Breaking The Should’s In Life with Emma Wilson

To have friends of convenience, it's like it has to be that every friendship's really deep and like it's going to last forever. And I think that that is should be broken because we are allowed to have friends for every purpose that we want.

Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll discover how to unlock and express the most authentic version of you and realize that this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan C.E. demons. Now let's make some magic happen. Welcome back to the show, my friends. Today you are in for a treat. We have Emma Wilson, who is the turning 30 coach. I have known Emma for a few years now, and I knew this conversation would be so deliciously good. Chatting through life transitions, chatting through the shoulds and labels and the timelines, and we even chat about friendships and why it's so freaking hard to make friends as an adult. Emma's also a manifesting generator with a 1:3 profile. So we have some fun conversations about moving fast in life and feeling like you're going at a rate that maybe no one else is around you. And also we talk about this contrast of wanting the research, wanting the facts, and also wanting to go into the experiment and what that contrast looks like. Live in action. It is such a good conversation, you all, we touch on so many things and share so many very tangible, practical tips that you can take into your life. So before we get into the episode, let me tell you a little bit more about Emma. Emma is a life coach and podcast host dedicated to helping those who are turning 30 to feel better at this transitional time. After experiencing her own personal turning 30 struggles, Emma began her mission to help others struggling with the 30 pressures, helping her clients feel more confident and get unstuck in all areas of life from careers, dating, friendships, finances, lifestyles, and more. She has helped hundreds of women to overcome challenges during this transitional time. And I have to add on and say, even if you're like, oh, I'm well past my 30s, if you're like, this is not going to apply to me, let me just say if you are, have or think you ever will move through any transition again in life, which is just giving me a bit of a laugh, because what is life without transition? You're going to find so much value in this episode. And as always, we do have where you can find Emma linked up in the show notes. So after you take in all of this brilliance, definitely head over there and go find Emma on your favorite platform. Plus, we have linked up her friendship course, which we do talk about in the episode, along with a free journal guide for you. So some gifts and goodies for you to tune into after the episode. But for now, sit back, relax, and enjoy. Emma Wilson, the turning 30 coach. Welcome to the Clarity corner.

So excited to be here.

I'm so excited to have you here. Like, you are truly one of the coolest humans I know, and you just embody everything you do, and you have also one of the best Instagrams around. So everyone listening. That is, like, your action item before we even begin. It's, like, such a tangible, actionable Instagram. And when I was thinking of people who just, like, truly, fully embody alignment, you were, like, the first person that came up.

Oh, my God. I mean, I'm glad we're not doing video because I'm fully blushing right now. But, yeah, thank you. That really means a lot coming coming from you. Megan, for everyone listening is my one of my first life coaches. Like, you were. You know, when I signed up for the coaching course, we did a whole container together. So it's really fun that we, like, get to collaborate because I think over time, obviously we were. You were my coach, and then we just became colleagues and friends, so it's really fun to be here and that you started a podcast. Welcome to the world of podcasting.

Yeah, I know. It is so cool. I. I mean, I feel like we could probably get into this with, like, your human design a little later on, but I think about our first call all the time. I don't know if you remember, but you were, like, out. You were, like, out with friends, and you were, like, on a call, ready to, like, get started with coaching.

Yeah. Because of the time difference. And I remember it was evening for me, and we were out. I was like, God, I was in a burger restaurant, and literally my burger just came. And then you messaged me, like, do you want to hop on a WhatsApp call? And I was like, do I? And then I remember being, like, to my friends, like, just watch my burger. And then, like, going to a random, like, street corner and just speaking to you and then just signing up and being like, yeah, let's do it.

I feel like that's just, like. So you and, like, talk about just, like, living in alignment and, like, not worrying about, like, what. What you should be doing. Like, I should be eating a burger and being, like, fully with my friends. You're like, no, no. This is where I want my life to go. Like, what were you thinking in that moment?

I don't remember, I think I just, you know, it's funny because obviously I'm a life coach and, and I'm sorry, supposed to be good at making decisions, but I can be really get very stressed about a decision. And I remember in this period of time I was in a huge transition because I had left. I was leaving a job that I'd been in for a few years and I was, I hated it and I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do and I really wanted to be a coach. And I think I'd already done it. I'd already started a coaching course that was so not in alignment and I'd already left that behind and said, I want to do something else. And then through a connection, somebody recommended you to me. And then I saw like all of the things that you do and the coaching school where, where we both trained and it felt so much more aligned. And I think in that moment it was like, okay, I'm ready. And. And that happens a lot to me. I'm sure it's to do with my human design as well, so I've been told. But my decision making process can be quite hectic. But then I just know at some point, and I think in that, you know, when I'd read your materials online and seen your content and I just was like, okay, come on, let's do this. So it was like a very intuitive pull. So burgers could wait. Basically the burgers just waited. It went a bit cold, but it was worth it.

I love that so much. And this was like, so not the direction I was planning on going in at all.

Of course, this always happens at the start of the podcast. If you have a, like a friend, guest or somebody, it can be very light. You just run, tell random stories and then lots of fun things happen. But, like, carry on.

I mean, what a, like connection point to just like trusting your intuition, which I feel like is at least a part of the work you do. Would you say that's true? Like, as you're kind of helping people who are coming to those transition points, coming into their 30s, like, is a lot of it. Learning to trust themselves and their intuition, most of it.

I think I always say that it boils down to self worth. A lot of the work that I do comes down to that. And I think it also comes down to decision making, which is obviously completely about trusting yourself and following intuition and learning that difference between fear and intuition, which is obviously a big one. Nobody ever comes to me and says how I want to, I want to work on my intuition. I want to work on my self worth. They come, like you said, this time of transition as they're leading up to their 30s, already in their 30s, where they potentially want to get a new. A new job or leave what they're doing or start a new business or, you know, deal with confidence issues. A lot of it's linked to relationships, dating, you know, all of these different things. And it. It's always those triggers that lead people to reach out. But at the end of the day, the work that we do and we strip everything back. Yes, a lot of it does come down to. To intuition.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so let's like, rewind a little bit. So there's this like, huge header on your website that I love. And it' like there's a myth that by the time we reach our 30s, that we should have our together. It's like all in bold. Like, there's pink in it and I love. And it just stands out. And also, like, what's up with that? Like, why is that such a point in our life where we feel like we have to have our shit together?

Because 30s has this huge, like, narrative attached in society. And I think it's like a hangover from generations above because obviously lots of things have changed since. But yeah, it comes from popular culture, it comes from our parents, and like, as I said, the generations above, it just is everywhere that by 30, you know, 20s, you can explore, you can do what you want. You're allowed to mess up, you're allowed to do all these things. And not for everyone, but for most people, you're all of your 20s, that's acceptable. And then when your 30s come around, it's literally instant. Like the minute you turn 30, you should have all of those things, all of your ducks in a row, which obviously isn't true, but I think it is a societal thing. It's messaging that we've been given since we were very, very young. And a lot of it, we don't even realize how much we've internalized. Like, it starts as external, but we've internalized it. And you've. You recently turned 30. Like, you're new, you're fresh, you're fresh into your 30s.

I'm. I'm fresh ish into my 30s now. And yeah, I have to say, like, even with all the work I did, and I felt very confident coming into my 30s, I've always, like, loved the concept of aging. But there was like an internal light switch when I like hit my 30s that was like, whoa, what is happening right now. And I started to, like, question everything.

Everyone says it honestly, even exactly. Somebody like you, who is super self aware, obviously been in the personal development world since your early 20s. You know, you aren't somebody who's gonna just wake up one day and be like, oh, I'm turning 30. That's panic. It's like, you know, you said you were aware of it even so it is. It's a light switch. It completely is. Yeah, I agree with that.

It was so bizarre. I was like, what is even going on right now? And I'm so grateful that, you know, I started doing the work so early that I had the tools in my toolkit. But at the same time I was like, what is this? So I'm curious, like, I don't know, maybe this is a big question. But you. Have you thought about, like, will that ever shift? Do you think there's a way that, that can shift for, like, society as a whole?

I think it is shifting. We're millennials, so we see it a little bit less. I think that millennials, you know, we were straddle the kind of that we Internet, like when we were very young and our parents putting pressure on us and also that kind of like, we, we grew up in a house where they probably bought the house very young. And you know, most of us, our parents got married young or had been partnered very young and had children young. So we've seen and been brought up by that generation. But also we're part of the new generation and we obviously like, you know, technology and everything is like changing so quickly first. So I think for millennials, you know, it will stay the same, roughly. I think that the things that are changing is that the pressure to have children by 30, I think that's. Or like even your late 20s. Definitely. I think that is shifting. I really see that. I think that's now like 35 is more like the, the age that people feel more that pressure because of fertility and won't go down that route of conversation yet. But that's definitely, I think, something that has shifted. But I think for Gen's Gen Z and below, it will shift. I do think so. I think that the narrative is becoming a little bit more like, okay, realistically, by 30, because of the economic climate, you're probably not going to own a property and you might not have, you know, settle down, quote unquote with somebody. But I don't think we feel it that much as the millennials.

Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. I could see it And I can see some of the societal stories that are changing and how the generations are a bit different. And I'm like, I would just love to see those shifts happen in a bigger way. So on an individual level, if there's someone who's approaching their 30s and feeling that panic or have entered their 30s, I don't know if it's the same to you or if it's two different categories here and they're just feeling that pressure. Are there any very tangible things that people can do to kind of support some of, of that societal pressure.

To focus on being in your own path? I call it turning the volume up on yourself. I think when you are about to turn 30. Yeah, I think it depends. You just said, is there a difference between about to turn 30 and being in your 30s? I mean, the answer is no, because people experience the same feeling. I think it starts for people who have that societal pressure. It does start around 29th birthdays. Like that's also when it, when it started for me to come up as like a. Oh my God, 30s ahead.

Yeah.

Whereas sometimes it can be like very unique to different people's stories because sometimes people have all their ducks in a row and then they're 32, 33 and go through a big breakup and. And then they're like, oh my God, you know, 30s. So I think it really depends. But I do think that comparison gets huge at this point and we start to really look outside and look at what everybody else is doing, then we feel not aligned because we're looking, we're focusing too much on other people and less on ourselves. So yes, if there's one headline I could say for what you should do at this point to bring yourself back into alignment or to at least feel better, is to focus on you and not focus on other people. Really try and battle against that comparison and do the work, which is a very coachy phrase, do the work, but really look inside. Look about what you want. You know, you said before about what I do is releasing the shoulds and the timelines and it's like really about embracing your own unique path, which probably isn't the same as everyone else. I might be even different to your friends around you, around you, or the expectations that you had for yourself. So that's very much in a nutshell. Like could talk about that for three hours. So I hope that was okay.

Let's do it. Three hour episode on its way, everyone.

We could, I could easily do it.

You touched on a few things in there. One, I mean, we're going to open up your human design in a moment. And I feel like that's just one way that I love to kind of get to know yourself. And I'm, I'm curious, like, how those tools have come into play in your kind of own turning 30 or timeline toolkit. But before we go there, I also want to briefly talk about friends, because you touched on that, and no one talks about this topic like you do. Like, you talk about friendships in a way that I feel like I don't. I don't see anywhere else. And I think it's such a huge area of focus for people who are in their 30s or getting ready to turn 30, because so many things are shifting and changing and your friend groups change. And, you know, a story I've been personally, really actively working on is it's hard to make friends as an adult. And I feel like I'm probably not alone in that story. I don't know. Just. Can you riff on friendships for a little bit? Like, just share some wisdom on. On friendships in this adult phase of our life?

Yeah, I think you put it perfectly that friendships is a forgotten topic, because I even. I even actually summarized before why people come to me for help. And it was like career. You know, sometimes it's about finances and, yeah. Money and love and dating. We just forget about friendships. But friendships, I think, is one of those really changing things that happens a lot when you are. When you're in your 30s. And I think that, you know, up until your mid-20s, most people are on the same path. You especially, you know, when you're a teenager and you're in high school and then you graduate and, you know, lots of people go on to do college and then they move on to get their first jobs. And where I came from in the uk, it was very much like all of my friends. We all moved on from Manchester to London. And it's like a very, very set path, almost like a video game. And then all of a sudden, at 25, 26, 27, people started veering off on their own paths. So you had friends who were settling down and buying properties and starting to get engaged and get married. Happened to me when a lot of my friends were 27. I had a lot of weddings that year. And then you have the other friends who decide, no, that's not the path I want. And then they may be traveling and just have a very different life in their. In their late 20s, going into their 30s, and all of a sudden these people who you expect.

Yeah.

To be your Best friends your whole life. Because I think that's what we grew up thinking, that our school friends or home friends, however, like, wherever you have your main group of friends from are going to be there forever, but then. Then they're not because people move away. People start having babies, which just changes friendship dynamics completely. And. Yeah, and then. Then it can be a lonely time. Some people are really lucky and they do everything at the same time as their friends, and some people less so. And I think that there's a lot of narratives about friendships that can happen if you don't really dive into it and think about it. And I think the biggest one that you said is that it's hard to make friends in your 30s. I love talking about this because I think that getting a new group of friends in your 30s is amazing. I think it's one of the best choices you can make. A few years ago, I came out of a big breakup at the age of 33, and I had friends, and I have friends from, you know, my home friends and from different stages of their life. But when I was in my relationship, my friends weren't my most. My biggest priority. I didn't focus on that. And all of a sudden I'm like, oh, my God, I'm single and I need to make new friends. Like, I want to make new friends. And I set it as a goal. And it was really. It was really weird. It was like people just. I think people also think that friendship should come naturally. Friendship should be organic. I shouldn't have to try and make friends. And then I was, like, kind of doing an experiment, like, let's go and make some new friends and see. See how it goes. And I'm so happy I committed to doing that because I really ended up making some great new friends. And not everyone's. Not every friendship stuck, but the ones that have incredible friends. So, yeah, I love it as a topic because I do think that it will benefit so many people if they could just really break through that belief of it being hard or that should be easy.

Yeah. So you. You just spoke about. I just love listening to you talk about this topic, by the way. You just spoke about how you set that goal kind of after you got out of a relationship. And I know now you're in a relationship and you have baby on the way as well. Super exciting time. Do you feel like you're still very actively prioritizing friendships? And does that even look a little different now?

Oh, what a great question. I've been thinking about this a lot. The past few days because just like you mentioned, I'm, I'm at the like, advanced part of pregnancy and my friendships have changed again. And it's hard. It's my biggest, my biggest shift and my biggest transition at the moment that I'm going through is this identity shift. And you know, my, I jumped the timelines and ended up getting into a relationship and, and getting pregnant much quicker than I would I personally anticipated. And it was hard to recons reconcile that with my life before which for the past few years in this amazing, incredible and period of my 30s, I solo traveled loads. I really like just made the most of being in my 30s to the point of, you know, it was all about friendships and community and self development and, and travel and all these amazing things. And then all of a sudden I'm like, well, I've actually pretty much been stuck at home for however many months when I was feeling sick in the first trimester. And my friends are going out, you know, have a big group of, of friends who don't have children or, you know, most of them are single or in relationships, but they're not at those milestones yet and they're going out and partying a lot. Obviously I'm not doing that right now and it's difficult. I have to say, it's definitely a big transition for me and it's something that I should be working on more. Don't. I know we don't like it when you say should, but something that I'm doing to work on it is to make an effort to meet new people who are at the same stage of life as me. So again, it has to take conscious effort. So I went on a friend date with someone new, a friend of a friend who also is pregnant and she lives nearby. And we're really like, we have loads in common. We actually already knew each other, but we just never had the opportunity to hang out and we messaged each other and it was really not, it wasn't like, oh, okay, this just happened naturally. It was like, no, I made the effort to do it. So yeah, again, it's just the new phase of making new friends in a new stage of life. And I do want to say about that that I think people have this weird fear that it's taboo to have friends of convenience. It's like, it has to be that every friendship's really deep and like it's going to last forever or, you know, it's not like I'm just friends with you because we work together or because we are in you know, we're both having a baby in the same year or because we both are traveling in Costa Rica. And I think that that is, should be broken because we are allowed to have friends for, for every purpose that we want. I love that.

That is like, I, this is why I love the way you talk about friendships. Because I feel like you're breaking like so many stories. Like, I feel like there's this huge story that I've worked with even a lot of my clients on that. Like, I need a one best friend. Like that one best friend that is like, gonna be the maid of honor in my wedding and they're gonna like, be the godmother to my baby. And like, it's this one person and it's, it's, it's not the same as a romantic relationship. But at some point in life that became a story in society, from movies.

Probably, yeah, probably from TV shows is always the best friend. There's always like, like you said the maid of honor. And, and yet it's so true. And I think people try to have that one best friend and then it can become toxic. You know, really, I'm just being, being honest here. We become very intertwined with them and then put pressure on them and then maybe they're not acting the way that we want or vice versa. And I'm a huge fan of having a small group of best friends so they don't have to know each other. I think it not like, as in we have to be a group. That's another, that's another misconception about friendships that you have to have a group of friends. Then when people don't have a group that there's something wrong with them, they think that they're not popular. And it comes up with that kind of like high school, like being left out. But I'm a big advocate for having just a few, three or four close friends don't have to know each other. If they do, they, they're great. And if not, so be it. But yeah, it's so true. Like not putting pressure on yourself to have to have anything a certain way. And if you do happen to have one best friend, great. That's also good. Yeah, but yeah, like just knowing that. And I see this with clients and I see this with people, just people in the world. Some people just love having a huge big group of friends. My, one of my closest friends say my best friend. But one of my best friends at the small group I was talking about, while she's so popular, she has so many acquaintances she's always out in a group. She's got all these things, and then I don't have that, and it's like, that works for her. It doesn't work for me. So it's very individual how your friendship can be.

Yeah. So what I'm hearing, and I'm curious if this is what you feel like kind of is the underneath of it all. Like, do you think it's really thinking about, like, the intention behind the friendship? And. And why do you think it's really comes down to the intention behind it all?

In what way do you mean the intention?

Like, if you are feeling that immense pressure around, like, one specific friend, is it really looking at, like, well, why. Why am I putting this pressure here? Like, what is my intention with this friendship, with this relationship?

Yeah, I think it's about getting to know and understand what's really going on underneath. A lot of the time it can be very subconscious, and it can be. You know, we see a lot with their two best friends who are going through life together, that there can be jealousy between them. It can be when one moves into a new phase and maybe leaves the other behind. And I'm saying that in. In quotation marks because we're not really ever leaving anybody behind. We're just always on our own path. But it can feel that way. Yeah. Like, it can definitely feel a lot about ego, I think, and not really about, like, what's going on underneath. So I do. I actually have a friendship course which is like a. It's almost like a extended extension of my podcast episodes and audio modules. And I speak about this a lot of, like, really, like, understanding your perception of friendships and doing a friendship audit and looking and seeing. What do I really think of friendships? What have I been taught? What does each friendship represent to me? And I love how you worded it. That is, like, the intention of the friendship. Because we really should all have the same intention of friendships in terms of, like, just loving, conscious, mindful relationships where we could support and be supported. But unfortunately, it's not in reality. What happens a lot of the time when. When groups of people come together. It's just human nature that it's sometimes evolves into things other than that.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Okay, we'll link up your friendship course for everyone to go find, because I feel like I could just talk to you about this topic for hours and hours.

Yeah. Because it's so relevant. I'm sure you've had your own friendship journey as well. In. Now you're in your 30s and I think that just so many of us go through it. But I honestly think it's really ironic because it's the kind of thing that you want to talk to your friends about but you can't. So that's why you sometimes speak a lot to like your partner about that or your friendship or your family or potentially if you have a coach or therapist or something. But it's like something that we all should be talking about, but it's like awkward to bring it up with our group of friends.

Yeah, that is funny. It's like, that's funny to think about because I'm like, oh, why aren't more people talking about this? And it's like, oh, where do you, where do you go to talk about it? And it's like a bit taboo even to say, like, oh, I'm feeling a bit lonely, especially if you have friend groups and you know, sometimes you can even feel lonely even if you have a group of friends. And I think that's one of the signs of the, the shift. So I love that so much. Okay, let us shift gears and talk a little bit about your human design and see how you're already just like living your design and how this alignment shows up in the work that you do and everything. So just for everyone listening, Emma is a manifesting generator in human design with a sacral authority and a 1:3 profile. And if you're like, I have no idea what any of that means, we are going to break some of that down. So I'd love to. And I know like you've had what, what did you say before we started, like seven human design readings or.

I obviously was exaggerating. I don't know if that's in my human design. No. But I have had quite a few readings and I've worked with quite a few coaches who use human design as part of their method.

Yeah.

So. And also I ran a retreat this summer that was. My co host is a human design facilitator and we run sessions. She, she ran them. I'm not professionally trained in it, but obviously I was by her side when she was preparing it and also running it. So yeah, like I'm very, I would say I'm very well versed in human design and like the basic stuff. I can't read charts. But yeah, like I'm really aware of it and as well here as you will explain more because you are the expert. I really, when I first had a human design reading four or five years ago, I think it was, yeah, about four Years ago it was like, what? Oh my God. It was so validating. So yeah, I love speaking to people about my design because I think I'm not everyone resonates so much. But I think I am a good example of somebody who lives by their design.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you totally are. And I'm actually curious before we even go into human design, just because you are like so LinkedIn to all of the tools and you know, the personal development world and I'm sure you have so many tools in your toolkit. Like, do you have anything to say about how to use these tools in like practice?

I would say that people get nervous. I want to say specifically about human design and things like astrology.

Yeah, yeah.

People very much like to tick a box of I'm a believer. I'm an arm. Excuse me, I'm not a believer. It's like, oh, that's too, I'm too scientific for that. I'm not woo woo enough. I'm not spiritual enough. And people really like to reject the tools or fully, fully, fully embrace them. And it's like such a gray area. And I think I'm that gray area because I really appreciate human design astrology. They're two separate things, but I think it's the same concept of people viewing them in a similar way. I really, I really appreciate them and I really enjoy learning about them. I don't live my life by them. And I think that it's a really nice thing to have different tools, to have different perceptions that can help validate you. And that's why I see as human design is just so validating. And a lot of people hear their design and they just say no, actually I don't resonate with it. And that's fine. Like nothing went wrong. It doesn't matter. If you do resonate with it, great. And it's just an extra tool in your toolbox to understand and get to know yourself on a deeper level. I, I'm quite like against people doing big personality tests. You know, I used to be a career coach before I did turning 30 stuff and, and people really would come to me, they still do. And say, oh, do you do the battery of tests that you have to do with, you know, all the different like personality types and everything and, and you know, I don't do that. And, and maybe humane design can sometimes be seen as that like putting someone in a box or a label. So always recommend people to, to use it with curiosity and an open mind, but not try and categorize themselves. I've had clients before who have been like, oh, I can't do that because I'm. What is it? I'm a manifesto or. Sorry, I'm a projector so I can't make offers and sales. And I'm like, well, you kind of need to. When I was business coaching. So I think that it's really about.

Yeah.

Using them for. For good and not to try and almost like against. Not using them against yourself.

Oh, that is like the best answer I've ever heard to that. Because I mean I start every human design session with like, I'm giving you full permission to like rewrite absolutely anything we hear today. Because it's not meant to box you in. It is meant to be that like permission to just be fully you and like take the pieces you like and leave the pieces you don't. That was like the best answer ever. Everyone like rewind and re listen.

I think it's really important because I do think that, you know, for many people who aren't well versed in these kinds of tools, they're really quick to reject them. Yeah. Because it's not, it's not like in alignment with who they think they are. And I don't think that's what they're for. They're not to. It's not like, you know, it's not a reading that should be taken as like the black letter law. It's. It's just an invitation to get to know yourself on a deeper level.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so let's get to know you on a deeper level. I want to talk about first part. I want to talk about the manifesting generator in you because I'm so curious. So manifesting generators are really known to be like multi passionate. To like hold up as many yeses as they can at once. Manifesting generators move super fast. And I think often others might see manifesting generators as like frazzled or like they bounce around to too many things. But really this is just your way. Like you're designed to just be multi passionate and have these non linear paths. But I'm so curious how this lands for you because you seem so dialed in and like ever since I've, you know, known you, you've been the turn turning 30 coach. You've been dialed into a niche. Do you still feel that like multi passionateness? So I don't know if that's a.

Word, but this is such a good question because it's something that just to like go back when I first heard about what a Manny Jenny is, I was like oh my God, that is so me. Because really my journey before finding turning 30 was very all over the place because I had originally studied psychology and then gone on to study law and become a lawyer, a corporate lawyer and in London. And it was just like the least me thing and I left it quite quickly. And then I've spent a few years in my late 20s, early 30s, really bouncing around to the point of like I could have a different passion every week. It was a lot to do with confusion, but it was also a lot to do with not just having one specific interest, but being interested in many different things. So yeah, I would wake up one week and be like, okay, I'm gonna go back and do psychology and become a neuro psychologist or something. And then the week after I was like, I'm going to start coding. Yeah, I'm going to go into tech. And then the week that obviously it lasted like five minutes because I'm really bad at maths and logic, but you know, all of these things, it was like every, it was like I was really multi passionate and I couldn't find, I couldn't find my place. And then I know that manifesting generators struggle a lot with that shadow side of feeling that like you said, people, yeah, think that they're all over the place, but also feeling like, yeah, they need to focus on one thing and not like focus on many different things. Again from society's perception that we have to, you know, have one job or have one purpose in life. And yeah, so that was definitely like very, very true for me. And then I think when I found the turning 30 niche at some point I panicked and was like, okay, but if I commit to this, how is that going to like feed into my needs for variety, diversity? And it shows up a lot and I have to manage it. So it shows up in the way of. I always have these like new ideas and I want to put them into practice. It shows up in, it shows up in, in a good way of, or the way I've learned to manage. Is it by telling myself, okay, yes, I do have one focus and one niche, which is women who are, who are going through transitional times in their 30s. But within that I never stayed the same. Like, and that's how I manage it is like. And I remember being coached on this by someone. Maybe, maybe it was you. No, I think it was a bit later in my, in my coaching journey and it really came up that I was like, how on earth am I ever going to build a successful business and scale it if I Need to have the need to change things all the time. And then it was like, no, because you need to not think that the change needs to occur on the outside of the niche. It can occur on the inside. So the way that, that looks for me for the. Let's start with the bad. For the bad is that I can never run the same program twice. I always have to improve it or change it or. Yeah, I always have new ideas. I'm always like, okay, like, one minute I wanna focus on this kind of coaching, and then the next minute I want to be a business coach. Then the next minute I want to not be, you know, that the bad way is that sometimes I flip around a lot. And the good way is that I'm very creative with inside the niche and I use that a lot to, to kind of take hold of that. Like, that really, like the, that energy, that bubbling up energy that is there a lot of the time.

Yeah, yeah, I love that and I love those, like, very tangible examples of like, here's the story I had and like, here's just what I decided. Here's what I decided about it all. And I feel like a lot of, like, people who even just resonate with being multi passionate. So if you're like listening and you're like, well, I don't know if I'm a manifesting generator, but I know a lot of people resonate with being multi passionate. Like, I love that concept of like, well, what if you just like made a decision and like, what would feel good for you within that and you have like your little umbrella and then you like, get to express your fun fast creativity within it.

Yeah. And I do want to say it's definitely calmed down a lot now. But, you know, I've been doing this, turning 30 for five years now and. And sometimes I don't feel committed to it. Like, sometimes I am tempted. I am tempted. I want to just be, you know, be completely honest about it and say, yeah, I do feel pulled to do. Not necessarily not becoming a coach, but I have in the past, especially at times when the business hasn't been so successful or, you know, there's been dips and, and like, things have happened. It has felt a bit like, oh, maybe I should do. I should do other things. But I think for anyone who like, looks at my business from the outside and can see the different channels because I have a podcast and I, you know, I do try and create diversity within that. But yeah, it's hard sometimes. Like, I will be honest. Like, it's not all like, easy, breezy. It's not like I did. I do decide and I always come back to that decision. But yeah, like, a lot of the time in the past it has been. It has been a bit up and down with wanting to commit to it. Like, it feels a little bit noncommittal, sometimes less so. In the past year, I would say 2023, we've just entered 2024. But the past year it felt very like coming back into alignment with my niche and everything. But the year before that, maybe not so much.

Yeah, yeah. I'm curious, do you find that kind of the sacral piece of your human design comes into play here? So the sacral piece of Emma's human design is really how she's internally designed to make decisions. And that's all about, like, coming back in tune with your body versus the mind. Chatter. Do you find that that comes into play when you're in those moments of, like, spiral or moments of should or maybe I should go do something else? Like, do you find that reconnecting with your body really helps you in those moments?

Yeah, yeah, I do. I connect with the sacral piece in terms of like, I often have, like a gut. Yes. Like, something can happen and I'm like, I instinctively know, like, the answer. Like, it's very strong. But then my mind can completely take over and, like, give me so much noise. And then decision making can become really difficult. We were speaking about this obviously, at the start of the episode. And then it can become very much. Yeah, like, very confusing. I think a lot of people struggle with this actually. Like, I don't know if it's just people who have sacral human design for the decision making part, but, you know, it's that feeling of like, I know what I want, but then, oh, I'm just not sure because my mind is offering me a million different pieces of evidence as to why I shouldn't do this.

Yeah.

And yeah, I always think, like, for me, I use journaling a lot to ground. That's just my, like, preferred method of choice. But yes, whenever I'm feeling like I need to make a decision and I'm struggling with that, then I definitely try as much as possible to come back to my body to really tap into the emotions.

Yeah, I think a hundred percent. I feel like this is like one of the biggest lessons, like, no matter what, your design is One of the first things I learned in human design and I love. I've held onto it like forever. Is that the two places that we're taught to make decisions from are our mind or our external world. So our mind. The mind chatter that we get stuck in or our external world. I'm going to ask someone else for the answer. And really that's where none of us are designed to make decisions from. We're designed to, like, tune into our body or tune into our voice or tune into this feeling. And so I love that one. You found your tool, which is journaling, that allows you to get back into your body. Do you feel like you've always used that tool? Because you talked about in the beginning, like you kind of in the burger. In the burger place, you were like, I just knew I had to make this decision. But you probably weren't journaling in the burger place. So.

No, I wasn't journaling at that moment. I do have some boundaries with how I socialize. I'm like, it's so weird. I just don't really know why I don't have friends anymore.

I'm like journaling while eating.

Yeah. Taking phone calls in the middle of restaurant dinners. For me, journaling's always been. Been very important and very central. I do find that I rely on it a lot. I. I'm very cerebral as a person, so I struggle, not struggle, but I connect less with the somatic body work. And that's an ongoing journey for me. And I do connect more with that mindset coaching. And as a coach, I. Majority of my tools are about mindset, and I'm very into the brain and thoughts and psychology. You know, that's very much my kind of speciality, if we want to call it that. However, as much as journaling is an amazing tool that I always use and will continue to use, there is something about being able to drop into your body. And I think for each person, that's different. Less so in the past eight months. But yoga has also been a big one for me to reconnect with myself and also being in nature and being by the sea and. And recently got more into breath work and breathing. And I think there's so many different somatic body tools out there that we can use. And I think that journaling is one of them. And it is the main one that I use. And. But I think that when it comes to decision making, it, there's. There's no. I don't think there's a clear answer. I think. And also I don't think. I think it varies a lot for different people and different personality types and different, you know, maybe human designs or, you know, the way that people are. But Then I also think for each person, it differs depending on the decision.

Yeah.

Because I've made decisions, like, very intuitive decisions, like that. The. With the burger. And I've also made other decisions in really different ways. Like gone on a walk, you know, listening to music and gone to, like, a safe place and sat with myself and decided. Or just woken up in the morning and just been like, oh, I just know now I have clarity or spoken to a friend who has, you know, helped or coached. So, yeah, I just think it's. It's very different for everyone.

Yeah, I love that, and I love that. It's just like, there's so many different methods, and, like, just. Just give it a try and see what works for you. Okay, one last piece. This is going to be the final piece we touch on. And I know this is one that you have kind of been walking with recently, and I feel like it's come up so many times, and that is the 13 profile. So the. The one in Emma's profile is being the investigator, and the three is being the experimenter, which is quite a contrast, not only in itself, but a contrast from what we were just talking about, about being in your body. Because the investigator wants to research and be logical and find a solid truth, but the experimenter wants everything to be an untruth and wants to just, like, give it a try. And I feel like that is, like, such an interesting internal battle just on its own, but then to also bring yourself back to your body. I mean, you've got some contrasts going.

On within you, and I'm a walking paradox, so it, like, all makes sense.

We all are.

Yeah. That's so interesting, because I didn't. I never had it put to me in that way that the one and the three are, like, contrasting.

Yeah, I mean, I. I actually. So I was. I was binging Emma's podcasts before. Before we hopped on here, and I was listening to one of your podcasts about loneliness. It was a recent one, and I feel like I heard your human design in action. You were, like, sharing your own story. You were sharing all of the things you tried. You were like, here's just what I gave. I, like, just gave this a go for a bit. Just see. See how it felt. And then you were like, also, I was doing research before this podcast. I have a bunch of stats on loneliness. Like, it was just your entire human design in action. So I'm just curious, is there, like, do you find that you actively balance this within yourself, or do you feel like it's Just like a very natural occurrence for you.

It's so funny because I so like, wasn't aware of it and I'm literally like having like a moment of like, wow. Because, listen, at the moment, my specific. What I'm going through at the moment is the investigator in me is like at the forefront having a field I. Because of. And I do get like this. It's just funny to see. I think that it's like everyone does it, right? You know, research is everything and just knows everything, but people don't do it. But for me, that is just my natural state being is that I know everything about everything and I'm not particularly type A. So, you know, when I say type A, this, you know, this personality type of people who really organized and know everything and very much. No, that is not me at all. Like, I'm really not like that. Like, I'm a bit like disorganized and flowy and I'm really not like a specific type A person. But just something about having to know details about things is like a big thing. So because of the pregnancy, I'm literally like, when I tell you I know everything about birth, everything. And then I think that everyone knows. And I'm on this WhatsApp group with some other pregnant women and they're all like, what? And I'm like, you don't know that. Like, I've researched every possible possible hospital and birthing program. And that's funny, that's really interesting. But it's definitely sits alongside this experiment thing because, yeah, like, as I said, I'm not like, very rigid in the way that I am. And I do like to try different things. And especially when I'm going through like a period of transitional growth, I very much live by that rule of, okay, just this week I'm going to try to do something different and let's see if it works out. So I've never really thought of them in contrast before. It's always just been like, that's. They just sit there together.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's how it's supposed to work.

Yeah, I never really thought to myself, oh, like, they like conflict. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, truly, that. That feels like a portion of a definition of the definition to alignment of just like. No, they just kind of work. They just work together. Because I think we all have contrasts within us. And so it's just like, what if we just let them work together and you just like, take care today. Yeah, yeah. And you just like take that moment to Notice like, oh, I've been investigating this for a while. Maybe I'll just go try it.

Yeah, yeah. And I do think that in business, if we bring it back to business, like, I think that people who have this design or these, like, qualities and maybe I'm talking specifically about being a coach, is like, you can get stuck in that investigation phase that you can get stuck in that. I'm gonna do every single course. I'm gonna, like, be qualified in every single modality. I'm gonna really spend loads of time, like, understanding and learning and researching. And then you don't do enough, like, go out and really just try and. And basically, like, mess up sometimes and, you know, like, take some risks and fail and. And get out of your comfort zone and do all of those things. And I honestly think that there is a balance needed for both. And it is like being able to be trained and. And know the things to a certain extent, be a good enough coach and a businesswoman to. To do the basics, but you have to go out and take action. Like, if you don't do that, then. Then you're just going to stay in the same place. So, yeah, I think that those, like, very much, they. You're right. Like, they can very much when they're in alignment. And I think that. Yeah, like, I've never thought about it before, but maybe that is why my business has worked over the years, because I've been doing those things in tandem.

Yeah, I love that. And, you know, I think that's exactly the lesson you're designed to learn with that, with your 1, 3 profile. And for anyone looking at their profile numbers, the first number is the conscious number, and the second number is the unconscious number. And so part of the lesson is noticing when that conscious side of you is taking over. So for Emma, it's like noticing when that investigator's like, we need to know more. We need to know more. And, like, noticing that moment of going, wait, wait, wait. What if we just started to experiment and, you know, for anyone who's looking at their profile numbers, noticing that. That contrast within you of, like, when am I leaning way too much into that first number, the conscious side? And that's my sign that it's time to move to that second number.

I love that.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. This has been. I'm gonna have to have you on again because I still have so many.

Things that it's flown by. I feel like we just started five minutes ago.

I know. And I have so many other topics that we just need to chat about and like so many other amazing parts of your human design, I'm just, I'm so grateful that you were on here today with us and shared so much wisdom and tell the people where they can find you in all of your magic.

So, as you already mentioned, the main place that I like to hang out is on Instagram. So you can follow me. My handle is at turning 30 coach. The 30 is the numbers 30. And I also have a podcast, very aptly named the Turning 30 podcast, which is my pride and joy. So I invite you to go and listen to that if you like some of the topics that we're talking about today. And that's it, really. I do have a website, turning30coach.com. Everything's just turning 30coach, basically. So, yeah, that's where you can find me and feel free to reach out. I love connecting with my community, so I would love to hear from you.

Amazing. Thank you so much. And we'll see you again on here.

Yes. I can't. I can't wait for the next installment. Thank you for having me.

Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're ready to get unstuck and on with a joyful life, if you're ready to be magnetically you in life, relationships, business and everything in between, I invite you to apply for coaching together. It all starts with a clarity call. If you thought this was magic, get ready to blow your mind through your own possibilities. Apply for coaching at megansemans.com forward/coaching.