What if people fall away when I change with Taylor

Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll discover how to unlock and express the most authentic version of you and realize that this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan Siemens. Now let's make some magic happen. Hello, my friend, and welcome back to the Clarity Corner. Today we have a coaching session with Taylor. And before I tell you what we're going to coach through today, I just want to share one specifically. We're moving through an energy coaching session today. And so if you don't know, I am certified and trained as a life coach, and I'm also a certified energy coach. And energy coaching is more of a somatic experience within your body, getting out of your headspace and moving into a space of your body, a space of healing. There's still a forward motion with energy coaching. And I tend to weave the two of these practices in in my coaching series with clients. And one of the reasons that I started doing these coaching sessions on the podcast, well, the biggest reason is that I find when you hear someone else getting coach, there is this new perspective and this new sense of clarity that unlocks. The other reason that I was so excited to get these coaching podcast episodes out there is because explaining coaching is kind of like explaining what a watermelon tastes like. I can tell you that a watermelon is sweet and it's juicy and it's delicious, especially in on a warm summer's day day. I feel like it just has this cooling factor to it. But until you've tasted a watermelon, you're not going to know what a watermelon tastes like. And I can tell you that coaching is transformative. And I can tell you that energy coaching is a somatic experience. But until you experience it, you don't fully understand what coaching is. You don't know what a watermelon tastes like until you taste a watermelon. And you don't know what coaching is until you experience coaching and feel like today's episode is really giving you that opportunity to feel. Taylor is such a beautiful, open soul who was ready to just dive into an energy coaching session with such curiosity. And she had shared with me before we hit record that she had recently watched my interview on the Shine With a Gem series through the the energy coaching school that I was trained with. I'll link the interview down in the show notes if you're curious to tune into it. And she was like, I'm just so curious to see what this is like. And I'm so she had this like full, open exploration about her. And I feel like because of that energy we just get this experience of like feeling, feeling a coaching session. And so with that, I'll share what we're going to be moving through today. This is a really juicy, powerful one that I feel like so many of you are going to connect with. We are exploring being your full, authentic self and what that means for your relationships. So if you've ever experienced the fear of being turned away from the group, if you are your full, authentic self, if you have ever experienced the fear of being misunderstood or not understood at all, if you feel like you want to be your full, authentic self, but you never have been in group spaces, you're going to love this episode. Like I said, Taylor has such an openness to her to explore and such deep wisdom comes through when she is getting to the heart of what does it actually look like to be my most authentic self in a group setting? And what happens to my entire energetic world when I do that? And so buckle up, cozy up, grab a cup of coffee, grab your curiosity and get ready to expand in some seriously beautiful magic with Taylor. All right. Hello, hello. And a big welcome to Taylor for our coaching session today. We're going to start together, just doing a ground in here, Taylor. So I'll just invite you to either close your eyes or softly gaze down at the tip of your nose and together here we'll just take a deep breath. As we inhale, we expand our energetic field and on an exhale pour our love and gratitude down deep into the earth. Call yourself to yourself, gathering any energy you've left in different locations, spaces, time periods. And just collect that all the way back in my prayer is that Taylor, feel safe, held, witnessed, celebrated and sovereign. May the process today take shape and form through curiosity and grace. And so we begin inhaling together, exhaling together. Then when you're ready, going ahead and opening your eyes.

That felt great.

Amazing. So tell me what's on your heart today?

Wow. Honestly, a lot. I feel like I've been. I've been getting more and more into different, like spiritual avenues over the past couple of years. So like yesterday I spent a lot of time looking at the Chinese New Year and it's just, I just feel like 2024 specifically is going to be amazing. I mean, it's an eight year in numerology and I'm a monkey and this is the year of the dragon and their allies and just all of these things that I feel like I feel in my bones, like I know that this year is going to be big. I'm really. My main intention is to be my authentic self. Like, I've really identified over the past year ways that I have not been doing that with kind of everybody. Like, I just feel like I. I've reached a point in my life where I, you know, felt unsafe. And so my immediate switch was to make sure that I had people in my life. And so I became these, like, different versions of me to get these people in. And, I mean, they're still in my life, and they're amazing. But I'm like, I haven't ever actually been me for all of these years with any of these people, and that's not their fault. It's just how I've shown up. And so I'm really trying to do that. And it's scary in a way, just because it's been so long. I feel like since I've been able to do that, that I'm just trying to figure it out. But I know that on the other side of that is all of this success and peace and abundance and all of that. But it's just going to be a shift from. From where I'm at now. So I'm excited, but I'm also nervous and a little bit impatient. Like, I just am. Like, I know what's on the other side. Like, I just want to, like, get there, but I have to do all the work first.

Yeah, yeah, I totally feel you. It's like this kind of, like, fear that has this, like, nervous buzz to it. It's like.

Oh, yes, exactly.

Yeah. So can you speak a little bit more to the fear part of it all? Like, what feels a little scary stepping into that full, authentic version of you.

Yeah, it's interesting that you asked that too, because I feel like I've shared this with a couple people close to me, and it's just difficult for them to quite get what I mean. I think a big fear is just that people. Things may fall away from my life. And I feel like people interpret that as, like, I'm gonna drop this, like, bomb. That's like, whoa, I can't believe that you think that or are that whatever. And it's not one thing. It's just kind of like I said before, that every bit that I've shown to these people has been curated by me to a point where I almost just forgot. And I'm like, oh, that's just not me. So the fear is around being able to lean into that, and it's less that I feel like People are going to drop me. I gave this visualization to my friend. It's like, I feel like in my life we're all, you know, going down our own paths. And I've grabbed these people and I'm. I've, Like, I'm either grabbing to their hands or, like, I have them tied on this rope because I've been so afraid all of this time that these people are going to leave. And I'm finally in a place where I'm like, I don't want them to leave, and I don't necessarily expect they're going to leave. However, I've let go of their hands and of the rope, and I'm aware that perhaps our paths will just separate, and I'm okay with that. So it's like, I don't expect people to be running away from me, but it's just the awareness that, like, I have really been avoiding my own path for the sake of keeping these people in my life. And now I feel like I have no choice in the sense that I feel my path calling to me. I feel my heart leading me that way. And I know that my path may be very divergent from the people that I love.

I hear you on that. And you have so much beautiful awareness around it. And sometimes when we have all of the awareness, our fear can get a little bit buried, too, because it's like, well, I know it's going to be fine. Like, it'll. I know it'll be fine in the end, but still, that fear underneath the surface and getting to that and uprooting it a little bit. And so I'm curious how you would finish this sentence. I'm scared people. And things would fall away because.

Ooh, my first thought was, I'm weird. Like, I can't get the right. The right word for it. I know. Like, I was part of this community program before where it's like, you have to figure out specifically what the trigger word is for you so that you can move through it. And I still struggle to figure out what that is. Like, I'm fine calling myself weird. I feel like it's related to out there or all these things that astrology, human design, numerology, all these things that are lighting me up, other people in my life just aren't into, which is fine. I don't need them to be into it. But I feel that is what I want to talk about and what fuels what's going on in my mind. And so when we're having conversations that are more just very surface level I'm like, this doesn't interest me, but I know that what I want to talk about doesn't interest you. And so it's just like, I feel like I'm going to seem like an alien or something to them and maybe that's not giving them enough credit. But, like, my core, my 100% my core wound is fear of abandonment. And so I feel like I just can't quite escape that. And so that keeps coming back when I'm like, trying to share my light and be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so lit up by this. And I look around and I'm like, who can I share this with? And there's not really a lot of people.

Yeah. Let me ask you, and feel free to tell me if this does not feel true, but does it feel like you're afraid you'll be misunderstood?

Yeah, not necessarily. Well, I mean, maybe that is the definition. I was going to say maybe not misunderstood, but just not understood.

Like, yeah, yeah.

I don't think they'll assume anything wrong. They'll just be like, question mark.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually love that, like, distinction. It's. You're like, it's. It's not a misunderstanding. It's like, there's just not understanding.

Yes.

Which feels like a really important distinction. Yeah. Yeah. And I bring that up because even when you started talking about the fear, you were like, yeah, I've tried to voice this and, and people just don't get what I mean. And so it feels like that not being understood piece is what's underneath the surface of it all. Does that feel true for you?

Yes.

Okay, Are you ready to explore that a bit in energy space?

Yes, please.

Okay, let's do it. So I invite you to go ahead and close your eyes again or softly gaze down, whichever feels safer for you. And just giving yourself a deep, nourishing breath, allowing yourself to settle, tracking where your thoughts are and giving great gratitude for your thoughts for what they've brought present thus far. Notice how close you feel to your.

Body.

And on your next inhale, bringing yourself a little closer in on your exhale, releasing all that's not here to serve you. And allow yourself to enter in through your heart space, whatever that means for you. Just notice what that feels like. Nothing for you to do or figure out. Just feeling deeply held and keeping your eyes closed if you want to just share for a moment what it feels like to be in your heart space.

I'm honestly, like tearing up already, but just really warm and, yeah, welcoming and inviting. Like I belong here.

Yeah.

Like I'm safe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even noticing how potent that message in itself is. I belong here. I'm safe. In this space in front of you, I invite you to pop up a projector screen, a big blank screen, making it as wide as your vision can go. You might see it, but you might also just know that it's there. You might sense it. Just make sure it's nice and clear. Can you sense that feeling of a clear screen in front of you?

Yes.

And on that screen, go ahead and place an image of you. You can either be sitting in a cozy chair or standing and taking on the energy of your fullest expression, your most authentic self. Again, you don't have to see it. You might simply sense it or know it. But take a pause here and just observe from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. And taking as long as a. Of a pause as you need to observe. And whenever you're ready, if you just want to start sharing about this visual of you.

Whenever I see this best version, she. She has, like, moon white hair, and it's long and flowing and decorate like she's decorated with moons and stones. And she's sitting in a. Yeah, A cozy chair with a blanket and a cup of tea, and she's looking out at nature and she's just so calm and, like, grounded and her mind is still and she's just present and observing and she feels cozy and she feels warm and she feels at ease and is smiling and just seems very, like, comfortable and herself. And like she's. It's almost like she's smiling at me, like, waiting for me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you know that she is you?

Yeah.

Yeah. Just taking a breath here. And on your next exhale, go ahead and clear that screen completely. Whether it's just the exhale that kind of dissipates it away, or maybe. Maybe you call in a magic sponge that can kind of like wipe it clear, whatever feels true for you, bringing it back to that really clear state. And with an inhale and an exhale, pop up an image on that screen. But this time it's taking on the energy of the fear that people will fall away, the fear of not being understood. And when you're ready, keeping your eyes closed or down, go ahead and share what you sense or see. Let's start at the top of the image.

Honestly, there's not much. It's really just me, and there aren't any actual other people, but it's like there are on both sides of me. You can tell that it's as if there's, like, a crowd or grouping of people, but they're away from me. So it's like I'm in a crowd, but I'm alone. And I look very sad. And, like, it's not. It's not raining, but it, like. It gives that energy of, like, a downpour. It's dark and stormy, and my body looks, like, tense and, like, I keep kind of looking from side to side, like I'm looking for anyone that sees me or that is here in this place looking for me. It feels like I'm just the one looking, and there's nobody looking for me. And it's dark, like, I can't really see. I see my face and, like, my figure, but, like, I couldn't tell you what I'm wearing or. Yeah. Or anything else. It's just, like, me in between these, like, dark mounds that I just know are people, but I don't see people.

Yeah. It's interesting that you started with. There's not much, but it actually seems like there's a lot.

I guess there's a lot in the nothing.

Let's start with simply the looking side to side. How might we shift this part of your system so that it feels more aligned?

I would say to stand up tall and just look forward. Like, I'm. I'm not lost. I don't really need to be looking anywhere other than where I am or where I'm trying to go.

Yeah, I'm not lost. I don't need to be looking for where I'm trying to go. Okay, moving to your body that looks a little tense. As you notice yourself standing a little taller and looking forward. What does your body do?

Honestly, it. It shakes it out, like, in a little dance where I just kind of, like, fling my arms. Not fling, but, like. Yeah, shake them. Like I'm shaking off this negative. I don't want to say negative, but, like, this energy that's stagnant within me and the movement of my body feels like, you know, like I feel lighter. It's helping me stand even taller. I almost feel like it's those, like, masses, like, of people on the side are almost like, just drifting away As I shake my arms and move my body a bit.

Yeah. Yeah. So as the masses are drifting away and you're giving yourself those shakes, as many as you need, you might even notice that you just keep kind of giving yourself a little shake throughout the process. Is there any message coming through about that?

Not in words, but I Feel this. The scene itself, like, getting brighter. I feel like there's. I can see, like, more of a background now. Like, I see some grass and I see.

Yeah.

Some sunshine, and I feel like I hear birds and maybe some, like, a stream or some type of water. It's like I'm just. Yeah. My environment is changing, and what I see around me is becoming a place of peace and. And color.

Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like there's a little dial that started turning and it's just turning the hue up on everything.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah. So as that hue is turning up, as it's getting a little brighter and the masses are drifting away, what does all of this have to tell you about that fear?

That its power lies in me focusing on it and looking at it or, like, trying to escape it, Almost like. Whereas when I'm just in myself and being myself, it just kind of falls away on its own.

Yeah. Do you feel like you can believe that to be true?

Yeah.

Yeah. Even tune into the words of that statement. When I am me, it just falls away. And what happens to your relationships when you believe that?

I definitely still see people that care about me. And, in fact, I feel like I'm more jovial and my laughs are more genuine and real, and I feel held in these relationships, and I feel a huge sense of relief around releasing the idea of, like, who I'm supposed to be or who I've told them that I am before or, like, this image that I've upheld, it's just. It's like I can see it falling away. I can see layers or, like, masks of me falling and everyone is smiling and it just feels more easy and natural in these relationships.

Yeah. Yeah. Is there any other part of this image, this system, that feels like it needs to be adjusted, aligned. Anything else that feels like it needs your attention here?

I think my voice, aside from, you know, putting on a certain version of me, I feel like I. I have this fear around speaking up, not just for what, you know, the things that I'm interested in, but just, like, having opinions. I feel like I've had this resistance to having opinions or sharing them, but it feels quiet. Like, I feel like I. I'm missing my own voice in this and other people are wanting it. Like, I feel like I have. I tell the story, I tell myself, is that my voice isn't welcome in the way that I want. Like, in an honest way. It's only welcome when I choose, you know, tailor what I say. But I'm feeling like a. Like something in my throat, almost like, trying to just, like, pop, like, a bubble that's holding things there. And it's. I feel like that's the la. The last bit of, like, heaviness or. Or stagnation that I feel.

Yeah. So what would you do with that bubble?

I want to pop it, but I feel like I want to, like, sing, like, to. To do that. Like just a loud expression and like, I'm not a good. A good singer, but I like to sing.

Yeah.

And it feels like that. Like, I just want to, like, sing out and that would pop it almost. And like, I almost see, like, a. A fountain or like when you throw confetti in the air, like, just this image of, like, shooting up to the sky and then, like, falling down, like, sparkles.

Yeah. Yeah. So let's just pause here and hear your song. Notice how your song comes out in the confetti and the sparkles. And notice how much space that takes up. It shoots out of your head. Notice even how much space that takes up on the screen.

A lot.

Yeah. Yeah. It feels like there's just this, like, huge smile. Like the smile you get that, like, is pure bliss that is from your body.

Yes. And I. I feel like it's like. Like a magic rain. Like the people who are in it are, like, dancing.

Yeah. Yeah. All from your song. What does that tell you about your most authentic self in these relationship spaces?

That it's needed and it will benefit others and will be celebrated.

Yeah, it is needed. It will benefit others and it will be celebrated. Go ahead and breathe in those words. Maybe even repeat them out loud again. If it feels true for you.

Is needed, it will benefit others and it will be celebrated.

Yeah. Go ahead and almost, like, move this image to one half of the screen, and on the other half of the screen, call back in that image of your optimal self with the moon, white hair, the stones sitting cozy with tea, looking at nature, that calm groundedness. Just pause here and notice the two. And then allow the highest expression of yourself to inform this new image on the screen. What do you now know?

That the image on the left, like, the. The one we just left, is a like in a story that is between, like, me now and me with the moon white hair. Like it's an earlier chapter. But I also feel like the me on the chair is witnessing this other scene. And she's just so. She's, like, beaming and she's happy and she sees, you know, like, that's me in the future. And so she already knows the journey and the path. And it's like she's looking at it with joy and just knowing that, like, I'm. I'm going the right way and I'm figuring it out and that I'm gonna get there faster than this version of me thought.

Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead and just invite those two images to merge together. Watching your bodies merge, knowing both and are optimal. On your next inhale, that image pops out of the screen and on an exhale, allowing it to enter into your heart space. Knowing that it all is always has been, always will be part of you. Knowing that you are going the right way, you are going to get there faster than you even knew. Your voice is a benefit to others. It is celebrated. Feeling held, giving yourself three inhales and exhales at your own pace with each breath, feeling your heartbeat, maybe beginning to feel the breeze on your skin around you, bringing small movement into your fingers and toes. Just whenever you're ready in your own time, if you need an extra breath, you are free to take it. But whenever you're ready, go ahead and open your eyes.

Wow.

Is there anything you want to voice from this space?

I just feel magical. Like, I feel like that was so powerful, and I feel like it was something that my heart needed. I mean, obviously I ended up here for a reason. We ended on this call for a reason. And I'm just really grateful for your guidance, but also your guidance to me, guiding me and helping me see that she's always there. I'm always there. Yeah.

Yeah. Who's always there? Give voice to that.

I'm always there.

Yeah. I'm always there. Yeah. As we come to a space of completion. What do you know about that? I part that most authentic self part.

She's the true me. I am within and like, I've never left me.

Mm. Mm. Do you feel like you understand you?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a beautiful practice, connecting fully with you. I feel like you started this with, like, it's going to be a big year, and it's like, it's also just going to be a big you.

Oh, I love that. Yes.

Yeah. Beautiful. Was this helpful? Is there anything else to voice? Just feel fully complete.

It was so helpful. I don't. I don't know if I have anything else to say, but. Yeah, I'm just kind of sitting and. And soaking in this, and it feels like a. A release. Like, almost like all of that, the imagery and. And the knowings were just like sitting right there and.

Yeah.

Almost like covered in dust. And this just kind of helped me, like, clear away that dust and see that it's. It's right here.

Yeah. I love that. And you always have access to it.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for your openness and your just space to go all the way in with it.

Yeah. Thank you. And your voice is just so, like, calming and guiding. Like, I just felt held the whole time. So thank you.

Yeah, you're so welcome. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're ready to get unstuck and on with a joyful life, you're ready to be magnetically your you in life, relationships, business, and everything in between. I invite you to apply for coaching together. It all starts with a clarity call. If you thought this was magic, get ready to blow your mind through your own possibilities. Apply for coaching at megansemans.com forward/coaching.