196: Why meditation never worked for you (and how to fix it!)

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Hello everyone, and thank you so Thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Canny Crystals. I hope that you're all well. My name is Mart Tweedy, I'm your host, and guess what? I've only gone and done it! Remember back in December when I said I'm going to launch a meditation and mindfulness course, maybe even an EFT course after that? Well, the procrastination is no more, ladies and gentlemen. I've spent this last week busy researching, writing course content, I've been practicing it all on myself, and I want to say I'm about 25% of the way through it all right now. I'm a good chunk into it, but you can get access to my exclusive priority list by visiting cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk/meditation. It's a long one— cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk/meditation. And I'm that excited about it that it's truly made me fall in love with it all over again. So some of you might have read the chapter in my book Limitless this all about meditation and mindfulness, but I thought, why not talk about it too? Because I don't think I've ever done like a full episode on it. Now, if you're sat there thinking, oh my God, here we go, Mart's gone full Zen monk on us, don't worry, there's no shaved head, there's no mountaintop, absolutely no chanting is required. But what I am going to do though is I'm going to take you on a bit of a journey, a one where we bust the myths, we clear out the fluff, and we help you to build a calm, present, grounded life. Which is on your terms, not on some guru's. And if that sounds good, lovely, we'll crack on. The number one thing that I hear from friends, from customers messaging me, from people in the comments when I talk about meditation is, "I'd love to meditate, but I just can't. My mind is way too busy." To which I say, join the club, pet. Like, what do you think my mind's doing during meditation? I'm thinking about me to-do list. I'm wondering if I defrosted the chicken that I'm having for tea. I'm randomly remembering something embarrassing I said in 2013 2013. It's not just you. But the truth is, and I want you to write this down or tattoo it on your forehead or whatever works, meditation isn't about stopping your thoughts. It's more about noticing them without diving headfirst into them. So if your mind wanders, congratulations, you're human. And even better, that is the practice. It's noticing that your mind has wandered and gently bringing it back. That is meditation. So if you've ever felt like you failed at meditation because you were thinking too much, guess what? You absolutely fucking nailed it, okay? We've got this so, so twisted because we've all been fed this image of meditation as sitting cross-legged in absolute silence, not a single thought in our heads, radiating divine light like we've just ascended or something. And I mean, listen, if that's your vibe, amazing. But for most of us, especially those of us with phones, full-time jobs, children, or just a brain that likes to do backflips on an evening, that ain't happening. And the worst part, because we think we're doing it wrong, we stop. We give up. We say, "Well, clearly I'm not the meditating type," which is like saying you're not the breathing type. You know, it's not a type, it's just a skill, and you can learn it, I promise you. So this is the science bit here, okay? So I'm not just making all this up as I go. There is real science behind all of this. So studies show that meditation reduces stress, improves focus, increases emotional regulation, and it helps you sleep better as well. So it's like the Swiss Army knife of self-care. And no, it doesn't require you to become a different person. In fact, meditation doesn't make you someone else. It just helps you to come back to who you actually are underneath all that noise. So let's talk about what's actually happening in your brain, because when you meditate, even badly, and I say that in air quotes, you are literally rewiring your brain. You're strengthening the prefrontal cortex. That's the bit that's responsible for decision-making, focus, emotional control, and you're calming the amygdala as well, which is your inner drama queen that likes to scream, "We're all gonna die!" every time the Tesco self-checkout says, "Unexpected item in the bagging area." So next time someone says to you, "Oh, I can't meditate," just smile at them and say, "Neither can I, that's why I practice it." Okay, so story time. The first time I tried to meditate, I lasted about 37 seconds. Me brain was like, "Shall we reorganize your entire life right now?" I was itching, I was thinking about me dinner, I was thinking, "Maybe I'll just check Instagram," you know. I was basically doing everything except meditating. But something just told us to try again and again and again. And what I realized was I don't need to get it right. I just need to show up. And slowly things started to shift. Not dramatically at first, but I was a bit less reactive. I paused before I snapped at people. I noticed me breath when I was anxious. I started responding instead of knee-jerk reacting. Just those tiny little shifts, they were what changed everything for me. So we should all be caring about this as well because, you know, life is busy, it's messy, And if you don't create space to just be, you'll spend your whole life in reaction mode. Meditation just gives you that space. And no, like I say, you don't have to sit for 30 minutes in silence. In fact, in my new course, I'll teach you how to build a practice that works for you. If you've got 2 minutes, great. If you've got 5, even better. Lying down, sitting up, walking, eyes open, It all counts. I want to take you a little bit deeper as well, so I'm going to share a little more of my personal story, how I went from absolutely not being the meditating type to building a consistent practice that has completely changed my energy, my mindset, and honestly my whole outlook on life. And I promise you, if I can do it, you definitely can. So let's rewind a few years. I was your classic busy brain type. I was constantly thinking, constantly doing, always jumping from one thing to the next. I probably have undiagnosed ADHD. I don't know. If I ever had a quiet moment in my life, I would fill it with my phone, with putting music on, with telly, with emails. There was always something. And people would always say to me, like, you should try meditating, it'll help you feel more grounded. And I'd be like, grounded? I haven't got fucking time to be grounded. I've got a to-do list longer than the queue at Greggs on a Friday lunchtime. But truthfully, I thought meditation was boring. That's what it all came down to. I thought, why do I want to sit in silence with me thoughts? I didn't really get it. I just assumed, you know, it just meant sitting still, being quiet. And if I'm honest, I didn't really want to sit with my own thoughts. That sounded absolutely terrifying to me. So I downloaded an app, you all know the one. I stuck me headphones in. I thought, right, let's do this. 2 minutes in, I was twitching. I was thinking about what I was about to eat. I was wondering if I'd left the oven on. And I kind of felt like I was definitely doing it wrong. Okay, the guy on the app as well had this lovely calming voice, and I was just sat there thinking, this is stupid, how's this supposed to be helping us? And I gave up, I closed the app, I put the kettle on instead. Meditation 1, mark zero. But there was a little voice inside of me head, like something that just stuck with us. It was a tiny little voice saying, maybe it's not about doing it perfectly. Maybe it is just about showing up. So I tried again. This time, no pressure. I had no goal. There was no app. I just sat quietly and I followed me breath for 2 minutes. And yeah, my mind still wandered. But this time, instead of giving up, I just noticed it and I gently brought it back. And that was it. That was the shift. So over time, I started to notice these very subtle changes. I started to notice that I wasn't reacting as quickly. I wasn't feeling as easily overwhelmed. I was breathing deeper, not because I was forcing it, because I kind of trained my body to find that calm again. And I even started enjoying those little quiet moments, which is something I never ever thought I would say. So it was like finding a version of myself that had been buried under all the noise. It was like a softer, calmer version. It was still me, just more grounded. And that's kind of why I created this program, because I know what it's like to feel like your mind is too busy or that you're not the spiritual type. Or like you failed before and now you just don't trust yourself to try again. So I wanted to create something that felt safe, supportive, and actually doable as well. So no sitting for an hour in lotus pose, no chanting unless you obviously want to, just simple, effective tools to help you feel more like yourself again— calm, clear, connected. So if I could go back and tell the old me one thing, it would be that you don't have to be good at meditating. You just have to be willing to meet yourself where you are, and that's it. It's not about becoming some floating, glowing, monk-like version of yourself. It's more about just creating these little pockets of peace in the middle of your actual messy real life. So I also want to talk to you about the one core belief, which is like one little mindset shift that honestly changed everything for me. And I refer to this as my domino belief because once it clicks, it knocks over all the other objections. It makes the decision to try meditation feel obvious, natural, kind of like it actually fits into your life. So my domino belief is when you believe that nervous system regulation and mindfulness are the key to lasting peace and clarity, the decision to practice them becomes a no-brainer. So what I mean by that is that your peace isn't in the next productivity hack or the next to-do list or the next holiday. It's found in your nervous system. We live in a world where being switched on all the time is normal. So we scroll, we refresh, we consume, we multitask, we overthink things, and then we wonder why we're anxious, frazzled, burnt out by 11 AM. We've just been trained to think that peace is something that we earn when we've worked hard enough or achieved enough or ticked off enough boxes off our to-do list. But the truth is that your nervous system needs care now, not later. Mindfulness isn't a luxury, it's your lifeline. So this isn't about being spiritual or floaty. It's about giving your brain and body a fighting chance at handling modern life. So when you don't regulate, you know, when you don't tend to your nervous system, everything is going to feel harder for you. You're gonna like overreact to little things. You won't be able to think straight. You'll snap at people that you love and then feel guilty about it, or you'll struggle to focus, or you might feel like you're living in your head but disconnected from your body. But the worst part is you think it's you, that you're just not coping very well with this situation, or that you're not resilient enough or focused enough. But really, your system's just overloaded and you haven't been taught how to slow it down. So on the flip side, when you start practicing mindfulness and simple meditation, everything starts to soften. You won't spiral as easily. You'll sleep better. You'll stop saying things to yourself like, "I'm so overwhelmed," 14 times a day. You'll create space between your thoughts and your reactions. And that space is obviously where you breathe, where you choose, and where you return to yourself. So let us give you like a real life example. Like, imagine someone cuts you off in traffic. You start to tense up, don't you? Your chest tightens. Your first instinct is to swear or lash out or stick your middle finger up out the window. I've been there, I'm not going to judge you. Now imagine that you've practiced calming your breath, noticing your body, becoming more aware of your triggers. You'll still feel annoyed because you're human, you know. I'm not going to say that you're not going to feel annoyed. You'll still feel annoyed, but you won't spiral. So you just take a deep breath, you choose how you respond, you stay grounded. That is nervous system regulation. That is mindfulness. That's you leading your energy, not being dragged around by it. So to every single person who's ever said, "Oh, I've tried meditation, it just didn't work," If that's you, first of all, hi, same, I see you, I've been you because I was you, okay? And I'm about to tell you why that experience doesn't mean you're broken or you're undisciplined or spiritually unfit. It just means that you're probably trying the wrong type of meditation with the wrong expectations with no actual support, which, let's be honest, is how most of us first come to it. You know, we get stressed, we get overwhelmed, maybe a bit desperate for something to help. You hear about meditation, everyone's raving about it. It reduces anxiety, woohoo! It helps you sleep, oh my god! It changes your life, amazing! Beyoncé probably does it. So you open up an app, you press play, you sit down, and nothing. Your mind wanders, you start itching, you start thinking about what to have for your tea, whether you locked the back door tonight. You know, you hear a voice saying, "Notice your thoughts," and you think, "I'm trying, Steve, but I'm busy panicking about me council tax here, okay?" You get frustrated, you slam your phone down, and you think, "This is clearly not for me." And that is where so many people stop. Now, this is the bit that I really need you to take in. Just because one type of meditation didn't work for you doesn't mean you can't meditate at all. That's like going to the gym, trying one workout, absolutely hating it, and deciding you're just not meant to move your body, full stop. There are so many ways to meditate. There are so many approaches. There are so many entry points. But most of us give up because We've never been taught how to find the one that works for our brain or our nervous system and our lifestyle. And I honestly think that meditation and mindfulness— I think it might actually be taught now, but I actually think it should be taught in schools. We should have all been taught this growing up, you know. This is literal science. We could have been doing this. I'm sure it's in the curriculum now. I mean, I could be wrong. I'll find out when Jake starts school. And if they don't have it on the curriculum, I'll offer to go in and teach it. But why I think meditation really hasn't worked for you in the past is that, you know, these are the things that I see day to day with my academy members, with people messaging me on Instagram and stuff, people emailing me. Most of the time it's that you didn't have support. Most of the time it's that you thought you had to clear your mind to be in this mindfulness state, or that you expected instant calm, or you tried to go too hard too fast, you know, 20 minutes when your brain's not ready for 2. Or maybe you didn't realize that your mind wandering off and then you bringing it back is the actual practice. Or you thought giving up meant failure instead of a need for a new approach. Can you see how none of that's your fault? It's almost like trying to bake a cake with the oven off and no recipe card. So you didn't fail, you just weren't set up to succeed. And that's exactly why I've created this program, because I was tired of seeing people giving up on something that could literally change their life for the better simply because no one's ever showed them how to do it in a way that actually works for them. So inside the course, I'm going to be talking about, you know, different styles of meditation so you can find what you love. Then we're going to build it up slowly, you know, no pressure to sit for 30 minutes straight unless you want to. We're going to work with your nervous system, not against it. We're going to ditch the shame, ditch the guilt, ditch the "Oh my God, I've got to do this perfectly" nonsense. You know, we're going to build consistency through compassion, not willpower. So you get to create a practice that feels like you coming home to yourself, not like another thing that you're just failing at. Okay, so what I ultimately want to do with you is rebuild that trust with yourself. You know, I want you to try again, not from a place of pressure, but from a place of curiosity. So what if it could feel easy? What if meditation could feel like relief for me? What if this time I didn't need to force it? And if you've got a little voice inside your head saying, "What if I still give up again?" That's alright. That's valid. But you won't be doing it alone. You know, some people might even be sat there right now listening to this thinking, "I'd love to meditate, Mark, but I just don't have the time." Listen, I hear this so often that I could probably get it tattooed on me forehead at this point. Honestly, I used to say this as well. But let's be really real about this for a second. You don't need hours of stillness. You don't need a mountain retreat. You don't even need to get out of your pajamas or put your makeup on. You just need 2 minutes. Yes, 2. I'm gonna break this down. When we say, "I don't have time," what we often really mean is, "I don't think it's important enough for me yet. I don't believe it'll actually work. I don't know how to make it fit into my already overwhelming life. I feel guilty taking time for myself when there's so much in my house to do." And these are all completely valid. Like I say, I'm not here to shame anyone. Trust us, I've been that person who can't find time to breathe, never mind sit down and meditate. But let me lovingly challenge you on this, right? If you don't make time to care for your nervous system now, you're going to be forced to make time for burnout later. Okay, I'm going to break this down even further because as I was making notes for this episode, I calculated there are 1,440 minutes in a 24-hour day. So if you meditated for just 5 of those minutes, that is literally 0.3% of your day. 0.3% of your day. And even if that feels like too much, start with 2 minutes. That's literally less time than it takes to scroll TikTok. It's less time than it takes to boil the kettle. So sometimes what I think is it's not that you don't have time, It's that you don't feel like you're allowed to take it. Like, who am I to sit and breathe for 5 minutes when the laundry's not done, or the house is chaos, or I've got 73 unanswered WhatsApp messages? But hear this: you don't need permission to care for yourself, and you certainly don't need guilt. When you give yourself 2 mindful minutes, you show up better in all the other ones. You're calmer with your family, you're more focused at work, you're less likely to spiral over things that don't matter. And you're way less likely to burn yourself out. Now, this might sound wild, but meditation actually gives you back time because you waste less of it spiraling, overthinking, second-guessing, and reacting to things from a stressed-out place. I used to spend the whole afternoon stuck in anxiety loops. You know, one conversation would throw me off for hours. Now I just pause, I breathe, I recenter meself, and I get on with me day. You don't have to give up time to meditate. You're just choosing to use a tiny slice of it in a better way. Now, some of you might even just be sat there right now thinking, "Mark, I love what you're doing, but I'm not really spiritual. Can I still do this as well?" Let me make this very clear. Anyone can do this. If you're listening to this thinking, "I'm not into incense. I don't own a singing bowl. I have no idea what a third eye is," you're in exactly the right place. You know, for years meditation has been kind of marketed to you like you need to be halfway to monkhood to do it properly. You picture someone sitting cross-legged on a cliff top, draped in linen, eyes closed, bathed in sunlight, completely still, probably with birds landing gently on their shoulders like they're friggin' Snow White. And you're like, oh my God, I'm sat here, I've got a laundry basket the size of Everest, me phone won't stop pinging, me baby's kicking off upstairs in his cot, my brain sounds like the inside of a microwave, This is not my reality. But this is the good news. Meditation isn't about becoming spiritual. It's about becoming present. Because at its core, meditation is simply the practice of tuning your attention inward. It's just about noticing, um, what's happening in your mind and your body without judging it, fixing it, or running away from it. That's it. That's all it is. You can call it self-awareness. You can call it mental hygiene. You can call it Mart's Daily Moment where he closes his eyes and tries not to lose his shit. That's what I call it most days. You don't have to believe in chakras. You don't even have to own a single crystal, although let's be honest, I will judge you if you don't. You don't have to sit cross-legged if your hips hate you, you know. You just need a willingness to pause. That's literally it, okay? And I think one of the most beautiful things about meditation is that it meets you exactly where you are. So if you want it to be part of your spiritual practice, brilliant, amazing, go and do that. If you just want it to be just 5 minutes of quiet so you don't scream into the pillow every afternoon, that's valid as well. Meditation doesn't need to look a certain way to work. You don't have to feel spiritual, you just have to feel present. And in fact, I think that's probably one of the most spiritual things that you can do, is to just learn how to sit with yourself, to listen, to breathe, and to respond instead of react. That's where healing's gonna happen— in the simple, messy human moments, not the clifftop silence and linen trousers. Although, like I say, if that's your thing, go and live your truth. Now, some people might be thinking, "What if I don't stick with it?" Let's be honest, you've probably started other things and fallen off the bandwagon before, haven't we all? Meditation isn't about discipline or punishment or ticking boxes. It's just about creating something that feels good enough to come back to over and over again. You're allowed to pause, you're allowed to start again. There's no such thing as failure here, only returning. Some of you might be thinking, um, I already do yoga, breathwork therapy, do I need this as well? Short answer: no, you don't need it. But will it enhance all of those things? Absolutely. You know, meditation and mindfulness are the foundation of all of those things. They help you get more out of every other practice that you do. So think of it like this: yoga stretches your body, therapy stretches your mind, meditation builds that quiet strength in between them. You know, this course doesn't add to your plate, it just supports what's already on it. And even just yesterday when I was putting this out on Instagram, someone messaged us and said, "I just don't see how sitting still can change me life." And I get it, it sounds too simple, right? But it's not about sitting still. It's about learning how to be with yourself, okay? Because when you start to meet your thoughts, your triggers, your feelings with kindness and awareness, everything will change for you. You'll stop spiraling. You'll start catching things before they explode. You'll feel more in control of your energy and your choices. And that ripple effect, obviously it's going to ripple outwards. It's going to touch every single area of your life. And I know that there are apps out there There are free YouTube videos. You know, I've even got like meditations on Manifest with Mart Tweedy. I've got them in my resource library on the Academy. There are books, there are podcasts, there are challenges galore. But here's what makes this program different. You're not going to be just left to figure it out on your own. You'll get structure and flexibility. You know, it is designed for real people with real lives, not those monks on a mountaintop, as I mentioned. It's full of humor, humanity, and a whole lot of heart. So, you're not just going to be learning a skill, you're going to be changing your way of being. And the best part is, if I do say so myself, you get a live weekly call with me for the duration of the 6 weeks that we're together. So, we can discuss that week's content and we can meditate together in real time. Now, this process that I'm putting together for this program, it has honestly changed my life and it's changed the lives of so many of my students as well because This is the thing, meditation isn't a magic pill. So it's not about becoming perfect or peaceful overnight. It's just about creating those micro moments of clarity within the mess. So it's about pausing when everything is noisy and about choosing calm even when you're in the middle of the chaos. And most of all, for me, it's more about remembering that I deserve to feel grounded, connected, and in charge of my own inner world. Because you really do as well. Okay, so if you're sat there nodding along to this episode, if you felt even a tiny spark of, "I think I might want to try this," if you're tired of running on empty, if you're reacting to life instead of leading it, if you're ready to feel calm, clear, and more like yourself again, then I want you to come and join the priority list for my meditation and mindfulness program. Only people on this list will get the early bird price the bonuses, and the first access to enrollment when it opens. And yes, spaces will be limited for this round, so head to cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk/meditation, or you can even hit the link in the show notes for today's episode. All you need to do is pop your name and email in and you're all set. But like I say, be quick because I am limiting this first round of the course to a limited amount of people. And the doors are going to be opening very, very soon. So thank you so much for joining me for this episode. I hope it's kind of planted a seed for you, or maybe sparked some thought, or maybe it's just like reminded you that peace isn't something you chase, it's something that you create from the inside out. You don't need to change your life to feel better, you just need to change the way that you meet your life. And I'd be absolutely honored to show you how to do that. So I'll see you in there. And just one other thing to mention before we go on today's episode, I've had a gigantic restock at cannycrystals.co.uk across all of my crystals and spiritual items. So head on over to the website, use your exclusive discount which is the word podcast, P-O-D-C-A-S-T, just use that at checkout and fill your boots. There's some absolutely stunning new crystals, if I do say so myself. I've even had to slap my own wrists actually as I was taking photos of them just to make sure that I didn't just trot around my house and place them all on shelves and just keep them all for myself. So if you have enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to rate, review, subscribe to this podcast. I really would appreciate it. Go on, you know you want to. Give us 5 stars, please, I beg of you, please do it. Right, anyway, I'm gonna love you and leave you. Cani Crystals Academy me.co.uk/meditation. Your future self will thank you for that. See you all next Friday, guys. Bye.

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