37: Logan Nelson's Self-Therapy and Living Your Life with Respect

Welcome to the Mutually Amazing Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz, with the Center for Respect. The episode you're about to listen to was recorded when this show used to be called the Respect Podcast. So, you might hear that mentioned during this episode. Well, let's get to the show. This week, we have Logan Tyler Nelson, the founder of Logan Tyler Nelson Agency. And he's also the creator of Scratch Your Own Itch Podcast. His intention for every day is to be the best part of someone's day. I love that so much, Logan. That's very cool. So thank you so much for joining us.

Ah, thank you so much for having me on, my friend. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, yeah, no, definitely excited to have you on. Now, Logan Tyler, people hear that and think, well, that's unique. Do you go by both first names or do you go by Logan or Tyler?

You know, it's funny when someone really knows me, they go, Hey, Logan, what's up? When I just meet someone, people always go, hey, Tyler, could you do— So I usually love it when I get called Logan.

Okay, and I know when I've been communicating with you, we've communicated many times outside the show, I've always just said Logan, but I didn't wanna assume.

Yeah, you're good. You are by far a very awesome, amazing human being by calling me Logan.

I appreciate that. So I love that you're doing this. Thanks for doing the show. Tell us a little about your show. It's called Scratch Your Own Itch.

Yeah, man. So my show kind of started about going on a year and a half, and it started out on just, I don't know, I kind of call it like my own self-diagnosis for therapy because after I got out of college, I graduated with a degree in acting. And while I was in school, I was listening to a lot of podcasts. Like, I really loved podcasts. It was just a way to learn while I was working out, or maybe a way to learn about interviewers. And I just loved listening to interviews with actors. And I would go to work out, and while I was working out, I would go, oh man, that'd be so cool to interview that guy, or that'd be so cool to interview that person. Then I graduated college and A few months rolled by, and I had an identity crisis. I sort of, like, thought, like, I was meant to be an actor. Like, Logan Tyler Nelson was supposed to be an actor. And that didn't happen. I wasn't really happy with it. I was kind of, like, living a lie. I was doing it just by pride. And it was sheer hard work. And it wasn't really, like, making me happy at all. And it wasn't really My passion one bit. And people kept saying, like, hey, you only live once. I got off work one night at a restaurant that I worked at, and I had this, like, single thought about, I don't know if this world's gonna really give me the thing I want from it. And that really scared the heck out of me. It led me into trying to kill myself. And so I walked up a 3-story building. Looked down from the ledge, and I just— I thought this was an easy way to just get it done and over with. I really wanted out of this, this world. And so I tried killing myself. And from that, I ended up living through that fall and went back home. I just bruised my right leg pretty bad, like messed up my knee, messed up my ankle. So my right side was just A little messed up. And then my neck was a little sore, nothing too bad. But then I thought, okay, I gotta figure out a way to do this where maybe it doesn't look like it was a suicide. Maybe it looks like an accident. So I started listening to podcasts as a way to maybe like get an idea about a way that I could kill myself that looked accidental.

So what kind of a podcast are you listening to? Like Serial or the podcast about like Murders and death, you know, because there are podcasts on that. Is that what you were listening to?

I actually typed in suicide attempts into the podcast iTunes, and there was a couple of podcasters that came up, like ADHD. There was a story on one that was from the ADHD one, and, uh, it was a girl who talked about how she, uh, was Trying to kill herself after a failed marriage by getting into a car and just making it look like it was an accident. And she just lost her job at this point. And I heard that, and that gave me just sort of like an idea of like, you know, this is just a hump I'm going through. So I started thinking of an idea like maybe other people are also having these suicidal thoughts, like really successful people. Like businessmen, other entrepreneurs, because I was just listening to entrepreneur podcasts. Because these people on these entrepreneur podcasts, we get so vulnerable and just so real with people on the interview. And I go, this is great medicine for anyone who's going through this stuff. I don't want to go back to therapy because I don't have a job. I also don't want to go back to therapy because I'm really scared of what they'll do to me or say to me because I just tried to commit Suicide. So I started interviewing people, and I wanted to talk about the harder things that we think about a lot, but we don't really talk about. So I interviewed people that I just had one single little thing that would make them eligible for the show. They had to just have a story about either some sort of eating binge that they had to fight through, some sort of depression, some sort of suicidal thoughts, some sort of— I even had people that had bipolar, bipolar on that were going through manic depression. I mean, you name it, the scary stuff that, that we just don't really like to talk about in society because we don't fully understand it.

I want to pause if that's all right, just to take a breath, because it's so powerful what you're sharing. At what was the point that switched you from trying to find a way to end it? Because you were listening to podcasts to do that. To helping by getting this podcast together. What was the— did something happen? Did a moment trigger that that said, I'm going to switch from listening to how-to to create a space where people can discuss this? Because I get that you shared how you went from there, the fact that you went from learning how-to to, I wonder if there's other people thinking what I'm thinking. I'm going to create a podcast for that. But where did the healthy shift come that left you from wanting to take your life?

The healthy shift came from also just the extreme curiosity of just what people do with their days. The extreme curiosity of how people handle certain relationships within business. That did definitely save me. And also the peer Attachment to like, hey, I got to make a good podcast with these people. I got to cultivate a relationship even though I'm not in front of them. They live remotely in California or they live somewhere else and I'm in Springfield, Illinois. I have to find a way to do what I can, give as much as I can by sending them little messages of appreciation, by sending them little gifts through Amazon every now and then, by just Just being a nice person. If I saw something on Facebook that they were recently excited about, I would make sure that I wrote them a letter. Just doing that, the ability of just, it's not about you, that quote, and really living by that, that really did shift a lot of things for me. I hope that answered your question.

No, it does. For those listening, please know this. Logan and I have only met virtually through Facebook and other things, but you do that. You send me messages when you love an episode. I get a message about how much you love the episode. And you know, as a host, how rare that is. And so it means a lot. Like a lot of people listening think, oh, you have the podcast, you hear from listeners all the time. Actually, it's pretty rare when you talk to podcast people that you actively get to hear from listeners. So it means the world when you do, and you're very proactive about it. When you listen to something you like, you really let me know. And I really appreciate that. So thank you for being that person in people's lives.

Thank you, man. Thank you. I just, I think that's the number one habit that anyone can do for anybody that's out there creating something. I mean, they're not doing it for the recognition, but it is a heck of a huge, awesome virtual hug that you can receive from somebody. When they do take, and it only takes five minutes, and they just take five minutes to just say, "Hey, I listened to this. Really thought you know XYZ was cool about this episode," or "Hey, I saw that you made this post on Facebook. I really thought that this this was cool." Because when you message to with somebody and you really digest what they're trying to put out there in the world, you I mean that's the best gift that you can possibly get. You know, it's like. That's part of the 5 Love Languages, and we could go into that. But, um, you know, uh, that's a great book by, uh, Don Luis Miguel, I think his last name is. And just talk about how humans can love each other, you know. And your show is Respect. It's the same thing. It kind of ties into one another to truly respect yourself. I mean, let's go into it, man. I'd love to talk about that. Um, so To truly love yourself or love somebody else is all about respect, right? Yes.

You get— you have to be able to respect yourself to love yourself. That's a contradiction when people say, oh, I love myself, but I lack respect for myself. Well, then what do you think love is? Like, love requires like an unfiltered respect, right? Just a full respect of everything about you. You respect the beauty, the negative and the positive of you. You respect that that's part of who you are as a human being. It all comes part of the package.

So what did you recently, um, I'm just curious, like, what did you recently like discover about the transformation of respect since you started this show to where it is now?

Well, that's a great question, Logan. Uh, you know what, since starting the show, I always find it interesting how people perceive respect, the different definitions they have, and yet the consistency in what keeps showing up. And the consistency is that Everybody seems to agree that to some level, it's honoring someone for who they are. Like, to truly respect you is to value you. Value, not try to change you, but value you. When I'm changing you, you're not good enough for me. And how much— how can I feel respected at that? Now, if you're trying to support me, that's different than trying to change me. And so I think it's just the concept of truly feeling valued. In yourself. So self-respect would mean valuing yourself, truly valuing yourself. Respect in others means I value you, and I love the whole package, not just parts. I don't just say, well, I only like that part of Mike. Well, then you don't like Mike because Mike's the whole package. So I think that, that's been the big transformation or the big learning point for me.

So when you say value too, I think there's a distance between mentally valuing something and physically valuing something. Like, physical value to me is like something that is involuntary. Like, you have no control over that thing. An example would be like, physically, I am valuing my health because why? I have to. Like, if I don't work out for a day, I just feel bad. You know, it's weird when I work out, Even though there's a little bit of work, I get a reward from it by feeling great. And then there's a mental value that's really— I think the real work where that comes in is, is being able to believe in something that's yet not there. And that's really hard for a lot of people to swallow. So for example, like maybe a mental value could be like, I really want to have this thing on my gravestone. You know, I really want to be able to have the ability to be the best part of someone's day. So what does that really mean? Oh, that means that I have to take at least 2 or 3 hours of my day and be super selfless, even though inside my head I have all these other things I got to do for myself. And that's, I think, a hard thing for a lot of people to swallow as far as values goes, because Like, life is tough. There's so many things that you just have to do because you're in certain situations. I don't know everyone's life that's listening to this, but I know for me personally, like, it's hard to take care of yourself. It really is. And then if you're trying to take care of anyone else, that's even harder. But if that's one of your values, as far as respect goes, then you have to be able to put yourself— Kind of in the, in the second row in order to put others in the front row and actually taking data. I think that's why I write a lot. I write a ton, just like little notes. Like, I just write at the end of the day, like how much time I spent with other people and what I did with them. Or I take data of, you know, at least sending 5 messages to people about something that they're doing that I think is really cool.

Well, I wanna pause there cuz I think you bring up something really important and it's a discussion on valuing ourselves, which is I don't have to be in the second row. We can all be in the front row together. And that the danger for some people, I'm not saying in your case, but for some people when they hear the language, uh, hey, I'm gonna put myself in the second row so they can be in the front row. It's actually really cool when we can all be in the front row. So I'm gonna sit in the front row, but I'm bringing you to the front row with me.

Yeah.

The danger that some people will hear sometimes is they'll hear, oh, I need to put myself in the second row so they can be in the front row. And they make other people more important than their value versus equal to their value. And so then they're manipulated, they're controlled, they're in unhealthy relationships because they believe I should be in the second row, they should be in the front row, instead of we should all be celebrating the front row together. Does that make sense?

It does, it does, it does, it does, it does. And I guess, That's almost going into a little argument that I think that I kind of want to get into is, do you believe that there should be so many trophies out there that, you know, even, you know, we have kids now getting trophies just for trying. And there's also a belief out there that the word best can actually have multiples. Like, I don't know if I believe in that so much. I do believe that it's okay to be in second row, actually. It's okay to be behind the scenes. Yeah.

Oh yeah, and I'm not— we're not disagreeing there. There's no way we're always going to be winning everything in life. What I'm referring to is, if I'm going to choose whether I can sit in the front row or the second row, or whether you're going to sit in the second or the front row, I want both of us in the front row. That doesn't mean we're winning over someone else. That means that we're both of equal value, that I don't put myself second to you That we can both be on this journey in the same position, because it's not about winning. Life's not about beating you. Life's being on the journey with you. And so there's— for us to be on the journey together, walking together in the front, doesn't mean someone loses. Doesn't mean— and doesn't mean somebody wins. I don't win over you. We're having this experience and this journey together.

I got you, my friend. That makes sense. I actually know for a fact that, you know, I think the loneliness is not hard because while you're alone, but it's really hard because when you do have success and you don't have someone to share it with, oh man, that's like, it's the worst. Like, I'm like, have you ever had that where you have the success? You know, maybe you got, maybe you're growing up, you know, you worked really hard on something and you wanted it, like maybe it was a good, great on a test, or maybe you won a game or something like that. And then all of a sudden, you realize when you looked around left and you looked around to your right, there was no one to really share that success with. And so it's like the whole point of like, that's why your net— your net worth is really your network, but not just the money that's in your bank, but more so the sort of people that you can share any success that you do have with any endeavor.

Well, I'll give you a great example of that. A great example of that is when you travel for— in my line of work, I speak all over the world. And so people go, wow, you get to travel the world. That must be amazing. And I said, well, it's an interesting— I love what I get to do. So the travel's like the car ride to work. I love getting to share my message all over the world. What they're referring to is, oh, all the things you get to see and experience traveling the world, which can be unbelievably amazing. And depressingly lonely, and that's what people don't get. So if I'm speaking in South Korea, and I'm speaking Monday through Friday, and I'm gonna speak again on Monday, and I have the weekend to explore South Korea, it's weird when you're having like I've been on literally on a mountaintop, on an edge of a cliff up sitting up there, and you're like, ah, I want Karen here with me, my wife, or I want my kids here with me. I want to share this with someone. It's a very different feeling to be. There alone. Now, that doesn't mean you can't take wonder from that moment. And I think that's something that you learn. I used to think, oh, it's not the same if they're not here. That's a true statement. It's not the same. So take it for what it is in my moment, in what this is for me. And I think that becomes an important lesson for us, is when we don't have the people there that we're hoping are there, then we still need to appreciate it for what it is in our life in that moment. But you're right, it's difficult at times. I coached a swim team, a high school swim team, and they won the state title. And no one from my family was able to attend. Now, at the time, my wife was pregnant. So there was a legitimate reason she could not be in the— I mean, literally was due. And we were too far away from our hometown for her to be able to travel. The doctor said, nope, can't happen. And due to some other circumstances where my other family members were that same weekend, they had to be at. So, it's not against anyone, but I remember looking up at the stands and seeing all the swimmers' families. And these were people that were friends of mine and wonderful. But my family, there's no one there. And there was a little bit of, oof, there's like this little wind that came down. Now you pick it back up and go, okay, we're excited for the boys. We're excited for the team. We're excited for the parents. But for one split second, it is a weird feeling when your family are not there in those moments. It can be tough. But once again, it's taking it for what it is at that moment and what it What it can be for you can still be wonderful and beautiful.

Yeah, man. Wow. That is just like, that's huge. That's huge. And just knowing that too, it's like humans, we actually have this— like I study a lot of psychology and one thing I've realized lately is that we have a huge need for dopamine spikes. And little shots of dopamine. And oftentimes these dopamine spikes actually go off when we're with people that we like to be around. And that's the little secret that people don't tell you when you're trying to do the speaking world or trying to do the acting thing, which are very two very similar jobs actually.

So Logan, what you don't know is that that's the background I originally came from. So I, I was studying theater in Chicago in college. Now, wow, I know you're from Illinois, so I'm curious because you brought it up earlier. In— were you in college in Chicago? Is that where you were doing theater?

Uh, no, Northern Illinois University.

You're in Northern Illinois. All right, okay, very cool. DeKalb.

Yes. Yep, dude. Where did you go? Did you go to, uh, UIC or—

I started Loyola in theater.

Nice.

Now, I did not finish there. I ended up going, uh, and I've told this story before, but I've— I ended up transferring back home to the local university in Wisconsin during my sister— during the trial of the person who sexually assaulted my sister and all, because I wanted to be near home. So I did not end up graduating from Loyola, but I have wonderful memories of all that I learned at Loyola and the friendships and the guidance in the theater department. So great experience.

And you're right, a little fun. Can, can we do an impression off?

You're gonna crush me because I know you do impressions. And I, you know, what's funny is back when you're doing theater, you do challenge each other that way. But it's been 30 years since I've had to do an impression. But there were only a couple I even did back then. But I know you do them. So you would rock it. So what's your best impression?

First one that comes to my head is probably Adam Sandler when he was, you know, doing his little Adam Sandler. Yeah. Hey, uh, hey guys, you know, I'm, uh, I'm doing this new movie, uh, with Kevin James. Kevin's something because he, uh, he has this way of, of never actually eating carbs. He only eats protein. I don't know, uh, that's one I can do. But, uh, yeah, I also be the voice of God if you want me to with Morgan Freeman. You know, the—

Let's do a quick one. Let's do like a 10, 15-second voice of God of Morgan Freeman.

My name is Morgan, Morgan Freeman. And when I fart, a star is born. When I pee, a baby gets his legs.

So are you still doing theater or has the podcast taken over?

No, I don't do any theater right now, unfortunately. Um, it just doesn't pay enough. Uh, not that I'm like trying to Trying too hard at it because that's you know that's obviously something that I could put more effort into by moving to Chicago or moving out to LA. New York's a great hub to make a living in theater, but I just need to take care of myself and my father right now. So I'm not pursuing theater at the moment. And then just the I work down the street, and and this is a cool thing we could talk about is um. Having a business as a side hustle on the side while also working in, you know, some sort of full-time job or part-time job.

Yeah, let's go there because in my case, my mission and passion is at a place where this is what I've done full-time for 20-some years. But there is a place where people go through a transition where it's a side work. So, for you, your business is a side business while you're working full-time. So, how do you find the integration of time? I don't call it balance because there's no such thing as True balance because everything's gonna have different priorities at different points. So how do you integrate that and manage it all?

I think it's really important for someone to go, hey, is there something that I really love to do that's part-time? So like for me, I really love serving tables part-time. So I worked on the street at Cooper's Hawk. It's a full-functioning winery. We make all of our own wines there. They make 100% of their food from scratch. So it's a great place for me to just get out of the house and meet people and talk to people and have face-to-face conversations. Because a lot of people are doing side hustles where it's mainly just on the internet. And that can get really lonely if you don't have a family to take care of, or if you just have one person to take care of, or maybe you're just a single guy. Or a single gal in that case, and you do want to build a business on the side, you got to really think like what kind of business you can make. And so I thought about what if I just connected dream guests to podcasts, like people that like really want like, you know, a Rock Thomas on their show, or maybe they want another sort of like influencer on their show. I would love to connect and work for that person. And connect them to other podcasts so they can make great content together. And so that's what I do on my side when I'm off hours and I'm not working at my restaurant job. I just message people that have podcasts and go, hey, what's like a dream guest that you would love to have on your show? Or who's somebody that you've had on your show that you'd like to, you know, have, you know, more of on your show? And so I build that on the side just for like 1 to 2 hours a day. I don't spend my whole day doing that, but you know, that's something that I do.

So who's the— and I know that's your agency. So who's the biggest get you've gotten for someone else?

Probably Rock Thomas so far. I mean, Rock Thomas is someone that has a Goalcast video who's gone viral on it. He's a multimillionaire. He's sold over billions of dollars worth of real estate. He's one of those people that is probably not a celebrity that a lot of people hear about just walking down the street, but he's someone certainly that is very, very successful when it comes to financial talk. So yeah, he's one of my clients. But for sure, I mean, there's other people that I've gotten a hold of that—

Oh yeah, yeah. No, I was just curious what the top is. Just a fun little question. Logan, this has been awesome. I want to make sure our listeners know how to get ahold of you. It's logantylernelson.com is the website. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Ah, thank you so much. For anyone who listened to this, please hit that subscribe button too for, uh, for Mike. I, I know he will appreciate it. And, and it just also— let's, let's have technology work for you instead of against you. You know, when you hit that subscribe button, you'll get updated on a new Episode that rolls out for him. So hit the, hit the subscribe and the 5-star, cuz he's got this crazy amazing show about one of the things that we just don't really know how to do all the time. And that is to, to respect yourself and respect others.

Thank you, Logan. I love that. And that for listeners to know, subscribing does, it makes a huge difference in getting rankings and people finding us, and it automates everything for you. So you never have to look up the show. It just comes into your podcast app on your phone or wherever you listen to podcasts, it will always be there so you can get the next, next episode. A lot of times people go, I love that podcast, and then they forget that there's another one next week. Subscribing takes care of that for you and gets you that next one automatically. Logan, thank you so much for that and for joining us today.

Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you, Mike.

Absolutely. And for our listeners, know that what's coming up next is question of the week. Before I answer this week's question of the week, I'd love to ask you a question. Would you please subscribe to this podcast, The Respect Podcast with Mike Damish? By subscribing, you can make a huge impact. Now you might be wondering, Mike, how does my subscribing to your podcast make a huge impact? Well, here's how. For every person that subscribes, it raises the rankings of the show in the search engines. So for people who care about respect like yourself, when they're doing a search for podcasts, they're more likely to find this show, thus Providing an awesome opportunity for us to spread more respect around this world. And all you do is hit subscribe under your podcast. Plus, the second benefit is by subscribing, you automatically get every episode right into your phone or whatever device you are listening to the podcast on. It happens automatically. So subscribing also makes your life easier. Now let's get into this week's question of the week. Oh, and by the way, you can always ask your questions of the week. By joining us on Facebook in our discussion group. It's called the Respect Podcast Discussion Group. Go there on Facebook and ask whatever questions you would like me to answer and/or address in this segment of the show, and then listen to each episode to find out when your question is included. This week's question of the week is, Mike, what is the most unique event, show, experience you've ever been to? Well, I got to go to one of the last showings Of a production called In and of Itself. Truly remarkable, truly dumbfounding. Like, you're sitting there going, how is this happening? I invite you to look it up to learn about it because it would be a whole show in and of itself. But it was one of the— I was there on the Friday and this final showing was Sunday in New York. It had run for 3 years, so I was fortunate I was able to get in there. In and of Itself, truly powerful and unique because you're sitting there being Led by story, by an incredible performance, all by one person, also dumbfounded by how things were happening. It was like a music— it was magic illusion, but you didn't feel like that. You felt like you were on a journey and you were thinking about where the journey was taking you. Truly profound. And I'm grateful for the friends who told me, you have to see this. So if somebody tells you you have to see it and enough people tell you, do it, because I don't think you ever regret those experiences. We'd love to hear your questions, your thoughts, and your ideas. And the best place to leave those with us is on our Facebook page at facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast. Of course, you can always contact us on our website at mutuallyamazingpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe to this show so you automatically get it every week. And if you could take one moment to leave a review, that really helps other people find the show. Which we are greatly appreciative of. So thank you so much for joining us. May you make today and every day a life full of mutually amazing relationships.

Thank you.