The Real Reason Small Business Owners Get Divorced

Here's the truth. A healthy business allows a healthy marriage, and a healthy marriage allows a healthy business. They're not separate. They're dependent variables. So if your relationship is cracking, your business will feel it, and if your business is collapsing, your marriage will also feel it. My name is Mike Andes. I'm the founder of Augusta Lawn Care. We have over 190 locations around the world, and I travel around the country fixing struggling businesses and the commonality that I see time and time again, when a business is struggling, the marriage is failing, and when the marriage is failing, the business is struggling. And so these are important factors if you want to grow a business or have a great relationship. And I truly do believe that this is a problem that can be solved and if done correctly, can create something that is unmatched and unparalleled when it comes to the union between you and your spouse. Last week, I met with a husband and wife that were running a business where just a few months prior, he had tried to take his life.

I tried to take my life because it was pretty dark and pretty bleak.

How did we get to that place?

It was affecting the morale. Performance was going down in the company.

The husband was working late into the evening every night, trying to get the business back on track. They had to close down another business that they had started to focus on, the one that was struggling. And they had quite a few employees doing $800,000 in annual revenue.

I grew up working on farms and stuff where, like, hours don't mean anything. Like, you just work. There'd be times where she's like, why are you out until 1 o'?

Clock?

Do you not want to be with your family? And I'm like, well, I want to be with my family. That's like, why I'm. Why I'm staying out till one o' clock finishing these jobs and stuff.

Now, the wife was in charge of admin while the husband was out in the field doing operations. She was answering the phone, and even though she had an admin assistant, that person couldn't speak English, and so she would have to take every phone call. What started to happen is there was friction by the fact that he was working late in the evening and. And she wanted to just see him at home, regardless of how much money they made. I just want to see you at home. And that struggle and that tension caused eventually for them to actually split up. And they didn't divorce, but they did start living apart from each other.

I think the goal is to get me out of the business just from Like a marriage standpoint, that it would probably be best for us to not be working together anymore.

She was feeling neglected, and he was buried underneath the weight of trying to provide for the family, both financially and emotionally for her at home. Now, their therapist had told the husband that, hey, you got to determine and agree on a certain time. You're going to get off every single evening and get home. And although that makes sense logically, it was just very difficult when the business is struggling and not making money. And the phone calls that she's taking in the day is actually complaints that she then needs to report and put on his schedule that she knows is going to take him away from the family that night. I can tell, like, that's where all the friction's happening, because you get the call. You're me. Like, we can't afford this.

I also.

That means I can't see him tonight. So I'm gonna have to call in this issue knowing this is hurting the.

Business and I'm hurting our relationships.

So although asking for a certain cutoff time makes sense logically and a great compromise in this case, the therapist didn't understand that what was causing all of the stress was a failing business.

They actually separated for a bit because of it. So when that happens, that's when you're like, okay, this is like, we need to deal with this as, like, number one problem. And then the fact, like, she hears all the problems and then basically has to put that on his plate, which then causes her pain because she didn't get to see him, and then also causes the business to lose money. It's like a wham.

She's, like, beating her up. And then his pressure of, like, having.

Trying to provide is brutal. So knowing that he's not, like, meeting her needs at the same time, it's brutal. So that's good. It just goes to show, like, how much, like, a personal. Like, your personal relationship, just so important.

And if we could fix that problem, then we could work on the marriage. And so when I went there for the turnaround, I actually asked both of them, can we take six months and you still answer phones? Because she didn't want to answer the phone anymore. She didn't want to be an admin. She wanted to step away from the business to preserve their relationship. I said, can you just hang in there for six months? We're gonna create.

It's gonna say six weeks, but it's really six months.

All right, I need you.

I need you in admin for six months.

Okay? If you can give Me, six months.

We can get the business to where we don't need an admin person full time.

You specifically, you still answer the phone. Can you create the systems so you can hand it off to an admin person? And I asked him, are you able to keep working late into the evening for six months? I gotta get agreement from both of you that together we're going to keep doing this for six more months, but create systems so that down the road we can delegate. Six months is going to be you handing off team meetings, one on ones, hiring, everything. Create profitability in the business so that we actually have some margin and it's not so tight. Now I've been married for less than one year, so I am definitely not a marriage expert. But after filming over 100 turnaround episodes and working with thousands of entrepreneurs, I can tell you marriage stress is one of the top reasons businesses stall or shut down completely. I believe that entrepreneurship and marriage is a team sport. Sometimes one person's on the field, pushing late nights, working crazy amounts of hours and then someone else is on the sidelines of the business and they're maybe at home taking care of the kids, they're making food. These roles are important because not everyone can be on the field at the same time. We need a defense and we need an offense. And the person that's offense can't look to the defense and be like, well you don't look like me, you're massive. You can't run a super fast 40 yard dash. It's like, no. We need the defensive lineman and they play a role in the game. And when the defense is playing, the offense is on the sidelines. And when the offense is playing, the defense is on the sidelines. The problem comes when the partner on the sidelines feels ignored. What I have learned is that to over communicate about the times that you do need to lock in on the business. And so like I was asking this couple on the turnaround show, I'm like, hey, can you give us six months? Because I know that a breaking point is and said, look, we have six months where we both agree to work on the business a lot and that we're going to have times. We work in the evenings and the weekends, but we need to do the hard work to fix this business. Create systems so we can delegate it to other people, which will then give us the time to work on our relationship. And if you're in the supportive role, you're on the sidelines, Let them score, let your spouse lock in on their goals. Don't drag them off the field, make mid play, they're in the middle of trying to get the touchdown, get to the end zone and you're over on the sideline trying to pull them off the field, discouraging them from reaching their goals. Winning requires both offense and defense. Not one player trying to play every position, not telling others to look or act like them, realizing that we alternate cheerleader roles. When the offense is on the field, driving down the field and trying to get a touchdown, the defense is excited for them and cheering for their wins. And and when the defense is on the field and the offense is off the side, they also got to get excited about the times that there's defensive plays that are keeping the other team from scoring. Know your spouse's goals and sacrifice everything, everything to make sure they happen. The goal of the offense is to score a touchdown. The goal of the defense is completely different, is to protect and to defend and to keep the opponent from scoring on their side. And so we've got to make sure that we support each other's goals and by doing that, we are able to win as a team.

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Financial stress is the gasoline on every fight between spouses. If you add the fact that you can't make payroll, if you add the fact that you're struggling to make loan payments, that pressure and that mind crushing intensity constantly throughout your day while you're working in extreme amounts of hours, you only makes any contention at home even that much more difficult. An unprofitable business doesn't just hurt your bank account, it bleeds into your weekends, evenings, and even the bedroom. Fix the business. Profit gives you margin. Margin gives you peace. When I think about margins and profit margins, I actually think about when you look at a piece of paper on the side of a document, there's margins. There's room for you to be able to write inside of. There's room for you to be able to extend the text further. And you know when you're writing on a piece of paper and you're coming to the end, there's no margin. There's pressure that builds up and if you don't have any profit margin, it's trying to run your relationship. When there is no cushion. There's nowhere to give. If you're constantly running things so tight and you can't make ends meet, the pressure on the relationship is exhausting. I've said this before to many entrepreneurs. Fix your business to fix your marriage. I understand that. Not what a therapist is going to say and, and they're going to say, prioritize the relationship. I agree. But many times you can't even focus on the relationship and your feelings and your emotions and keeping those things in check when all day long you have cortisol pumping through your veins because you're not sure if you're going to be able to put food on the table. I full heartedly agree that therapy can help. But nothing will reduce stress like a profitable business that has money in the bank. Because now you can delegate. If you have profit and, and you have systems and you have a business that you can go hire great people, you can delegate not just at work, but at home. Chores, groceries, food prep, babysitting, cleaning, the laundry. All of those things can be done with 2,000, $3,000 a month. And you get that margin, that money by making a profitable business. That's time you buy back and spend with each other, not just on the business. This aligns the goals of more time on the business and, and more time together. A profitable business buys date nights, more quality time. There is nothing more sexy than going to battle together. There's nothing more unifying than fixing a struggling business. I believe it's like a sports team when they're an underdog and no one thinks they're going to win and they're way behind in the middle of the game at halftime, the coach is like, all right, we're way down. We got to get together. There's a unifying force and a camaraderie that comes with that team that is the underdog. And, and if your business is struggling and you're having a struggle with your partner right now, with your spouse getting on the same page and having that underdog mentality where you both go to war together is extremely unifying. And it can absolutely bring you together if you fix the business first. I found that many times conflict isn't about how many hours someone's working, it's about expectations being missed and just lacking communication around what is expected of both roles, offense and defense. Who's on the sideline, who's cheering, who's on the field. Talk about your goals as a couple, not just as a company like you. I have my quarterly vision meeting with my manager. What about Your partner align the business mission with the family mission and do not hide money stuff. It will become a source of contention. For those of you who are single, maybe younger and you say I don't have a spouse yet. Let me give you a little tip. Get aligned on sex, money, religion and politics before you get married to someone. By the way, those are the four taboo subjects everyone will tell you not to talk about. Those four topics are the reason most people get divorced. So why not have clear expectation and clear communication about what both of you think about those four topics before committing to a relationship. If you're working towards your business goal, it might require compromise with your spouse to be able to make sure we all stay aligned. I might compromise the time that I get off of work or the time on the weekends or the time I don't look at my phone in order to be able to ensure that my partner's goals feels met. At the same time I'm able to chase my goals. Before I got married to Brianna, we talked to a lot of couples and just asked for general marriage advice. And Josh from the team here said one thing that kind of stood out to me. He said give them the benefit of the doubt for the little things, the little slide remark, the little like look at you that you kind of could take wrong. Just give them grace, give them the benefit of the doubt that they're not trying to tear you down and you are on the same team. Many times I see the struggle over time and so clarity in the calendar prevents chaos in the marriage. And I'll be honest, some owners treat customers treat better than their spouse. They're more responsive to clients emails than to text messages from their partner at home. I'll be honest. Like guys, you can be a savage at work and in business and still write love notes. And if that's what your partner's looking for, you got to know what their goals and what really is the thing that they want and then ensure that you reaching your goals is not in direct opposition of that. If you think about from more of a business perspective, think of your spouse like the general manager or like your top executive. The only difference is you can't fire them. They don't get paid to do all the things for you that they do and they own half of everything that you have because that's how it is with marriage law and so over deliver, don't keep score. If you had an executive that you did not pay them and that they showed up every single day for you and did all sorts of things for you crazy hours and you couldn't fire them and they own half of them. You would figure it out, you would over deliver, you would not keep score. And if that's true, show up for your spouse the way you would for your most valuable employee. Give them affirmations, reward them, praise them in public. If your spouse feels like a backup player, your business is already losing. One thing I've learned in the past year, because I have such a demanding schedule and I travel a lot and I do work a lot of hours, is I'm not going to win the quantity game and have hours and hours of undistracted time with Brianna. Instead, when I have time, I'm going to focus on the quality of that time. That means not looking at your phone. And for myself, living by myself for 10 years, being able to work at any hour of the day or night or weekend or holiday and anytime I wanted. It was quite the transition to be able to say, okay, I'm not looking at my phone and I'm not thinking about business. I am only focused on the quality time when with my partner, realize that growing a business is difficult. Realize that doing that alongside a partner that might have different goals than you is also difficult. But being able to make that work together is extremely fulfilling. So I encourage you this week, this week as a challenge. I want you to audit your time, ask your spouse where they feel sidelined. This will be a give and take and grace will be needed. Because I need grace when I got to work on a project and I'm not sleeping very much and I'm working late at night on my laptop in bed. But I also need to give grace when my partner needs me at times when they're going through struggles and they need more quality time because a strong marriage fuels a strong business and a strong business creates the space for a strong marriage. And because of that, that's why I focus on making more money for businesses. This is why I'm so passionate about helping small businesses, because I know if the business is profitable, it allows the room, the margin, the, the ability for the relationship to be healthy. The real reason entrepreneurs get divorced isn't money, it's misalignment. And that's something you can fix together.