024: Learning to deal with my gift

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Hi everybody, how are you all? Nice to have you back with me again. Thank you so, so much for joining me on another episode of Canny Crystals the podcast. Just before we get bang into this week's episode, by the time this episode goes out, my merchandise range will have dropped on cannycrystals.co.uk.

Woohoo!

So go and have a look for yourself. I've been so, so excited to launch it. I asked Johnny, me fiancé, to come up with some like snazzy designs based on a few different phrases like manifest that shit or your vibe attracts your tribe. And then I've got them printed on things like water bottles, coffee mugs, t-shirts, phone cases. And I am absolutely buzzing if you can't already tell, but go and check them out. And because I appreciate you lot so, so much, if you use the code PODCAST20, From today until next Friday, which will be the 18th of March, you can get 20% off all products in the merchandise range. So that's a special little discount, especially from me to you, because I love my podcasters. Thank you so much. So enjoy. Right, anyway, on with the show. I always blab. So this week I wanted to talk a little bit about my earlier spiritual journey. So I've done an episode right at the very beginning about how I got into like spirituality and stuff like that. But I wanted to talk a little bit about my earlier spiritual growth, so growing up with my gift and how I've only really come to realize recently what it is, and that's clairsentience. Now a few of you might be sat there thinking, Claire, what? What's that mean? And I do apologize as well, I've got an ulcer on my lip and I'm trying— I've just bit it twice and I do apologize. I know you can't see that, but I'm like curl on my face, so I might sound a bit weird. Anyway, let's go into a bit more detail about clairsentience. So you've probably heard of the most common clair— Claire from Steps? No, I'm just joking. Yeah, I couldn't resist, sorry. I was going to say Claire Baldon. No, right, the most common and heard of clair of all is clairvoyancy. Yeah, so if you go see a spiritualist or someone who can see the future or see a spirit they call themselves a clairvoyant. And some people use the term clairvoyant as if it were kind of synonymous with a psychic, but really clairvoyancy is just one of the four clairs. So, and that's the one of the four clairs basically that a full-on psychic uses. So clairvoyant messages kind of arrive as an image or a scene in their mind, and they usually come as a metaphor as well. So for example, if another person might be overwhelmed, a clairvoyant might see them, I don't know, drowning or carrying like excessive heavy bundles on the back or something like that. So the images that they usually see are like metaphorical. Another of the clairs is claircognizance, and that's when our brains get an immediate download from our intuition. So have you ever been somewhere and you've just, you've just had an immediate download and you've seen a situation? It's almost like having a vision. But it's there, it's in your subconscious. It's just like when you download like a large amount of info into your laptop or your phone, although when it happens to a human brain, the download occurs within a few seconds and there's no waiting patiently for like a large file to load. So your intuition basically has a great connection. The third clair is clairaudience. Now you might have heard of this one as well, but you can probably guess when you hear like Clairaudience. It's when you hear voices. So when you receive clairaudient messages, they sound like someone is talking in your mind. And the difference between this and the mental health condition, obviously, of people talking in your mind, is the voice will never be harsh, it'll never be tormenting. So unlike voices that people who have like certain psychological conditions like schizophrenia might hear, the tone of this voice is almost always the same. It's even and it's calm. Messages that arrive like kind of in a clairaudient way, they're usually straightforward and to the point. Like, they'll give you some guidance like, "Wait until next year," or, "Ask for the money up front." Clairaudience often offers like short messages, and sometimes the message will be only like one word or one number. But the last clair, which is me down to a tee and the one that I'm going to talk mainly about today, is clairsentience. Now, clairsentient messages, they come through as a feeling, and clairsentience is the most common of the four clairs. Now, if you think about this, you have your gut instincts, and sometimes your tummy will just tell you not to do something or that something is fishy, and 9 times out of 10 you'll be right, and you'll be like, "I knew, I knew in me gut, I knew, me intuition told me." That's clairsentience. So it's all about being able to read the emotions of others or sensing the collective energy of a room. So before I even meet people, like even when I'm just messaging them on TikTok or like Instagram or anything like that, before I've even spoke to them on the phone, I can usually get a feeling for people's energy, like whether they're bubbly, whether they're serious, whether they're outgoing, intellectual, nurturing. And you might be thinking, well, Mart, I can do that. I can judge people by text messages and stuff. But what I'm going to tell you, this has blown my mind a few times, and I'll go into this in a bit more detail in a few minutes. But if someone has physical issues, I'll often feel them briefly before or during speaking with them in my own body. So for instance, my knee will start aching if the person I'm speaking to has just had surgery there, or a sensation will run through me belly if that person is having tummy issues. My throat will often feel tight briefly when I'm talking to someone if their throat chakra is closed off, because that's how we express ourselves and our emotions. And I know I've spoke about this in a previous episode as well, but when I worked in Sunderland Royal in A&E, I was the most calamity-prone person ever. And I, I just think, like, looking back, I was probably channeling all the people that were having accidents and stuff like that that I was seeing on a day-to-day basis and picking up their energy. Then when I started working in gastro, which is all about stomach, I developed IBS and IBD, and I was going for loads of tests. Um, it's going to sound awful, but I was going for like loads of tests about my poo and things like that. Sorry if you're having your breakfast. Um, but yeah, I just came— I just keep on basically attracting the same thing. I mean, like, and it's weird because I work in dental now in the NHS And working in dental, I'm having loads of problems with my teeth. Like I mentioned in that October episode, I chipped me bloody tooth and it keeps cracking all the time. I don't know, like there's something about it. Definitely it's because I'm around that energy all day, every day, I think. So I'm actually quite a quiet and reserved person as well when I'm on my own. Like, you might not think it, like, but I, I'm scared of speaking in front of people. Um, I don't like being in massive, like amounts of people where I don't know anyone, if that makes sense. I like my comforts, but I feed off the energy of other people and I channel that. So when I'm in a room full of other people, I suddenly become what my mam refers to as the class clown. And it's all because I'm channeling other people's emotions and their feelings. Like I said before, I've been on TV game shows, and when you go to the auditions and stuff like that, you're in a room of maybe 200, 300 people and you've got a shine. And I use that energy, so I channel other people and I'm thinking, okay, you've got one shot at this. And I just kind of take everyone else's energy and put it out there as my own. And that's why some people might think that I'm hyper, and they might think that I'm overbearing or overconfident or even arrogant. I've heard people say in the past, but I'm actually not. It's because I'm channeling other people. Like, I'm really, really quiet when I'm in the house. I'm really, really like mellow and chill because I've only got myself and my partner and my dog to bounce off, do you know what I mean? And that's me, and I like that. Like, I'm not one to go out every weekend and stuff like that. I like just sitting on the couch and watching a film, that kind of thing. Anyway, so each of us can look at these 4 clairs of clairvoyancy. So we've got um, clairvoyancy— sorry, clairaudience, claircognizance, and clairsentience. And we can relate to one or more of these, basically. And this goes for everyone, but we may even relate to all of them, in which case you're probably a fully fledged psychic. But we're all blessed with at least one of these, okay? So which one does it— like, which one are you? Are you a clairvoyant? Are you clairaudient? Do you have claircognizance? Or are you clairsentient like me?. So I guess for me, like I say, it's clairsentience. So I feel things, I feel energy, I feel pain, I feel a shift in mood. But I also relate to claircognizance as well, just ever so slightly, by getting that immediate download of information from the universe. The only two that I've never ever experienced is clairaudience and clairvoyance. So what does all this have to do with me and growing up, you might be saying? Well, for years I thought I was an empath, and I declared that whenever I would go to psychics or tarot readers. They would always tell me that I had the gift of empathy and being able to feel things about other people, and I went through various times in my life believing that. But it's only really recently, since getting into spirituality properly, that I actually identify more with clairsentience than anything else. I don't know if you remember, or if you're even old enough to remember, the '90s, like early '00s TV show Charmed. It was about 3 sister witches, and Phoebe, the youngest sister, she developed, um, basically the power of being an empath. And I remember seeing that for the first time, and I was like, oh my God, she can feel things. And me growing up, I was like, what, 15 at the time, I think? And I was like, well, I feel things as well. And immediately when people started saying, oh, you've got the gift of empathy and stuff like that, I just thought, oh my God, I'm an empath. And I never looked into it any further until I basically started on my spiritual journey. And then I realized I'm not an empath, I'm a clairsentient. So anyway, going back to when I was about 13, 14 years old, I remember there was a time I was sat in my mom's living room and I was just watching TV, just sat on the couch, and all of a sudden a picture of me nana and granddad on the wall just caught my eye. Like, I can't describe it, it just caught my eye. And for some reason, when I looked at it, I had a bit of a weird sensation in my stomach, almost like a hunch, if that makes sense. Like, I know we all get hunches from time to time. I'm not sure I can even explain this, you know, but it was just like a sense of dread or fear. And something made us pick up the house phone and ring mi nana and grandad. Mi nana answered, and I immediately asked if everything was all right. And don't get us wrong, I felt absolutely stupid when she said yes, and she asked why. So I told her, we're quite an open family, I told her I just rang because I had a sinking feeling because the picture on the wall just filled me stomach with dread, and obviously she laughed it off. But after coming off the phone to her and settling back onto the couch, the picture of them that had caught me eye jumped off the wall. I'm not just saying that it dropped to the floor and that was that, because it wasn't. It flew into the middle of the friggin' room without any explanation, without any doors being open, like for a breeze, the smashed glass went everywhere. I was the only person in the house at the time, and it really freaked us out. So I remember quickly cleaning up the shards of glass off the floor, I put me coat on, and you better believe I was off like a shot. I was down that road, I walked to me nana and grandad's house, and when I got there, me nana was sat wrapping me grandad's arm up, and I asked what had happened, and she said that after she'd come off the phone to me, he had tripped in the garden and landed on his elbow. And I remember his elbow being such a bloody mess, like his skin was as thin as paper, basically. I mean, it was, it was like, you know, like wet toilet tissue. Like, my granddad would fall over and his whole, like, arm would, like, the skin would just peel up it. I think it's just getting old, but bless him. Anyway. That was like one of the very first times that I ever remember experiencing that hunch, like that gut feeling. But over the rest of me life, I've also experienced some other stuff that I can now explain that it was due to this gift as well. Like, people always found it hard to lie to me. Whenever I was cheated on in relationships, something always told us inside before I found out any concrete evidence. Whenever something happened to someone that I loved, I would just always know about it before anyone told us. Um, it's all hard to explain, but stick with us, there is a meaning to this. Um, but even to this day, like, if Johnny is sat there in a room and I walk in, I can sense the room and I can sense if there's a shift in his normal energy. I don't know how, it's, it's not explained, but I know what he's feeling before he does half the time. So if I say to him, "What's up?" and he says nothing, I immediately can feel the lie inside. So I ask him again, "No, really, what's up?" and again he'll go, "Nothing's wrong." And it's only when I say to him something like, "I can feel the sadness," that then he'll, like, respond with me and say something like, "Oh, I'm just a bit down in the dumps today." And I'm like, "Okay, why didn't you tell us that in the first place? I could feel it." Do you know what I mean? But it's like I can feel what he's feeling before he even can, before he's even identified what it is. But the more time I spend around someone, the more I can sense what they're feeling. I always say for this reason that I'm a great judge of character. You know when you meet someone for the first time and you can just instantly judge them? People always say, "Never judge a book by its cover," but with me, I can kind of get a feel of someone within the first 10 seconds. So a little story just to put this into context. We were in Spain a few years ago. We were at Johnny's mom's wedding. And I met this woman whose name I can't even remember. That's how insignificant she was. But I just immediately felt, as she gave me a hug, her bad energy. Like, she was bad.

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Bad news, and I knew it, but every single person that day was singing her praises. They were all dancing around with her and things. Everyone was buying her drinks. And I remember saying to Johnny at the end of the day that she was bad energy, and he even shrugged it off because he'd met her before. They'd, um, they'd been back to Johnny's mum's house back in Northern Ireland, and he'd met her there before, and she was really, really nice. And he said because, like, she was such a positive person, she was really vibrant, she was loud, she was the life and soul of the party, so everyone loved her. Anyway, to cut a long story short, She completely and utterly fucked Johnny's mom and stepdad over a few short weeks later, and she showed her true colors. I can't remember what happened, but they'd had a massive falling out with them. But she didn't just fall out with them, she fell out with the entire village where they live in Malaga. And I remember Johnny's mom saying to me, remember how you thought that she was bad energy? And I couldn't describe that either. It was just like that sense of knowing rather than waiting to find out the stone-cold hard facts myself, but I just knew inside and I could just feel that bad energy. And I honestly think that's why I'm so good at tarot and oracle readings. Like, not to blow me own trumpet, but every single time that I've read cards for people, they've always said how spot on I've been, or I've touched on areas where they haven't really talked about and they haven't really told anyone about. But every single time I've read it, they've said I've been spot on. So even check out the tarot section of me website, all the reviews are 5-star. I haven't had a negative one yet. I mean, touch wood, but I haven't had a single negative one yet, and I've read for a lot of people. But most recently, like, I don't know if you remember that cursed bloody Halloween last year when I crashed me car at Alton Towers. Anyway, the night before, me friend Sam had basically asked me to do her a tarot reading, so I obliged. I took me tarot cards with us anyway, so We sat together at the table, I pulled a few cards interpreting the messages, and I told her that there was going to be quite a life-changing event coming up in the very near future. I said it was going to be in the next few weeks rather than months, but I did tell her it wouldn't be a happy occurrence. I could see money shortly after, but this wasn't a happy experience, okay? There was a bit of turmoil. Just 2 weeks after doing this reading, Sam had the horrible news that her gran had sadly passed away. A week or so after that, she received inheritance money. I always say, like, the cards never lie, but now I'm more in the feeling that the information is channeled through me and my way of intuitively knowing. It's the same as when I do my mystery boxes of crystals on my website. I'll send them off, and a few days later, I'll get messages from customers telling us that they can't believe I've sent them a certain crystal because they've been thinking about buying one of them for ages. It's just a way of knowing. And I guess that's why I started to realize that I wasn't an empath. Like, empaths actually feel the emotion and they have no control or awareness over it, whereas clairsentients sense that feeling and emotion but have total control and awareness of the sensations and the situations. And that's definitely more me. I have control. I am aware of it. Okay, I feel like sometimes it's a bit of a curse too. And trigger warning here, I'm going to talk about death. So if you don't like, um, people talking about death or sadness or possibly crying, um, I was going to say hang up now, but you can't hang up, it's not a phone call, Martin. Um, end the podcast now because I am going to talk about death here. But hey ho. So like I say, I feel like sometimes it's a bit of a curse because there are times that I wish that I didn't have these feelings. So this was a few years ago now, I suddenly felt compelled to call Matt, who is one of my friends. I drove past his house on my way back from work, and I just felt the urge to call him. And I'm getting upset already, sorry. As I got stuck in traffic, me thoughts sharply turned to other things, and I quickly got on with other stuff. I got sidetracked, you know, as people do in life. But I'll never ever forgive meself for this. Um, A couple of days later, I received a call from one of me other friends, and he told me that Matt had been found in his house and he was dead. He'd been there for a couple of days, having taken his own life. And still to this day, I wonder what would have been if I had listened to that feeling inside and rang him, or nipped by his house and just knocked on the door. Like, questions go through me head all the time when I think about this, like, Would he still be alive? Would I have found him already dead? Was the feeling I got because his spirit was calling out to mine, or was the feeling I got because that was the time that he was doing it and he was like crying out for help? I'll never know, but that's something that I've got to come to terms with. And although the gift of knowing seems amazing, it's not all shiny and amazing at times. This happened again one night when we were out drinking in Newcastle. One of Johnny's friends didn't turn up, and I suddenly got a weird feeling when one of his other friends said that they'd tried calling him but they'd had no answer. And I said to Johnny, "I just hope he hasn't done anything silly," almost like I knew what had happened. And Johnny kind of looked back at us as if to say, like, he would never do anything like that. Fast forward 48 hours later, and I walked into our house All the lights were off and I was thinking, where's Johnny? And I went in the bedroom and he was distraught, lay in tears across the bed, and he'd received the news that his friend John had basically taken his own life. And my jaw hit the floor and I straight away said something like, oh my God, I saw this. And it really eats you up inside because in one sense, like when the photo frame of me Nana and Grandad caught my eye, I felt silly ringing them to check that they were okay, but then I've kind of learned now that I'd rather check on people and I'd rather feel stupid or silly than totally ignore it and something like this happen. So the last time that I ignored this feeling inside was probably the worst day of my life. It's coming up to 3 years now, and apologies if I get totally emotional here, but I tell this story quite a lot, and it still gets me emotional every time. I've briefly spoken about this before anyway, but my friend Amber went on Love Island and she left us in charge of all of her social media on the outside, and she made the final. And the day of the final, it was July 29th, 2019, we also got the keys to our current house. Amazing. I was ecstatic. And then for her to actually win Love Island 2019 was absolutely insane. So there I was at The Stack in Newcastle. If you don't know what The Stack is, it's like lots of little outdoor bars with a giant TV screen and a big stage in Newcastle. And there I am, seconds after she got crowned the winner over in wherever it's filmed, somewhere around Marbella or something. I was stood there crying my eyes out on the stage, thanking Newcastle for their support everyone clapping and cheering us, party cannons going off everywhere, and I suddenly got this hunch. The hunch that I always get when something bad happens. Something just felt wrong, but because of our house completing and because of Amber winning Love Island, I just thought it was my tummy doing somersaults with excitement and I ignored that hunch. I knew something was up, I could feel it, and I ignored it. So we got home, me and my partner Johnny, and we went to sleep. And the next morning I was woke up to my phone ringing constantly, and I kept on hanging up on it. I was hungover. I just thought it'd be some news reporter wanting the latest scoop, like they used to ring us off This Morning and BBC Breakfast and stuff like that, just wanting the latest scoop. And I thought they're just going to want to know how it felt to watch Amber win. And then I caught sight of the words "Mam Mobile" on my phone. It was me mam ringing us nonstop. And it suddenly hit us, and I sat upright and knew something was wrong before I even answered the call. I remember her crying as I answered it, and she said to me, "We didn't want to tell you last night because we knew how you were celebrating everything, but last night your granddad got took to hospital." and he died on the way there. And my entire world crumbled there and then. I can't remember the rest of that day, let alone the next few months. I honestly feel like— I felt like a zombie just walking around, like nothing had any meaning. Life didn't have any meaning. Nobody could say anything to us to cheer us up. It broke me completely in half. I would go in the bath and I would just lie in the bath and listen to music to try and cheer myself up, and I would just be staring at the ceiling. And all of a sudden I would snap back to reality and 4 hours would have passed, the water would be stone cold, my phone battery would have died, and I'm just still lay there in a trance. And like I say, that was the last time I ever ignored that feeling. So like I say, it can be a blessing, but it can also be a curse. But I've learned to just not ignore that hunch, and that's kind of what got me into spirituality. And if you've read my blog on my website about how I got into it and about me, or you've listened to the very first episode of this podcast, you'll know that's kind of what drove me into looking into crystal healing and stuff like that because I was so distraught. I'm going to leave it there just purely because although this is a story about my clairsentience, it's got a bit dark and a bit gloom and a bit dreamy, um, which isn't what I intended. It's a bit of a downer episode, this one, wasn't it? I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't mean for it to be, but I just wanted to explain to you because I get messages all the time, pretty much every day, from people asking if I can get a message from a dead loved one, or can I speak to spirits for them, or can I do a Ouija board, or all this. And the answer is no. I'm clairsentient, okay? It's taken me a good 20 years to realize that I'm not clairvoyant, I'm not clairaudient, I'm not psychic. I'm clairsentient, okay? I feel. Anyway, let's round that up there. Do apologize for crying as well. Um, if you want to drop me a message, you can contact me on TikTok or Instagram. Both my handles are @cannycrystals, and all links are in the show notes below. Don't forget, you can drop me a review or even just a rating. It doesn't have to be a 5-star, but it all takes less than like 10 seconds to do so on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and it really, really helps me out. It It pushes me podcast up the charts. It lets me be seen by others who are constantly finding me because I'm getting, what, 20 or 30 messages a week saying, just found your podcast this week and it's amazing. I love reading every single one of them. And it really pushes me on to carry on doing this. And I'm always truly thankful and grateful for everything that you do for me. So please leave a review or a rating. I love you. Let us know what you want to hear from next on the podcast, anything that I haven't covered before, anything that you want us to go into more detail about. Thank you so much for joining us again. I promise next week will be a bit more upbeat. Uh, go check out my website, cannycrystals.co.uk. Have a beautiful week. I'll see you all next Friday for another episode. Thanks guys, love you all. Bye!

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