The Truth About Fear (Why You’re Not Meant to Be Fearless)

Hello. Hello, my friend. Welcome to the Clarity corner. I'm so glad you're here. It's your host, your coach, your friend Megan. And if it's the first time you're tuning in, welcome. If it's the 20th, 30th, I don't know how many episodes we've had. I count them in seasons, not consecutively. So anyways, whether you're a new friend or a friend that's been around, I'm so glad you're here. I hope you're having a beautiful day today. We have been having cloudy, gloomy, stormy days here in Florida for the past week. It's just been gray here and I'm feeling. I'm like all cozied up today in my blanket and I'm just feeling that kind of like slow pace energy over here. I got a little peak of blue skies yesterday morning and it was like a little teaser. I always think that's like a bit of magic too though, when you get that little peek of blue skies and kind of a sprint of gray days. I always find that moment really special. Okay, before we get into the episode today in which we're going to be talking about the three big myths about fear, break those down a little bit. And fear is one of my favorite topics. I love talking about fear. Before we get into that, if you are listening to this live in real time on Tuesday, May 13, there's a free workshop tonight and I want to know if you are coming. So the free workshop that is happening tonight at 7pm Eastern Standard Time is called Seen. And it is all about how to show up confidently even when fear tells you to shrink. So if you've ever felt like you were too scared to show up because of what other people will think, feeling you have been nervous to make your next move, or you're just feeling stuck and you're like, I don't know that I'm feeling scared, but I am feeling stuck. And you want to be seen for your gifts. You want to feel like people recognize you. Then I invite you to come hang out with us. It's going to be a good time. We'll dive into the anti framework because we are not about cookie cutter 16 step. This approach is going to work for everyone kind of things around here. Every single human operates different. So we'll go through the anti framework to help you show up and be seen. It is the same framework that I have used walking through this workshop and showing up for this workshop. It's the same workshop, the same framework that I use with all of my clients, we're going to chat through the human design signposts. So let's say you are on alignment or out of alignment. And we're gonna do a live energy practice to really celebrate all of you and see you as you are. So I'm really excited for this. I haven't hosted a free workshop like this in a long time. So if you haven't already, save your seat and I'll see you there tonight. Okay. Let's talk about fear. Woo. And why you're not meant to be fearless. I'm very excited for this episode and I want to talk through three myths, but I feel like why you're not meant to be fearless is kind of a myth in itself. I love fear. I've said that so many times on this show, I proudly claim it. Often I, I always say I think I was made with an extra dose of fear. I'm scared all the time and I just keep showing up and I just keep doing things. I feel a lot of fear hosting a workshop for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot of fear getting ready for another extended trip that we're going on. I feel fear all the time and I kind of love it. And we are not designed as humans to be fearless. We're just not. Fear is actually a good thing and this is one of the myths we'll be talking through today. But if we were fearless and had no fear, we would have kind of a troubling day to day experience. Fear is actually really important for the human experience. And you know, humans learn by contrast as well. So we wouldn't know what light was without dark. We wouldn't know what happy was without sad. It would all just be baseline neutral if we didn't have contrasts. And so fear is helpful in certain so many ways. And this idea that we can become fearless is frankly, it's just an unachievable goal because we're always going to have fear. And I, I talk about your comfort zone a lot around here and I always say your comfort zone expands with you. So every time you grow to a new level, you're not getting rid of your comfort zone. You're just getting comfortable at new levels, which means your fear changes and evolves with you as well. We're not going to reach this point where suddenly we're just, we have no fear. We're not wired with it anymore. Again, fear is something we need. We change our relationship with it. We change the way it drives us. I am at a point in My life where I love my fear and I know how to have a relationship with my fear. But there was also a point in my life where I fear. I let fear be the driver. And I think that's, I mean, ultimately, spoiler alert. What we actually need to look at here. No matter what myth we're unraveling, the real question is not like, how do I get rid of my fear? The real question is, what am I allowing my fear to create for me? Fear is a part of our human experience. But fear doesn't have to be our only driver. And even if we consider it from a human design lens. So in our back to you container, which is my monthly coaching membership, where you get monthly one to one coaching support and also human design support every month. And over the past several months, I guess about eight months now, because we're almost through the nine centers. We have been navigating the nine centers of human design and seeing how that energy can support us in the month ahead and in human design. So there's nine centers. Those are the shapes that you see if you've ever pulled your chart. And you're like, what are these crazy shapes and lines? Well, the shapes are your centers. And it's basically how different energy is designed to flow throughout our body and how different parts of our being, our self, our body, our physical and energetic space support us, our energy, how we make decisions, how we move in the world, what we are more than just a head. We have a whole body from the neck down. And we actually have three centers that carry fear within them. Our third eye, our splenic center, and our solar plexus. And these all have essentially potential fear activations within them. That doesn't mean there's excess or it doesn't mean you're meant to experience fear. It's just kind of this knowing of, you know, oftentimes when we look at one of the fear activations in a chart, it's like, oh, yeah, I know that fear. I've had it my whole life. Sometimes it's one that you're like, I didn't ever really know where that came from. There's just these activations that we have within us that are wiring us for survival, for belonging, for safety. And that is one of the key reasons that fear is so important. And so that brings us to our first myth, which is that fear is something we need to run away from. Fear is the enemy. I'm even thinking about that. The quote from Dune, fear is the mind killer. I don't know why that Quote popped into my head, but I'm hearing it on repeat. So there's all this, like, you know, whether it's a quote from pop culture or just the idea that we need to run away from fear and in order to grow or in order to evolve. And that's not actually true. Fear is actually an ally. So how do we unwind this? We remember that fear is an ally. Fear tells us what our edges are. Fear tells us things like touching a hot stove. Nope, we shouldn't do that. Thank you, fear, for letting me know that's something that we don't want to do. And that sounds like a silly example, but that is what fear is here to support us for. Fear is here to help us find our edges, find the edge between. I'm going to stick my hand out and, oh, I'm going to pull it away because I'm about to touch something really hot. Fear can create safety for us. If none of us had fear, we might all just be, like, continuously putting our hand on a hot stove on purpose or walking out in front of a bus. Fear creates those edges for us, and it can be an ally if we learn to not let it take the Dr. Seat. Which brings us to our next myth that fear is. It's almost like we make fear this, like, separate entity. It's kind of the same thing as, like, running away from it. Right. And oftentimes when we're having a conversation about fear, we are making it the enemy. Right. But fear is actually a part of you. Where is fear coming from? Yes, it can be sourced from external noise, but ultimately we run that through our own internal system. Even if that's just running it through your mind and. And fear is a part of you, so fighting it is only going to create more resistance. So I don't know if you have ever tried to convince yourself to just not be scared. You know, it sounds easy, right? Like, just don't be scared. Oh, you. You're scared of talking in front of a crowd. Just don't be. I. My internal voice is so sassy. It's so dramatic. It's like, arms crossed, like, full of the sass, and fighting with it is just going to create more resistance. And so, again, let's use our silly hot stove example. So if you're, like, going to touch the hot stove and fear's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't do that. Don't do that. Alert, alert. And you're like, I'm going to do it anyways. Fear is going to get louder and louder and Louder. And. And maybe you take the action past it and you touch that stove and you're like, that was an awful idea. But it's going to get louder. Why? Because it's a part of you. Why? Because it's your ally. Why? Because it's trying to tell you the edges that it has decided are safe or unsafe for you. And understanding or hearing your fear doesn't steal away from your desires. So we're using our silly hot stove example. However, if we're actually thinking about something like, you want to start a business, but you're scared of what people will think, and you're fighting against your fear, just trying to make it go away, it might work for a little bit. Doing that way, doing it that way. Show up, keep fighting your fear, just keep showing up anyways. Eventually you might find that you burn out from that method because it's not sustainable to just fight yourself continuously and to disown parts of you. Fear is your ally. Fear is a part of you. Understanding or hearing parts of you out doesn't steal away from your desires. And all fear wants is to be heard. That's all fear wants. Fear wants to be heard. Fear has created edges for you, usually because of past circumstances. And all it's doing is trying to keep you safe. And so understanding it, hearing it, doesn't steal away from where you're headed. It doesn't make you less evolved. It doesn't ruin your manifesting abilities. It allows you to get to know yourself deeper. And that's always a gift. And to hear it and then be able to still make the decision, that's your superpower. And that brings us to our third myth, which is that fear is wrong or that fear is weak. I actually think that fear is a fierce protector. And what did I just say? Fear was here to protect you, to keep you safe. It creates edges based on past experiences, based on evidence. And so what we need to understand is that when it's not a hot stove and it's saying yes to a new way of showing up, we need to understand that desire is also a fierce protector. Desire is protecting our vision. It is creating clarity. And fear and desire can actually work together. And often, fear and desire live right next door to each other. And so this is where you get to choose the action moving forward. And that's really the important part in the fear conversation, the reminder that you are not your fear. So fear doesn't have to be the driver, but that doesn't mean you have to make it go away completely. So living all in. Your fear isn't going to serve you, but avoiding your fear isn't going to serve you either. It doesn't have to be one or the other. We often in our human experience think, okay, I need to fix this. And then we swing all the way to the other side. But the problem was we were in an extreme. And so fixing it with an extreme isn't actually going to get us the solution we want. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Fear can be present, desire can be present. Find them both, hear them both, and then choose. You are not a robot. So this idea that like, oh, we'll become fearless and everything will just be clear cut, straightforward, and there's never going to be a fear charge anymore. Unrealistic expectation. That is how robots operate. You can have both experiences and then you get to decide which one you're fueling and which one you're choosing from. And that is the important part. The important part isn't how far away can I run from my fear. It's am I operating in a way that feels sustainable to me? Does my energy feel like it has capacity to hold this? So I hope this conversation on fear was helpful. I hope you feel seen in knowing that if you have a little extra dose of fear like me, that there's nothing wrong with you, you're not broken, you're not a problem that needs to be solved. We don't need to figure out how to get rid of all of this fear. We just need to hear it out and then hear the other part of you that wants to operate too, and then we get to move forward from there. So I'm sending you so much love. I would love to hear from you, as always, if you loved this episode. Send me a little note. It's always, always nice to hear from you on the other side of the microp so I know I'm not talking into the abyss. Send me a little message or share this episode if you did love it. Let's spread the fear. Love. Kind of a funny way to put it, isn't it? And I'll see you next time. Thank you, my friends. Happy days.