Embracing Imperfection and Owning Your Journey with Cayla Merrill

Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll.

Discover how to unlock and express the.

Most authentic version of you and realize.

That this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan Siemens. Now let's make some magic happen.

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the show. I have to tell you a story before we dive into everything today. I'm recording this intro. It's kind of an early morning in the house. I'm an early morning bird. I get most of my best creations done in the early hours, and I wanted to finish this podcast episode for you all. And I have to record the intro. And I cannot find my microphone anywhere. Like, I have quietly searched my house.

For a little bit of time.

I don't want to rummage too much because my love is not a morning bird. So I try to keep it quiet in the morning. I have no idea where it is. So I've stolen his microphone off his desk. Hopefully the sound is good. I've never used his microphone. Have you ever had one of those moments where you know something is in the house and you're like, I just can't figure out where I set it down. I'm certain that when the world wakes up, I'm gonna find it in, like a minute. But here we are. I have one very quick announcement before we dive into our episode with a wonderful guest and a dear friend, Kayla Merrill. Quick announcement. I am hosting a two day human design experience. Or maybe I should call it two parts. I mean, it is two days, but they're spread out. We're basically going to end your 2024 and start your 2025 in full alignment with your design. So part one is all about vision. Get really clear on your vision and how to align your energy with it first. So often we think about the doing and not the being. So this is your opportunity to reflect on your energy and to set yourself up with a really solid foundation to create a lot of ease and in the vision that you create. And then part two is going to be all about direction. So how do I actually get there? Creating the most clear and aligned path possible. So I'll drop the details in the show notes below. I would love for you to join. It's $99 for the whole experience, which is, I think, kind of insane. It's basically like a human design session, but in group format. And I think there's so much benefit to experiencing a group format because humans learn through contrast, and so we'll have opportunity to hear from others expressing Their design and sharing their own journey along the way. And there's so much value in that. I just had my monthly energy gathering last night for the back to you membership and we explore human design every single month together and it's so cool to witness that. Take takeaways or breakthroughs? I almost said breakthrough. Wait, I almost said take throughs and breakaways. It is, it is the morning over here. Anyways, it is so good to hear those experiences that they are getting through different lenses. So I'm really excited about this experience. We have a really great group coming together and I'd love for you to come join as well. I will drop that in the show notes, come check it out, explore a few more of the details and I' see you there.

Okay.

So today's episode, like I said, we have Kayla Merrell who is an incredible energy coach, an amazing brand strategist. I worked with her on my brand and I've also sat with her in energy sessions. So I can really speak from experience that Kayla's work is truly magical. Oh, I've also gone to acro classes that Kayla's taught me. So I have been in Kayla's space in a lot of different ways and. And we have a conversation today that yes, is about personal brand. But even if you're not a business owner, I think you're going to take so much away from this. We talk about keeping things sacred in your life, not telling everything to everyone all the time and how we can use that to really lean into trusting our process and creating a lot more ease in our process. We talk about stepping away from social and especially for business owners, what that can look like. Kayla gives some really tangible tips that you can take within your social media. We talk a lot about letting go of perfection through many different lenses and just allowing you as a human to be human. And then we get into some human design, of course. Can't help myself. Kayla is a generator and we have a really great conversation that kind of goes into the difference between generators and manifesting generators and why as a generator you might feel like a manifesting generator because of the multi passionate lens that is expressed for manifesting generators. So if you've ever been like, I think this is wrong. I think I'm supposed to be a manifesting generator because I'm so multi passionate. We talk about the subtle differences that really make those two types and I actually love the the way that we express this in this episode. And there's lots of vulnerable shares along the way from Kayla, of course, and Then also from me and my own business. And Kayla gives me so much wisdom on again, really practical tips that I can put into place with some things I've been navigating in my own business. And then finally I think the final big thing we cover is the power that the words I am have in our identity and really prioritizing who we are over what we do. We talk about how in a society we're often leaning into what we do. So like the first thing we answer when someone asks, like, tell me about yourself, it's like, well, here's what I do and we start there. And so what does it look like to define myself outside of that? So a little bit more about Kayla besides her awesomeness and her magic, Kayla is an enthusiastic, multi passionate, holistic, personal brand designer and energy coach who loves to empower multi passionate coaches and creatives to embrace their magic, feel confident AF and live life now through energy coaching, kick butt, personal branding and design. Kayla has 13 plus years of design and art direction experience in New York City and energy coach training to strategize how you can stop waiting for retirement to live your life and move through any mindset muck that is really keeping you stuck. And Kayla's also a pretty big goofball who loves to cheer people on, enjoys crafting of all kinds and teaching acro yoga with her life and acro partner, Mike. I really think you're going to enjoy this episode today. There are so many gems. I like couldn't stop writing down little nuggets of wisdom from this episode. So enjoy. And as always, myself and Kayla would love to hear from you after the episode. So send us a DM on Instagram, those are tagged in the show notes or send us an email. We would love to hear your takeaways or what really landed with you in today's episode. Enjoy.

Kayla, welcome to the Clarity Corner long awaited episode. I'm so glad you're here.

I'm so excited to be here.

It's going to be so good. Okay, so for everyone listening, Kayla and I did our energy coaching school training together through devoted energy coaching school. I feel like I worded that really weird. But we are energy coaches who train together. Yeah. We also went to the same life coaching school so we have all these connection points. But yeah, I feel like in honor of energy coaching, I I want to start this episode asking you just like what's on your heart today?

Oh goodness. You know what, it's really, I feel like this morning when I was like doing my morning like spending Time with myself, which sometimes I'll like, journal, sometimes I'll meditate. I was like, I just want to sit because I'm just coming from visiting my family for five days, which was like, very. And like visiting my friend who has a new little baby, which was like, absolutely lovely. But I wasn't doing like my morning routine. But this morning I was called to just kind of like be present, be present with my little kitty on my lap. And so I feel like being present. Yeah. Being present feels like what is being called forth.

I'm so curious how being present connects to personal branding, which is like part of your magic.

Oh, yeah.

And I can't help but like make that connection point because I feel like you talk about personal branding unlike anyone else that I've seen in the space where there is like this permission to be present with your brand instead of like, be rigid with it.

Yeah. So this is something that has also been, well, probably more in my mind than in my heart is the. Because I, I feel like I'm kind of going into like a little bit of a metamorphosis in terms of how I support people and like, yeah, just kind of tune in to like, what is in alignment. And I'm noticing like, how I'm showing up, slash, not showing up in my brand. And I think. And like, there's part. There's definitely a part of my brain that is making that quote unquote wrong or making that like, oh, we have to show up. We have to share everything. We have to share the process. But for me, there's also been some like, tender life stuff happening. And so I, I am definitely also kind of trusting the feeling of like, it's an, It's a. Not yet. It's an like the feeling at present to be really outward facing it actually I can, I can like kind of feel like it's shifting just a tiny, tiny bit into being like, okay, I feel like, am ready to show up again more. And so I feel like that's a long winded way of saying that, like, being present with your brand doesn't always mean showing up outward facing and sharing everything. Because I think that that can be the pressure that we put on ourselves of like, we have to share everything. We have to, we have to know the lesson of everything that we are navigating. And I think that's something that I really appreciate and have taken from like our energy coaching training is that like allowing myself to ex. To experience 1 and then 2 to like alchemize and then 3, then disseminate the wisdom rather than trying to, like, do all of those things at once of, like, oh, I'm experiencing some things that make me want to kind of, like, shift how I show up in the world. Oh, I need to. What's the lesson here? What's the lesson here? What's the lesson here? Oh, and I need to be sharing it. And, like, okay. As I say that out loud, I'm like, oh, that makes sense that it's gonna take longer than just, like, okay, it's been a day. I know what to say. I know how to wrap up all of these lessons in a beautiful bow. So, yeah, I think, yeah, it's a process and it's a slow one, and I think that can be really, for me, that's really challenging. I'm like, ugh, can we just get to the lesson already? Like, okay, I'm ready.

Yeah. And I feel like, especially in, like, the online space, there is, like, this pressure to, like, share everything, like, share all parts of units, especially when you have a personal brand. And there's almost like, this.

I see this, like, shame created, too.

Like, I've seen posts floating around out there that are like, you know, I saw so and so say that five months ago, they were going through burnout, and why didn't they tell us about it in the moment? And it's like, whoa, whoa. There's this, like, pressure of, like, well, can we process things behind the scenes and not have to share everything online?

Yeah.

But I'm hearing from you, is that can actually be okay and not detrimental to your brand.

Absolutely. And so this is what is also kind of cool, is, like, while I'm not outwardly facing on Instagram, I'm still on Instagram. Like, I'm just. I'm still in my DMs, and I'm still having conversations and looking at memes and stuff. But, like, people are still fought. Like, people are still following me. Even though I'm not showing up in my stories every day. I'm not. So it's like, it's. It is cool to see that. And this is what I share with my clients is like, yeah, that, like, your. What you're creating is a library of work that whenever someone comes find you, they comes and finds you. They get to, like, check it out, and they get to kind of see, like, is this a person that I want to spend more time with? And so I think for me, it's helpful to just kind of like, release the pressure valve of, like, always needing to be on in Real time and trusting that, like, my past work is supporting, like, the energy of my past work is supporting present me and, like, just trusting my own process and trusting what is unfolding. Because, yeah, I feel like I also. I've had conversations with some of my clients about, like, oh, well, like, I'm a parent. I don't really want to share, like, my kids. And I'm like, don't. Like, you need to make sure that there is, like, what is, like, sacred for you and yours. Keep that for yourself. Like, I am a very big proponent of, like, making you get to keep parts of your life for you because otherwise it's just. It's hard. I think it's hard when you put all. Literally all of our lives online and it. Yeah, for me, I. I definitely noticed there's like, this is just this. I want this moment to be just for me.

Yeah.

And that. That was also. I felt that when Mike and I were, like, prepping our wedding and stuff.

Yeah.

And like, when I went to get my wedding dress, like, I. I recorded it, I have a video of it, but I was like, oh, I want to keep this just for me for, like, a little bit. Like, I want to. I want to hold this moment for myself just a little bit. And I'll probably share it eventually, but like, yeah.

Yeah, I feel that so much because I. On like, a similar note, when Andrew and I got engaged, I didn't share it for, I think it was like three or four months. Like, not a lot of people know this at all. I don't. I actually don't know if I've ever shared this. So breaking news for all. But it was so special and it was so sacred to have that together and with our closest loved ones. And I think even someone who doesn't have a personal brand who's listening. This is such an important lesson just in life in general, because that moment gave us the opportunity to soak in all of the love and not have any external opinions. And the minute I posted the engagement, opinions started coming in. I was like, whoa. And it really made me stop and think, what am I sharing online and why am I sharing it? Like, what is the intention behind it? I feel like this is like. I don't know. I think this is, like a shift in the social media world recently. Do you. Do you think that this is, like, a big shift people are making? Even the idea of, like, not having to show up all the time and being okay with that?

Yes, I think. I think there's a huge shift. I think People are really exhausted. I think we are exhausted with being sold to. I think we're exhausted with consuming. Like, this is the best tip. This is. No, this is the best. It's like, I know I'm exhausted with that. And so it's like, I'm assuming I'm not the only one. But I also feel like. I think we're just. I think we're all just so tired and, like, we're turning to social media to zone out to. Like, I want to, like, disconnect. And I think that is shifting how people use social media. And, like, I noticed this with some, like, YouTubers actually, of, like, they are doing a really. This one person in particular, like, they were. They have a topic that they're talking about, and then they like, weave in of, like, oh, this is something we talk about in my program, blah, blah, blah. And then they keep going. So it's like that soft sell of kind of like, mentioning what we're doing but not making it all that we're doing. And that's not to say that we shouldn't be selling on social, but I think it's. It's. It's manifesting in a very different way because I think people are consuming in a different way. And I think there is. I think there is a draw for people to be kind of also stepping away from social. And so that also is kind of like, okay, well, if we've heavily relied on social, like, yeah, what part does it play for us now? And for me, I've always been a proponent of, like, social is, like, supplemental. It's like, it's a great tool, but, like, it doesn't have to be our only tool. Like, how can we continue to meet people in real life and then, like, social. I, like, for me especially, I. I'm on Instagram primarily. That is where people can get to know me. So it's like, if I meet someone in real life, I'm like, oh, yeah, let go check out my Instagram. And, like, you can get a deeper impression of, like, who I am, what I talk about, rather than, I think when I started my business. And also, like, yeah, during the pandemic, when we were all stuck inside, it was like, online. Like, online is where you're going to get your leads. That's where people are going to get to know you, and that's where people are going to buy from you. And I. I definitely think that's shifting as more people are kind of feeling that exhaustion of social media and, like, you know, living their lives irl like.

Yeah, yeah, it's so true. So I'm curious because I think on this all sounds really great. And then on the flip side, there can this also be this panic of. From online business owners of, like, okay, but, like, I also have to make money. What are, like, I don't know, two or three things that you think are important for people to do specifically on their socials to hold. I love that you called it like a library of work. Like, to hold that container of the library of work and still support their business being a business.

Yeah, I think, definitely, like, I do feel like. And like, I think people are open to people showing up in different ways. So it's like, I think it's. And I am. I am a coach who is very much like, you are the priority, not your brand. So it's like, whatever feels good for your self in this season of your life. It's like, so if you're. If you're feeling, like, the pull to be like, I don't want to be showing up as frequently, then it's like, okay, do you even want to show up or do you just want to have, like, your page be kind of like a space where people can get to know you? And, like, if you have an offer, have it as a pinned post. If you have a way, like, clarity calls, you could also have that as, like a pin post. Or I think it's kind of like. And one of my coaches, Diana Davis, talks about this. It's like approaching social as, like, a store, like a shop. And it's kind of like, you know, like, what do you want your shop window to look like? Like, what do you want people to think when they walk by? Like, oh, like, oh, cool. They've got some cool goodies in there. Like, oh, oh, I want to make. I want to come back. Like, I want, like, check that out when they're open. And I think it's really. I think a big part is, like, tuning into what feels aligned for you in this moment. And what is. What do you want people to take from your page? So it's like, what is it? Yeah, that you want them to know if it is, like, get on my newsletter because that's where I am showing up. Or subscribe to my substack because that's where I'm going to be. Like, whenever or even, like, hey, I'm peaceing out and taking a sabbatical. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it sounds like leaving some breadcrumbs for people to kind of continue to follow.

Yeah, yeah. And and what I'm hearing is we're coming back to that, like, point of presence that's, like, feeling really important to you as well, of just, like, how often am I checking in with these platforms or am I just, like, running, running, running, just going with the flow, just, like, doing all of the doing. Instead it'. Wait, have I checked in with this in a while? Is this still working? Is it feeling good and being really intentional from that side of things, too? Sounds like it's really important for personal branding, which I feel like is not often very talked about. It's just like, make your brand and then just, like, do it.

Yeah. And keep doing it and do it all the time. And I am guilty of this. Like, and I. And I was reflecting on my journey home last night that when we are in that going, going, going space, it's. I. I think for me, I'm kind of like, you know, I think I did get a little burnt out. Like, I think I was like, I had found. I had found what felt like a good, like, rhythm of creating content. I was also launching a program for a really long time. And I didn't really pause to be like, what's freaking? Well, what's not working? I was just like, we're gonna keep going. And then I started to really feel. When we came back from our wedding, actually, I felt this very strong pull of like, oh, I need to pump the brakes. Like, I need. I need to, like, pause and kind of like. And I didn't really. I didn't know why. I didn't know, like, what. But I was like, okay, I need. I'm like, I don't want to show up right now. And it's like, okay, cue existential crisis as a person, as a personal brand coach who doesn't want to show up in their personal brand. And also allowing that. Yeah, as we kind of mentioned, like, allowing that to be okay and allowing me to kind of trust my own process. And, like, I think this is. And this is something I've been reflecting on is I feel like a lot of other people kind of use personal branding as, like, personal branding is the priority. It's like, what is your personal brand? How can in, like, it can kind of be used as, like, this box that we get that we put ourselves. We, like, voluntarily put ourselves in. We're like, yes, these are the. These are the, like, perfect characteristics that I want to, like, package in to this again, very, like, wrapped up in a bow presentation of myself. And I don't like that because for me, as Like a very multi passionate person. It feels so limiting and it feels. And that limitation definitely withers my flame a little bit because then I'm like, well, I'm not supposed to post about that because I am supposed to be focusing on this. And so I'm very much like person first. Personal branding.

Yeah.

To find that, like, so it's one, finding what feels aligned for you. And also two, it's building. It's building a trust muscle with yourself of like, knowing that not everything needs to necessarily be tied exactly. To an offer or a launch or something. And like, I want to see. I want to see people's like, hobbies and stuff like that. That is what is so much more interesting to me.

Yeah.

Than seeing someone with like a perfectly crafted, like, grid of nine posts. Because actually. And like there, that was like a trend for a little while. Yeah. Everyone getting rid of all of them. Which I was like, what are people doing? I was like, no. And like, it looks great. But to me, I'm like, oh, you're not a real person.

You're.

You. You are. It's like. It is. I think there's a very fine line of like, having a brand that supports you in showing up as yourself and is cohesive and helps you to feel confident. And then having a brand that makes you look like a corporation. And that is like, I'm not a corporation. I don't want to really work with other corporations. Like, I want to work with real people. And so it's like when I go to someone's page and it's like this perfect thing, I'm like, oh, they're gonna. I don't. It doesn't feel aligned for me. So that's also permission slip. If you're feeling like your Instagram isn't a perfect grid, that's okay. That means that you're a real human. Yeah. And that is exactly what we should be as personal brands rather than a corporation.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. There's so many pieces and everything you just said that I want to talk about. Where do we even go first? Okay. What. The one thing that was like, fascinating me as you were sharing that though, because I have your human design chart open and I want to share this is. You have this channel in your human design and it's. It's basically this channel that's all about cycles. It's seeing something through from the beginning to the middle to the end, coming to completion and then starting a new cycle and not just being this really natural state for you. And I feel like everything you were sharing in your process is like, okay, I'm gonna like do this thing, I'm gonna see it through and then I'm gonna completion and then I'm going to start a new cycle. And even what you said earlier, you had said like when you're going through the lessons, like you're experimenting with it, you're alchemizing it and then you're disseminating the wisdom and I'm like, wow, what a beautiful representation of like your innate strength, like showing us all how to move through these cycles. And we can do that in our personal brand as well.

Oh, well, thank you. Also I want to mention that the optimization of the lesson and they're well, processing, optimization and dissemination is from devoted energy coaching school, which has been super helpful and like just learning, learning that and also like honoring kind of the pause in the process of like, okay, I'm not, I'm not exactly ready. Excuse me for like the dissemination quite yet. Like I can, I can feel it kind of like gathering itself, but it's not quite there yet. Thank you for reflecting that. I really appreciate that perspective because from my end I'm like, oh my God, what am I doing?

Yeah, it's so permission giving though, of like, we can actually go through cycles in our business. Like I, I find that so often, like I'm, and I think I'm not alone in this and I think this relates to business but also in life. Like I can be so zoomed out and like focused on the end that I miss the tiny cycles in between. And what I'm hearing from you is like, no, no, no, no, we can actually be there and sure, we might like panic and flail a little bit because I know that was the other thing I wanted to talk about in what you were sharing previously where you're like, hello, existential crisis. Like we might panic and flail, but like if we just give ourselves permission to be there, there's actually something really incredible that can unfold from that.

Yeah, I also feel like. So what I really appreciate about like the idea of cycles is so what my brain loves is we're starting at this point down in the bottom left part of the graph and then the end point is the upper right corner. Let's look at that straight line. Beautiful. And the visual of a cycle though is like, no, it's, it is, it's a circle. It's going to like, oh, that feels, that feels very permission giving. And also like whoa. Because I feel like, oh, my brain is so often Looking at that endpoint in the upper right point part in the graph being like, why am I not there yet? Why am I not there yet? And also I feel like what we've chatted about in like, devote energy coaching school cycles are also spirals. So we're like, we're always spiraling up. Okay, well, yeah, I'm excited to keep chewing on this.

Kayla's got lessons to walk with from today's podcast episode. It's actually also hilarious because you also have the channel of logic. So of course your brain is like, can we make this logical? Like, the channel of logic is all about, like, let me question it. Let me try and prove. Let me poke holes. Let me find. Let me find the. The lodge. So there's like this internal battle of like, let me live the cycles. But also I'm gonna try really hard to like, make it logic at the same time.

Cool. Really great. That. That is. That's very affirming because, yes, that is the constant battle of, like, we're just. We. We're trusting, we're going with the flow. And I mean, like, but what's the end point?

Fun times.

Also. Okay. Another thing that we touched on a little bit. And I also. Thanks for talking about my chart. I think I also know I have an open identity center. I think you do. So. And I. I would love to hear your perspective on this. But from what I know, and this is where getting tricky or get, like, showing up on social media can get a little tricky for me because so my identity center is open, which means, like, I am basically like a little sponge being, like, where am I? Why? Oh, I'll take that in. Sure. Okay. And as I have kind of like grown in like my own self awareness, I noticed my tendency to, like, very, very much look outside myself of like, what do other people think of this? And like, what is their reaction? Similar to what you were sharing about, like, the feedback people were giving you about, like getting engaged and stuff like that. And so I feel like I am very mindful with, like, making sure that I process what I am navigating first. Yeah. Before then I kind of like, yeah, disseminate that wisdom and share it out because I am really susceptible to like, oh, well, this person thinks that. Is that what I should be thinking? Like, is that like, wait and then have like, cue another existential crisis? So it's like just trust, trusting, kind of like your own experience. And then social media is a place where, like, it's. There's like a phrase of like, sharing from like, the scar, not the wound. And it's like we're sharing what we've learned from the experience. Rather than that, like, kind of what can feel kind of panicky and very like, what am I doing? Like, oh, my God, help me. Tell me what to do. That feeling. Because people will give you their opinions, but that most likely, or maybe it will be aligned for you. But I know for me, I have to be kind of mindful of making sure I feel solid in myself before sharing. Yeah.

I mean, I think the thing with the Open Identity center and the thing with all of our centers is we might easily take that energy on, but we're not designed to keep it.

Which. But my logic brain is like, clearly this means something. Clearly we need to, like, figure this out.

Yeah.

Rather than just being like, okay, cool, we can let that go.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, that's there's not mine. And then discovering, like, what is mine? Because the Open Identity center, like, the beauty. And this is probably where your multi passionateness comes from. Because traditionally we would talk about, like, manifesting generators being our multi passionate. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I know. I relate to that one.

I do, I do. I often am. Like, am I. Are we sure I'm not a manifesting generator?

Yeah, I think the Open Identity center can really play into that. There's so many other things that could play into this, but because the Open Identity center is designed to be really fluid in the way you express your identity and so to, like, try things on, to sample them. And you have the three in your profile, which is all about experimenting. And so. Yeah, yeah, I. I feel like the combo of those together can bring that, like, quote, manifesting generator energy. But you also have that, like, mastery that generators are designed to have. Like, generators are designed to, like, find something they love and, like, see it through. And I feel like you have that with so many things. Like, you have that with Acro, you have that with branding. Even though it's evolving. It's like we were talking before we hit record, where you're like, well, I don't want to let it go. Go. There's parts of it you love. So it's like there's that essence of mastery that, like, the pure generator has. And it's not this, like, constant, like, okay, done with that, gonna pivot. Okay, done with that, gonna pivot. But it's like, let me see how I can show up in different ways in these things that I love and bring me so much deep satisfaction.

Oh, I love that. And Also, I've been really feeling what you just described sound, like, reminds me of that kind of, like, spiral of, like. Okay, I've learned. I've. I've experimented with this, and now I'm doing something new. But what did I learn from that first? And this? I've been doing a lot more, like, art and drawing and collaging and creation, and that has been really interesting to witness the evolution of even, like, what I'm creating. Yeah. And I feel like it's a very supportive kind of, like, microcosm of, like, seeing how kind of, like, the journey can just unfold without necessarily hyper focusing on that, like, endpoint.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's something I, like, really appreciate about how you share online is, like, you're always showing your hobbies. And that's so inspiring for me because I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, that looks so fun. I want to. I want to do something like that. And I've literally, like, Kayla is also my acro teacher, so I've literally picked up some of these things, and I just think that's so beautiful that you allow that to come through in. In what you're doing. And it's showing all parts of you, which I think it's showing all parts of you, but it's still keeping the things sacred. When we, like, come back to the beginning, it's like, it's a dance of, like, both and at the same time. I want to talk. I want to. I want to make sure we touch on the existential crisis, because we've mentioned it a few times, and I want to touch on that because I can't tell you how many times I've been like, what am I? What am I doing? What is my business?

Who.

I mean, if you're not a business owner, who am I? Yeah, everyone goes through some kind of existential crisis, but I feel like in the business world, I. I haven't met an entrepreneur that hasn't gone through this. It just doesn't get a lot of spotlight.

Yeah. Because it's the messy. It's the messy part. And I. And I even. I think this is also part of what makes me feel drawn to kind of, like. I think there's two to, like, kind of. With withdrawing from social media while I'm kind of, like, navigating, like, life stuff is, like, one part of it is like, I want to be present in my life and processing for myself rather than just, like, taking it in and putting it out on social.

Yeah.

But I think another side to that is I have a lot of inner criticism about. Like, I can only show up when I have the lesson. Like, I don't want to share the messiness of, Like, I don't know what I'm doing, y'. All. Like, and, like, I feel like I want to, like. Like, burn it all to the ground because. And this is. I think there is some. Excuse me. Truth to this. I do feel like people. Okay. The fear that I have is if I show up and I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing, y', all, then people are gonna be like, well, I don't trust you. Like, if you don't know what you're doing, if you're not 100% perfect on your game all the time, then you're not trustworthy as a coach. And I think. I don't think that's entirely true, but I think there is some truth to it, because I think our society really focuses on perfectionism. I don't think we do a good job of allowing humans to be humans and allowing for evolution and allowing for people to, like, not be perfect all the time. And so I think there's that. That element of, like, if you're feeling like, I have no idea how to. I have no idea how to show up on social. My recommendation for you is gonna be, like, so don't. Like, you don't have to allow your. Again, allow yourself to have your experience, and then if you feel called to share it out, great. If you don't, don't worry about it. Like, I also. I think I'm a very big proponent of, like, finding the social media, like, medium that works best for you. So if you're a writer and Instagram doesn't feel super great, maybe substack, maybe your newsletter. Like, there's other avenues that can feel kind of more aligned and more supportive. But the existential crisis and biz, I. I don't know. I would love to hear your thoughts on, like, when. If you have ever witnessed anyone being transparent about an existential crisis in biz, and if it made you lose trust in them.

I don't know that I've.

I've had. I don't know that I've experienced someone sharing it directly related to business, but I've certainly witnessed people sharing the messy middle in life, and what I know for sure is that usually brings me closer to them.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like, there's something more connecting about vulnerability, and maybe I would love to see it more often in the business space. Like, I would love to hear people say, like, I don't know what I'm doing right now, but I'm here.

Yeah.

Because I've had that feeling.

Absolutely. And I think that's also such a big permission slip. And also. So, like, I feel like I look to you and I'm like, well, Megan has her stuff figured out. Megan knows what she's doing all the time.

It's not true.

Again, these. These are the perceptions that we put on people and that. And then we judge ourselves against those inaccurate perceptions. So, like, I feel comforted to hear that you're like, oh, I have an existence of crisis all the time. I'm like, oh, cool. It's not just me. Yeah.

I think I've had one since I started my business. Like, it's just not gonna go away.

It's just all the time.

Yeah. I'm just like, how am I. Like, I find myself often, like, how am I still doing this? I love it and I, like, love the container I get to hold. And at the same time I'm like, is this. Am I on the right pathway right now? Like, I. I'd love to hear too, like, your branding perspective for I. I feel like my existential crisis in business is often connected to my niche. And I think there's like, okay, yay already. I love the noise to the word niche, but I feel like there's a lot of service based people, a lot of coaches that are probably listening to this. And I know I have had trouble since the start putting into words what I do. And that's where I think. That's what I think it's rooted in my, quote, existential crisis. Often that I'm like, I don't, I don't know what I do. I just keep doing it and I just keep showing up. So what would you say to those people?

I completely relate to them and like, so it feels to me tied to this larger. So I'm going to zoom out for a little bit, which I feel like, especially in the west, our society is very tied to our identity is what we do.

Yeah.

Since we're kids. What are you going to be when you grow up? What do you want to do? What do you, like? What's your, what is your job going to be? And that is how we identify. And that is something that I took very much to, like, heart. Since I went. Since I decided I was going to get my degree in graphic design and start my career, I was like, I am a graphic designer. And then. Q. Existential crisis number. Well, I guess it probably wasn't the first one, because I definitely feel like I had had others of, like, I want to write or I want to do these other things, but the bigger one was, like, I was 10 years into my career at a very comfortable job and was looking around like, wait, I'm supposed to do this for the next, like, 30 years? Like, I don't know. And I just didn't feel like the work I was doing is really fulfilling me. And so then I found life coaching and. And yada, yada, you know, I did a training, and then that was my new identity. Like, that was my new identity. And so I think it's like, we have this obsession. Even when you meet someone, it's like, hi, I'm Kayla. I'm a brand coach. Hi, I'm Kayla. I'm a graphic designer. And it's like, we're so focused on, like, what we do rather than who we are. And I think. I also think that's, like, part of the lesson that I am kind of here to share is, like, in the greater sense of, like, I am dismantling that on my own. Of, like, no, Kayla, you just get to be you. You don't have to keep putting yourself in this box of, oh, I only help this type of person. Oh, well, now I'm going to be an artist, so I can only talk about this thing. And I think the more people we see sharing the multifacetedness of their lives, the more permission it gives others to even embrace that in themselves. Because, again, we are so narrowly focused. And then we're also wondering, like, why is everyone so burnt out? And it's like, because we're. We're hyper focusing on one thing for so long. We're not, like, nourishing ourselves. And. Oh, you know what? This analogy. This analogy came to me yesterday of, like, it's like, if you have a plant and you're only giving it water, and, like, yes, there are some aquatic plants that, like, do great with that, but it's like, you also need soil. You also need sun. You also need, like, clean air. So it's like, we need different pieces that light us up, that fulfill us and nourish us and make us feel like our whole selves. And I think, yes, it can. And this is something I have, like, found really challenging is like, well, I want to help everyone. I want to help everyone. I. I can help everyone. But it's like, okay, but what's. Who's the one person? Who's the one? And I'm like, ugh, and it feels really limiting for me. And yeah, how can we still clearly communicate who we help and what we support them through? But I think we don't have to make it as big of a thing as we are. And I think we can allow ourselves to like, trust that the people who are meant to find us will find us. And I know that when I show up, when I'm like, oh, here's like a video that I just like, oh, this is funny. And I, like, share it, then it's like, that gets the biggest reaction and I'm like, huh, okay, there might be something to that rather than these like, overly thought out ideas of like, oh, this is how I'm going to prove my worth to this person or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's. It's. So what I'm hearing you say is there's no need for me to have an existential crisis. Since 2016, we create that, like, narrow, like the tunnel vision. And, and, and it even comes back to what we were talking about earlier of like, attaching it to people outside of us. And I know, like, hearing you with your existential crisis, I'm like, but how you're so specific with who you work with, it's like so clear. But how often do we do that? Right? We like connect it to this outside person and we try and make it that narrow one path answer of like, oh, well, they have it figured out. But like, the reality is probably no one actually has it.

Yeah.

Like, even, even huge corporations, if you watch them like roll something out and then backtrack, it's like, oh, actually no one knows what they're doing.

Doing. Yeah, yeah.

Which is like, wild, but also like, creates some ease.

So that I think what's also interesting is like, then that I feel like, so when yeah. Even you saying backtracking, I was like, oh, I could like, I was like, oh, oh. It's like we don't want to backtrack. We don't want to have to say like, oh, hey, this wasn't as aligned as I thought it was. Like.

Yeah.

And I think that also kind of cut like our, our society is really judgmental. Like, we're really hard on everyone, on individual humans, on corporations and like, stuff like that. Where it's like we're all just, we're all just creatures kind of like bumbling around on a rock and like, we've made this like, society of like, ah, these things are important. And it's like, meh. Really more than.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so true.

Okay. What are some final thoughts that you want to share with someone who's maybe listening to this, and maybe they're feeling the existential crisis or maybe specifically in their brand, they're like, I just don't even know how to show up. Like, what. What do you want to share to that person?

Okay, this is reminding me of this, like, funny. Okay. This funny, funny, like, anecdote that has been, like, in my purview and, like, continuing to kind of, like, come up. I'm like, this is another instance of. Okay, so can I tell a story?

Yes, please.

So I don't like swimming in cold water. I think that's not an unusual thing. And for whatever reason, like, I. Like, last summer, we were at the beach, and I was just like, oh, it's gonna be so. It's like I can feel my body tent, like, tensing up, being like, it's gonna be so cold. It's like, oh, like, bracing against the waves. And I have this, like, voice of like, kayla, it's just cold. You're just gonna be cold. And I was like, whoa, that's interesting. I was like, you're right. Like, I'm not gonna die. I'm not gonna get hurt. I'm not. Like, I'm just going to be cold. And so then I was like, like, that little nugget kind of, like, was like, okay. And I was like, all right, let's just keep breathing through this. Like, okay. And so I was, like, breathing through it, and then I was able to, like, wade into the water. And, like, since then, I feel like Mike and I have been kind of challenging ourselves to, like, jump in cold water. So, like, we were visiting our friends in Seattle, and we, like, went swimming in the Puget Sound, which was really cold. And then we went for a hike, and it was, like, super foggy and cold, and we, like, jumped off this rock into, like, an abyss of water, and it was like, oh, that's cold.

Yeah.

And it's just so, like, this kind of idea of, like, it's just cold. Like, it's. It's just, you know, like, we make it into this big thing, and that's what I feel like. I. I would give a little nugget to give someone here is like, if you're feeling that, like. But I don't know who I am. I don't know who I serve. I don't know how. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. Blah, blah, blah. Like, it's just an Instagram post. It's. It is just A drop in the bucket of who you are. This is this one post, this one social media channel, like, does not have to define you. And, like, I feel like that's also a lot of what I work with my clients on. It's like, it's building a practice. It's flexing the muscle of, like, it's just getting on camera. It's gonna be uncomfortable. It will. We're not used to it. It feels weird. We're hypercritical of ourselves, but it's like, the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get. And. And it doesn't have to be this big story that we kind of make it into. And, like, your niche doesn't have to be this. Be all. End all.

Yeah.

It's just. It's just your niche for now. If you have one, it's just one push. You can always change it. Yeah.

I love it. There's a. You have, like, a quote on your website or, I don't know, a bold header on your website that says, there's only one of you and the world needs to see all of your awesome. I love that so much. And I feel like that's, like, what you're giving permission to do right now. Just, like, zoom it out. Like, the thing you're narrowed in on probably doesn't matter as much as your brain is making you feel like it does. And the world just means you're awesome. Like, the world needs what you have.

Yeah.

And that's what matters.

Absolutely. And, like, is this gonna matter in, like, 10 years? Like, probably not. Like, is this gonna matter? Like, when you're at the end of your life, are you gonna be like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I said that thing in that Instagram post. Like, no, you're gonna be like, oh, wow, that was so cool, because that led me to this opportunity. Led me to this opportunity. And, like, it's. I think it's really about when we show up for ourselves because, like, there's a. There's a nugget of something in you that's like, oh, this? Oh, I would want to. I kind of want to share this on Instagram. Like, that. That is what we want to get out into the world.

Yeah.

And, like, the rest is just toppings. The rest is just sprinkled and, like, whatever. And, like, stop worrying about the sprinkles. Yeah. Just get the ice cream out there.

I love it. It's so good. Okay, last question for you. Where's your favorite place to hang out right now? I know you're like taking a small Instagram break, but like, oh, well, like.

Digitally or like in real life, I.

Feel like something cool got sparked there. I meant digitally where people could come hang out with you. But if you want to share somewhere cool, you love to hang out in real life. I would love to hear that too.

Oh, now.

No pressure. It's just wrinkles.

This is the one time that I'll say this answer. I mean, favorite place to hang out inside in New York City is the Strand Bookstore or Fish's Eddie's. Because, okay, the Strand Bookstore is like a really great bookstore that is just. It's an independent bookstore. It has a lot of books. It's like quirky and cool. Fish's Eddie's is a really quirky, like, I don't know, dinnerware company that again has a very eclectic style stuff. And I go there and I just feel like it is really inspiring online. I mean, I still love, I still enjoy Instagram as much as I get frustrated with it sometimes. I think I've also been enjoying YouTube though. YouTube. I've been like. And I may have some B roll that needs to be edited into a video of like, I just, I love the slowness of a real time process video which I think is in contrast to like these hyper fast sped up, like this is how you do this thing and oh my God, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I wanna, I want content that's gonna chill out my nervous system rather than like jack it up. So I think there's some really cool. It's just. I love. Yeah, I love seeing artists process. It's so cool.

Yeah. So good. Okay, so if anyone's in New York City, go hang out in those places.

And also let me know.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Hang out with me. I love it. And then we'll link all of the fabulous places you can find Kayla because as she's expressed, she's fluid in her ways and will show up in some places others. And I think that's so beautiful. So you can kind of choose your own adventure on where to connect.

Thank you so much. Such.

Thank you.

Such a good conversation. Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom with us all.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're ready to get unstuck and on with a joyful, joyful life, you're ready to be magnetically you in life, relationships, business and everything in between. I invite you to apply for coaching together. It all starts with a clarity call.

If you thought this was magic.

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