Stop Apologizing For Your Decisions With Ashley

Foreign.

Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll discover how to unlock and express the most authentic version of you and realize.

That this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan Siemens. Now let's make some magic happen.

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited, as always, to be here with you. Today we have an aligned conversation with someone I met at an event a couple of months ago, and we just dove deep into conversations, which, in my opinion, the best kind of relationships. And such a surprise element of creating a life so outside of my comfort zone has been meeting these nourishing connections because I'm putting myself in such aligned spaces. So just shout out to living outside of your comfort zone. And if you're making these kind of connections in your life too, I know this is something that many. I would say most of my clients are craving just deeper connections. And Ashley, our guest today, is someone I just felt instantly connected to. And we just had such good conversations. And she has a five in her human design profile, which we talk a little bit about in our conversation today because she is brand new to human design. And something so cool about the five line is fives are designed to make these really cool connections with strangers and might find themselves doing that quite often. So I just think it's so cool that that's how our relationship came to life. And not only are we chatting through Ashley's human design, and she's sharing such beautiful, brilliant wisdom through the lens of her design, and she has so many really cool and unique angles to share some absolute gold with us because she has been a teacher, an educator. She has a podcast about books, which I love. She's now a amazing podcast editor and producer. She just has so many. She's also, like, a world traveler and has, like, lived in several countries with her kiddos and her husband. I mean, so many incredible lenses that Ashley speaks through today. And after we chat a little bit about her human design and who she is at her core's essence, we dive into a conversation about names. And this might sound super random, but I'll give you a little background and tell you why. I just feel like this is such an important conversation. So if you didn't know, I got married last year, which is still, still such a divine thing to say out loud. I still just like beam saying, yeah, I just got married in September, and this is my husband.

I absolutely love introducing Andrew as my.

Husband, and I chose to change my last name. And this is the conversation that we're having all about changing our name, particularly as women, particularly in the US because this is not the same everywhere. The stigma around it, the societal conditioning we have around it. And even if you're not planning on changing your name, if this is like, not in the cards for you at all, or if you just already know you're a no for that, I find this to be such an incredible conversation around standing firm in your decisions and not apologizing or diminishing the decisions you make, and also remembering that if you are going against the grain, quote, unquote, in something that is really ingrained in our society, you're not alone. And if you question things that are against the grain, you're not alone. And if you find yourself even a little tangled or messy in a decision that is against the grain or towards.

The grain, you're not alone.

And so that's just what I love about this conversation. I just think it's so refreshing to give this particular topic some light and then just the considerations it gives us as we move through it all. And so I, for me, I found that there were so many resources out there about the logistics of changing your name, but not the energetics of changing your name and not what that means for different elements and areas of your life. And we talk a little bit in the podcast episode about how I built a personal brand around my maiden name and the waves of emotion and energy that that has brought through after changing to my married name, which I also spoke about in a recent love letter. So I'll link that up in the show notes as well. But truly, I just think this is such a nourishing conversation, and I love that we're bringing a topic to the podcast that I feel like just doesn't get a lot of spotlight. And I'd love to just open the door to have more of these conversations, because I find that anytime I have these conversations where I'm like, is anyone else feeling this way? I was just chatting with another friend in business yesterday about launching, and I was like, does anyone else feel this way?

She was like, yeah, like, pretty much everyone.

And so I just find if you.

Ever have those moments, or if you're.

In one of those moments right now.

Of like, does anyone else feel this way?

They might not be feeling it in the same flavor because you are uniquely you. And that's the beautiful thing about opening up to these deep connections and nourishing conversations. So let me introduce you a little bit more to Ashley before we pass the mic over to this Amazing conversation. Ashley Dixon Ellison has been in the podcasting world since 2018 with the launch of Unabridged, a podcast about books. After a career in education, Ashley transitioned to full time podcast work with clients. In the spring of 2021, Ashley founded and runs Unabridged Digital Media Solutions LLC where she supports podcast launches, offers podcast consultations and coaching, and provides ongoing podcast management with a full suite of services for several partners. In her free time, you'll find Ashley spending time outside and traveling the world with her life partner and two daughters. Truly, my friends, I hope you so enjoy this conversation and please do continue the conversation with myself or with Ashley. You can find both of us over on Instagram, all linked up in the show notes. But for now, let's pass the mic over and add a little dose of clarity into your life.

Hello my friends. We have a very fun episode today. Our guest and I are going to have a conversation about a topic that I feel like doesn't get enough spotlight, which is all about names. But first, a little bit more about her. She is a podcaster, a book lover, a former teacher, a 5:1 emotional manifesting generator, which means absolutely nothing to her as of right now because she knows nothing about human design. Welcome to the show, Ashley Dixon Ellison.

Hey, thanks so much for having me, Megan. I'm so excited.

I am genuinely so excited and so sparked in my curiosity of where this conversation's gonna go today.

Me too.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be so much fun. But I thought we'd start out with your human design today. One, because you're brand new to it and two, I just have a feeling that this conversation is going to lead to exploring identity in so many ways, shapes and forms. And so I think it'll be really interesting to see how your human design kind of like weaves into this conversation about names.

Yeah, I'm really excited. I got your email this morning and I was like do I look? But I'm definitely a person who enjoys the thrill of a surprise. So I was like I am going to wait and hear from Megan. So I am so excited.

I love that. I also laughed. You were replied to my email this morning and you were like my curiosity is going to get the best of me. I really want to open this human design. I sent through like a human design mini mini handbook write up to Ashley and I was laughing because one of your strengths in your human design is the channel of curiosity. So I'm like, of course, of course you're sparked by the curiosity.

I love that. Yes, absolutely. Curiosity drives a lot of what I do, but in a lot of big life decisions, I sometimes like the joy of the surprise. So, like, when we had our kids, I did not find out in advance about gender, so I was pretty curious to wait. So.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this is getting cool already. Okay, so first part of your human design that I always like to enter in with, to explore is your energy type. And your energy type is really how your energy is designed to flow with the least amount of resistance. And so you are what's called a manifesting generator, which are our multi passionate movers, which I love that you're a podcast editor. You have a podcast about books. You also are a teacher. I'm sure there's various other projects in there as well. So I'm feeling like you're already feeding into that multi passionateness. Does that part of it resonate with you?

Yes, absolutely. And it's nice to think of it as a strength. I think a lot of times in life it has not felt always like a good thing because I think there's a lot of pressure to always narrow down and to choose one thing. So I think it's nice to think of that as something to celebrate.

Yeah, I love to hear that. Yeah. Because our manifesting generators are really designed to just move really quick with their ideas and hold as many yeses as possible. Not to get that confused with holding everything all at once, because if it's a no or a not right now, it's definitely not for you. But you have that energy within your inner reality to just hold all of the yeses at once. And that's what feels really good. And that's what actually, like fills manifesting generators up. And it sounds like you really resonate with this piece. It doesn't drain you out to hold many projects. It actually replenishes the energy that you have. So I love that you're like, yeah, that was like a story that I thought I couldn't lean into. But actually know that it feels good.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, I think that what I've found in careers is that I love learning new things. But then I get to this point where I'm like, oh, I learned the things. And now that there isn't always something new to learn. But definitely that resonates with me because I feel like it is the discovery part that is the most fun. And so I have found that I get restless with lots of things if I am no longer feeling those, like, energetic vibes, I guess.

Yeah, that's so fascinating. So manifesting Generators with this. Multi passionateness. Is that a word? I feel like I've made that word up today. Multi passionateness.

You're coining a term. I love it.

We're just gonna roll with that because it's come out, like, three times now. You are designed to move through the experiment to find your clarity. And so this idea of, like, I'm moving through the experience. Experience, and I'm seeing, is it a yes for me? And then that moment that it's a no is when you're designed to, like, dip out. And I know you and I have just talked about, in personal conversations, like, so many different, like, career moves and stuff. What do you do or feel or step into when you feel it's time for that pivot?

Yeah. So for me, a lot of times we have had to physically move, and that's just been because my partner has a PhD. And so that involved, like, going to the school where the program was and then going where the job is, and then, you know, so those kinds of things sometimes are driven by geography and opportunities that aren't where you currently are. So that definitely prompted some. Some transitions in my life.

Yeah.

But then there have been other times where I, After I had my first child was a huge one for me, that afterwards, I had been teaching for 10 years, and I loved it. And then as soon as I had her, I just was like, this isn't this isn't it. This isn't it. This doesn't work for me. And so I made a big change then, and I wound up staying in. I let. I mean, I actually resigned from my position, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. But then another opportunity opened up in instructional technology within the division where I worked. And so, yeah, that was a big. I mean, all of that was a big change for me. I was in high school English prior, and I absolutely loved it, but it was, like, my whole life. And so then when I had her, I all of a sudden was like, oh, I can't. This is the only way I can do this job, But I can't do this job like that anymore and then have a tiny human at home who I need to care for. And so that is a time that I definitely felt that in my gut where I was like, yeah, this does not work. It has to be something else. And I don't know what that is, but it's not this. And so, you know, that was a big change. And then we had an opportunity to travel, and then that was where. So that So I did the instructional tech job for six years, and then we had this amazing opportunity to be abroad for a long time for, like, eight months. But it wasn't the kind of thing where, like, we could go, and then I. I would have no income and everything would be fine.

Yeah.

So it was like, oh, we really want to go, but if our family is going to go, there's gotta be. I've gotta be generating income also. And that was another time where I felt like we wanted to say yes, and then we were like, yes, but how? And then that really opened up the doorway for the work I do now, which I love.

So I feel like this is such an example of just, like, I'm trusting that if a door closes, there's something else in the path that's gonna open.

Yeah, yeah. And I do feel a lot of discomfort in that. I'm certainly, like, right now I need to sort of flesh out some of the parts of my brand and kind of build up what I have, build up the business that I have. And there is a lot of discomfort there of, like, you want to do it right now? Like, I want to fix it all right now and make sure that everything, you know, financially, as far as my schedule, like, that. All of that's, like, lining up perfectly. And that doesn't always happen. And so then, yeah, I have to just be like, you know what I have. I have lots of examples of how these things have worked out before, and I believe it can work out again. And I just have to be patient to see how that can come about in a way that aligns with what I really want to do.

Yeah. Yeah. So so much of the. I'm curious if you resonate with this part of your design. The strategy for a manifesting generator is to wait to respond to life. And there's a small piece of informing people along the way, because manifesting generators move so so quick in their action. They're moving through that experience. And so it can kind of keep the peace. If you're, like, informing people along the way. If you're like, hey, I'm gonna make, like, a big career change, and you just do it, it can, like, really rock the entire reality around you. So that's where that informing piece comes in. But I'm curious how much you resonate with the responding to life. Like, what that really looks like is kind of life coming to you and then you saying yes or no to it. Does that come into play when it comes to, like, starting your own business, for example?

Yes, I. I think sometimes I do feel a bit of friction in my personality between the part that wants to plan and control and then this other part that feels where I'm trusting my gut to guide. And sometimes I do have. I do feel some friction between those two. I kind of think of it as, like, my body and then my brain, you know, and so I do feel some of that. And there are times where I feel that inter. That internal conflict. But overall, absolutely. Like, with starting my business, I mean, I had to be like, I can make this work.

I can make this work.

I can make this work. And so I think it was absolutely a time where we, you know, we have. My partner and I have always loved to travel, but then we had little kids. We have two daughters, and so all of a sudden we're like, well, we've always said we will go, and we want to go and not, like, wait until, you know, they graduate from high school or college or whatever to go again. And so that was really important to us. But then, you know, when you have small humans and you're all. You're trying to get everybody to do the thing, it's very different than traveling as. As two adults. And so, absolutely, there were a lot of parts that felt really uncertain. And, I mean, I have no. My background's in education. I have no background at all in, like, business. And so there's some parts that are just so intimidating that are the simplest things. I mean, forming an llc, for example, is, like, the world's simplest thing. Seriously. Now, I know that, but I could not make myself just, like, fill out the online form because I had these kind of mental blocks against what you're supposed to, like, oh, no, I don't know what to do, you know, so absolutely, like, life is coming at me, and I'm thinking, I have to find a way to make this work. And we see this path that we really want to be on. But then how do you get yourself onto that path that you want to be on?

Yeah. Yeah. That's so fascinating about the LLC pieces and some of the logistical pieces as well, because our manifesting generators are also known for skipping steps and that actually being really good for your energy because you're following the. Yes. And so the steps in between for the manifesting generator can feel like, ugh, like, that's getting in the way of the. Yes.

That makes so much sense. And actually, it makes me feel good about the things that we made that change. And spring, summer, we left in May of 2021, and just now, some of those Things. I'm finally, like, setting up the business bank account. That was another, like, I felt a lot of resistance to that and couldn't quite take those steps to get it done. And so, absolutely, it was like, I kind of thought, okay, I've got to get clients. And, like, that was the thing that I really focused on. And all the other stuff waited. But now I'm finding, like, oh, I need to. I mean, I didn't name my business for ages. I just was, like, doing business, and I just. In my little graphics, I would just be like, business name tbd. And so I had to just keep, you know, absolutely. Like, that idea of, like, I'm just going to keep hustling, I'm gonna keep going. But all those little steps just sat on my to do list for a very long time. And now I'm just. Just now, you know, almost three years. And yeah. Oh, I do need to set up that business bank account. Oh, it was in August that I did the LLC paperwork. I was like, oh, I do need to set up. I need a new email. You know, those things that I Absolutely, yeah, was kind of flying by the seat of my pants, you know, and just not. Not doing any of those details at all and kind of sticking with what I had to the bare minimum to, you know, keep going and have partnerships with people.

Yeah, Yeah. I love this for so many reasons, of course, connected to your human design. But I also love that you're like, I didn't even name my business. And we're going to have a conversation about names, which I kind of love. And also, like, what a exhale or permission slip for any business owners that are listening, because here you are, like, running an awesome business, and I'm sure you still have, like, goals and things that you're working towards achieving. But, like, I also know that you're doing it in a really wonderfully aligned way. And you're like, I'm just figuring out these other things as I go. And, like, what a permission slip for anyone that's like, I haven't begun because I haven't started all of these things. But, like, what if you went ahead and started anyways?

Yes, absolutely. I. That is so affirming to think about that and share that with people. Because for me, exactly as you said, Megan, life happened and I responded.

Yeah.

And I think a lot of times we don't get such a clear, like, go pass. Like, I really didn't, you know, we.

I would.

My family would have had to say no to a really major opportunity in Order for me to not. And so sometimes I think that, like, that was the precipice I needed. And of course, not always. Do we have those?

Sure.

Mine didn't feel like a nudge, you know, it was very much like, yeah.

It felt a little like falling off.

A cliff, but one I really wanted to jump off of. And so then it was like, okay, I can make this work. But I think a lot of times we are getting smaller cues for that kind of thing, and it is hard because then you want to line up all those details, and then the details are the thing that can definitely prevent you from being able to make the change.

Yeah, that's such an interesting concept, too, of, like, sometimes it's like life, like, being, like, big in your face, like, I'm here. And sometimes it's like a little nudge and, like, paying attention to both of those and. And that response being a little bit different. And I can imagine just with the energy type that you have, like a relationship within your body of how you're responding to that and how that's kind of cultivated over the years as well. Yeah, yeah. So another piece of your human design that I'd love to bring up today because I feel like it'll connect to our conversation on names is what's called your profile. So your profile is basically, it's kind of like your pathway to purpose. It's like where your most easeful opportunities are meant to come in. Yours is what's called the 5:1, which is the Heretic. Investigator. And so here, too, the smile is already, like, forming through.

I love that name. So interesting.

Yeah, yeah. So the Five, the Heretic, is really all about being, like, the leader, maybe sometimes speaking out against the grain and just really here to, like, provide practical solutions that you want to provide. Also, like, really designed for strangers, which is something I didn't think about until I'm saying it just now, is that I met you at a conference because you just walked up to my table and you're like, hey, I saw you were sitting with one of my friends, and I was like, oh, hi. So this concept of just, like, being really designed for strangers and feeling that and receiving what it feels like to have an invitation from someone with that energy type is just a really nice example of that. The investigator side, the one is the researcher diving in deep, getting foundations. And so all of that together is you're really designed to show us the depths of your knowledge, to fall in love with the process of learning, fall in love with the process of change, fall in love with the process of new projects and new people and challenges, and just not afraid to go against the grain of it all if you need to. Which I feel like we've already heard you express in so many ways, but also feels like one of the reasons that I was so excited to have this conversation about names, because I feel like you're one of the first people that I talked to that was like, I actually gave this some thought, and it wasn't just like, oh, this is what everyone does, so I'm just going to do it as well. But before we get into the name conversation, how does all of that resonate with you?

Yeah, well, I love hearing those things. And I think that the heretic part is so interesting because certainly in my job before, I really knew where my role was with that. And in fact, on our team, people would be like, oh, let's go tell Ashley whatever thing that then they wanted to, like, bring up in the meeting, because I would be the person to say, hey, everybody's sort of chatting about this thing that we really need to discuss. And not that I was, like, purposefully confrontational or anything, but I was not. I didn't mind to be direct. And I think in education, a lot of people really struggle. A lot of women really struggle with that. And so then we wind up having a hard time in meetings, like, getting to the thing that we're trying to address. So I feel like I really knew where I was at that time, but I am finding my footing with this job of that and navigating. Like, different teams operate different ways, and how do I share my knowledge and work deeply with people, but then also, like, make it all fit? And what I've learned and what I'm continuing to learn and, like, trying to grow into is that I. I can only work with a few teams, a very small number of teams, because I do work very deeply. I am not somebody who can, like, just get a file and edit the file and then send it back with, like, no partnership with the team. And so that's been. It's affirming to hear you say that. That's part of my personality type. And it makes a lot of sense to try to work with that as a business owner instead of being like, oh, this is something I've got to fix, because, again, I'm not. I'm not sure I can. You know, I'm not sure there are things you can do to grow, of course, but I'm not suddenly going to be a totally different type of worker than I Am right now.

Yeah. I love that. And that's so refreshing to hear. I find that people with the five in their profile can so easily fall into like the over caretaker role that I'm going to fix everything kind of role. And hearing you set boundaries in your business from the start, I can imagine just feels refreshing. Maybe had its road bumps along the way as well.

Yeah, it's definitely road bumps along the way. And it's funny to. I didn't think about that when you were describing the five type to start with, but absolutely. In my family of origin, I'm very much like the caretaker who does all of the stuff and I do a lot of that, you know, in my relationships. But I am in partnerships. I have had to kind of be like, okay, where are the lines here? And again, how can I work deeply? I mean, that part about the researching and everything, like, I think that that's something that I really do well and have done well in other positions, but am learning to do in this type of work and again, needing to like find partnerships that that's a strength and that it's not like that it's seen as a strength and as a value add and not like something that they are taking advantage of basically.

Yeah.

And I've definitely had some of both so far. And so I'm learning to like line myself up with the partnerships that. That see that that is like a step beyond and that is something that they really want. And you know, instead of just like not thinking about it, I think I've had some that just don't even notice. And so then it's like, oh, I did all these things and so I need to think about how can I make sure that's working for me and for the people I work with?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is such an interesting concept around just like paying attention to what we're holding and why we're holding it is what it's making me think of. And like, so I think I just mentioned a moment ago, like with the 5 too, it's, you know, solving the problems that you want to solve. So like providing practical solutions for what you actually want to solve and so honoring when it's like, oh, and that's where that manifesting generator energy comes back in too. Like, oh, this is a no for me.

Yeah.

And being able to honor that and that five can really help you. But also the one can really help you because the one you can notice. Like, do I actually want to dive deeper into this? Like, is this something that I actually want to Create a solid foundation for whether rather than. I'm just going to get it done. To get it done.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And it ha. I do think it's taken me time and I'm continuing to learn the no part of it. Absolutely. You know, does trying to embrace that and realize that it is important and good to say no sometimes in order to be able to say yes to other things.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Okay, the last piece I want to touch on in your human design, and there's so many other good elements in your chart. I just feel like you're living in this really beautiful alignment with your design. The whole time I was pulling the channels and the strengths and everything, it was just so cool. But the last element I want to touch on is that you have an open identity center in your human design chart. And basically our centers are the way our energy is designed to flow within us with the most amount of alignment. And the open identity center, when you're living in your alignment, when you're living in your strength, is really here to be super fluid in their identity, just, like, be open to being many different things in this life and not necessarily, like, defined in one singular role. And then it has this beautiful gift of, like, showing others what it is to be able to be a little more fluid in their identity also, just like, this really innate gift and being able to step into someone else's shoes and offer, like, a really grounded perspective, which I feel like has come through in many ways, shapes and forms in this conversation around your careers and just giving yourself permission to pivot and giving yourself permission to change. But is this a piece that feels like it resonates with you as well?

Yeah, it does. But I also think probably of everything you've shared, it's the thing that's maybe the newest for me to start embracing. I think for sure, when I left the classroom the first time when I had my daughter. So, like, when I switched to other work within education, I had identified myself so much by my profession.

Yeah.

But then I was like, what does it mean for me to not be this thing that I have made so much a central part of myself? And then becoming a mom and then realizing that becomes a big identifier for you, and how do you do that? And there's a lot of pressure for moms specifically to be all things and hold all things, and there's all this, like, guilt and stuff that comes with that. And yet now I am slowly learning to be, like, it's okay for me to be a business owner and for me to have made a huge career shift and for me to also be a mom and for me to also be all these things. And so I do think that's new for me, but it is, I love to hear that as being an integral part of myself. And I think it's something I've resisted because I do think I wanted to or maybe just fell into letting my identity be so narrowly defined. And then like by doing that, then all of a sudden I felt what that feels like when, when you want to make a change, then you're like, oh, what does it mean if my self is centered on this thing, how can I. What does that mean for me?

Yeah, this might be a really big question on the spot, but how have you kind of grounded into that?

Well, I think again, making this, the shift into my new, like doing this job, what forced me to be like, I'm going to do this brand new thing that I've never done before. And it's totally different than any professional experiences I've ever had. And so I think that helped. And then I think also. And then, and then being okay in that. And I mean, again, like anybody who is a small business owner, I'm sure they can resonate with this. But you know, some days everything is like, I'm like, yes, I'm doing it, I'm swimming, everything's great. And then other days I feel like my nose is just barely above the water line, you know, like just trying to hang on to my little life preserver. So, you know, I think that it's not that it's perfect all the time, but I do feel like that's helped me to realize that I can be all things or more things than just one. You know, that we contain multitudes. I mean, just that kind of trying to recognize that. And then also as my daughters have gotten older, I've had to think like the boundaries that I draw are not just for me, they're also for them and the life that they choose to live. And I want them to see that it's okay and good to be a lot of things and that they can do that and if they choose to have a family in the future, that, you know, they can have all these parts of themselves. And so I think that helps me to think about it that way. It makes it feel more like we can celebrate those parts. Even though sometimes it's challenging instead of trying to say that there is a single identifier.

Yeah, yeah, I love that. It's like giving yourself permission to just take Ownership of all the parts.

Yeah, yeah. And to try to recognize that it's okay and good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good. Okay. So do you think that name is connected to identity? I'm curious your thoughts on this.

Yes, yes. I do think that our names matter, and I think that what we call ourselves, but also how we identify and how we make space for ourselves. I mean, I think I'm definitely still learning to, like, make space for myself in the world and to say it's okay to take up space. So I think. Absolutely. I think those things are tied together. And I think when I was getting married, I thought so much about how a man's name is his name.

Yeah.

And it's his name forever. And, you know, some of these things have shifted. Like, so I feel like it depends on your partnerships, and it depends on a lot of different things. Like, of course, if two men come together, then they're going to think about how they want their names to be, and if two women come together. But for me, in a male, female relationship, when I was getting married, I just was like, why do I need to make this huge change when my partner doesn't have to do anything? And so, absolutely, I thought about it at the time and then.

And it.

And he was very affirming. I mean, he wanted to do what I wanted to do. But we had all these larger societal pressures that impact the choices that you make. And they. Those pressures matter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do. Okay, so why the heck are we talking about names? I feel like we should give a little.

I thought that, like, do I need. I don't know how to segue here.

I think it was segued perfectly, but just a little more background. So I've been married for a little over six months now, and I changed my name, kept my maiden name, took my husband's last name. Not hyphenated. And I was chatting with Ashley at the conference that we met at and about the process of that, but not just the logistical process that has so much in it, but also I think really the energetic process was a big part of it for me. And, like, what it means to shift names. And that's something I really settled into for a long time. And, Ashley, you've been married for 20 years, is that right? This summer it'll be amazing.

It's hard to believe, honestly, but we were young when we got married, and we're not as young now. So there you go. It happens. But, yeah, in June, we'll celebrate 20 years.

Yeah. I love that you're like, that's how time happens. Yeah.

So we just started talking about this concept, and.

And I was like, why do people not talk about this more? I mean, there's articles out there that are like, here's all the things that you'll need to change your name on. But not a lot of people talk about, like, the process of deciding that now. And so that's kind of how this conversation blossomed.

Yeah. So when we were getting married, we had decided we would both hyphenate our names. And we got married in South Carolina. And my partner went to the dmv. He contacted the Social Security office, and they said, what you put on your marriage license is the legal binding document. And so we did Ellison, which is his family name. Ellison Dixon was how we did it. And we both hibernated, and we wrote on the document, and we received it back in the mail, and it said, this is not. We cannot accept this document. And you have to correct it. And to correct it, the bride can do a hyphen, but it must be their original name, their maiden name hyphenated with the married name. And the. The man cannot do that. So at the time, that was how it was decided and what we should have done. And lots of people listening are like, of course this is what you should have done. But again, no one. No one in my sphere was doing it at that time. What we should have done is legally changed our name. Like, he should have gone, gotten a lawyer, legally changed his name, and then I would have taken his hyphenated name. So he could have done Ellison Dixon with a court had it done, and then I would have signed it also, and then it would have been fine. But, I mean, our marriage license has whiteout on it, and we did actually have to change it and then had to get it all sent back in and get it all sorted out. And so what I wound up with was I did hyphenate my name. I did Dixon Ellison. And one other component here is that my Ashley is actually my middle name. And so. And I've gone by that my whole life. That is another complicated thing that my family just did. But some people in the south do this, so it's not just me, but it isn't widely spread. But anyway, Catherine is my legal first name. So then, like, that was a problem too, because it couldn't just drop my middle name, which is what a lot of women are suggest. Like a lot of people suggest that you just drop your middle name. I'm like, well, I can't drop My middle name. Because my middle name is my identifier that I've gone by my whole life. And of course, I could have dropped my first name, but then there were some. Like, it was a little more complicated legally, because my legal first name is part of all of my legal documentation, even though no one calls me that. So that was another layer where I was like, what does this mean? And then the thing that was most shocking was once we made the change, every single place that I went, people would choose because it's too long for a lot of us documentation, People would just choose random combinations of things and put them on whatever thing. So, like, I wound up with one. Like, we went to join our bank account, and they did Katherine Ellison. And I just was like, this is not in any way. Like, this is a name I have never gone by. Like, who. Who is that person? Like, you know, so sort of a feeling of, like, my name matters, but then it's just getting changed from place to place to place. But I will say that after doing that and keeping the hyphenated name, you know, in the classroom, you go by your last name all the time. I never had students call me Dixon Ellison because I found it was too cumbersome. So then I was always like, no. Just so with the first round, first place I shot, I did Ellison. And then after some bitterness about that, when I moved to a new place, I was like, I'm going to do Dixon. So then it's funny, because it depends on where people know me from as to which last name they refer to me by, but no one use the combo because again, I felt like, you know, it was a hassle. Like, it was super long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. You wrote a recent post on your Instagram because you recently changed your Instagram handle. Names all over the place. And there was a sentence there that I loved you put like, I then spent a lot of time, literally years, apologizing for shortening and otherwise diminishing my choice. And I feel like even if someone's listening and they're like, I'm not going to change my name. I don't plan on changing my name. I'm not in the process of changing my name. There's so many things in our life that we do that for that we change or we shorten or we diminish when it was our choice. So what has shifted that for you? And has it been a recent shift?

Yeah. Yeah, I would say definitely a recent shift for me. So when we, like, when we moved from Kentucky, where my partner, guys, PhD to Virginia. That was when I switched to Dixon, and I had people call me that. And then. And I did like that. I felt like I had gotten back something. And again, I mean, I, I. I'm very happy in my partnership. I mean, you know, but it was like there was something about, like, yes, this. This is, like, again, my identifier. Like, it's still my father's name. I recognize. Like, there's still elements of patriarchy, but it felt like this is the name that is mine. And so I, I did do that. And that's been a long time now. But then when I got into my new business is really when all of a sudden having a hyphenated name of two very common names was suddenly valuable. And so I think there was a moment that I realized that because I'd done this thing that had been very complicated for a very long time.

Yeah.

I suddenly felt like I was unique and findable in a way I hadn't been or wouldn't have been otherwise, because I have extremely common names. And so that was. I mean, I think that in that moment, when I tried to decide what to do for my website, my URL, I was like, my name is my name, and I can just do my name, and I don't have to have my business name figured out. I can just, my name is my name, and I can just do that. And I think, like, that was a defining moment for me for sure, where I was just like, oh, if I do Ashley Dixon Ellison, that's it. And I can, you know, have another name later on. I can name my business, and I've done that, but I still can hold on to that. And so I think that was really felt empowering.

Yeah.

And then, just as I have introduced myself to people, I've just learned to not apologize for. I mean, I do think it has definitely been relatively recent, and I think it's taken me a long journey of recognizing that it matters to me and that it's okay for it to, you know, it's okay. It's okay for me to have a name that maybe is a little bit of a hassle for somebody or that takes up a little bit more space, you know, that those things are okay and. Absolutely. I mean, I think it's taken me a long time to get there.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I find that I'll, like, because my business name is still my maiden name, Megan Siemens, but I'll, like, pop into a zoom room, and I'll be like, oh, I'm sorry. That's my married name. And I'm like, why. Why am I. One, why am I apologizing for that? And two, why am I making that such a thing?

But again, I think it has to do with the insecurities that we feel if we have made any change choices that we feel go against the grain somehow. I mean, I think that's exactly like. I mean, there are lots of people who still. Even though I tell people my full name, I know, like, if they know me through my family, like, I don't think they could even say what the first part of my hyphenated name is. You know, I think a lot of them still. I'm still very much Ellison to them, because we are the Ellisons. And I will say, with our children, we did decide not to hyphenate their names because it is extremely cumbersome. And so then, you know, I was like, do I want to do that to them? And they're girls, so then potentially they are going to have this same dilemma that maybe is even more accentuated if they. If they had the hyphenated name growing up.

Yeah.

And so, you know, I just wanted them to be free to make their own choices and to feel like culturally, it's. They can blend in basically with what a lot of other people have. With just the one name.

Yeah.

Which is so common in the US So, yeah, you know, we went with that route, but for me, absolutely, like, it's just been quite the journey. And like you said, like, I mean, why. Why do we feel apologetic or any of those things? But absolutely, I do.

Yeah.

And I mean, still, there are lots of times that I feel uncertain about it, but for sure, for me, having suddenly seen it as something that really helps me identify myself professionally has made it feel empowering in a way that I didn't feel before.

Yeah. It's almost like it created like, a little anchor point of just like, oh, that actually feels really good. And to, like, see it in ownership has, like, allowed this little piece of evidence for you to, like, fully claim that.

Absolutely. And I think too, like, when I got married, I was so young that I had not really established myself professionally. But I think for you, Megan, like, you already have a professional identity that then you're trying to navigate. And so that is really hard.

It's been the trickiest part. It's been the most unexpected, trickiest part of this process. The logistics were so easy for me of just like, oh, paperwork done, license, passport done, other things done. And then I was like, business identity have been Cultivating that for the last six years or so. What does that look like to make a pivot? And how do I feel about that? That has been my overarching exploration with this entire name process. How do I feel about this? And that's why I sat with for so long. Am I going to take his last name? If I do, what is that going to look like? Why am I making that decision? And now I feel like I'm starting that whole process over again with my business.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I think even very simple things like the way that social media works, and then you're trying to connect with people that you knew prior to a marriage, and you can't even find them. I mean, I think it's that feeling of, like. And this also I find upsetting that, like, when women get divorced, they either have to choose to stay with their.

Yeah.

Partner. Their ex partner's name, or that it's like a public announcement that Amanda never has to make. And so it's that feeling of, like, again, if your name is your name, then it is you as an individual instead of you as part of a larger unit. But for a lot of women and traditional marriages, like, they're. They are going to struggle with that. And so that's another component of, like, with businesses. I mean, you want to. You want people to stay with you. And so then there is an element of. It's easy to fill out the paperwork, but then what does it mean if you make a change? And again, culturally, because lots of people do, is going with the grain when you do it. So in some ways, that is easier, and people will generally be pretty affirming. But absolutely, what you're seeing, I completely understand of, like, what does that mean? And why. Why are there some of these elements?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just thinking as you're, like, chatting through that, I'm like, I don't know that we have any solution for anyone. So if you're expecting we're gonna have a solution in this episode, though, maybe Ashley's five line has a wonderful solution for us all. But I. I do feel like this is one of those. Just, like, if you're feeling confusion in all of this, whether it's your name or just, like, some other, like, societal thing that you're kind of navigating. Like, you are so not alone in that. It's, like, bumpy and messy, and there's just, like, unexpected curveballs in everyone's journey, whether it's, like, the business or you're like, I've Gone by my middle name my whole life. What does that mean? What does that look like? There's just so many dimensions to this. And I feel like whenever we go against the grain of something that's so ingrained in society, it's just gonna be a bit of a messy path as others are rerouting it.

Right, absolutely. And I think just remembering that no matter what the thing is, it's always informed somewhat by our geography and by our culture. And so we were in Spain, and my daughter's friend was asking her at the playground. She's like, what are your last names? And my daughter's like, ellison. And then the friend's like, yeah, but what else? And she's like, ellison is my last name. And of course, the friend had, like, five.

Yeah.

She's like, oh, well, mine are. And she listed them all. And so, you know, it just helped me to remember that all of that stuff is entirely cultural and that sometimes that's freeing to remember in the sense of, like, you know, we want to question why we do the things we do, and we want to feel like we can make choices. And absolutely, those things are true. But also, it's nice to remember that, like, some of it is just what has become part of what's around you and go with it or don't go with it. But it's not that way everywhere. And somewhere else, it would be, you know, a totally different set of circumstances, which might also feel like something you have to go against or whatever. But, you know, I think it's kind of freeing sometimes to be like, oh, yeah, you know, there's places in the world where, of course, it's, like, super common. But then, like, for me, with my hyphenated name, if I'm in other places, I have to explain, they're like, oh, well, that's my dad's name that I grew up with, and that's my husband's name. Because, again, you know, different. Different places, you're going to have different combinations of what those names, where they came from.

Yeah, that's such a permission slip of, like, what am I putting pressure on? And does it actually matter, like, if I zoom out in the grand scheme of things, what feels good in this moment and where is this pressure coming from? And what if I just let it go?

Right. Absolutely right. And you can always make choices and make changes down the road, too. I mean, that's certainly. I certainly have done that with all of my hemming and hawing and being apologetic. I also have tried different things, different places. And you know, it's taken a long time to find what works, except that I think in each iteration, it's working for that moment and you just kind of, you know, keep going with it because, yeah, you're right. It's a lot. It's a lot to carry.

Yeah, I'm glad you said that because that's kind of what I'm doing with like the business aspect of my name right now. Just like I'm just in an iteration and like no longer am I gonna have pressure around it. It's just gonna be what it is right now. And then when it feels right, if and when it feels right to shift it, then I'll shift it.

I love that.

And like, we can do that.

Absolutely. Right? Absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I hope this was supportive to someone listening. Whether it was around names or another concept that you're navigating. Ashley, is there anything else you want to share? Just when it comes to names or.

I think just recognizing that it is something that matters, but also it doesn't have to define you. I think like you were saying, Megan, that it's good to consider, but it's also okay to let it go and to do the thing that requires the least resistance. Sometimes is might feel like you're surrendering or something, but sometimes it's okay because you are you and your identity is going to continue to resonate on its own. And that, that, you know, that is when you look at it that way, it sometimes can be really comforting.

Yes. That's such a space to close this conversation in completion. Thank you so much for this conversation today, Ashley. This has been so fun and eye opening in so many levels for me too.

Thanks so much for having me and I love learning about my human design.

Thank you so much for tuning in today.

If you're ready to get unstuck and.

On with a joyful life, you're ready.

To be magnetically you in life, relationships.

Business, and everything in between.

I invite you to apply for coaching together.

It all starts with a clarity call.

If you thought this was magic, get.

Ready to blow your mind through your own possibilities. Apply for coaching@megan Siemens.com coaching.