In this conversational episode of the Center for Respect series, Mike Domitrz and Sam Silverstein examine the premise that respect must be earned versus the belief that respect should be given unconditionally. Sam opens by equating respect with trust, arguing that respect must be offered from the outset of any relationship. Mike counters that while promotions and titles are earned, basic human dignity and respect are universal and should be granted regardless of past actions, citing military humanitarian examples. The hosts explore how treating people with respect influences leadership effectiveness, employee accountability, and organizational culture. They describe respect as the foundational step in a "stairway" model of organizational development, emphasizing that respect precedes performance, empowerment, and results. The dialogue highlights the dangers of a power‑based, respect‑earned mindset, such as manipulation, short‑term compliance, and toxic hierarchies. They discuss practical implications: leaders must remove individuals who consistently disrespect others, reinforce respect as a cultural value, and balance respect for authority with the responsibility to uphold respectful standards. The episode concludes with a call to listeners to practice unconditional respect in personal and professional settings and provides distribution links.
Chapters
Strong opinions, Mike? You never have strong opinions. What are you talking about? Strong opinions. You know, it's interesting. You sent me a text just a little while ago, said, hey, you want to talk about this? And I said, great. And that's kind of how we put this together. We really are just— we want to share what's going on, what's relevant, what's current, what's important right now. And as soon as you said that, I immediately thought about trust because the word trust seems to fall into the same category. I don't think it works that way. I think respect is given. I think if I want your respect, I need to respect you. Matter of fact, one of my values is respect, and I know that you know that. And so I believe that we should be respecting people, period. I'll never earn your respect if I don't respect you first. It's kind of like trust. I'll never— you'll never trust me if I don't trust you first. And so I think we should go into every relationship we have With respect. We, when we meet someone, there should be respect out on the table right from the get-go.
Absolutely. Here's what you earn. You earn promotions, you earn titles, you earn positions. Respect is given, and every human being should be given respect. By the way, even if you've done something horrific, we still treat you with the basic dignity and respect of a human being. That concept is there. I work with the U.S. military. If they run across the enemy in the battlefield and the enemy is in dire need of help and they can safely help them, it's their responsibility to help that person because you treat each human being with dignity and respect. It's not earned. And when people think, well, you have to earn my respect, that means this is about power. This is not about—
Control.
It's all about power and control. And somebody's always ranking higher. Because now you have to earn my respect and I have to earn that person's respect. They have to earn my respect. It's a power pyramid and it's really unhealthy and possessive in ways.
Yeah. You know, when, when we roll up our sleeves and really get to work as leaders in our community, our families, in an organization, it, it, people know when you respect them. Are you, when leaders are manipulating people to get things done as a means to an end, Then those people understand very quickly they're just working for a paycheck and that relationship is going to be short-lived. When you respect the people around you, when you show that you value those people, you appreciate those people, it's a totally different relationship. And in that moment with that relationship, you create that environment where people choose to be accountable, where they choose to bust their butts to get things done because You showed them respect on the front end that meant something to them. They do not want to let you down. Respect is given. Respect is a foundation for great leadership. Respect is a foundation for someone who knows how to build great mutual relationships.
Absolutely. And I love that you threw that in there, that mutual, because that's what it's all about, is building mutually amazing relationships. And we use a stairway when I'm working with companies and organizations. We'll use a stairway of getting to here. And that stairway starts with the first step. The very first step is respect. It's not the final step; it's the first step. But you'd be amazed, Sam, how many organizations think respect is the epitome. It's the top of the, of the food pyramid concept. No, it's the base-level foundation.
Well, the challenge is that there's just so many leaders out there that are focused on on what it is that they're doing and trying to get that bottom line result. And they're not focused on their people. Leadership is a responsibility for the people that you lead, which means it's about them. It's not about you. And so, it always starts with taking care of those people. And that starts with respect. If you don't respect people, you'll never serve them. You'll never take care of them. You'll never try to determine what their goals, aspirations are. You'll never lead them to their potential. That's going to start with respect. When we turn our attention as a leader to the people that we're leading, then what happens is we free them to turn their attention to the goals and aspirations of the business, to achieving on the bottom line of the business. But it starts with respect.
Yeah. And so that means now we started this today because of the cliché, respect is earned. And in fact, the end of that is often respect is earned, not given. That's actually the quote you often see people say, which is really messed up because we've just disproven that and said how important it is to start with giving. You brought up trust earlier. It's like parents will say, I trust but verify. That's not trust. That's not trust. If you have to verify, you don't trust, right? So imagine if you said to your spouse, I trust you when I verify it. I mean, think about that. Like, what is— what does that mean? So respect is the same thing. There's not a clause. Either you're giving it to me or you're not.
If it's conditional, I tell the truth unless I lie.
Right, exactly.
I mean, come on, Mike.
What is that all about?
It's yeah, exactly. It's it's are we in or we out?
That's right. So either you fully trust me or just be honest and say I don't due to a past record, whatever it is. But that's honest. So give respect fully, and then by the way, I can respect you and disagree with you. I can respect you and dislike you. I can respect you and not believe that you're a valued asset to the organization because of harm you've done to the organization. So there, respect does not mean I like, I love, I praise, I— that's not what it means at all. It's how I treat you, how I see you as a human being. I can see you as the value you are as a human being.
Respect is a foundational characteristic of from one human being to another. And anyone that does not respect someone is really creating a situation that cannot be supported or sustained long-term. We see people do this all the time. They'll say something derogatory about an individual, a group. They'll make a judgment about somebody because of the way they look, because of their job, because of whatever education they have. That is a total lack of respect. That is not valuing people. And individuals that fall into that category aren't great leaders. They may get things done in the short term, but they're not great leaders. Want to be a great leader? Learn to see people, value people, respect people, listen to people. And then whether you agree or don't agree, that's one thing. But at least build a foundation of respect.
Yeah, and one of the mistakes organizations say was, yeah, we have this— these people over here who, who don't respect everyone, but you know, I— what am I going to do without them? And what you're telling us when you say that is you don't respect everybody else in the organization. So you— this one person's lack of respect goes over and trumps everybody else's sense of respect. Because by the way, if you got rid of them, That would show that you respect everybody else and value them and trust them, that they're going to be able to handle this. We don't need this one person if they're going to create disrespect or harm in the atmosphere.
Well, if you allow someone to stay in an organization that does not live with respect, that does not respect the people they work with, the people around them, then what you're saying is respect is not an important characteristic or attribute in our culture. Period. And what, what happens is in organizations, many times leaders fall into the trap of rewarding people based on performance. I'm not talking about financial reward. I'm talking about rewarding people with longevity, the ability to stay in the organization, the ability to hang on even though they aren't living the values, even they aren't living characteristics like respect. And as soon as a leader does that, they're saying, I don't believe in respect. Now, they might not like me saying that and they hear me tell it to them, but it's the truth. You value respect as a leader, you do not allow anyone in your organization to stay in your organization regardless of what they produce. If they aren't living respect. And as a leader, when you put that stake in the ground and everyone sees that you put that stake in the ground, they will rally around you. They will help make up for the lost performance of that individual. And they will praise you for creating a work environment, a work culture that they want to be a part of because it's based in respect.
Yeah, I was once speaking to a group of CEOs and the one's like, what? I can't just get rid of these people. And they made that statement. And the other CEOs piped up and were like, are you kidding me? You can be afraid. But once you do, the burden off your shoulders, off everybody's shoulders, everybody excels. It's such a better place. But you also need to respect the fact that it's your job. It's your authority to make those decisions. And that's super important for all the leaders out there. Respect your authority. Do what's needed in those moments to lead. Speaking of time to lead, we've got to lead this onward because we're at the end of today's show. We want to make sure that you know you can join us on iTunes. Find us at Mike and Sam, youtube.com/CenterForRespect, or Sam Silverstein. Sam, good to see you again.
Good to see you, Mike. Everyone stay well. Respect the people around you.
