In this conversational podcast episode, Mike Domitrz and Sam Silverstein explore the role of ego in professional settings. They begin by asserting that everyone possesses an ego, noting that denying its existence paradoxically signals ego awareness. The hosts differentiate between healthy ego—pride in achievements and confidence—and unhealthy ego, which manifests as comparative superiority, a need for external validation, and decisions driven by self‑image rather than genuine insight. They discuss how ego can cloud judgment, foster complacency, and impede accountability, especially when leaders claim sole credit for team successes or blame others for failures. Practical strategies are offered, such as recognizing ego triggers, pausing to assess whether statements are comparative, and adopting an accountable leadership mindset that emphasizes transparency, shared success, and humility. Real‑world anecdotes illustrate these points, including the misplacement of coaching awards alongside athlete awards and the importance of letting external validation (e.g., being called an expert) come from others rather than self‑promotion. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to subscribe and engage with the hosts' platforms.
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Hey, it's Mike and Sam, and for those of you who can't see us, it's matching day. So those of you who can see us can see what I'm referring to. Uh, we've been talking about whether this would happen one day or not. Uh, today it has happened.
How you doing, Mike?
I am doing great. Uh, Sam, thank you for asking. I appreciate that.
Are you feeling good?
I am feeling good. Lots of good stuff going on. You're—
that's good. You're looking good. I just want you to know that.
Well, thank you, Sam. So do you.
Well, thank you. But I'm not gonna let that go to my head that you said that.
I, uh, you know what? That's so important, right? Because we can do that at times.
Well, it can happen. And then, then that's, that's not good news, is it?
It's not good news. And we all do it, right?
What are we talking about today, Mike?
I think we're talking about ego today. Yeah. Ego in the workplace, ego in our life. Uh, we all do it. I think one of the weird things— not weird, I guess everybody has their own defense mechanisms, and that's part of ego— is, uh, the person who says, well, I don't have an ego. You know, I just say, you know, I'm saying this, but I don't have an ego. Well, first of all, if you don't have an ego, you're not— you don't have a human brain, because it's literally a part of the brain. So you have an ego. Uh, and the fact that you're telling me you don't have an ego means you're very conscious of your ego, because you're worried about your reputation, how it looks. And that's all ego.
Exactly. It's all ego. Yeah, it's— when people say things like that, it's just, it's kind of funny, you know, because it's usually the exact opposite that's the reality. You know, I heard someone say, and I don't think this is original, they said ego stands for edges got out. And I think that maybe an excessive ego We all have some ego. We should all have— be proud of the things that we do, the things that we accomplish, the relationships that we've built. I think that's all really healthy. But I think when it gets unhealthy is when our ego drives our actions. When we're doing things to feed our ego. When we want to make sure that people know about those things. And when it gets to be excessive like that, then what happens is we're really not making decisions and leading from the heart. What we're trying to do is just feed this false sense of, I'm good, I'm better than others, I'm better than most. And when we go down that road, it's a bad experience.
Absolutely, it is. And it's a matter of catching ourselves, right? And that's the challenge with ego. Because when you're in a state of ego, you believe it is right. You believe it is with logic and rationale that you have that belief. Or that thought. And so it's very hard to tell somebody in a moment of ego, and I haven't had people do it to me right now, that could come off as arrogant. You're like, that's confidence. So there's this fine line because sometimes it is confidence and you need that ego, and other times it is over the top. It's not healthy. So Sam, what are, do you think, some defining differences in when healthy ego appears? Because ego is healthy. Or when it becomes unhealthy?
I think there's, you know, that's a— it's hard to define that line. I think that pride of accomplishment, of a job well done, of pride of, you know, you graduated school and you have pride in that. I think that's great. I think ego starts to position you against someone else. And that's when it's negative. It's comparative. Well, I have this. She only has that. Or I've done this. They've done that. Or I've done this. They're here. And when we start comparing ourselves like that and we're using that to make us feel good, then many times we fall into the trap of trying to actually put people down to artificially boost us up. There's no accountable leader that's ever going to act like that. And so, it's really, what happens is a lot of times—
I want to pause there. I want to pause there. That's going to act like that on a regular basis, right? Because the fact is, even really good leaders can fall into it on a given moment or a given day. We can fall into it. It's a matter of catching ourselves and redirecting.
No one's perfect. But the accountable leader never puts anyone down, never tries to bolster their position, by making someone feel less than or feeling bad. Never. And not to say that we can't make a mistake. Yes, we can make a mistake. But this is something that we have to learn and move past now. This isn't something that we can repeat over and over and over again in the future. This is really a basic level. The accountable leader is always building up the people around them. They are taking their ego out of the situation. They're dealing from transparency. And quite frankly, they're saying that, that, you know what, we fail together, we succeed together, we're in this together. And they're saying, I am not perfect. I do not expect you to be perfect. If someone is saying that they are perfect, then their ego is totally out of whack.
Oh my goodness. Yes. Yeah. All right. Let's use it though on something that relates to our industry. So, because other people can relate to their industry, people could say, That Sam's one of the leading or one of the foremost experts on accountability. That's true. So if it's on your website, if it's coming from you, it's comparative statement. It is a point of ego, but it's correct. It helps people differentiate from you.
You know, I've, I've always gone by the guide that it's not for me to determine if I'm an expert. It's for someone else to. If you as a peer says, oh my gosh, Sam's the expert in accountability. Well, then I appreciate that. When my clients say, oh my, you know, Sam's the final word in accountability. He's the most trusted voice in accountability. All these accolades. Well, do they go to my head? Hopefully, they're not. Am I proud that people say that, that I built that reputation? You bet. Well, I put them on my website. I'll put them on there with quotes around it as someone else who has said it. It's not for me to take that position.
Yeah. I love that statement. And that's what people would say. Sometimes people in my line of work will say, well, what makes you an expert? And I always say, I don't determine that. That, you know, the— that's what people told me. People in the industry said, you're one of the leading, you're one of— they determine that. And so I don't get to make that call. What do you think are some other major faux pas we can all fall into with ego, Sam, that happen on a regular basis?
Well, I want to stop.
I want to say your comparative comment is brilliant. And I think anybody watching this could stop and use that as a trigger point. Am I comparing? The moment I am, that could lead— that's an ego point.
I appreciate you adding that in because that just took out what I was thinking about sharing next. So thank you for that. No, I, you know, I think also Hey, this is honest and transparent, and that's just the way we're going to be, right?
Right.
Now, here's the thing with ego. It's this false sense of security and it blinds us from the reality of the situation that we're facing. And unless we're honest in the situation we're facing, we can't make the decisions we need to make to move forward. So, ego actually holds us back if we think we're better than that, if we think that we've got this nailed, but we don't, then we aren't working to improve. And so this false sense of ego actually traps us in a place of underperforming in an area that we want to convince ourselves that we're all that and a bag of chips.
Yeah, I think it, it almost always leads to complacency. I can kick back because I am, right? And versus you will meet people who say, I'm one of the greatest in the world, and I will not settle for that, right? That's a different mentality, uh, that I won't settle for today being that. I have to be that every day. Now, that's— that's— people argue whether that's healthy or not, but that is a different viewpoint for sure. You know, like Denise is saying, if the team accomplished something and you take full credit, whoa, that is ego. That is without a doubt. I'm gonna give you a great story of that. Uh, I know of people that are coaches Right? And you could walk into the athletic team's arena and you would see all the coaching awards up next to all the athlete awards. It's a place for that. Yeah. And I would always be like, the coaches' awards don't belong up there. That's for the— that should be about the athletes. You're helping them accomplish their awards. Don't get me wrong. I'm a coach and I've received awards and they mean a lot and it's wonderful. But mine don't belong up there. That should be the team.
Exactly. And the leader that basically says, hey, when we fail, I messed up. When we succeed, the team was amazing. That's an accountable leader. That's someone who's pulled their ego out of the situation. And they know that when they eliminate their ego and when they think about others first, they're always going to get a better result.
Love that. Thanks, Denise. We want to thank everybody for joining us. And we want to make sure that you know where to find us. So, as always, remember, that is on places like YouTube, youtube.com/samsilverstein/centerforrespect. Remember, you can subscribe there, you can make— leave comments, you can click on the bell to get notifications. Uh, we want you to do all of that. And then same iTunes. Mike and Sam, have a great day.
