044: Shielding your energy from negativity

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Hello everybody, I hope that you're all well. Thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Cani Crystals the podcast. How are you all? I never know why I ask that actually, because it's not like I can even hear your responses. Maybe I should, maybe, I don't know, do a séance and channel your answers. But yeah, this last week has been quite testing for me. Obviously last week I mentioned that I was moving into my new office and I like moved in a few things, you know, like my desks and things like that. But Johnny was away for the weekend, so I thought, oh, I'll have a go at moving everything. Without hiring a van, and I'll just use me car, and I'm just going to put everything in the car and go backwards and forwards to the office, 'cause it's only like 5 minutes down the road from my house. Anyway, I started on Friday lunchtime, and I continued to work until around 9 PM that night. Then the next morning on Saturday, I had to obviously pack orders, so that was quite chaotic because I hadn't unpacked any of the boxes that I'd taken down to the new office, and everything was bubble wrapped, everything was wrapped in newspaper, I was constantly opening boxes, trying to find out what people had ordered. Rookie error, I should have really labeled the boxes. I had over 40 boxes and pulling my hair out trying to do these orders. Anyway, I was constantly opening these boxes, trying to find out what people had ordered and trying to find like the items that they'd bought. And then I spent all day there Saturday until 7 PM, and then on Sunday I walked down with the dog and I spent from 9 AM till 6 PM sorting out all of me stock in its new home. So as you can imagine, shifting just over 900 kilograms of stock absolutely drained me, like, but it's over now. I'm in me new office. If you haven't seen it yet, go check out me Instagram story where I've just posted a video this morning, um, of the little transformation for my workspace. I'm so proud of it, like, I am actually quite proud of myself, and I know that sounds really, really sad. I got meself a little drill and I built everything meself as well. I've even hung the pictures, I've put the shelf on the wall. I'm kind of shook at how butch I could actually be. Like, I'm going to start drinking beer and going to football matches and punching horses. Um, but yeah, last Saturday you might have seen on my Instagram story as well that I went and test drove that Range Rover Velar that I've banged on about for the last year. I am determined to manifest it into my life, so I thought what better way to get onto the frequency of really feeling what it's like to drive one than to actually go and book a test drive. And believe me, like, this was such a good idea, if I do say so myself. And when I got there, I surrendered over me driving licence and my car keys, and I was handed the car keys to a brand new Range Rover Velar, and I was told that I could go out and about in it for about 30 minutes, I think they said. So obviously, after getting used to the controls and stuff like that, I could literally go wherever I wanted to. Half an hour's drive away, obviously. Now, I was a bit nervous because I drive a manual, you know, like with the gears and stuff like that, but most Range Rovers nowadays are automatic. And the last time I drove an automatic— I can't believe I'm about to tell you this story— but the last time I drove an automatic, it was to one of me friend Katie's hen party. Hi Katie, if you're listening! And we were all going to drive from Newcastle to Manchester. We were going to go paintballing, we had afternoon tea, and then we were going for a night out in Manchester. Manchester and then coming home the next day. And I offered to drive us all there in this huge minibus. I think there was about 16 of us. Anyway, everyone else was strapped in, ready to go, apart from the bride herself. And I pulled the minibus off the path, and I immediately automatically just went to change gear. But on an automatic, you don't have a clutch, you just got the brake and the acceleration pedal. So by me thinking that I was putting my foot on the clutch I'd slammed me foot into the brake. We came to an emergency stop, obviously, and because she didn't have a seatbelt on yet, she went flying through the middle aisle, completely smashed her face into the rearview mirror, like at the front, you know, on the windscreen. I mean, to say we were shook up for a good hour or two after that was an absolute understatement. I mean, we find it funny now, but that's why I'm nervous about automatics. I almost put a bride through the windscreen. Like a week before a wedding. Um, yeah, so back to my story anyway. I went quite off on a tangent there, didn't I? Um, I drove this Range Rover around the Silverlink in Newcastle, which is kind of like a busy retail park, and I went on the motorway and I took myself off down to the coast. And as I did, I wound the window down, I stuck on me sunglasses, I put the radio on. To be honest, it was 29 degrees and I must have looked like an absolute prick. But I was trying to get into the feeling of it being mine and belonging to me. So I'm like driving along, you know, with me elbow on the window and just like smiling away to meself with me sunnies on and good music playing. I had Beyoncé on actually. And when I got back to the dealership, I took photos of everything. And here's the key part, okay? So this is the game changer. I made sure that every single photo that I took had like something of mine in it. So, like, my arms and me hands in them, or, like, I took a photo of the pedals with my feet on them. So, for example, like, I took a photo of the dashboard with me hands on the steering wheel. I took selfies of meself pretending to drive it too. In fact, I think if I'd had a bit more time, I probably would've drove it home and, I dunno, took a photo of it outside of me house, do you know what I mean? Like, on my drive. And I think that's just such a good idea, like, So now I've got these photos of this gorgeous car with my own hands and arms in them, and obviously my arm, I've got a big sleeve tattoo, so I know that's my arm. So that's now loads easier for me to now visualize what it would be like to put me hands around that steering wheel and physically drive it. And like I say, this is such a powerful thing to do because it really brings your manifestations to life. And you know what I always say about using your senses and stuff like that? It gives you the drive and the fire and the passion to then go and achieve it, to have this as your end goal. So when I got back home, I was scrolling through me photos on me phone, and I honestly felt on such a high that I'd got to drive this car, and it's really made me want it even more now. So I reserved one. I put down £500, 'cause that's how much it is for a reserve fee. It's fully refundable, so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna do this, bite the bullet. And I thought, that is my, what's it called, like a significant offering to the universe. That I'm willing to do anything to get this car. But the waiting time for them is anywhere between 12 to 15 months. So I'm now in the queue, okay? But I honestly don't want to pay that ridiculous monthly payment for it, and I have no intention of paying that ridiculously month— monthly payment for it. So I'm trusting that the universe is going to deliver another method of me wanting this Range Rover Velar while I'm waiting on it to be built. Now, 12 to 15 months is a long time. I've manifested so much more within that time parameter. So yes, it's exciting that I've reserved one, but I'm really waiting on the universe to deliver me this curveball. I'm not saying that I want something for nothing. I'm not saying that, you know, like, I'm gonna just win it and expect it for free and expect the universe to give me it for free. But you never know, like, I might make enough money in sales like I did when I— like, a couple of episodes ago when I made £30,000 in 30 days. I might have another month like that where I'm able to be like, okay, I'm now able to put down quite a hefty deposit, and that brings that monthly payment down or something like that, you know what I mean? So I'm waiting for the universe to deliver me this curveball. But apart from that, I've not really had time to do much else this week, so my personal life's been pretty fucking boring, if I'm honest. But anyway, going back to my Instagram story, this is what I want to base today's episode around, okay? So, if you saw my story last Friday, I think it was, actually yes, it was Friday, I put on some screenshots of just some of the messages that I get in a typical day. And usually I wouldn't screenshot and share because most of the neg— like, the messages I get are negative. And I just kind of get on with them and deal with them, but I just wanted to explain why I'm so busy responding to messages, because I do get maybe 100 to 150 DMs to emails every single day. Honestly, it's a full-time job in itself, and people don't expect just one-word answers back. And if you do give them a one-word answer back, sometimes they put things like "rude" or question marks, and I'm like, okay. So anyway, the first message was really in relation to a post that my social media girls had put out on my behalf, and it was just selling my Crystal Masterclass online workshop. And someone had sent quite a lengthy message in response to the Instagram story that they'd put on, saying that selling this product was, in her words, disgusting. Okay, she said that all information about crystals is readily available on Google and that I was just trying to make money down any single avenue I could find. Obviously, honey, I'm trying to run a business, do you know what I mean? Things don't pay for themselves. The electricity and gas is so expensive, things don't pay for themselves. But anyway, initially when I was reading this message, I was quite triggered in the first few seconds. I felt quite mad, but sharply within seconds, I instantly snapped back and I went into that protective bubble of protecting my energy. I knew that deep down this customer clearly has some severe money blocks, and this was more of a reflection of her and how she felt about paying for a service. And I sat and asked myself why nobody else, including people that had done the workshop, Why weren't they complaining about having to pay for it? Why does the course still have 5-star reviews then? And this all came down to this message being her perception, okay? Like I say, her having severe money blocks and issues clearly. So I sent quite a lengthy response back, and in hindsight, I probably should have just said something like, "No problem, it's not for you, and that's fine." But I went into real depth, and that's kind of used up some of my energy, and in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done that. But I went into real depth about what the course involves, what the benefits are, what you'd actually learn on the course, the meditation that's included, the video footage that I've recorded, the exclusive discount code you receive, all that jazz. And I spoke about how I put the course together, how it had taken just over a month to pull all the information together. Then it probably took around another month to record the video footage, to create the meditation, to record the meditation. To look at platforms to host the workshop, to configure how to send it to someone instantly when they purchase it, all the behind the scenes stuff that people don't realise. And she told me that she would never ever buy from me again because I was disgusting. Disgusting for trying to teach people information and facts. I mean, would she walk into a school or a college and say that to a teacher? Probably not. But at the end of the day, I get what she's saying, and yes, she's right. Everything that's taught in my masterclass is available for free online. But then where does that end? So isn't every other single fact, every other thing in the world? Next time you go on holiday, why bother paying for a flight? You can watch a YouTube video and build yourself a plane and then learn how to fly it on Google. Yeah? So yeah, to protect my energy from this, as soon as I felt myself in that angry confronted mode while I was reading the message, I caught myself. Okay, so it's almost like I'm looking at this situation from a third person or a fly on the wall's perspective. And when I caught myself, that stopped me from getting more angry, and I thought, okay, this is a situation, it's about to blow up, I'm about to get really angry and heated. So I put my phone down for a few seconds, I closed my eyes, I took a few deep breaths. That just allowed me to remember that everyone's entitled to an opinion. Things that you do aren't for everyone, the same as what people say isn't for everyone. Not everybody is going to feel the same way about everything in life. And like I say, every single person is entitled to an opinion. So I had to sharply recognise that this girl clearly has money blocks. I mean, £30 for the course that I charge, that's not much in the grand scheme of things. I mean, I paid £1,500 for Denise Duffield-Thomas's Money Bootcamp. And I also paid £2,000 for Jude's Unbreakable Mindset course. And I mean, I wonder what she would message them if she knew that. So that was the first message of the day that I had to deal with, okay? Then shortly after this, I shared another message from someone, and she basically complained that she hadn't received her package. So I looked at her order information, 'cause I can see everything. I can see when she ordered, how many, like, times she attempted, like, checkout, that kind of thing, what codes she used, when I packed it. When it was collected and scanned by Royal Mail. I can literally see everything, okay? So I looked at the order information. She had ordered something, I think it was like 10 PM on the Tuesday night, and we were now on the Friday morning, 9 AM. So as she'd obviously ordered late Tuesday night, I'd packed the order first thing Wednesday morning. It was collected at lunchtime, I think about 12:30. So realistically, it had only been in the postal system for one full day, and she was chasing where it was. So I had a look, And I explained to her that she had chosen standard post and that second class was usually 3 to 5 days on average. And she came back at me with, "Second class? I paid £3.50." So of course, as soon as I saw that message, I screamed inside. I took a deep breath and I responded, letting her know that Royal Mail actually charged £3.30 for second class and that the other 20p that she'd got charged was kind of her contribution towards the 60p box that her items were in, the packaging, the bubble wrap, the zigzag paper, the fragile stickers, the Canny Crystal sticker, the sellotape, the thank you card, the crystal care card, the incense stick, my time taken to pack it, as well as the address label printed. And I don't think she'd actually taken all that into consideration because, I mean, sometimes it takes 10-15 minutes to pack an order, especially if there's like quite a lot of them and it's like in a box. And hers was a one that was in a box, so obviously you've got to make the box, if you've got you've got to pack the box, um, efficiently with making sure that nothing's going to get broken, bubble wrap everything. It can take 10-15 minutes. Even 10-15 minutes on minimum wage is about £2.50. She paid 20p. Yeah, so again, this was more of a reflection on her not wanting to pay postage prices. But I'm not Royal Mail, and unfortunately I'll never be. I'm also not Amazon Prime. I don't have my own courier service, but you know, canny Crystal cabs in the working. Um, but no, in all seriousness, I genuinely think we've all been spoiled by Amazon next day delivery. Because I mean, next day delivery with Royal Mail costs around £9 depending on the weight of the product, obviously, but it's usually on average about £9. But again, this all came down to her perception and this customer thinking that I was kind of, I don't know, pocketing her £30.50 and running away with it. And I guess it was her kind of not understanding the work behind the scenes again to get a parcel out in time and the cost implications of that. And what was actually funny was that in the hour it took me to respond to her, I could see on the tracking that her parcel had actually arrived and it was with her. So anyway, the last example, and don't worry, this is all going somewhere. I just want to share these examples first so that we can talk about it. But I got a message about how— this was an email as well. This, I think it was just like Friday afternoon. I got an email about how one of my products in particular is severely overpriced. All because this customer had seen it in another shop for a lot cheaper. And I admit it was a lot cheaper, the photograph that she sent me. But this one got to me quite a lot, if I'm honest, because she said that I had intentionally scammed her and she had put all of her trust and faith into me, and now she was never going to buy from me ever again. She'd spent £200 with me in the last month and she wasn't even going to listen to the podcast anymore. So I had to kind of bite my tongue and just explain how until this week I'd been fully working from my home office, therefore I didn't really have the luxury of purchasing in bulk and bulk buying so that I could get a better deal and cheap prices because I just had no storage space. I mean, when you think about it, until this week I've been working from the spare room in our house. I also mentioned about how crystal quality differs between sellers, and the crystals I stock are always of decent quality. I never go for the cheapest. I sometimes go for the best, it depends on what crystal it is, because sometimes it's not that much more expensive to buy them in, but I would never go for the cheapest, and I always feel like I would like to spend a little more for the crystal to look and feel nicer than kind of a dull one full of natural bumps and lumps. But anyway, I then explained to her the different fees I get charged per transaction from Shopify, PayPal, Clearpay, Klarna, Visa, and then kind of taking into account discount codes, uh, how much crystal prices fluctuate from the point of buying such as, let's go with moldavite for example. So when I first started with crystal healing, I remember seeing moldavite for £5 a piece, and now that same size piece could cost in excess of £100. Like, it's just crazy, but it all goes by supply and demand just like anything else does. Look at Lerpak, for example. You know how much Lerpak fluctuated? It's nearly 200% of what it— what it's actually worth now. Some shops are like having it for £7 or £8 when it's usually only £3.50. Yeah, it's all supply and demand. But anyway, when I looked at the item she was talking about, yes, it was a lot cheaper where she'd bought it, but I explained that the profit margin for that specific crystal was £8, okay? So meaning I listed it for £8 more than I bought it for. She used a 10% discount code, therefore she got £4 off straight away, and out of the £4 left, I had to then take off the Clearpay fee, the Shopify transaction fee, and the VAT that I had to pay. I think I came out of the whole transaction with just over £2. So, you know, all of this fuss for £2? Was that worth it in the greatest, like, the grander scheme of things? You know what I'm saying? This was the turning point for me to realize that you can cater for many, but you can't cater for everyone. So those are 3 examples that I shared last Friday, and I get a lot more every single day, like I say. Very similar to those. And all of these responses obviously take up a lot of mental energy, as you can imagine. Not just time, but my energy as well. So what I want to talk about is how do we deal with this and still have that smile on our face at the end of the day? And the answer is right there. We smile. Okay? When you smile, your brain releases tiny molecules called neuropeptides that helps to fight off stress. And then you kind of, your other neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, they will all come into play as well, okay? So the endorphins kind of act as a mild pain reliever. The serotonin is kind of an antidepressant. And it's even said that smiling can kind of help us recover faster from stress. It'll reduce our heart rate. It might even be worth your while to just fake a smile and see where it gets you because there's evidence that forcing a smile can still bring you that boost in your mood and your happiness level. And that's such an important start to protecting yourself. It might seem quite sinister to be reading a message of kind of negativity and hate and sat there smiling away like the Joker, but seriously, it works, okay? And just like I did when I turned away for a few deep breaths like I was saying earlier, you need to know that you don't need to respond right away to whatever hits you right in the feels, okay? That can act as an energy zapper. In fact, it's probably best if you just let your emotions cool down before you try to respond, because that way you're able to ensure that you don't add fuel to the fire, okay? You're not responding to the situation like angrily. You're responding with a level head. I think in situations that drain you as well, you've got to be quite inquisitive. You've got to ask yourself, why did you feel like that? Why did those emotions come up for you? Okay, you've got to question why that person has gone out of their way to send you a message like they have, questioning what you're doing. Okay, so more times than not, it's because they don't understand the process, and I get that. That's fine because they don't work for you. Some people really are clueless about how parcels get to them or how shops get their stock. You know what I mean? They literally buy something online. It's the same as I did before. You buy something online, you don't think of all the twists and turns of how it actually physically gets to you. You don't think about it going to the post office, the post office sorting it into piles, someone collecting it from the post office, it going to a sorting office, it going through by postcode, getting separated out to different delivery offices. The amount of work that's involved is actually crazy, okay? But simply by being aware of your feelings, I think you can reduce the irritability pretty much instantly. And it's such an important thing to do. When you're aware of your own feelings and emotions, that's when you can start to protect your energy rather than just wasting it on these stressful situations. So I tend to fly to my happy place in my head as well, and I know loads of you do this already, but this is another way of protecting and conserving your energy, and it's just to visualise your happy place in your head. It takes a few moments to do, it's free, you can just do it sat at your desk, you can do it wherever you are. Obviously don't do it while you're driving because you do need to close your eyes, but with your eyes closed, just visualise yourself on that beach. Or in that bed, or, you know, in that special place, or driving that Range Rover, whatever bliss is to you, it really recharges your battery instantly, okay? And it makes you focus on the here and now. And another thing I do is to create a little sanctuary, okay? So my sanctuary and safe place away from my desk was always my garden. Obviously, moving into this office, I'm going to have to find a new place, but there's plenty in this building. But yeah, my safe place away from my desk at home was my garden. So when I got messages like that, I would go and make a cup of tea, take myself out the situation, and I would just go and sit in the garden for 5 minutes just to chill, let the feelings go and kind of wash through me body so that they're gone and they're not draining me any longer. And like I say, it's all about living in the moment, okay? So mindfulness is a great technique to use in times like this. Because all of our worry stems from what will happen next. Okay, that's what we, that's what we think about all the time. What will happen next? We wonder what the next situation will be, how it's going to unfold, how it's going to affect us, and the impact that it's going to have on us. And that causes unnecessary stress because you're not just living through a situation, you're preempting that situation and you're going through it in your head but then you're having to live through it as well, so you're technically going through that situation twice if it does happen. But 9 times out of 10, we take things out of context. We worry about things that will never ever come to fruition, things that will never ever happen, and we worry about that so much. So when we use mindfulness, we sit in the present moment instead of concentrating on the future and what will be, or even sitting in the past thinking about what you should have done or what you should have said. So sitting in the present moment is the best thing you can do for your body. Honestly, it's an absolute game changer. So in my sessions with Jude, me life coach, everything I was worried about when I first started seeing her, she would kind of sit down and say, "Okay, but is that worry a fact or is it perception?" And 9 times out of 10, it would be total perception, okay? And everything I was worried about, what would happen, kind of, rather than what had actually happened. And coming to terms with this and using that little question in everyday life, that's really changed the way that I look at situations and my outlook and the way that I react to them. And don't get us wrong, like maybe a year ago, if anyone had sent me those kind of messages, I probably would have packed Connie Crystals in on the spot and sent them a nasty message back, kind of like, "You caused all of this," or something like that, to kind of get back at them and kind of get one over them. But honestly, it's more of a reflection on them than it is on you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner your life will change. So when something happens to you next time and you feel like that sinking feeling in your chest, just remember to breathe. Remember to take yourself away for a few moments, enter your head, go to your sanctuary space, bring yourself to the present moment, and just question if what they're saying is factual, as in, is it the truth, or is that just their perceived view? Okay, and when you come to realize that it's actually their view, it honestly will not affect you half as much as it would normally. You've got to stop thinking about what other people think about you, okay? Especially if you've got your own business, you've got to have such a thick skin because you're putting yourself out there technically for people to comment on your work and people to comment on everything that you're doing and stuff like that. So once you realize that's their view and you don't really care about their negative view, it honestly won't affect you half as much as it would normally. Obviously, if it was constructive feedback and constructive criticism, you can always take that on board because that's not intentionally negative, okay? Whereas these messages that I sometimes get are intentional, okay? They're not constructive. There's nothing constructive about them. And I won't lie, I've actually had worse messages since last Friday, but I'm not about the drama. All I'm trying to do is help other people, so I'm not feeding into this negativity, okay? I'm just letting them slide by. And I know that I've also already done a previous episode on protecting your energy in full as well, so if you want to check that out, find out more, go check out that episode. Pretty sure it's like episode 28 or 24, something like that. And I guess I have nothing else to say this week to you other than it's Thursday night, 9 PM, I'm sleepy. I said that I wasn't going to work from home, I forgot to record my podcast so I had to just record it from home. I don't usually go to bed until about midnight but my God, I am shattered. What a week. So I think I'm gonna head to bed. But yeah, feel free to drop me a DM on Instagram or TikTok at my profile which is @cannycristals. Please leave a quick review on this podcast as well, wherever you're listening from. It's free for you to do so. It takes no longer than 10 to 15 seconds. Please, please, please. I will love you forever, and it really, really helps us out. And anyway, I'm going to see you all next week when it's supposed to pour down with rain all week. I'm burnt to the ginger crisp that I am from all this sun, so I'll quite happily welcome that rain with open arms. Anyway, I'll see you next week for another episode of Candy Crystals the podcast. Have a beautiful week, everyone. Bye!