Breaking Patterns Of Overworking With Emily

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Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll discover how to unlock and express the most authentic version of you and realize that this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan Siemens. Now let's make some magic happen. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the Clarity Corner. Every single week, we have two episodes on this show. One is an unedited coaching session which is happening today, and our other is an interview. Conversation meets human design experience. So today's episode, as I said, is a coaching session with Emily. Emily is exploring the concept of knowing when enough is enough. So if you've ever felt like you're overworking, if you've ever felt like you're trying to prove yourself by the work that you're doing or a relationship that you're in, this is going to be a great episode for you. We not only explore the mental and internal shifts that need to be made to bring yourself to a really grounded place and not overwork and understand success in different ways, different shapes, different capacities, but we also explore what that looks like very tangibly, what it looks like to put that into action. So if you've ever experienced any of those things, you're definitely going to enjoy this episode. One thing I want to share before we dive on in is I have worked with Emily in the past. She is a wonderful long term client of mine for several years now, and we do touch on elements of her human design without going really in depth to them. Emily is a reflector in human design, and if you're not sure what that is, I do have a whole, whole intro to human design episode on the podcast. It's episode number three. If you want to dive into that to learn a little bit more for this episode, you don't really need to know the full background. But just in short, reflectors make up about 1% of the population. They're very rare, and they are here to really mirror back to us what's healthy in the community and what's not. And so it's really beautiful that Emily's stepping into this space of noticing this pattern of overworking, because this is not only going to serve her to come into her most aligned space, but it's also going to serve everyone in the community. I often find that when my reflector clients are going through something, a lot of people in their space are also going through that. And oftentimes reflectors are amplifying what is happening in their space. So this is such a healing episode for so many reasons. Reflectors are also designed to be super fluid. So some days they're gonna have tons and tons of energy. Some days it feels really good for them to go, go, go. And some days, most days, they're gonna feel like a little more spaciousness is needed. Reflectors really do have a way of showing us what it means to be fully present and what healthy leadership really looks like. So I always love chatting with a reflector. I always love being in coaching space with Emily. And I just think this is such a beautiful session with so many lessons in here for, I'm sure, so many of you, because overworking is such a societal story. So without further ado, I could talk about this session for a while. There's so many golden nuggets in it. But let's just get. Get on in to this session with Emily. Emily, welcome to the clarity corner. Where do you need some clarity today?

Thank you so much. What's been on my mind and heart lately is I recently received a promotion at work. I'm about three months into my new role. I'm doing it's part or halftime, coaching people, taking care of my clients. And then half time, I'm actually supervising other dietitians and other health coaches. And so this is my first leadership role. And so something that's come up in the past few days around just my job, and it just my.

Just.

I'm noticing this pattern in other areas of my life is knowing when, knowing when to stop, knowing when enough is enough. Just for more background and context, you know. Yep. Yesterday I was on. I was. I was off work. I was on PTO for, you know, going into the. The Christmas holidays. And I left a few things open when I logged off on Wednesday. And it was just eating at me. I was just ruminating on it, could not let it. Ended up. Ended up working for a few minutes yesterday. And I know this pattern isn't healthy or sustainable. So I'd really like to get some clarity on knowing and learning when enough is enough and how to switch. Switch off.

And outside of knowing when enough is enough, is there anything else you really, like, desire? Desire to feel. Desire to move into.

I desire to feel, like, really content and confident in my role, like I'm really owning it.

And.

What's the word? Competent.

Content. Confident and competent. Wonderful. All right, let us get some clarity. I guess we have a C theme today around that. So when you're in that mode of like, I gotta keep going, I gotta finish this thing, I gotta close the loop. I gotta get all the things done. Check all the boxes. What would you say the thoughts are driving that.

We can't leave things open. Let's tie. Let's, you know, let's. Let's tie things up really nicely. We don't want this waiting when we get back. Like, let's get this done now so we don't have to worry about it anymore. Well, what if. You know, what if this person needs something? You know, what if someone comes in and, like, they. For lack of better words, they critique your work and it's not finished. And then you have to be like, hey, it's not finished. So. So those are some things that are going through my mind.

And so you were kind of going into this a little bit already, but, like, what's the what if? So, like, what if you do leave things open?

Yeah, it's on my mind. It's. It's like, I don't want. I don't want someone to see an unfinished. Like, I don't want my boss to see an unfinished product or project and look at it and think that it's finished and that I did a crappy job on it.

Yeah. What are you making that mean about yourself?

That I'm not working hard enough? That I'm not good at this job? That, oh, my God, if she sees this, like, you're gonna get fired? Like, that's. That's, like, you know, immediately immediate worst case scenario.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just really. I want to, like, pause and honor one, that you've stepped up into this role of leadership. You're in a space where you're doing coaching and supporting people, which I know you from before this episode, so I know that's something that you're just ignited about. And you're also just really, really good at. And so I want to really honor and acknowledge that you've stepped into this space, and it seems like you're hitting a few upper limits and that you have the awareness to go, wait a second, I'm finally in this space that I've kind of been working towards. This isn't gonna feel good if I keep going at it this way. You just want to celebrate that awareness for a moment. Do you feel like you have acknowledged that within yourself?

Probably not enough. Oh, see, there's that not enoughness coming up again. That's funny.

Yeah. I'm actually curious. Do you feel like you've really celebrated stepping into this new role?

Probably not, no.

Yeah. Because it almost feels like you're like you've gone into this role, and then it's like, okay, well, we have to go. Like, we just have to. We have to get. We have to get moving with it. Like, we have to keep it almost. Almost like. Well, we have to keep sustaining this, which is kind of the funny duality here, because you're like, but this isn't the sustainable way to do it. Mm. Does that feel true for you?

Yeah, I guess I didn't really. You know, I guess I didn't take the time to celebrate. All that got me to, like, help me reach this goal. And it was more, you know, I immediately shifted focus to, okay, more growth, more learning, more, you know, where am I? Where are my growth edges? Where am I falling short? What can I work on versus really celebrating the skills that, like, I've really honed in order to be in the position that I am now.

Yeah. So with that, I'm curious too, if. Do you feel like these patterns were showing up before you stepped into this new role, or do you feel like you were showing up in a different way before stepping into this new role?

No, I. I think that's been a consistent. A consistent, you know, pattern for me. Yeah. Yeah.

So when you consider. And we're going to come back to all the yummy, delicious celebrations. I promise. But when you consider that feeling of something being unfinished and the thoughts of, I'm not working hard enough and I just might get fired if someone sees this, if someone notices this, does that feel like your voice or someone else's story?

It does feel like my voice right now because I've heard it for so long for me. But I'm sure it probably does have origins elsewhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, even the potency of that, like, I've just heard this so long from me, and also the reminder that, like, if that's my voice, then what if I just started telling myself a new story and I have a feeling you've maybe given that some thought. That's a bit of an assumption on my part, though. Have you given that any thought of what the new story you would tell yourself is?

I have some ideas.

Okay. What are those ideas? Let's play with them.

It would sound. A new story would sound something like. Like, you're. You're doing the best that you can with the tools and the awareness that you have. Right.

Mm.

And, like, that's. And anything more than that, like, doesn't feel true. Like, if I were to be like, oh, my gosh, you're so awesome. You did so great. It's like, that doesn't quite feel true yet.

Yeah, I'm Curious, what could a story be around? Even if I leave something unfinished, how would you finish that statement?

Even if I leave something unfinished.

The.

World'S not going to end, the company's not going to go under. There will be other opportunities to finish it at a later time.

I also wonder, since you're in this space of leadership and coaching and mentoring other dietitians in your space, what would you say to someone who came to you with a project they felt like was unfinished?

Yeah.

What would you.

I would first, like, maybe ask them some clarifying questions. What makes you say this is unfinished? What would be. Yeah, what makes you say this is unfinished? What would help you. What would help you to feel that it is finished? And can we be okay with where it is right now?

Yeah. I love that first question. What makes you say this is unfinished? And I feel like that's such a wonderful anchoring reminder for yourself instead of, like you said, immediately jumping to, like, the new story of, like, I'm so excited. This is unfinished. That feels, that feels like a leap that's not here in this present moment. But what if you just started to explore, like, what makes me say this is unfinished? And like, what if right now wasn't the time for. For it to actually be quote, unquote, finished? How does that land for you?

Yeah. Yeah. And because we have talked about some of these things in the past, it remind. This reminds me of a conversation that we had a while back where it's like. It's like putting together a puzzle, but I'm waiting for the pieces. I'm waiting to find the pieces, and I'm finding the pieces out of order sometimes. And like the, the. The shadow comes from the pressure of needing all of the pieces to be together right now versus just trusting that know more information will come, more pieces will come. And so all that to say when you said, you know, now maybe not the right time to finish it, that really landed for me.

Yeah. Yeah. And what do you feel like you need to anchor in as far as an emotion or a state you might need to bring in when that thought comes? When that thought comes into play of like, what if just right now wasn't the time to finish? And like, what if I needed to wait a moment for this puzzle piece? What is the state or the emotion that you feel like you need to anchor into your body?

Yeah, it feels like a release. And it feels like there's some excitement too. Some, like, anticipatory excitement, you know, not like the anxious like I'm anticipating, like the Other shooter drop. But like, I'm. Wait, I'm anxiously anticipating, you know, excited for this new revelation to come through. That feels really exciting.

Yeah. Yeah, I can feel that. I, like, had like a huge smile, like, start to form on my face and also honoring that. Sometimes shifting the thought feels like I'm just not. I'm not going to be able to just like, tell myself this new thought and just like immediately believe it. But shifting from I'm anticipating the other shoe to drop and an anticipating excitement, that's a shorter stair step. And so what is the stair step? How do you think you can get yourself from one anticipation to the other?

I think remembering that, that part of my human design, that alignment piece, is the element of surprise, Right?

Yeah.

So really leaning into that and remembering and shifting again. It's just kind of shifting that, like, you know, it doesn't have to be a really scary surprise. It can be something very exciting too. So just. Yeah, so anchoring and remembering that, you know, I'm supposed to feel surprised in a good way.

Have you ever experienced that surprise in a good way?

Mm, yeah, a lot.

Let's play there for a second. Do you have some examples that you are happy to share out loud?

Yeah, sure. Two actually came to mind. One was earlier, like, way back. Well, oh, my gosh, way back at the beginning of the year when my husband approached me about going to Moab, Utah for spring break. That was a complete surprise. And as you know, we ended up doing it and it was just. It was one of the best trips we've ever been on. It was amazing. And then just this morning, he approached me again and he's been talking to, like, this, a black belt in jiu jitsu that we followed on Instagram for a long time. And we both really love his content, love his style. Um, and my husband's talking to him about bringing him in for a seminar next year. And I like, flipped. Like, I went on. Well, full out fangirl mode. Was so excited. Um, so, yeah, those are two examples that I can think of right now.

Yeah, I love that. And what's really cool is there was like nothing for you to do before those things happened. Yeah, like, there were no boxes to check, There were no extra tasks to tie up. And in fact, many things might have been open looped before that. And I can feel your excitement too, of just like getting it, Stephen, like the, oh, I get a fan girl.

I know.

So I think, you know, remembering surprise is so life affirming for your design and also remembering that that giddy feeling of ooh, if I can let myself be in that surprise state, there's kind of some magic that happens. So at this point, do you feel like there's a way you might redefine quote unfinished or a new word you might give it?

I'm trying to think of a more oops, more positive spin on the word unfinished. One word that came to mind was open. Like leaving some tasks open, available. That's all I got right now.

Yeah, I think those are powerful words. If you just think about like the essence of open and connecting that back to surprise. You know, I believe that surprises aren't going to come to us. Things aren't going to come to us in life unless we are open and ready for those things to come. So there's so much power in being open and the potency behind available. Especially when you think about your work and creating things in co creation. What if by leaving something open, you created this availability for someone else to come in and share their wisdom that then opened up something else so magical for your wisdom to bring through?

Right.

How does it feel leaning into those two words?

Right. I really like that. And the way you just phrased that kind of helped me see that. Like even like, even though I've been asking like for my like boss's input and feedback, like when she gives it, I'm like, I'm getting really defensive about my work versus being open and available to, you know, hey missy, like you don't know it all yet. So just, you know, being open to like receiving. Like you said, like her, her wisdom, you know, there was kind of a negative again, there was a negative connotation I guess too. Like the way I was receiving the feedback versus being open and available to receiving and integrating and taking learnings from that.

Yeah, yeah. So I love all of that and I think that's going to be such a beautiful state and space to bring yourself into. I'm wondering if there's anything very tangibly you can think of that might support you in that remembering when you're in the moment of like feeling that kind of tension, that tightness of like, oh, I'm, I still gotta like do a few more things. And bringing yourself to that space of what if I was open and available? Are there some tangible things that you might bring into play here?

When you say tangible, do you mean like practices? Do you mean affirmations? Do you mean like touch points? Could it be any of that?

It could be any of that. Let's see what comes through for you. I'd say let's. Let's try and get it specific, but I want it to feel good for you.

Right. Well, I just. I have some pretty crystals on my desk. One of my favorites is actually sitting on my desk, and I'm picking it up and looking at it in the sunshine right now.

Yeah.

I feel like that could be a good anchor point.

Yeah. That's amazing because you work from home, and so I know that's always going to be there.

Yes.

And so maybe that can be your reminder when you feel that tension come up, to pick that up and to just feel. And I love how just readily available that crystal was. I always feel like crystals come into our life, and they have, like, a very specific purpose.

Yeah. Yeah. My collection is ever growing.

I love it. I'm just imagining all these little gems with. With wonderful little jobs. So coming to this space of openness and coming to the space of being available and really feeling that and having that anchored in. I didn't forget about our celebrations, so we have to come back to that. And I'm so curious how anchoring into these celebrations can also support everything you're stepping into right now. And so what are a few, A handful of things that you can celebrate that helped you reach this goal of stepping into this leadership position?

The thing or a thing that I'm most proud of is even when I was. I kept showing up consistently. I kept showing up for my members, for the company with a positive attitude. Even when I didn't. Even when I didn't really feel like it, even when I was feeling drained, like, I. I kept showing up because there was a knowing capital K. Knowing that, like, this is like, for lack of better words, like, this is going to pay off. Like, this is going to, like. I know hustling is. Is kind of getting a bad rap, but it was like, just keep, you know, just keep hustling. Like, keep doing what you know that you're good at and be consistent with it. So I'm really proud that I did that.

Yeah. Yeah. And so knowing that you had this honoring of the hustle, do you feel like you can now lay that season to rest and let yourself be in the state that you're desiring in your body?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. Because I. I think being a leader does require a different energy, a different state.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the beautiful thing about your reflector energy in human designs. We've chatted a little about your. Your theme of surprise. The beautiful thing about being a reflector is you have so much fluidity and so there will be seasons where that hustle feels really good. And there will be seasons where you feel that call to be more in that openness. And so even just really honoring that, that's where you're at right now. And that's the leader you're calling being called to be. How's that land for you?

I was just thinking in my head that feels so nice to lay that. Yeah. To lay that aside.

Yeah.

It's like, yeah. Hey, like, I need to work hard.

Yeah.

But I don't have to hustle anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if you're working hard? Quote unquote, could look different in every season.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So what do you now know about when do I stop? When is enough enough?

I think I've always known when to stop. It's just that I've ignored it in the past. So I know. I know when enough is enough. When I. When I'm just. When like, I literally feel like my tank is empty and so maybe some more work for a later time is not letting the tank get empty. But we can talk about that another time. But just I think the work is. Or the. Yeah. It's listening to. It's also. It's the knowing. But then also honoring that and listening to that and acting on that versus just ignoring it and pushing past my limit.

Yes. So it sounds like giving that same openness and availability that you are ready to give to your boss and everyone else at work. Giving that same openness and availability to yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do you feel complete today?

I do. Thank you.

You're so welcome. Always such a joy to be in your space with you.

Likewise. Thank you.

Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're ready to get unstuck and on with a joy life, you're ready to be magnetically you in life, relationships, business and everything in between. I invite you to apply for coaching together. It all starts with a clarity call. If you thought this was magic, get ready to blow your mind through your own possibilities. Apply for coaching at Megan Siemens.com forward/coaching.