081: Calm space, calm mind, ft. Emily Patricia Fae

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Cani Crystals, the podcast. My name is Mart, I'm your host, and this week I'm joined by another fabulous guest. So I first met her at an event last month and we chatted, we just got on straight away. We ended up even sitting next to each other for the whole event. I mean, lucky her, Christ, sat next to me for 2 whole days. And the reason I've got her on the show is that her line of work is just so interesting. So I'll let her introduce herself shortly, but just please give a very warm welcome to Emily Patricia Fair. Emily, how are you?

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

Yeah, I'm very good. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Oh, thank you for having me.

You're very welcome. Um, so Emily, would you like to just basically start by introducing yourself to the listeners and, you know, telling us a bit about your spiritual journey so far and how you are where you are today?

Yes, yes, of course. So, um, I run Calm Space Calm Mind, and I am a Connemara consultant professional organizer. I do home staging and energetic home healing, and I'm even training to be a Feng Shui consultant. So I'm looking at homes from every different angle. And my, my spiritual journey— so I was always into woo-woo on the surface, but my, my journey, it was a little bit like you, Mart. It was a bit of a traumatic experience. So my first daughter was was diagnosed with leukemia as a baby, and, um, she, she had a very rare form of leukemia, and she had to have a stem cell transplant. We were in hospital for months and months, and we just come out of hospital, and then my mum tragically passed away, um, very suddenly. And, um, I was also at this point heavily pregnant with my second daughter. Um, literally, she was born, uh, 1 or 2 weeks after my mom passed away. So, um, yeah, and obviously that all sent me into a crazy, um, whirlwind of grief and not knowing what to do with my life and, and where I was in the world. It had always been just me and my mom, um, my whole life. So her not being there anymore was like, ah, what do I do now? And I started working with a lady who, she was a sleep consultant actually. So on top of having leukemia, my daughter also never slept, which was fabulous. So I started working with this lady who really helped us, but she was also an energetic healer and she really introduced me to energy work. And I'd always been into crystals and things, but she helped me to connect with them on a deeper level, um, and to really start looking at Law of Attraction, mindset, mindfulness, um, and really about how everything is energy and how that all impacts, um, how we move forward in life and how we cope with things. So Yeah, I then had a bit of a mental health breakdown when I was pregnant with my third daughter. And in that time, I really— so I hit a bit of a low and I was unable to leave my house. I couldn't speak to anyone. And I was later diagnosed with autism, which really helped me again with my healing journey and to understand who I am. And I, I just went deeper and deeper into energies and a lot of past life regression and a lot of really looking deeper into how I could support myself energetically and how that was manifesting physically for me in me not being able to speak, problems with my throat chakra, and me not being able to leave the house because I was just so impacted by the energies of other people. And Yeah, I, I started working a lot with, um, crystals has always been like the thing that I'm, I'm really drawn to. And, um, and I also, um, work a lot with angels. And since then I've really connected with fairies, which everyone's like, fairies, what's that? But, um, that's what the energy that I really connect with. So I have to be really careful because I float away a lot. And I have to really ground myself a lot. So I then went on and I discovered Marie Kondo. And I have always thought of myself as this really chaotic, messy, crazy person who can't hold down a job, can't hold down life, can't ever like keep tidy and stuff. And I was like, surely this lady can't help me. Surely this, like, decluttering, this isn't, this isn't going to— I know she says it works for everyone, but it's not going to work for me. But I did it anyway, and I was so surprised at how much it supported my continuing healing on, like, another deeper level. And, um, just, I was so unaware of how much I still hadn't let go of.

Yeah.

Even even though I'd done ridiculous amounts of work. And I'd done that on myself, but I'd forgotten about the physical stuff that I had around me and how much that was impacting my life. And it was just so huge for me that I was like, I have to share this with other people. Like, I just can't keep this a secret. Um, and Yeah, I just, it's been such a huge impact for me. And I, I know there's so many people out there that would feel like me and think, well, no, I'm, I'm just chaotic. And that's, you know, I can't ever get on top of things. And don't get me wrong, although I am a Professional Organiser and KonMari Consultant, doesn't mean that my house is like a show home. I have 3 young children and, you know, it gets it gets a bit crazy at times, but I, I don't— I now can pull it back whenever I need to, and I can create that calm.

Yeah.

And I just loved— I really connected with Marie in the sense of how spiritual she is, and she really— she talks about the energy of the home, and she's so respectful of working with the home and blessing the home and all of our things that we let go of, of thanking them and being grateful for what they have provided for us, rather than just, oh, I don't need this anymore, chuck it away, or like, oh, this is useless to me, but really feeling into that gratitude. And I just loved that because, um, it just really ties in with all of, um, what I, I believe in and what has really helped me on my journey. And it's just, um, another, another aspect. I was listening to, to one of your podcasts about, um, you know, there's, there's so many different elements that we need to be thinking about all the time. You know, it's not just doing one thing and thinking that then everything's gonna be rosy and wonderful for us. And, um, our homes and our spaces sometimes get forgotten because we don't have, have the time or the energy for it. So for me, I really love being able to work with people on that level and really help them to create those spaces and continue their healing journey in that way. Sorry, I've waffled a bit.

No, no, you haven't at all. And I mean, I think it's all really relevant as well. But I just want to start by saying thank you for sharing that story because a lot of what you said will resonate with other people. And even going right back, like, I knew your diagnosis of autism because you shared it with me at the event, but I didn't know half of your backstory and things like that and about your daughters and your, you know, you're like mental health issues and things like that. So it's really interesting because a lot of people will resonate with that. So thank you so much for sharing. And obviously my one of my biggest questions was about being a KonMari consultant, what that actually involved. But now that you've explained it, I have spoke about Marie Kondo on the show before. And I have spoke about, you know, Tidying Up on Netflix and things like that. And you're right, she's just so grateful, isn't she? And it's like, rather than just chucking an item out, she will show sheer gratitude and basically like feel the appreciation for what it's brought us, even if it's just a t-shirt or an old pair of socks. It served its purpose. And I think the, the amazing thing about this as well is this episode goes out on the Friday the 5th of May. And it's actually a full moon, and full moons are all about release work. So I think this is the perfect— yeah, it's the perfect episode for today. So yeah, thank you for sharing that. So what I kind of want to know is, what are some of the common challenges that your clients face when kind of decluttering their homes? Because I've done it myself, I've decluttered, um, I've gone through like feng shui principles because straight away you can see my front door to my back door, I've got a shotgun house as they call it. And obviously the energy goes, flows straight through the front door, straight out the back door, you know, like, how can you help people when you go in their homes? How do you overcome those challenges?

So I think one of the biggest challenges for people is the letting go and the change, which I can really relate to because being autistic, change is like, ah, yeah. So I I really take the gentle approach, and that's, um, the, the KonMari method is, is very gentle in that way, and it's all about starting with, um, the easiest things, the things that people have the least attachment to. So Marie has her, um, her system is you start with clothes and then you move on to books, then paperwork, then kimono, which is basically everything else, and then you leave sentimental things till last, um, because you hone your, um, joy-checking skills, um, during that time. So, but I try to take that a bit further in the sense of— so I had a client whose clothes meant a lot to them.

Yeah.

Um, they had— they were at the stage of their life where they were He'd finished with his business, so he was sort of retiring, and all of his clothes were all these designer suits and things that he was never going to wear again, but it was a huge thing for him to let go. So we didn't start with clothes. Um, we started with, um, books and papers, which was much easier for him, and we went back to clothes at a later date. So it's all about, um, understanding where people are finding it difficult. Um, a lot of people get stuck in the what-if conundrum. So, you know, we hold on to so many things because we're like, but what if, what if I need it again? What if this happens? Or what if that happens? And my God, I do it all the time, so I can completely relate. Um, but that's the biggest challenge to, um, to really help people with. And I think we, we all have this tendency to feel like we're being frivolous if we let go of things, that particularly where there's a lot of pressure where, you know, you should reuse and recycle and you shouldn't, you know, all fast fashion and all of those kind of things that we're like, oh well, if I keep this because one day I might be able to reuse it for something else rather than throw it away and whatever. And, and I, and I totally get that because I'm, you know, I'm all for being ecological and not just, just chucking stuff away, but that also can keep us stuck. And if we stay stuck, we can't move forward and fulfill our, our true life's purpose, which could be to do something really spectacular and to really help people. So you're holding on to this stuff because you're like, oh, I don't want to be wasteful, but actually you're wasting your true life's purpose. So I try and get people to really focus on their vision of their ideal life and what they want their life to look like, what they want their home to look like. And then we can always keep going back to that vision and going, well, yeah, but where does this item fit into this vision? Where does all this clutter— how is staying how you are now going to help you get to where you want to be? And I think when people are focused on a goal, it's so much easier to achieve because decluttering is hard. The motivation is hard.

Yeah.

It's not an easy thing to do.

No, I was going to say that because my mum is, and she's a self-confessed hoarder, seriously, like she will keep tubs and boxes and things like that. Even like there was a couple of boxes that I unpacked here last week and they were huge boxes and I thought, I can't use them. For anything. I'm just going to flat pack them, put them in the recycling. And my mom went, no, no, I'll take them. And I said, what for? They'll go in the shed for something. And I thought, why? Like, why? But yeah, since I moved into my own home, because I used to have 2 to 3 wardrobes and it was full of t-shirts that I'd grown out of that I'd had for like 10 years. And I thought, why am I even keeping that? And I just felt a kind of connection to them because I'd only worn them a couple of times, but they were just sat there in the wardrobe and I just thought, am I ever going to wear these again? No. Do, do I even fit into them anymore?

No.

And then my brain goes straight to the point of, but what if one day I will? Or what if one day I do? And that's why I kept stuff. So, um, you'll be happy to know I'm down to one wardrobe now, and I'm down to, uh, 3 drawers rather than 8 drawers of jeans. I am working on it. And that is just clothes as well. But with books, um, I don't tend to store books or paperwork because I always see it like— I used to work in the NHS, and the NHS, as you can imagine, it was just overrun with paperwork.

Yeah.

So whenever I said, if something is on a computer system and it's saved in the cloud or something like that, why do we need the papers? And that's one of my biggest downfalls. Um, well, it's one of my greatest things actually, because I, I brought in so many things, rules in the NHS where basically within my teams I kept saying, let's be a paperless team and not print things unnecessarily and stuff like that, you know what I mean? So How do you work with your clients to kind of determine what they should and shouldn't keep? Is it just the, you know, the spark joy or, you know, like what would you associate with items that you should keep or items that you should just discard?

Yeah. So I mean, one of the lovely things about Marie's philosophy is, is that there are no shoulds in it. There's no sort of rules like, oh, you can only keep 30 books or you can only do this. But the one rule that there is is that it needs to spark joy. And how— because people go, yeah, but what, what, how do I know if it sparks joy for me? So that's one of the first things we work on is, is how, where do you feel joy? What, um, so we, we find items that they know really do bring a lot of joy to them, and we get them to hold those items so that they can then think about how it makes them feel in their body and stuff like that. So every item, um, we ask them to, to hold first so that they can, um, really connect and feel that joy. But then when it comes to things, um, like paperwork, which is just purely practical, um, I mean, there's some paperwork that obviously can bring joy, but, um, is we talk about what other ways things can bring us joy. So say it's, um, you know, the deeds to your house. Yeah, don't throw those away. My friend did that and by accident, and that's quite an ordeal to try and get them back. So, but obviously the joy is that you own your own home, and so you want to keep those papers because they do— when you look at them, it brings you joy. Yeah. Um, and also there's things that practically you need. So, you know, um, a toilet brush isn't going to fill you with joy, but if it allows you to keep your toilet clean, then it does bring you joy. Um, so it's, it's kind of thinking outside of the box as well. Um, with, with regards— I mean, paperwork is, is the hardest one. Um, because people are like, oh, but you know, 'What if I need this again?' Like, my mother-in-law has every bank statement ever that she's ever, ever had, and every receipt as well for everything she's ever bought.

And this is so weird because my mom, she started getting paperless statements. She went to the bank and they said they couldn't switch the paperless statements back on, so she goes every month to get them printed and then files them. And I'm like, you've got the banking app on your phone, woman.

Yes.

I know, it blows my mind. Yeah, my mother-in-law's like, but I have to have this receipt from 20 years ago because what if something goes wrong with that item? I don't want to take it back. Really? I just— yeah. So it can be difficult to kind of get people to understand, and I think that's okay if they're not ready.

Yeah.

Then, then that's okay as well. And it's about just, you know, maybe they want to, to let go of just maybe anything that's from the '80s, and then maybe we might work something from the '90s. And, and you just, you just do it. It's at everyone's pace. If they're not ready, then that's fine, that, that's their choice. Yeah. Um, but a, a great place to start with paperwork if you really want to to get it down is all the manuals and things.

Yeah.

Because let's face it, right? If something goes wrong with one of your items, where do you go first?

Google, YouTube.

Yeah, exactly. You don't go to your files and look out the manual. No one does that. So why keep those? Because they're all available online. And the one thing we have to be careful with when we put everything online though is also decluttering our online spaces. And, um, that's a part of where, um, we as consultants are kind of working with Marie to sort of start looking at bringing in that digital element a lot more. Because obviously when she first started, it wasn't such a huge thing in like decluttering books. A lot of people don't have books now because they only have them on Kindle. And things like that. But even then, it's about— we don't realize how much our digital stuff keeps us stuck energetically as well. And having a really good clear out digitally is huge as well.

It's funny because a couple of weeks ago, I've got an app called Manifest with Mart Tweedy, and in my membership group, we actually did a 7 days of decluttering challenge. And on the first day, pretty much everyone went through and they were like, I'm going to do a digital detox and a digital declutter. And they literally went through and someone had something like 30,000 emails and she said these are going back like 10 years or something. So she literally clicked select all and delete all because she was like, if I haven't needed it in the last 10 years, I'm not going to need it now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's— oh my gosh, I was like buzzing. I was like high as hell.

Um, yeah, that is brilliant. Yeah.

What would you say for someone, for example, though, when it comes to sentimentality? Because I've got a few items that belong to my late granddad, for example, and I don't want to really declutter those, although they are just sat in drawers randomly across the house and things like that. Do you know what I mean? Like, how do you declutter something that's so sentimental to you as a person?

Yeah, so The first thing with items that are sentimental is, you know, there are no rules with it, you know. If you need to keep it for whatever reason and if it brings joy to you, then that's okay and give yourself permission to do that. I think, well, where I try to work with my clients is if you're choosing to keep something, then don't keep it in a drawer. What's that mean? Like, have it out to bring that joy to you. Create it, you know, bring it into your space as something that you can see every day and you can enjoy. Because items are there to— they want to serve their purpose. So if they're stuck in drawers and things, you're not connecting with them and they're not fulfilling their their purpose in your life. So, um, I, I have a lot of resources for people where they can have items made into cushions, or, um, like, there's people that, like, do all sorts of things now, um, with people's items. So you can repurpose them.

Yeah.

Um, particularly clothes, but also, um, other items that you can create displays with, or it's really nice like to get box frames and put things in and create like a, um, a nice display in that way as well.

Um, I even saw online there was like these acrylic pyramids, I think it was, and someone had put like bracelets and jewelry and things inside them and they set into these little pyramids and then they put them on the shelf and it's got like the jewelry on. I think I might do something like that because I have got my granddad's, um, watch and his ring and they are just sat there. And I'll never wear them personally because they're not to my taste, but I don't want to get rid of them. I mean, the watch has even stopped working, but I don't want to get rid of it, you know what I mean? Because it means something to me.

Yeah, they create something beautiful out of it that you can then see every day and enjoy and, and allow that, um, allow that to spark joy for you. That, that's the most important thing with sentimental items. And, and also Just knowing that if you limit the number, that you'll actually benefit more from that. Cause it's quite scary, you know, and, um, I was my mum's only daughter, so I had the pick of everything and it was like, oh my God, what do I, what do I get rid of? And, you know, it took me years to whittle it down. Um, and I think that's, that's the thing as well. It depends where you are along the grief process because, you know, um, when we're— it's, it's more raw, you need to keep more items, and that, that is really important for some people, um, and you, you mustn't rush that process. But, um, when you're ready, the fewer items you have, the more that you can connect and the more that they can, can bring you joy and comfort. So, um, definitely it's thinking outside the box and finding ways to to, to get enjoyment from those items, not just keep them purely for, um, you know, yeah, for the— because you should. Yeah, yeah.

So when it comes to, you know, like, because most people live with other people, like you live with your children, I live with my partner and dog, that must be quite difficult then. Because say, for example, I like declutter the bedroom and I'll chuck everything out of the drawers and things like that. What effect does it have on you then when your partner or your kids are massive hoarders? And I'm saying this because mine is. What do you do in those sort of circumstances?

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Is like, is that affecting your energy? Or because it's obviously still within the house, or is it just a case of explaining to your partner what you're going to do and working with them together?

Yeah, I mean, clutter in a home will always have an effect on the energy of the home, and that's something that we can't avoid. Um, obviously items that don't belong to you will have less of an impact on your personal energy and are less likely to keep you stuck because then they're not connected to you in the same way. Um, the way that I— the biggest thing when you're living with other people is, um, is showing the way to do it. So you are— you do it and they will follow. It may take them a long time, but they will, um, they will see the benefits. And it's surprising how much of an impact you can have on people just by showing them how it's having a positive impact for you, and they will feel that around the home. And it's almost better to not sort of have those conversations, because sometimes when you have the conversations, people are like, oh, they're feeling attacked, and they get really defensive, and they can get, you know, they can cling to their items even more. But if you're like, look, you keep whatever you want, you know, you do you, but this is how I'm gonna do things, and in the communal spaces, this is how I would like it to be, then they will eventually come on board because the way a home feels when you do that decluttering process, and when they see that you're never fumbling around trying to find your keys or not knowing where anything is, they're going to be like, "I want a bit of that," and it will, it will slowly will have an effect. I had a client who, so I started with her, she just wanted me to do her dressing room, but we ended up doing her whole house, and her husband really wasn't on board in the beginning, and he was like, "Why are you wasting your money? This is just ridiculous," and then he, off his own back, went and decluttered his, he had like a room for him, and that had been a music room, and it just got so cluttered, and he decluttered it, and he was playing his guitar again, and creating music. And it was just amazing because he saw what an impact it had and, um, and how just putting that time in really helps. So, and particularly with children as well, you know, children copy. So if you show them how to, to do things, then they, they will follow and they will, will learn to do it. It may take time. Still learning, but you know, they get there in the end.

So once that initial KonMari process has been completed, how do you kind of maintain that your clients keep this organized and clutter-free home then? Do you have like a follow-up plan, or is it something that we should be kind of reviewing every 6 months or 3 months or every year?

Yeah, so this is where I, I differ slightly from, um, Marie. Don't say that, should I? Um, because— and I think that she, um, she is realizing this as well now, particularly, um, with the birth of her third child. Is so originally that she created the process so that you never had to do it again, and by the end of the process it was done. And you— the reason it's, um We don't rush the process because it's about people changing their habits and changing the way that they live their life. And that's what, um, I really like to work on my clients is the why, and particularly, you know, our spending habits and how much that we're bringing into the house all the time. So, um, I talk to clients about the one in, one out system. So if you're buying something, you know, what are you letting go of to make space for that to come into your home? And things like that. That people can implement into their lives that really help them to maintain it. So we kind of do that as we go along. So my hope is that by the time I get to the end, they've really got a lot of these sort of systems in place for them to maintain it. But I believe that it is something that you do need to do regularly. So I think, um, it's a good thing to do at least once a year is to declutter, not necessarily all at the same time, but to declutter the different areas, um, of your home and the digital and all of that because, um, it does, it does need maintenance and it's not something that you can always do daily. Particularly digital, um, is a really good example of that because you know, you can't be checking files daily to know whether you need to get rid of them, but, you know, at least once a year or a couple of times a year, if you go through all of that and just get rid of all the stuff that is no longer relevant, it just helps you keep on top of things. And with children, again, it's a big thing because they hit different stages of their lives, as we do as well, as adults. And so, you know, times change and it's really good to revisit that. I I moved house at the beginning of the year and I decluttered again, partly because we were downsizing slightly but also because you reassess how you're living and what actually still brings joy, and I think it's really important to keep doing that on a regular basis. So my clients, a lot of them feel able to do that on their own as they go forward, but if they don't, then absolutely You know, I offer follow-up appointments for people to be able to, to just have that opportunity to sit down and do that.

It's the perfect opportunity as well, isn't it, when you move in house, especially because you literally take every single thing out of a room, putting it in a box and deciding then and then, are we taking it? Are we throwing it? I know when we moved house 4 years ago, we, we chucked a load of things like we took a lot of stuff to recycling. We also have Freecycle in Newcastle. I don't know if you have that down there.

Yeah, we did.

Where you can put on like a little community hub and people come in from you. And it's just amazing, isn't it? Because even little things like when we got our new kitchen, we bought, you know, a Ninja air fryer. It was before they were bloody massive and before like the whole pandemic and stuff. It was at the start of 2020 before the pandemic hit. And we bought one and it has like a slow cooker in it. It's got a steam pressure, it's got an air fryer. And I was like, we can now get rid of our slow cooker. We can now get rid of this pressure cooker. We can get rid of that huge pot that we've been using for years. And we were able to get rid of about 4 different items and replace it for this one. Yeah, like, this is amazing. We've got so much more bench space now, so much more cupboard space, do you know what I mean? So it does surprise you when you actually declutter. And like, I love what you said there about one in, one out, and I'm going to start and take that on board actually, because I'm always buying the odd t-shirt here and there, and then sometimes they sit in the wardrobe like with just tags on and stuff, and I'll never wear them. And my wardrobe gets so full, the bloody rail falls down all the time. And I'm like, yeah, that's the reason. One in, one out, you know what I mean? Like, I should be getting rid of one, one that I don't wear, or one that I can just donate to charity. It's amazing. So thank you.

Yeah. And that you saying about the tags on there, that's another thing that Marie Kondo says, is that when you buy things, that you should welcome them into the home. So you should unpack them straight away, you should take the tags off. You should connect with the energy and really welcome them in because when they sit there with the tags on or in bags or boxes and things, that they're not fulfilling their purpose and they're not energetically, you know, connecting with you and being welcomed in. And it's a really nice way of sort of thinking about it. I'm terrible because when I buy new things, it takes me a moment to unpack them. It's that my autistic brain can't cope with the, like, change in the news. But I, I try, I try and be much better with it now because I used to let things sit for like, oh God, they could sit there for months, which is just ridiculous. Um, so I'm much better with it now because I'm bringing less stuff into the house.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, it makes it so much easier. It's— we, we live in a society where it's so easy to just bring more and more more stuff in. And, and when you actually stop and think, do I need it? Um, and what am I gonna— what am I replacing by bringing this in? Yeah, it does make you stop for a minute and, um, stops that clutter building up again.

Yeah, it does. There's been some really valuable tips there, actually. Um, can I just briefly discuss, um, your old crystal business? Because I can see some crystals behind you on your lovely little shelf. And I know that you reached out to me a while ago, didn't you? Like, and, um, you basically have your— well, you had your own crystal business and you kind of swapped it for being a ConMarie consultant and I'm going into this line of work. So what was it that made you kind of jump ship from crystals? Was it that it was really difficult, or was it that your energy was more aligned with this kind of work, or what was it that made you choose this?

Yeah, well, it's a bit of both really. Um, so I mean, you'll know that selling crystals is, um, not the easiest thing to do. It's, um, very time-consuming. It's— I mean, it's amazing. I mean, God, getting to work with all those crystals all the time was just like— I used to think every day, God, how lucky am I to be able to connect with all these energies without having to work, you know? It was amazing. And, you know, I met some amazing meeting people. And it was, um, so I had a physical shop as well, so it was lovely. People used to come in and it was, it was great. But it's really hard work and it's hard to, um, to make a living from because people love crystals but they don't understand necessarily the cost of them and particularly, um, how much effort goes into sourcing them and particularly when you're trying to source them ethically and, um, and stuff like that. And, and obviously just, um, shipping them and things, or you're packaging them up, it's just, it's a lot because they're so fragile, um, so many of them. And I, I love helping people, I love connecting with people, and it became, um, harder and harder for me to do that because when you're spending so much time just sourcing the products. And, you know, just when you've got— it's not a case of having like 2 or 3 products, you've got hundreds of them, and they all need, you know, cataloging and photographing and dealing with it. It was— it's just, it's huge. And people don't, um, don't really realize that. You think, oh yeah, let's start a crystal business, but It's, it's a lot more, more work than that. So I started running workshops and things and, and then I got into all the decluttering and I was like, yeah, this is a way that I can help people without it draining me. Yeah. Because that's what I was finding was that although I was able to help people, I couldn't help them as much as I wanted to. So I was being drained by the practicalities of running a crystal business.

Yeah, it is. It's a lot of energy, and I don't think people realize because I often get messages from people saying, hi, you've inspired me to start a crystal business, um, where's the best place to start, and things like that. And I get these messages so frequently, honestly, maybe 4 or 5 messages a week. And I'm thinking, you just have to like do some research and go away and think, is this really for me? Because it is a lot of work. And like you were saying, like the ethicality, uh, people want ethical-based crystals. People don't want crystals that's been mined by a little small child that's getting paid like 3 pence an hour, do you know what I mean? They want ethicality. And yeah, I've spent the last 2 years building up these relationships with mines across the world, you know, in Brazil, Colorado, uh, Australia and stuff like that. And what people don't realize is when I go to do an order with them, I have to sit on a call, on video call, for maybe an hour or 2. And I do that couple of times a week, and you have to spend a minimum spend, and you have to buy a minimum weight in certain mines and things. So because I'm running low on amethyst tumbles, I can't just go and buy amethyst tumbles. I've got to buy amethyst tumbles with about 50 other products to make the price up. Then you've got to pay the duty fees and the, the, what's it called, like when they, they shipped over and stuff, all the shipping fees, all the packaging, all the postage. And then they come, and then sometimes they're broken, so then you've got to go backwards and forwards. Then you've got to photograph them, like you say, list them on your website. Then you get charged left, right, and center by PayPal, Klarna, Clearpay, card fees. And then you've got to post them. Then Royal Mail to rip your eyes out for the postage and packaging. And oh my God, there is just so much to think about. And then before you know it, you've run low on something else, and then something's out of stock. And then you get messages, when is this back in stock? And I'm like, I literally can't tell you when something's coming back in stock because I just don't know. There's so many factors, isn't there?

I know, that's it. And because you want to have such a range as well, I mean, there are just— you— yeah, it's an absolute minefield.

Yes.

Yeah. And it's kind of why I'm leaning more into the kind of coaching side of it and, you know, running the academy because it's something that I can deliver instantly to people with— by putting all my effort into it, basically. So the Manifest with Mart app that I've got at the moment, I'm able to give my attention and my focus to these people in my app instantly. I'm not having to wait on other people and things being like sent to me and then sent out to them with instructions. Do you know what I mean? It's just like a one-on-one conversation, and I think that works a lot better for me in my business.

I totally relate, totally understand that.

So you mentioned at the start your business is Calm Space Calm Mind, and you've also got a blog as well, haven't you?

I have, yes, yeah, which, um, is focusing more on the neurodiversity side. So, um, I'm really passionate about, you know, everyone having, um, calm and accessible spaces, um, not just in the home but also outside the home. So I eventually want to start working with businesses and stuff as well in really, um, helping them, um, to really support people and make, um, spaces and events more accessible. That event that we went to, um, together, it was fabulous, but wasn't, um, the most supportive space for a lot of people, and there was a lot of feedback that people found that quite challenging. So I just think, well, that, you know, we can change that.

Yeah.

And, and that's what, um, what I want to be a part of and, and to help with, because, you know, I know how, how that can impact people in them not accessing support and accessing things that are going to help them to grow and develop because, you know, just because of the spaces, it's ridiculous.

Yeah, it's all about changing the culture, isn't it? And then absolutely associated with that kind of thing. But yeah, yeah, you'll get there one step at a time.

Oh, I know.

Yeah. So what's next for you then, Emily? If you could wave your magic wand, jump 3 years into the future, what would your life look like?

Okay, so, well, I, um, I really want to, um, develop my, um, organizing business, and I want to be able to take, um, take on more professional organizers to work with me, um, to— so that we can connect with more clients, um, and on a wider scale, because um, you know, I get so many people asking about the services, and you can only do so much when you're one person on your own. So that's what I would like. I would like to have a team of people, um, so that we can be, um, covering a, um, a larger area of the UK. I also, as I say, want to be working, um, with businesses, um, and I want to, um, be a part of the change in culture and in understanding of the impact of spaces, particularly, um, workspaces.

Yeah, I was just about to say that because the other day you mentioned something and the very next day it happened. So you put on your Instagram that basically, um, you'd had an issue with strip lighting in a building. Yeah, the very next day I was at adoption training and one of the women in the room said, excuse me, would you mind— because it's an old school building— she said, would you mind turning the light off? I'm getting a really bad migraine. I'm sat here with my sunglasses on and she asked for that strip light to be turned off. And I was like, you know what, I'm sat in this office right now. Luckily I've only got two there, but they are really bright. And sometimes I do get a migraine and I'm thinking, is that because of the space I'm in? It's really important to look at that, isn't it?

Like, it really is. And we're so often not aware of the impact that the space is having on us. And then there's all these people going, God, why am I not coping with life? Why am I, you know, finding it really hard to concentrate? Why, you know, do Do I feel like I can't be around people? Or why do I— and it's not, it's the space that's draining them or causing them to, you know, not be able to perform in the way that they would like to. And that's where I'd really, you know, businesses would really benefit from looking at their spaces in terms of productivity with staff, in terms of well-being and less sickness and things, because people are being affected, and, um, it doesn't have to be that way.

Amazing. So where can people find you then, Emily, if someone was wanting to come to you for some advice or to even work with you?

Yeah, great. Um, well, I am on Instagram, which is calmspace_calmmind, I think. And, um, I am— I'm on Facebook as well, Emily Patricia Fay. And My website is emilypatriciaphay.com, so you can connect with me in any of those ways. My blog is on my website as well, so you can have a little read of that. I've got, I must say, I've got a whole load of blogs that I need to upload on there actually, and I'm pretty behind with stuff. Yeah. So just, it would be lovely to hear from anyone who's interested and wants to learn more. Just give me a DM or or check out what I try and put, you know, lots of info on my Instagram. I'm on Instagram mainly. Yeah. That's the best place for me.

You always put a lot of like interesting posts on about decluttering and things like that, don't you? Yeah.

Yeah.

Very thought-provoking. Well, what I'll do is I'll also put your contact details in the show notes. So if anyone does want to get in contact with Emily, they can just click on any of the links in the show notes below. So is there anything else that you'd like to promote, Emily?

Yes, um, I have a couple of offers for your listeners actually if they're interested. So I do, um, distance home healings, energetic home healings of the home. So if anyone's interested in that, then I'm offering 50% off. Um, I can— I'll send you the link, Mart, if that's okay. You can pop in and it makes it only £25, and I check your whole home, um, and do, um, any cleansing that needs to be done from a distance, and then I advise you on anything that I think that you need to do physically in terms of cleansing, and then I protect the home as well.

Oh, I love that.

And, um, I also— so with my KonMari consulting and professional organizing, I do work virtually as well with people. So, um, if anyone wants to book on for a free assessment, they can, and if they say that they've, um, listened to me on the podcast, then I'll offer them a 20% off the quote for working with me. So yeah.

Oh, thank you so much. I love that. You're welcome. My listeners will be thrilled with that offer. Thank you. I just want to say thank you so much for joining me. I've really enjoyed our chat today.

You're welcome.

I've really learned a lot.

It's been really lovely. Thank you for having me.

You're very welcome. Thank you for coming on. And for anyone else wanting to contact Emily, like I said, just click the link in the show notes and I will see you all next Friday for another episode of Connie Crystals, the podcast. Thanks very much, guys. Bye.

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