181: Step into your power and stop playing small

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Cani Crystals, the podcast. I hope that you're all well. I'll let you in on a little secret here. I've pre-recorded this episode because I just knew that I was going to be busy and I didn't want to let you all down. So I've got no life update this week. We are going straight on in, balls to the wall, here we go. So today I want to have a real conversation about something that I know so many of you struggle with, and that's playing small. You know, hiding your true desires, dimming your light to make other people feel comfortable. Holding yourself back because, you know, what if you fail? What if people judge you? What if you're not ready? Well, let me tell you something. You are not here on this earth right now to play small. You are not here to shrink yourself to fit into someone else's expectations. You are here to step fully into your power, to own what you truly want, and to go after it unapologetically. So in today's episode, we're going to talk about all the different ways that you're playing small without actually realizing it, how to fully own your desires without guilt, fear, or doubt, because that comes up for a lot of us. And I've got a powerful mindset activation to step into bold, limitless energy as well, because the world needs all of you. And today we're going to make sure that you show up as your biggest, baddest, boldest, most magnetic self. So here's some real talk: most people don't even realize they're playing small. It's not always as obvious as saying, "I don't believe in meself," or, "I'm too scared to go after what I want." No, it's not. Playing small is way more sneaky than that. It hides in the little things, you know, those moments where you hesitate, or you might second-guess yourself, or you might even just downplay your dreams without even realizing it. So before we go any further in this episode, I want to help you identify where you might be holding yourself back Because awareness is everything, and once you see it, you can start to change it. So what does playing small actually look like? You know, because it's not just about staying quiet in a meeting or avoiding the spotlight. It shows up in so many different ways. Like, do any of these sound familiar? You might be downplaying your dreams when you talk about them, so you'll say things like, "Oh yeah, but it's just a little idea I have." Or you might avoid getting too excited because what if people judge you? Or you don't want to seem too ambitious or too much or too full of yourself. Or you might even say yes to things that don't align with you. So you might take on extra work or do favors for people or responsibilities even when you don't want to. Or you might be scared to say no because you don't want to disappoint people. You prioritize keeping the peace over honoring your own boundaries. Or maybe you're just lowering your standards because you're afraid of rejection. So you'll tell yourself, "I shouldn't ask for more. I just should be grateful for what I already have." Or Or you don't apply for that dream job because you don't think you're qualified enough. You stay in friendships, relationships, or situations that don't actually fully serve you. Or maybe you're holding back from sharing your ideas, thoughts, or opinions. So you might be in a meeting or a conversation, you have something valuable to say, but you don't actually speak up. You assume other people know more than you, so you stay quiet. Or you worry about looking stupid or being judged. Or maybe it's just that you're waiting for the right time to go after your dreams. So you tell yourself, "I'll start when I'm more experienced." You believe that you need more qualifications, more confidence, more money, more time before you can actually take action. So you're essentially, you're putting your desires on hold indefinitely while you wait for a perfect moment that never actually comes. So I want you to see this as your wake-up call. If any of those sound like you, then you've been playing small, and it's okay. We've all been there. I've been there a million times myself. But the important thing is that you recognize it now, because when you become aware of the ways that you've been holding yourself back, you can finally start to make the conscious choice to change. So why do we do this? Why do we dim our own light and hold ourselves back? Playing small is a learned behavior. That's what it comes down to. And I'm going to give you some real experiences here because, you know, my mom, God love her, she always wanted the best for me, but my societal conditioning all comes from her. Well, probably 90% of it comes from her. So, you know, she always used to say, be humble, don't stand out too much, or there would be a fear of judgment. You know, she would be doing something and she'd be like, oh my God, what will people think? Even when I came out as gay, she was saying, oh my God, we're going to get our windows put through by bricks because, you know, you're the only gay in the village and stuff. She was fearful that I was gay. Um, but you know, she always used to be in that mindset of, what if I try and it doesn't work? And she would just keep herself playing small. There as well. And it was almost like I learned that fear of success, that what if I get what I want and then I can't handle it? My mom always used to tell me horror stories about the taxman, or, you know, HMRC and stuff like that. And I could never have a business because I had that societal conditioning placed on me. And I just thought, oh my God, what if I can't handle this job? What if I can't handle my taxes? But here's the reality: the only person who loses when you play small is you. The only thing that happens when you shrink yourself is your dreams shrink with you. The only way that you will ever step into your full potential is if you decide right now in this moment that you are done with playing small. Because let me tell you, you are meant for more. So now that you see where you've been playing small, I want to talk about how to shift out of it and start taking up space without apology. Okay, so here's how you start taking up space and owning your power. I want you to start speaking about your desires with confidence. So stop downplaying what you want. Stop calling your dreams just a little idea. Start saying, I am working on something amazing. I am building something incredible. I am stepping into my next level self. Because when you speak with certainty and excitement, the universe starts to listen. So check where you're saying yes when you want to say no as well. Like, are you saying yes to things that don't align with you? Are you overgiving and people pleasing just for the sake of it? Where do you need to start saying no more? So I want you to set a boundary today, whether that's declining an invite, saying no to an extra task, or just even just choosing yourself and putting yourself first. And then I want you to stop lowering your standards to be more acceptable, in inverted commas. So raise your expectations. Decide that you are worthy of the best, whether that be in relationships, businesses, opportunities. And remind yourself that wanting more doesn't make you selfish, it makes you intentional, okay? And then speak up and share your thoughts. So the next time you're in a conversation or a meeting or even just a casual chat with friends, say what you're thinking. Speak up. Stop waiting for someone else to speak first. Stop assuming that your ideas aren't valuable. Your voice deserves to be heard, okay? So take action today, even if it feels messy or imperfect, because The longer that you wait for the right time, the longer you'll stay stuck. Confidence comes from doing the thing, not waiting to feel ready. So do one thing today that scares you but excites you at the same time, whether that's applying for something, putting yourself out there on social media, or making a decision that you've been avoiding. Because let me tell you, the moment that you start taking up space, the universe is going to meet you at that level. It's going to play catch-up. Okay, so you deserve to take up space. You are allowed to dream big. You do not need permission to want more. So let this be your wake-up call. No more playing small. That's you told. I'm slapping the back of your hands. Nobody is born doubting themselves. Nobody comes into this world thinking, "I should keep my dreams small so that I don't make anyone else uncomfortable." We don't. It's all learned behavior. It comes from past experiences, societal conditioning from our parents, subconscious conditioning as well that says like, "Don't be too much." Don't stand out too much. Don't ask for too much. And over time, those messages shape the way that we think, act, and make decisions, often without us even realizing it. You know, one of the biggest reasons that people hold themselves back is the fear of being judged. What if people don't like what I have to say? What if they think I'm arrogant? What if they think I'm selfish? What if I put myself out there and I get criticized? That is totally normal. It's completely normal. But the truth is, people will judge you no matter what you do. So if you stay small, someone's going to have an opinion on that. They're going to say, "Oh, he's that little shy boy." "Oh, she's that little mousy girl that never really speaks up." But if you go big, someone's going to have an opinion about that as well. "Oh, she's full of it. You can't shut her up." So judgment is inevitable. The real question is, are you going to live for their approval or for your own growth? So instead of worrying about judgment, focus on the people who need you to show up fully. If you're holding back your ideas, you're also holding back the people who could be inspired by them. If you're keeping your talents to yourself, you're also keeping them from those people who could benefit from them. At the end of the day, your life is yours to live. It's not theirs, okay? Another major reason why people stay small is the fear of failure. Like, what if I try and it doesn't work out? What if I embarrass meself or waste me time? This is the thing: failure is part of success. Every single person who has ever achieved something significant has also failed multiple times along the way. The difference is they didn't let that failure define them. So instead of seeing failure as an endpoint, start seeing it as feedback. If something doesn't work for you, it's not proof that you're not good enough. It's just a lesson that can help you adjust and make things even better and improve. Every successful person has failed at some point in their lives. The only difference between them and everyone else is that they kept on going. Ask yourself right now, what's scarier? Failing or never even trying? Would you rather be in a totally different place this time next year, or would you rather be in the exact same mindset that you are right now? And then something else that surprises a lot of people is that fear of success is just as real as fear of failure. So what if I step into me full potential and it's overwhelming? What if I can't handle it? What if people expect more from me once I succeed? Fear of success often comes from subconscious beliefs that tell us More success equals more responsibility. More visibility equals more pressure. More wealth, love, or opportunities equals more chances to lose them. But this is the reality. You are capable of handling success. So instead of thinking, what if I could handle it? Just ask yourself, what if I rose to the occasion? What if I grew into the person that thrives at that level? What if I'm more ready than I actually realize? Success doesn't require perfection. It just requires a willingness to step forward, okay? So now that you know why playing small happens, the question is, what are you going to do with that knowledge? You can choose to keep shrinking yourself to stay comfortable, or you can choose to expand even when it feels scary. The choice is always yours. But if you're here right now listening to this podcast, I know that you're ready to step forward because you're not in a fixed mindset. If you don't claim what you want, who will? Too many people downplay their dreams because they don't want to seem too much. They water down their desires because they're afraid of judgment. They might even hold back from taking action because they are just waiting for permission. But let's get something clear right now. You are allowed to want more. You do not need to justify your dreams, and most of all, you don't need anyone else's approval to go after what excites you, okay? And for most people as well, the idea of fully owning their desires, it can feel uncomfortable because, you know, it's almost like we feel guilty for wanting more. Like, shouldn't I just be grateful for what I already have? Am I being selfish for wanting more when there's children out there starving? Do I even desire to have everything that I want? So these thoughts come from nowhere. And just to reiterate what I've just said, like, who benefits when you make yourself small? Not you, not the people who would be inspired by your success, not the world that needs your gifts. You know, owning your desires isn't selfish, it's necessary. Because the moment you stop apologizing for what you want, you give yourself permission to step into the life that you're actually meant to live. So if you've spent years diminishing your dreams, claiming them fully might feel a bit unnatural at first. But here's how to shift into owning them unapologetically. I want you to rewrite the stories that are holding you back. So if you feel resistance around claiming what you want, ask yourself, "What story am I telling myself about why I can't have this?" It could be something so simple like, "I need to work harder before I deserve success," or "People will think I'm selfish if I want more," or "I'm not good enough to have that kind of life." And then just ask yourself, where did that belief come from? Was it family, school, friends, past experiences, the TV? And then ask yourself, is that belief actually true? Or is it just a story that I've repeated so many times that I'm actually starting to believe as fact and I'm actually believing it? And then think to yourself, what belief would actually serve me better? So, you know, replace those old stories with new truths. If it was, I have to work hard to deserve success, Change it. I am worthy of success now. If it's, I don't want to seem greedy, change it. My success benefits me and those people around me. If it's, I need permission to go after me dreams, change it. I give myself permission to claim what I want. One of the most powerful ways to own your desires unapologetically is to start living as if they're already yours. So act like the version of you who already has it. If you already had your dream job, how would you speak, dress, and show up daily? If you already had that financial freedom, how would you carry yourself? If you already had the relationship that you want, how would you love yourself right now? Start embodying that version of yourself today, and that energy shift alone will change everything. But when you do this, just stop apologizing for taking up space. Own your voice, own your opinions, own your worth. Stop waiting for other people to validate you. The more you claim what you want with confidence, the faster it aligns with you. Okay, so let's make something very clear here. You don't need to earn the right to dream big. You don't need anyone's approval to claim what excites you. And most of all, you don't need to justify why you want something. You are allowed to want whatever you want without guilt, doubt, or apology. You are allowed to dream big without feeling like you need to explain it. You're allowed to take action without waiting for permission. So from this moment on, no more dimming your desires, no more shrinking your goals to fit in with someone else's expectations, and most of all, no more waiting for the perfect time. Knowing what you want is one thing. Having the confidence to go after it without hesitation, that is what's going to make the difference between people who talk about their dreams and the people who actually live their dreams. So let's get something straight. Confidence is not something that you're born with. It's something that you build. And most people think that they need to feel confident before they take action, but the truth is confidence comes from action. You know, waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck. Waiting for the perfect moment keeps you small. Waiting for certainty before you take the leap means that you'll be waiting forever. If you want to be confident right now, you have to act before you feel ready. Because confidence is built in the doing, okay? Every time you take a step forward, you prove to yourself that you're capable, and every time you prove it, your confidence starts to grow. And if confidence is built through action, then the best way to develop it is to start showing up as the version of you who already has what you want. How does that most confident version of you carry themselves? How does the future you make decisions? What would you do today if you trusted yourself completely? Start making choices as if you already are that person. You don't become confident first and then take action. You take action first, and that's what makes you confident. And then just off the back of that, one of the biggest things that kills your confidence is overthinking, you know, second-guessing, asking for 100 opinions before making a decision, waiting for the right answer before taking action. If you want to build your confidence, you have to get out of your head and into movement. So next time you catch yourself overthinking, ask, what is one small action that I can take right now? What would I do if I wasn't afraid of getting it wrong? You know, action builds momentum, momentum builds confidence, confidence will change everything. So like I said at the start, we are going to do something really powerful right now, which is a mindset activation just to help you shift into the most confident, bold version of yourself right now. So I'm going to put on a little bit of music. Bit unusual for this podcast, isn't it? And I just want you, if possible, to sit comfortably, close your eyes if you're not driving— please don't do this while driving— and just slowly take a deep breath in and out. And I want you to visualize yourself stepping into the highest, most powerful version of you. The version of you who never plays small. The version of you who takes up space with confidence. The version of you who truly trusts themselves fully. Now I want you to repeat this after me. I release all fear of playing small. I fully step into my power. I take up space unapologetically. I trust myself completely. I am limitless. Then just take a moment to feel that energy in your body. Maybe you even want to smile to yourself. Feel that excitement building up in your stomach. Feel that confident version of you, that most powerful version of you. Because this isn't just a thought. This is who you are right now. It's time to stop playing small, and it's time for you to go out there and get after your dreams. And then when you're ready to, you can open your eyes. That was just something small. We never really do meditations or visualizations on this pod, do we? It's just something a little small there. So from now on, this is the moment that everything shifts for you. No more waiting to feel ready. No more second-guessing yourself. No more apologizing for who you are and what you want. You are stepping into your power right now. You are moving with confidence right now. You're done playing small because the world needs you at your fullest, boldest, most unapologetic self. Okay, so that wraps up this episode, but here's what I want you to do next. I want you to do one bold thing today. I want you to say yes to something that excites you but actually scares you and makes you nervous as well, because those nerves come from a place of passion. Okay, I want you to speak up when you usually stay quiet. Or I want you to make a decision based on trust instead of fear. And when you do, let me know. DM me, tag me in your stories, share your breakthrough, because I want to celebrate this shift with you as well, okay? And if this episode hit home, please share it with someone who you feel needs to hear this message, because we're all rising together, okay? So please leave a rating, a review, or even subscribe to this podcast if you're not already, wherever you're listening to this from. Really would appreciate it and it helps me out massively. Don't forget, if you use the word podcast to check out on either cannycrystals.co.uk or cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk, you'll get your exclusive discount, which is 10% off your entire basket. I will see you all next Friday for another episode, but in the meantime, I hope you have an incredible week ahead. And just remember, step into your power. You are a confident be in. Okay, I'll see you all next Friday, guys. Bye!

You want to get your backyard summer ready, but you don't want to break the bank? Wayfair gets it. Planning on dining alfresco or relaxing poolside? Wayfair has everything you need to prep your space. Shop now and save up to 70% off during Wayfair's Fourth of July Clearance. Score huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs, and more. We're talking thousands of products for every style and budget. Plus, surprise flash deals July 6th. Don't wait. Shop Wayfair's Fourth of July Clearance now through July 6th at wayfair.com.

Wayfair.

Every style. Every home.