143: Stop letting negativity run your life

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Hello everyone, and thanks so much for joining me again on another episode of the pod. As you know by now, my name is Mart Tweedy, I am your host, and this week I have been manically preparing, shall we say, for Happy Place Festival, which is this weekend. Can you believe how quickly that has come round? I don't feel like it's like 2 minutes since I announced that I was actually going to be speaking there and first got talking about it. But this time last year, there I was as a guest, and I said to Fran in the hotel room afterwards, like, "Wouldn't it be absolutely incredible to stand up there and do our own thing next year?" And here we are right now, a whole year later. I actually Photoshopped a picture of myself onto the Happy Place stage. I put my face on, I think it was Poppy Dalbridge's body. Sorry, Poppy, if you're listening. But I blurred out the boobs and everything like that, and I just got a picture of Poppy, blurred out her boobs, put my head on her body, and yeah, I used that picture and I put it on my vision board, and here we are. It actually happened. I took that inspired action by reaching out to Fearne's team, and voilà, my manifestation came to fruition. I am very, very excited, but I'm also very nervous as well. I just hope and pray that we get a lovely crowd because our talk at Chiswick this weekend is at 9:15 AM. So for most people, they'll have just turned up for the day ahead and we'll be the first people that they actually see. And then for the Manchester date in August, I think we're on mid-afternoon, it's like 2 o'clock or something like that. So for this one especially, I am nervous. And I mentioned last week as well about how we're only being paid £150 for our appearance between us two, and a few of you were massively shocked because you sent me messages about it and said, this is outrageous, and stuff like that. But I actually messaged Fran the other day about this, and I said, you know, the hotel was £420 for 2 nights because it's London, why else? And my train, my train to get down to London was about £130. I'm giving everyone at the workshop a free crystal bracelet and a free tumblestone. I've had to buy all of our flyers, the workbooks, the pens, And that's without our food, our drink, our travel to and from the station. So all in all, I think we're going to be knocking close to £1,000 in expenses, and they're paying us £150. But we just have to be thankful and grateful for this exposure that we'll get from these events, and the fact that we also get to see all your beautiful faces up close and personal as well, because it is amazing. Like, I absolutely buzz off that kind of thing. And when we did our our talk last year back in— was it September? I think it was September last year. Jesus Christ, that's nearly a year already. When we did our talk in September last year at the Barbican, I just feel like it was just a sea of faces and I didn't actually see one particular person until the meet and greet. It just felt like a sea of faces in front of me. So this is going to be really nice that we're going to be able to, you know, lock eyes with people and, you know, talk to them face to face. So if you are heading to London's Happy Place Festival this weekend please do come and say hello. We don't bite. We would love nothing more than to catch up with you all, you know, put faces to names. So please do come and introduce yourselves if you see us wandering around, because we will be there all day as well. Anyway, a quick, quick, very quick update about Manifest before we move on to today's episode. The venue is booked, the website is ready to switch on for ticket sales. I've even incorporated Klarna and Clearpay so you can split those payments across 4 payments if you'd prefer to, like 100% interest-free. I am just so excited for you to see the lineup. I have booked 8 out of the 10 guests. I'm so excited, honestly, I'm like about to pop. I'm just signing the last few agreements with people now, and then I'll be launching tickets and revealing the lineup as well. A few of you have messaged to ask about stalls as well after what I said in last week's episode, so don't worry, you haven't missed it. I'll be sending out an email about sponsorships and exhibitors really, really soon. Probably next month. So make sure that you're on that waitlist at manny-fest.uk. The link will also be in my bio. The link is also— oh, have I even put the link in my bio? I'll make sure it's in my bio. I'll make sure it's in my Linktree. But what I will do is I'll also put the link at the bottom of this episode as well, in the episode description. Anyhow, let's get on with the show. This week I was talking to one of my best friends, and although she seemed really chirpy you know when you can just tell that something's a little bit off? And everything that she was saying, she was pulling herself down. So she would say about something really cool that she'd done or something really amazing that made her feel good, but then it was always downplayed at the end of the sentence, kind of like overshadowed by that negativity. Now she's been through an awful lot these last few months especially, and although she said that she'd healed from everything, I could just kind of tell intuitively by listening to her that she maybe hadn't fully processed everything that she probably needed to. So it made me think about how to feel good on the inside, you know, how to be positive and how to overcome negative things like challenges in your life. Because my friend asked me the other day, she said, "How are you always so positive in situations like this? Like, how are you able to just radiate that positivity all the time?" And I was talking about staying positive and I mentioned to her that I was grateful for all the little things, like even just waking up on a morning, or having running water to have a shower or a bath, or the fact I have me partner and me dog and me baby boy by me side. But after our conversation, I was driving home, and suddenly it was like this voice just switched on in my head, and it asked us a question, and it said, "How do I stay positive all the time?" Like, how does someone stay so positive after trauma or challenges that completely change who they are as a person? 'Like, how can I still be so grateful for everything?' And in that moment, I kind of realized that my positivity isn't just about the things that happen to us, but about how I choose to perceive and react to them as well. Because life is inherently unpredictable, and it throws curveballs at us when we least expect it. But within those moments of chaos, there are always going to be those slivers of light, you know, moments of grace that we can hold on to. So for me, staying positive is more about embracing those moments and letting them be my guiding So when we face unexpected challenges, our initial reaction is often one of, you know, shock, fear, or frustration. And these emotions are natural and valid. However, the power lies in what we do next. So how we process these emotions and the perspectives that we adopt moving forward. Because it's more about recognizing that whilst we might not have control over what happens, we do have control over our responses. And it's that shift in mindset that's crucial for maintaining a sense of positivity. Let's take the analogy of a storm, for example. So when a storm hits, it can be destructive. It can be really, really overwhelming to some people. Yet within that storm, there are also kind of moments of calm, you know, the eye of the storm where everything is still, and the beauty of the rain nourishing the earth, all that jazz. And similarly, in the midst of our personal storms, there are moments of calm and beauty that we can find if we choose to look for them. Most of us just walk around, you know, with our horse blinkers on. We don't see it. So one of the ways to train our minds to see those moments of grace is through mindfulness. So mindfulness, as I've spoke about before, it's the practice of staying present and fully engaged with the current moment right now. So by grounding ourselves in the present moment, we can better appreciate all those small positive aspects of our lives, even when there might be larger challenges on the horizon. For example, during a stressful day, taking a moment to just enjoy a cup of tea, you know, feel the warmth of the sun on our skin, or just even appreciate a kind word from a friend. That can make a huge significant difference in our lives. Now another important aspect of maintaining positivity is through reframing our experiences. Now that involves looking at a situation from different angles and just finding a positive spin on it. So it doesn't mean ignoring the negatives, but just kind of balancing them out with positives, if that makes sense. For instance, if a project at work is challenging Instead of focusing solely on the stress it brings, we can also recognise the growth and the learning opportunities that it provides as well. So it's just kind of spinning it on its head. And gratitude is another powerful tool that we can use in that journey as well, because when we actively practise gratitude, we train our brains to focus on what we have rather than what we lack. Now, that doesn't mean that we ignore our problems, but it does help us to keep them in perspective. So keeping a gratitude journal where we regularly write down things that we're grateful, thankful for, that can be incredibly beneficial because over time that practice can shift our overall outlook to a more positive one. So gratitude plays a huge role in this. In fact, it's easy to take for granted all the small blessings in our daily lives, but acknowledging them can really shift our entire perspective. So when I wake up in the morning, I just remind myself how lucky I am to have another day to experience life. You know, the comfort of a warm shower, the companionship of me partner, the unconditional love of me dog, the innocent joy of me baby boy. These are the things that kind of ground me, that remind me of all the good amidst all the challenges in life as well. Because gratitude at its core is about recognizing and appreciating the good in our lives. So it's an active practice of just focusing on the positive aspects, no matter how small they might seem. And that practice is going to transform your mindset from one of scarcity and dissatisfaction to one of abundance and contentment. So when I wake up each morning, I just make a conscious effort to feel grateful there and then, because that sets me with a positive tone for the day ahead. And instead of dreading those tasks that I've got lined up for the rest of the day, I just remind myself of the privilege of having another day to live, or another day to learn, or another day to grow. And it's that simple shift in perspective that is going to make a significant difference in how you approach your daily lives. So the comfort of a warm shower is just a small blessing that I never take for granted because in that moment I feel grateful for the warmth, the cleanliness, the opportunity to start my day feeling fresh. Yeah, not everyone has that. And it's that seemingly mundane activity, it's that that becomes the reminder of the comforts that I'm fortunate enough to have, something that many people around the world might not have access to. Yeah, does that kind of make sense? So practicing gratitude just involves more than just acknowledging those blessings. It also means expressing it as well. So whether you express it through words or actions or even just simply take a moment to reflect and express gratitude, that reinforces its impact. So keeping a gratitude journal, like I say, where you just write down things that you're thankful for each day, it's been so effective for me and it can be for you as well because that practice just helps to solidify the habit of focusing on the positive and it creates a record of goodness as well that I can look back on when I'm in tougher times. You know, when I'm feeling down, when I'm having a bit of a crappy day, I can open that journal at any page and be like, I've got so much to be grateful for. But gratitude extends beyond the personal to the broader aspects of life as well. So you can feel grateful for nature, for the opportunities to learn and grow, like I said, for the kindness of strangers, for the challenges that teach us resilience, —they all contribute to a more positive outlook on life. And when we recognize that every experience, you know, good or bad, is a part of our journey, that's going to help to cultivate a deeper sense of appreciation for life itself. Embracing vulnerability is also key here as well, because it's okay to admit when we're struggling and to seek support from other people. Because when we share our challenges, that can provide relief, and it opens us up to new perspectives and advice. And when we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, we then build deeper connections with those around us because we're sharing our story, and that can be a source of strength and positivity as well. Now, most people see vulnerability as, you know, it's often perceived as a bit of a weakness, you know, the kind of a flaw that you've got. However, it's one of the most authentic expressions of our humanity because it requires that immense courage to expose our true selves, you know, our shadow selves, and, you know, just to basically own up and admit that we don't have all the answers and we have to ask for help when we need it. And it's that act of opening up that not only helps us on a personal level, but it also fosters deeper, more meaningful relationships with our family and friends as well. When we acknowledge our struggles and we share them with other people, we release that burden of carrying them alone. And it's that act of sharing that can be incredibly liberating because it's going to break down the walls of isolation. It's going to create a space for mutual understanding and support. So when we admit that vulnerability, we give others the permission to do the same. And that's going to help us in kind of building an environment of trust and empathy as well. And let's face it, sharing our challenges can also lead to unexpected solutions because when we open up, we then allow every other person that we've opened up to, to contribute their experiences and their wisdom. And that can illuminate new paths forward for us as well. Because often we find that, you know, we're not alone in our struggles. Other people have faced similar challenges, and they can offer valuable advice on how to navigate them as well. And that shared experience can create a sense of solidarity and community. Vulnerability can be such a powerful connector. I just think it's so overlooked, yeah, because when we show our true selves, including all our imperfections, all our fears, we're just inviting other people to see us exactly how we are. And that authenticity is going to deepen our connection with people it's going to build that foundation of honesty and trust. And then finally, self-compassion is essential as well. So just being kind to yourselves, you know, especially during tough times, it's going to really help us to maintain a positive outlook if we are kinder to ourselves. So instead of criticizing ourselves for our perceived failures or weaknesses, we should just treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend. You know, you wouldn't tell your friend all of the flaws, would you? You'd want to pick them up if they felt crap. So it just involves recognizing our humanity and understanding that every single person in this world makes mistakes and faces difficulties at some point in their lives. Self-compassion is the practice of extending compassion to ourselves in instances of, you know, perceived inadequacy or failure or general suffering, and it consists of 3 main elements. So the first is self-kindness. The second is humanity, and the third is mindfulness. So self-kindness just involves being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, we fail, or we feel inadequate, you know, rather than just ignoring our pain or kind of bombarding ourselves with self-criticism. So instead of just like mercilessly judging and criticizing ourselves for various inadequacies or shortcomings or whatever it is, self-compassion means that we are kind and understanding when we are confronted with personal failings. I mean, who said that we were meant to be perfect, you know what I mean? Treating ourselves with kindness means acknowledging that we are doing our best given our circumstances and our resources at the time. It's about giving ourselves permission to be human. That's all it's about. And it's that perspective shift that can be incredibly liberating, and that can help to reduce those feelings of anxiety and depression that are often kind of exacerbated by self-criticism. And then moving on to humanity, you know, humanity recognizes that suffering and personal failure are part of the shared human experiences. It's something that we all go through rather than something that happens to just me alone. So often when we fail or we feel inadequate, we think that we're the only ones who are suffering or making mistakes, and it's that sense of isolation that can be countered by recognizing that every single person is going to face difficulties. You know, understanding that pain and that imperfection, that's part of the human experience, and that's going to allow us to feel less isolated and more connected to other people. This connection to common humanity helps us to put our experiences into perspective, because when we realize that other people have gone through similar struggles, it can then lessen the intensity of our pain, and it's going to help us feel more connected to the human experience. And it's that perspective that's going to foster that empathy towards other people and ourselves. That's going to make us more likely to offer support and seek support when needed. And then the last thing that mentioned was mindfulness. So that just involves being present with our experiences in a balanced way, neither ignoring nor kind of exaggerating our pain, if that makes sense. It's about observing our thoughts and feelings as they are without judgment. So mindfulness just helps us to stay grounded in the present moment, just rather than getting swept up in any negative thoughts and emotions. So it's just going to allow us to see our experiences clearly and accept them, and that's the first step towards healing and moving forward. And it's something that I mentioned to my friend as well, the one that I mentioned at the start of this episode, because I just said to her, you need to clearly accept them and then heal, and that's the only way that you're going to move forward from this. So mindfulness just involves recognizing our emotions and thoughts without becoming overwhelmed by them. So when we acknowledge our pain and our difficulties, we can then respond to them more effectively. And that balanced approach is going to help prevent us from becoming consumed by negative emotions. And it's just going to allow us to take a more measured and compassionate approach to our struggles. Self-compassion has numerous benefits for our mental and emotional well-being. You know, research has shown that self-compassion is associated with greater emotional resilience and more accurate self-concepts and more caring relationship behavior and less narcissism and reactive anger. Because people who are self-compassionate tend to be more optimistic, they tend to be more happy, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives. So they're going to be less likely to experience anxiety, depression, or stress. You know what we all go through in life. In practice, self-compassion can be cultivated through various exercises and techniques. So one effective exercise is the self-compassion break, where, you know, we just take a moment to acknowledge our pain. We recognize that suffering is a part of life, and we just offer ourselves words of kindness and comfort. Another technique is to just write a compassionate letter to ourselves, you know, addressing our struggles, offer that understanding and support, just as we would exactly to a friend or a family member. So all in all, for me personally, staying positive is more about making conscious choices. It's about choosing to see the good in the midst of the bad, to find moments of peace in the chaos, to be grateful for what we already have. It's about reframing our experiences, you know, practicing that mindfulness, embracing that vulnerability, being authentic, and showing our self-compassion. By doing that, we can then navigate life's unpredictability with that grace and that resilience that other people look up to us for. And we can just let those moments of light guide us through the darkest of times. So I've learned personally that healing from trauma and overcoming challenges is a process, okay? It's not a destination, it's a process. So it's okay to not have fully processed everything, and it's okay to have days when positivity seems, you know, elusive. The key is to be kind to ourselves during these times and just to recognize that every small step we take forward is progress. No matter how small it is, it's always forward, it's always progress. One practical tool that has helped me is journaling, so writing down me thoughts and feelings. It just allows me to process them in a structured way. It helps us to identify patterns of negative thinking and to consciously redirect my focus towards positive aspects. Another tool is meditation. You know, it grounds me in the present moment and it reduces the noise of anxieties about the past or future. So staying positive isn't just about being happy all the time. It's about cultivating that mindset that looks for the good, that practices the gratitude, and that allows for that natural ebb and flow of emotions without judgment. So it's about being resilient, embracing humanity, and just finding strength in that vulnerability. So as I continue on and navigate through life, I'm just going to carry those lessons with me, you know. I'm just going to hope to inspire other people. And just like I mentioned to my friend, I just want her to go and find her own path to inner positivity and peace. So I hope that this episode inspired you in some way today. If it did, please tell a friend about it, share the episode link in your WhatsApp group chats, you know, take a screenshot, pop it on your story, tag me in it, I'll share them. Podcasting is totally free, so the more people that I get my message out to honestly helps me be seen by so many more, and it pushes me up the charts, and it really helps me out in ways that you wouldn't believe. Don't forget to leave a rating or review on the pod wherever you're listening from, and don't forget that you can also get 10% off everything by using your exclusive discount code, which is the word PODCAST. You can use that at checkout on cannycrystals.co.uk Get yourself a little journal if you really want to. I've got a well-being journal on there that might help you. And you can also use it, cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk, where there are challenges, workbooks, courses, you know, all that shebang. And I will see you all next Friday for another episode. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you all next Friday. Bye!

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