What Is My Identity With Jessica

Foreign.

Welcome to the Clarity Corner, where you'll discover how to unlock and express the most authentic version of you and realize that this is exactly what you were looking for the entire time. I'm your host and your coach, Megan Siemens. Now let's make some magic happen. Hello, and welcome back. Today we are doing one of our beautiful coaching sessions with Jessica, and we'll be coaching all, all around identity. So if you've ever felt like you've maybe lost pieces of your identity or lost pieces of yourself, or if you ever feel like you have gotten a blurred line between your roles and the things you do and your identity, then you'll really love this episode as we really define what identity is. And Jessica comes to a really, really beautiful understanding of identity versus roles. And she comes to it in this really, like, incredible, whole transformative way. Whether you are navigating an identity crisis, if you will, or you're just getting curious with what is my identity, or you're just here to learn about identities and roles and just see what connection points you take through, please enjoy soaking in all of the magic with Jessica. Okay. Hello, friends, and welcome back to an episode of the Clarity Corner. Today we have Jessica here for some coaching, and we're going to do something a little bit different today. So before every session, I take a moment before I hit record to ground in with the beautiful human on the other side of the screen with us. And today I'm going to do that live. And so Jessica has so wonderfully opened up the space for you all to ground in with us together, which I just think is such a beautiful invitation. So if it does feel good for you, as long as you're not driving, of course, if you'd like to either close your eyes or softly gaze down. And Jessica, you as well. And together, we all just take a breath, inhaling deep into our belly, exhaling and releasing anything that's not here to serve us. Today as we open our space together, we call ourselves fully present, trusting that exactly the right thing will come through to serve all on the highest level of good. We open our space together with curiosity, openness, play and grace. Inhaling one more time, all together, exhaling together and gently in your own time, opening your eyes, coming back into this present space. Okay. Hello, Jessica. Welcome to the Clarity Corner.

Yay.

And what's on your heart today?

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so first of all, I love your session so much. I'm so excited. And what's on my heart is identity. So I want to dig into my identity, and I Am a new mommy. And before, while I was pregnant, something that was very important to me was to make sure that when I become a mommy, to not let the mommy identity take over and only have that identity. And now I'm almost three months postpartum, and I'm coming out of the fog of. I think there's, like, a space now. I think there's a space I didn't before this, but after experiencing it of, like. Of having. Of needing to have that full mommy identity because it's such a fog, and they just send you home with a baby one day, and it's like this shock. And now I'm ready, like, to figure out, like, what are my other identities and what do they look like and how to step into them as well and have a good balance by most amazing person that can support me with balance.

I love that. Thank you for just bringing such a clear question here. And I'm curious. It. It's interesting to me that you're saying my other identities. And I'm curious if you feel like you're almost like, segmenting pieces of yourself, does that feel true for you?

Yes. Now that you said that, I didn't know, but yeah. And I. I want to be whole. So being whole is not necessarily having different, or it is having different pieces or it's not having different pieces. Both. And yeah.

Well, I think, you know, you're gonna have so much contrast, and you're gonna have so many different roles, whether it is being the mommy or. I know you're an amazing. You're an amazing partner to your boyfriend, and so you have different roles within that. Right. And you also have different contrasts. And so I love where you said, like, I want to be whole. And so I'm curious what identity even means to you. Like, why is this an important space?

Oh, that's a good question. So I'm just going to say what's on my mind, and hopefully it answers your question, and then if not, we'll just circle back. So I get very caught up in doing, like, it's very easy to get caught up in the mommy things, like breastfeeding and changing diapers and singing to him and dancing and doing all the things to, like, constantly entertain and educate him. So that. That comes very naturally. Like, that identity versus, like, I'm gonna say it again, other identities. But I would love to shift that so it's, like, more challenging. So, for example, like, just the just Jessica identity, like, for. For me as myself, like, this morning I went to kickboxing, and it's a promise that I made for myself that I was gonna go. But at 4 o' clock in the morning, when I was awake nursing my baby, after being awake for the past three hours, I really didn't want to go. So I asked my boyfriend and said, do I really have to go? And he said yes. And I was like, okay. Because I knew I made the promise to myself, so I wanted to keep that promise. And I also knew I had space to take a nap later today, so finding, like, the ambition to do other things than just mommy. But that still doesn't answer your question on what does identity mean to me.

No, but I think we are onto some clues here. What's the difference between. I love your spark of curiosity and all of this. By the way, speaking of pieces of your identity.

Pieces. Okay, I like that.

What is, what is the difference to you between identity and roles?

I think it's the same.

Do you want them to be the same?

Great question. You ask great questions. But I don't. I need to think of my answers. I'm okay with it being the same.

Yeah.

So when you think about, like, identity, my identity, like, that's what you entered in with, like, what would be. What is the clarity you want in that? Because it sounds like you're like, I know, like, identity and roles, they feel like they go together. You're jiving with the idea that you have pieces of your identity. So these things feel really good. So what is, like, almost underneath the surface? Like, what is it that you're really craving when it comes to your identity?

What are my identities or roles? Like, what? So if I could be clear on what they are, then I can bring them to life.

And then what happens?

I'm like, my cup is full.

And then what happens?

I'm happy, content and joyful. And something that we've talked about before is like my authentic being, my authentic self, which my favorite affirmation is I am my whole unapologetic, Whole unapologetic, authentic self. So I think it's coming together with, like, the wholeness, with the identities, and then. Yeah, like, the authenticity is just what brings out that joyfulness.

Yeah. Yeah.

So let's just start answering your own question. Like, what are my identities? What comes. What comes to mind first?

So me just like, just Jessica.

Tell me more about just Jessica. Let's just, like, pause there.

Okay. That's fun.

And be with just Jessica.

She's cool. So just Jessica is playful and bubbly and fun and silly and loving. And then that one also bleeds into other ones as well. Okay. So that's kind of fun because then the different identities and roles can, like, bleed into each other and then make it whole. Like. Yeah, paint.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's funny.

And so your identities, these multiple identities, they. What if they just were your identity? Like, what if you just get to be all the things?

Yeah, that sounds fun. I like that. So the follow up. So that is, how do I make sure that I am my whole life. Okay.

I.

My whole identity versus, like, only, like, feeding, like, the mommy identity. Because that one's so easy.

Yeah. And, you know, I think just acknowledging one, like, just the chapter of life that you're in right now, like, you get to be a mommy and, like, your face ignites when you get to be in that role. And so just, like, really honoring that. That season is here. It's very present. It feels really good. And what are the pieces that feel like go on the back burner?

The Jessica identity, which I'm working on by showing up this morning to kickboxing and business identity.

Mm.

I think what I'm noticing, like, what came up for me when you said that, which it is beautiful. And I love. I love the mommy role and identity, and it's very draining. And, like, I can't be on all the time on mommy identity. Like, I need to step away sometimes. So, like, that's where I want that balance between the different. So I guess with the question before, like, I want different roles and it's one identity instead of different identities. It's different roles in the identity, which is like, different. Like pieces of pizza.

Yes, that right there. Like, I'm just going to repeat it to you. I have different roles within one identity.

Right. One whole identity.

Yes. And so this question really becomes, how can I be my whole self while being in this role that right now feels a little draining, but also necessary because you have to be there for your little.

Yeah, I get to be there.

Yeah.

It's beautiful. I love it.

Yes. And how can you keep those. So when we. We zoomed in on the. The me, the Jessica part of this, the playfulness, the bubbly, the fun, the silly, the loving, and you're like, oh, well, actually, when I am those things, my roles that I'm in actually feel really good. Right. When I'm in that loving state, when I'm in that fun state, when I'm in that playful state, the roles that I'm doing feel really good.

Okay. So I really like that you reflected that back, because what came to me was like, like, the playfulness is like the Jessica. And it's also, when you first were saying it was coming to mind was like, well, I only play when I'm with Corbin, who's my baby. So then I was, like, judging myself on, that's not Jessica, that's Mommy, which in reality, it's both. I get to be Jessica and mommy, using both roles in that moment because it's fun to play with him, and I'm happy, he's happy, I'm happy, everyone's happy. Yeah.

Yes. Like, that is you. That is your whole self. That is your authentic self. And you might express that in different ways. Like, your playfulness might look different with Corman than your playfulness in business.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And this is back to those contrasts we were talking about. Like, you do have a bunch of contrasts, but they're not separate identities. Like, they're your whole self. How does that land?

That feels really good.

Yeah.

So I actually feel like, you know what you can do to, like, activate these things. Does it. Does that feel fair? Like, you're like, I know I can, like, go to kickboxing, or I can, like, take a moment to, like, step out of the room or whatever it is. And you know that those can kind of, like, reset you. Does that feel true, or does that feel like it's missing?

It feels true when you say it back to me. And in the moment, I feel like I don't know what to do, which is not true necessarily, now that I say it out loud, because, like, in the moment, I guess it's just stepping out of the room, which I feel that I am pretty good at doing and I have been working on since, like, day one of him being here. Just, like, speaking up before it gets to the point of me needing, like, having a breakdown and saying, like, I'm feeling it, so can you please take him so I can just step away or even just, like, have my hands free?

Yeah. Yeah.

So you're doing those things. So what feels like it is missing?

I think the awareness that I'm doing them and giving myself credit where credit's due.

Great. Can we practice that right now?

Yes, please.

Wonderful. So what are you really proud of yourself for in this most recent season of life?

Any role.

All of you. Your whole self.

The whole self. Keeping promises to myself and just having that awareness like, that. It's important to keep the promise to myself like, this morning for kickboxing and knowing that and trusting that I have the knowing of what to do when I need support and also speaking up I'm really proud of myself for speaking up. The other day was really, really hard, and I. My boyfriend was gonna go run errands, and I just looked at him and said, please don't go. And that was really hard for me. Like, I had to give myself a pep talk in the bathroom to ask him to stay home, but I knew that it was important for me. So. Yeah, speaking up is. Is something I'm very proud of myself for.

Yeah. Yeah.

You're doing amazing.

Thanks.

So how can you actively remind yourself this in the day to day?

I think affirmations. I love affirmations. And I haven't really been using them. I have this amazing affirmation deck for new mommies. And I have it out on the table, like the coffee table, and then it just needs to be opened. I just need to open it. And I look at it every day. So it's. That's like my next step is. Is opening it. And I think that's. Those are so aligned with me when I use them before. So that's a really good tool to use.

Yeah.

To have some really simple tools you can use. What are some things you can tell yourself that remind you that, like, you're still here in this chapter of life? Like, even though there's a new role, you're still here.

I like that. I think just my. My go to affirmation. Like, I am my whole unapologetic, authentic self, because that one comes very naturally. I've been saying it for ever, and it has a different meaning to it now. Like, now I understand what the whole means, which I've never really. I know that I've always wanted to be whole, but I have yet to feel whole until now. So thank you for that feeling.

I love that. And also you very much came to that feeling on your own. As you listen back, you'll realize, like, that was so your breakthrough. And let's anchor that in a little more. So how. How do you know your whole self a little bit more today?

That it's just these different roles. It's not necessarily different identities that I.

I.

Need to live. It's just. It's just having these rules and. And especially, like, them blending together. I think was a really big piece because I can be loving to myself and my baby at the same time, and I can be playful with myself and my baby at the same time.

Yes.

Yeah.

And that's.

Yes. Yes. Even, like, that statement in itself, like, it just feels so whole and rounded of, like, I can be loving to myself and my Baby, at the same time, like, it. Something about that just, like, feels like a circle.

Yeah. Like a whole circle.

Yes. Yes. Not like. Instead, like a. Like a semi. Like a half circle that's just kind of like, rocking back and forth. It's like this whole circle of, like, I can pour into others, and I can pour into myself.

Yeah. Yeah. That's huge.

Yeah.

So I'm not necessarily emptying my cup. I can empty it and fill it at the same time.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I would say that's something for you to really consider and kind of walk with over the next, you know, couple of weeks of just, like, what does that mean? What does that look like? What does that feel like? To no longer just empty my cup. What does it look like to actively fill it along the way? And another exercise I'd like you to play with a little bit is that beautiful affirmation you have. So I am whole. I am my whole unapologetic self. Is that. Is that the correct wording?

Authentic self and my whole unapologetic, authentic self? Yes.

So since you're so connected to that and it feels like a really great affirmation for you to tap into, I'd like you to play with, like, extending it as you connect with it each day. So I am my whole unapologetic, authentic self. And how do I know that? And just consider, like, what's one thing I know today? Like, what's one thing? And it can be. What's one thing I know about my wholeness? What's one thing I know about my unapologeticness? What's one thing I know about my authenticness? Whatever comes through. Just, like, taking that moment to consider, like, what does this mean to me today?

Okay, I like that. So, like, for example, like, just for clarity, for example, like, I am my whole, unapologetic, authentic self. By dancing today. Ooh. And, like, filling that authentic.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Exactly. Just noticing those. Noticing those things that you've consciously done to fill yourself up because you said one piece that feels like it's missing is that awareness piece. And so, like, the example you said earlier, you were like, I'm really proud of myself for speaking up. And, like, that was part of your whole self coming through. Of, like, I have a voice, and right now feels like the. The time I'd like to use it. And even though that's a little scary and feels a little bold, that's claiming what I need right now, not necessarily what I need to be. Mommy, of course it's going to fill that role up a little bit, but it's just what I need right now. And so just taking that moment to just remember, like, here are the ways that I'm anchoring this in. Here are the ways that I'm doing this.

Yeah. I love that.

Yeah.

It feels really good.

Good, good.

Thank you.

You're so welcome. Okay. What do you now know about your identity?

That I am already whole. And it's just different roles and I. I really love, like, the bleedingness of it. Of the roles.

Yeah.

So my identities, it's not just like one or the other. It's one and the other.

Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. Beautiful. Is there anything else to feel fully clear or complete today?

I feel. I feel complete. I feel whole.

I love it. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're ready to get unstuck and on with a joyful life, you're ready to be magnetically you in life, relationships, business, and everything in between. I invite you to apply for for coaching together. It all starts with a clarity call. If you thought this was magic, get ready to blow your mind through your own possibilities. Apply for coaching@megansemans.com coaching.