks look for you? And this is where it gets interesting. He replied within nanominutes and listen to what he says. Mark, this is from a year ago? Well, the email is from a year ago. We've texted multiple times after that, but okay. We were to meet up a few times and you never followed through, even though I saw you were having events and meetings with others. Yes, I do events and meetings with others. And yes, you can come to the free events. And yes, you can come to the paid events. And yes, I like— okay, cool. That's Understandable. That's how it works, right? But I— it's not that I never followed through, it's we just never got able to connect. It just never worked out, unfortunately. And he said this, this is always interesting. I was not a priority then, and I certainly will not be one now. Okay, that's a little emotional, but okay. And then he carries on and says, I have 3 major projects underway and keeping me busy, so we will consider that this opportunity was just not meant to be. Best wishes. He uses a lot of interesting language in this email. And the reason I'm sharing this with you is because I 100% am a relationship capital guy. I need absolutely nothing from this individual, nor does he need anything from me, right? Let's be honest. However, if we both knew each other and we're both— when we know a lot of the same people, The opportunities that we could potentially create, because there's deals that come through my network that are not marketed that he could easily do that I just don't do. Therefore, he's not my network or he's not my relationship capital network. So, he will never see these deals. He could make some easy, easy money. And I don't even need to make money off of them. I typically just toss them to my buddies because I want to hook up my friends. Anyways, I simply reply, Kevin, I totally understand. We are all busy with many things. I appreciate you. And that might sound like a weird email back, but the I appreciate you really means is I appreciate you showing me who you really are because I would never want to build long-term relationship capital with someone that acts so emotionally erratic like that. I have zero desire. My kids, My family, my peace of mind, my physical health, my business, everything in my life is way more important than this guy will ever be a speck of dust in my world, straight up. And he showed himself via email like that. When I got his email, I kind of got mad at myself for a second thinking like, yeah, did I drop the ball? Maybe. But like, we're adults, we're men, we have a lot going on. And Email, text, phone, video, all this shit works both ways. So it's almost like a victim structure. And I don't work well with victim mindsets in any way, shape, or form. So when he said these things, I kind of like, huh, thank you. Thank you. Because I don't have to spend any time or energy to connect with an individual like this. Me helping him out. It would just encourage this kind of behavior in the future with more people. If he was smart or emotionally stable in that moment, and I, and I could only imagine that he sent this email, I hope for God's sakes, this is just my, me and being an optimistic person. I hope when he sent the email, he's like, what the hell did I just do? Because it is a dumb email. It's a very dumb email, especially knowing that we know a lot of the same people. And I'll share one more story about this in a second, but I was not a priority then and I certainly will not be now. Well, I emailed you because I'm thinking about you, so therefore there's some sort of thought or priority or structure in my brain about you. But okay, here's what I do know. Real estate investors are wound very tight, as many people are. I was this guy a long, long time ago. Fuck, 20 years ago. I was so deep in the trenches. I was dealing with private investors. I was dealing with property managers. I was dealing with tenants. I was dealing with my team. I was dealing with marketing agencies. I was dealing with the city. I was dealing with contractors. I mean, you're dealing with all these pieces. So everything looks like a nail and you're a hammer and you just fucking, you just start hammering down all the time and you're not thinking about it. You just go and you think you're winning. And sometimes you are winning, but what does winning mean to you? I'm a good friend. I have great relationships. I want to see people in my relationship network win. I will connect them. I will guide them. I will be there for— I like, I'm a really genuinely, I'm not trying to figure out like, what's my angle? How do I make money from this guy? I don't, it's not even a thought, right? I just know. As we build, forge, and deep relationships with the right people aligned with my core values, their core values, our standards, et cetera, ultimately things do happen. We put businesses together, we buy or sell. We, there's always an opportunity with guys or gals like that. Right? So what's funny is I found out yesterday, actually on my ride home from the Hamptons, that he will be at a car event I will be at.

Wow.

On August 22nd. And what's funny about that is I own the building where he'll be having his car at. I own the whole property and I'm a partner in the company and the property that he got invited to. So again, back to relationship capital. I'm very interested to see how the conversation or no conversation happens when we see each other. And I'm not saying this to be silly. I Don't even remember what he looks like. He might not even remember what I look like, but we'll know the cars. So I don't think that'd be too hard. But be careful when you email, be careful what you say, more importantly, how you say it. And again, if he does, if I'm a dick, cool. Yo, man, I'm, you know, it is what it is. But even that, I always think about what my parents, my grandparents, everyone in my life always said. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. It's a real simple concept and it's not mean. What he said isn't mean. It just, just doesn't. It just doesn't make sense. He's, he's 50-something years old. I'm almost, I'm 48. We're all in the same category. We're in the same industry. We have a lot of the same connections, the same friends, but how he should have replied is, hey man, it's been over a year. I hope you're doing amazing too. I appreciate you thinking about me. I'm super slammed with my 3 projects. I'll keep the door open, but right now is just not a good time. Talk to you soon. That's a way different conversation. That's a way different vibe. That's a way different person. So when I said I appreciate you on the reply back, I genuinely mean it. I appreciate him showing me who he really is. To the core, you can't undo what he said. You that's that's in him. Unfortunately, that's him. That's who he is. And it sucks because I know a lot of people that if they would actually lose that, actually they got to work on to lose it. They got to work on that. That's a that's something they got to work on. But he's just hammering down 24/7. If he would just work on that and get better. His money, he would have access to more money. He'd have access to more deals. He'd have access to more friends. He would just have more access to do more of what he's really trying to do. And the problem is when you're in that mode, you think everyone's trying to steal from you, take from you, need something from you, and all these other things. I need none of that. I don't need anything from him. I don't need his money. I don't actually, if anything, his email was, hey, do you have money? To me, right? Like, I would never give an individual like that money ever. I would never say my— put my name on anything this guy's doing because I don't want to be associated with people like that. Again, back to relationship capital. Who do you hang out with? Who do you associate with? Now, don't get me wrong. Sometimes if he never replied back to that and I did a deal with him and that's who he truly is, I wouldn't know that until later. But the guy did me such a great favor by acting like that. His words, his language, and his reaction, his emotional email reaction. And I have a solution for you guys. If you are this person, don't reply to emails, texts, or calls. Give everything 24 hours and let the emotions go away. Just stop it. Maybe he was mad or maybe he felt disappointed or whatever, whatever emotional story he told himself. But dude, the world does not revolve around you or me. The world's just happening. I'm busy. You're busy. He's busy. No one's more important than anybody here. But when— if he doesn't know what I have going on, he does. I don't know what he has going on, nor do I care, nor does he care. But that's why you don't treat people like that. What if I found out I had cancer? What if during that time, my, you know, my parents passed away or my cousins or my uncle? There's so many real things that happen in real life, like real life shit, not business shit, real life shit could happen to individuals. Thank God none of that happened to me. But like real life stuff happens. Like my real life stuff happening is I'm building big businesses. I'm hiring a lot of people. We're growing rapidly. We're expanding everywhere. We're taking hits. We're taking wins. We're we're in the game in all fronts, multiple businesses, even the one he'll be hanging out at August 22nd. So it's just I guess this is just more of a public service announcement of just be a good good human being. It will get you so much further in life. Like I'm not sitting over here hoping anything bad happens to him or he sucks or. I don't care. I like I've literally from this point forward just write him off. I don't care what happens, good or bad. I hope he crushes it. Ideally, it doesn't take from if he wins big. But what's interesting is even with the person with that kind of personality wins big, they never feel like they're winning. They're always disgruntled. They're always pissed off. They're always negative. They don't see the life. And light like we do. I see it clear. I'm happy. I'm balanced, whatever that means. I'm focused. I have goals. I like— we all do these things, but like, let's have fun doing it with good human beings. So I thank you, Kevin. If you ever happen to listen to this show, thank you for sending that. I wish you nothing but massive success. Truthfully, I really like I genuinely do. I thank you for sending an email like that. I, uh, I wish it wasn't like that, right? Because I like working with good people, but that's just not a good email. And, um, it's a separator and it's so amateur and immature. It's wild to me that adults act like that, because if you have an emotional response, It never went— it just doesn't end well on anything in life. So anything that you're going to send emotionally, just set on it for a day. Write it up, put it in your drafts and set it on for a day. He didn't have to reply to me over like within seconds. Set it for a day. Go throughout your day. Think about it. I could say this or I could say that. They could take 2 different paths. The path he chose, I appreciate. I wish he would've chose a different path, but he didn't. You and I can learn from that. You and I win from that because again, spend and invest time with people wisely. Your time is your biggest asset. Connect with great human beings and great things happen. So. Relationship capital. Do it right. Let people know you care about them. Let people know you're thinking about them. Do we— am I 100% on this? Absolutely not. No one is. No one. We're all busy. We all have real life going on. One of my partners, his father just passed away about a week ago. I'll talk more about that story because something I was grateful to be able to do happened in that moment. Um, in a, in a very real situation. I'll share that in the future, but there's so many things happening in life that you being nice doesn't hurt anybody. You like shining your light, being positive. Like life is too short to be negative. Life is too short to be mad. Life is too short to think someone's stealing from you. Like, That is you. If you have those emotions and feelings, sort them out. It's not serving you. Get on the path of success. And again, just being nice is successful. You can be successful just being nice. Make someone's day. And anyways, I'm getting sidetracked here, but to my point, relationship capital. The more time you put into it, the more you'll get out of it long-term. There's no, you can't sit and create an ROI structure out of and all that. But I do know this, my life is much better with all the amazing human beings I have in my life. And every day I meet new people. I want to invest in new people mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, time, like all, like everything. I want to give my all to everybody that is good people trying to do big things in life. And the more I do that, definitely the more opportunities I have in my life, the more Connections I have throughout the world in my life. And it's neat to be able to solve people's problems with a text or a phone call or an email, connecting great people together. And that's what relationship capital is to me. And I'm telling you, invest in them. Get in the right rooms, get in the right communities, get to the right events, get where great people are hanging out. And that brings me to the DealMaker Alliance. The DealMaker Alliance is having an event in October here in Geneva, Ohio at my farm. We will be meeting. We have some really amazing things happening there. It'll be a day and a half, actually two days total in October. Get your butt there. You will absolutely be mesmerized by the quality of people that have stepped foot in that room and connect. And you can get over to dealmakeralliance.com, fill out that form. Sonia will contact you and see, you know, share all the details, tell you what's going on, what the investment looks like. It's a thousand bucks a month. Oh my gosh, that's a lot. Well, if that's a lot. That's why you need to be there because it's not a lot. And, uh, for the opportunities and the connections and the results that you'll get in your business and your life are— it's game changer. It's game changer. And people in multiple industries are there. So make sure to check that out at dealmakeralliance.com. Join us in October. Um, we will— it's going to be an epic, epic event. We typically do another event where we all get together in February-ish, March. In the Florida, in the Florida area. Um, but we have a lot of cool things in the works for October. Get there, see what's going on, see why so many people have been in there since day one. It's been over 4 and a half years. The DMA, Deal Maker Alliance, is absolutely crushing it. We got guys, guys and gals in there that are actually just making life-changing results. I mean, it's— I'm very honored and proud to be a part of that group, truthfully. So check it out, dealmakeralliance.com. Let Sonia know you listen to the podcast show if you, uh, decide to talk to her. Um, there's no high-pressure sales. It's one person, Sonia. She's the guard of the gate, and if she likes you, you're in. If she doesn't, well, you're not. So, um, just make sure you have a good conversation with her and see, um, ask her as many questions as you want. We're not going to hound you. We're not going to beg you. It's, it's either a fit or not. It's cool either way. The cool thing about Sonia, she's going to leave you better off. So if you have questions and you know you need help and you're not a fit, she'll give you good direction, good connections to help get you on your, on your path. So check that out and let me know what you think. Anyways, I appreciate you being here. Make sure to share the show. Tag me in any post @MarkEvansDM on the show and let me know what you think. I appreciate you guys being here. Thank you so much and keep building the right relationship capital. Make today count. Peace.

I'm Mark Evans DM. I'm here to help and teach him what I know and how I did it to discover freedom. There ain't no question Mark Evans when he step in the doubt. He's closing deals. Time to tell him what the DM stand for. I'm a deal maker, a deal maker. But I'm not just a deal maker. I'm a dream maker.