61: Find your Soul Message and Soulmate Clients with Clestine Herbert, the Purpose Coach

Welcome to the Mutually Amazing Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz, with the Center for Respect. The episode you're about to listen to was recorded when this show used to be called the Respect Podcast. So, you might hear that mentioned during this episode. Well, let's get to the show. And this week, we have Clastine, the Purpose Coach. She helps women in business redefine themselves to show up more boldly and with a clear soul message so they can attract the clients they want to work with them. So, thank you so much for joining us, Christine.

Thank you for having me, Mike.

Absolutely. Excited to have you here. So, what brought you to this place in the journey?

My story actually starts in England, Dalziel, England. And that's where I was born and raised until I was almost 13. But as a child, I always wanted to be a teacher. And I was extremely shy and extremely insecure. But yet I always had this thing in me where I just wanted to teach people, as shy as I was. So fast forward, we moved to the United States of America, the Boston area. I was almost 13 when we came here. And I started looking for what it would take for me to be a teacher. Because once you get to high school, you've got to kind of pick a track. In my research, I was like, oh my gosh, teachers don't make a lot of money. So I decided I I wasn't going to follow that. Although I always tell people now, don't follow money, follow your passion and purpose, and the money will come eventually. So I followed the money and I decided not to do teaching. I decided to do what I was good at and what I thought I liked, and that was maths and science. And there was always something in me that said I was supposed to be different. My interpretation of different was, I'm not going to do teaching, I'm not going to do business, definitely not nursing. like everybody wanted me to— well, like my mother and my father wanted me to be an accountant. And everybody else was going into business. And so I decided I'm going to be an engineer because I was good at math and science. So I was in it for 8 years. 2 years into it, I am at lunch with my colleagues, all male. And they're going around the table sharing what their 5-year goals are. And all their goals were in engineering, either management or designing. I realized, oh my goodness, I have no desire for any of what they were sharing. And when they got to me, I also realized I had no clue what I wanted to do or who I was supposed to be. And so when they asked me what my 5-year goals were, I said, well, everything that you guys said, because it was just a blank slate. 6 years into my career, I moved to North Carolina. Didn't know anybody there, had no friends, no family. And that is really where— I really discovered my passion. The last year of my 8 years as an engineer, one day we all came to work and none of the C-level managers or the president or middle-level managers were in the building. And when they did come back at 4 o'clock that afternoon, all they said to all the departments were, there's going to be a meeting tomorrow. So when we came into the meeting tomorrow, the next day, every department had 2 meetings. One meeting was for those staying, one meeting was for those that were leaving. Of course, we didn't know that at the time. Now, I wasn't worried because every job I'd ever had— and I will tell you, I had quite a few because I could never last more than 2 years or a year and a half in a job because, of course, it was not my passion, and so I got bored real easily— so I would get promotions or go to another job. Wasn't sure what was going on. And I was like, okay, something's wrong here. And I really felt bad about myself because I was like, I can't stay in a job. I can't live my life this way. But it was because I wasn't living my purpose or passion. At the time, I didn't realize that. When I was sitting in this room at this meeting, I wasn't concerned because Every position I ever had, I would get promotions, and then the position before me would either get phased out or the person that came into that position after me got laid off. So I wasn't worried about getting laid off at all. But I'm sitting in the room and I'm not really listening too much because I know I'm staying. And then all of a sudden I hear, I'm sorry to tell all of you, but you will be laid off. And then of course I'm paying attention. I was like, oh my gosh, I had to pinch myself because I'm like, this can't be happening to me. But then I had this peace in my spirit and I realized that, you know, it was a good thing and I was about to get on a roller coaster ride. And just somehow I knew things were about to change for the good, for the better. And so I got laid— they laid off 117 people and they had 4 layoff dates. I was the only one laid off October the 27th, which is my birthday. And so I knew that was confirmation that, that it was a gift, uh, from God and that something great was about to happen. I ended up 8 months later moving from North Carolina to Florida, and I worked for a nonprofit for 2 years. That's where I learned the pros and cons about business, the good things to do and the not so good things to do. And then I started my own business in 2003, and I've been in this business ever since. And so I have a passion to really help women see that we all have a purpose and that your purpose can be monetized into a successful business, and that you don't have to stay in a job that you don't enjoy. Neither do you have to create a your own job, meaning a J-O-B or just over broke business, but you can have an enjoyable, successful business. And I'm so passionate about that because I know what it feels like to be in a job that you just do not like.

Absolutely. So, so important. So what are ways— what are important steps in that process for somebody to do that? Now, I know you said you work with women. Do the steps work for all genders and identities, or is it Is it built based on demographics culturally for women specific?

That's a great question. It works for all genders, all cultures, basic steps. But my passion has always been for women. And actually, I didn't start out that way. I shouldn't say always. I started out speaking to everyone because, you know, I said, well, everybody needs what I have to share. The message that I have to share. But along the way, it became clear to me that even though everybody needs this message, I needed to focus in and niche down to women.

Well, I appreciate you sharing that with us. Thank you. And doing the work. So, you know, here we talk about respect. How do you feel, or what are ways that you feel entrepreneurs disrespect themselves in the process of building the business and in running the business?

I love these questions. So one of the ways that we disrespect ourselves is we get so focused on money that we lose ourselves. And that is one of the things that happened to me. I was so, uh, focused on my purpose, on my calling, whatever word you want to use, that I lost myself. And I started to— even though I'm really passionate, love, love, love speaking, love coaching and mentoring people, love to see the breakthroughs— that's like the highlight of coaching for me— I had lost myself. And so I've had to repair and reinvent myself and to have a holistic approach to my purpose, understanding that there is a life outside of my purpose and my passion is going to show up everywhere. So it's not just going to show up in my business where I get paid, but it's going to show up wherever I go because it's a part of me. But I also have to have moments where I have time of joy, where I'm doing things that I enjoy that are lighthearted, spending time with friends and family so that those things help to repair me and encourage me and keep me going. So a lot of business people lose themselves in their passion and don't recognize that we're mind, body, and spirit, and that there needs to be a holistic approach to our business, meaning spiritually, emotionally, and physically developing your business.

Yeah, I know at times when I fall into the trap, somebody comes along and says, oh, you gotta do this. This will Blow up and do this and do this and do, you know, it's, it tends to be their pushing is financially. Look what it'll do financially. When I get into that mindset, I'm not my best self. I'm not also the most vulnerable for my, the people I'm working with, because it's, it's the wrong focus. So I'm so glad that you brought that up. It's so important for us to be aware what is driving me. Am I mission-driven? Now, that means you have to make money to survive. So it is a business in that, but you want to make sure that it's mission-driven. So I really appreciate you sharing that. Thank you. How can someone be authentic, respecting their self and others as they try to grow that business and keep that balance we're talking about? How do you really be authentic in that? Not get caught up in what do I need to do to get what I need to do to get this? And you start to not be yourselves just to get the goal you're trying to get to.

You know, we have, uh, within each of us, we have male and female energy. And the male energy is that energy that we use to kind of push, ourselves. You know, it's the energy you use to— okay, I don't want to get out of bed, but I need to get out of bed, right? It's that dominate, push forward kind of energy, and that we all need to use in our business, whether you're a female or whether you're male. We all have it, some of us more than others. And then you've got the female energy where it's more of a receive, pull, nurture kind of energy. And so one of the things I've had to learn is that I had to balance the two. I also had to know when to use those parts of me. We also have a primary and the secondary part of our personality types. And one of the things I do with my clients is the first thing they have to do is do personality And we all know that there's 4 basic personalities. We tend to have 2 at least that are dominating, primary and secondary. And I've had to learn and teach my clients how to learn to know when to use those parts so that it's not hurting you, but it's supporting you. So one of the things that is very important that I teach my client is to work on your soul.

Mm-hmm.

which is your mind, your will, and your emotions. So every morning I have prayer. I read spiritual books. I read mindset books. I do meditation. I do confessions, I call— some people call them affirmations. I exercise and I pay attention to what I'm putting in my body physically. So those things are to help me to be a better person. And I think as entrepreneurs, sometimes we're so focused on getting that next client that we're not taking care of ourselves. So we're not taking care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And those things are important. And I think we've— and as a society in America especially, We've kind of put those things on the back burner, but it shows up in us in our health, you know, maybe getting physically ill or sick. And it shows up in our relationships with our loved ones. And so I have had to do that with myself, is to reinvent myself by spending more time with myself And getting to know self. Because if I know myself better, and if I am feeling better, then I'm just showing up better for my clients and for the world.

So what are specific steps people can take to ensure they're doing that for themselves?

Well, one of the things you can do is schedule time with yourself. We make appointments with everybody else but ourselves, you know, we kind of push ourselves to the side, or you might think, Okay, I'm going to spend from 8 to 8:30 this morning reading or meditating or something like that. And that's all well and good, but I can guarantee you someone is going to call or something else is going to show up, or you forget you're supposed to do something. So I tell my clients, schedule an appointment with yourself because there's always going to be something that's going to show up. So that's the first thing, is schedule an appointment.

Every day?

Every morning. We eat every day. We brush our teeth every day. So it's important for us to have that time of refresh and repair every day.

Yeah, absolutely. So, so important with it. That's in our lives and we're aware of that. And some people it's every morning. Some people I know do it at night, but it's that wherever you are, because some people are sunset energy, some people are sunrise energy. That all applies. So I love that. Now, how important do you think it is to create a community of like-minded believers, like, that are— that get the journey you're on, so you don't feel like you're on that island that can happen sometimes?

I think that is so important, um, for one reason. If we're around people that are somewhat negative or not aligned with where we're going, we are like sponges, especially our minds. Our minds and our spirits, our souls are like— soul and our spirits are like a sponge. So whether it's a conscious thing or unconscious thing, we kind of absorb the energy and the attitudes and mindset of people around us. And so it's very important to be in a like-minded community. Now, someone might be saying, well, I don't have any choice because my spouse is somewhat negative, or my spouse doesn't support me in what I'm doing. And I get that, and I understand that. So One of the ways that you can be in a like-minded community, one of the first ways is to get on YouTube or some other kind of social media where you are listening to somebody who is where you want to be and consume yourself with their information. There's so much information, videos and recordings out there now. There's no reason why you cannot do that. Then there's also meetup groups, meetup.com.

Well, I'm glad you bring that up because I've known about Meetup but never really used it myself. So how do you— do find that people are in there, are engaging, are coming together?

Absolutely. And meetup.com is about— not about you meeting online. It's more about you meeting in person.

Right. That's, that's what I've always heard. Yes.

Right. So, um, and it's not just for business, it's for anything. So if you like skydiving, You know, you go into Meetup, you type in skydiving group, you type in how far you're willing to go, maybe 10 miles or 25 miles, you type in the area, you know, maybe Boston, Massachusetts or something like that. And then it's going to give you a list of groups that come within the demographics that you just shared. And then you go join those groups. And if, you know, give it— I would say give it— give a group 3 to 6 months. And if it's not working for you, Go to the next one or try 2 or 3 at the same time, but try meetup.com. And then there's always the social groups on social media that you can try. And don't just sit on the sidelines. Participate when people ask questions, or if people aren't asking questions, you start a conversation. Ask someone questions and wait for their answers and start to interact with them. in the group and outside of the group.

Awesome. And you have 5 steps for helping people redefine themselves so they can be an influencer in their community. What are those 5 steps?

Right. So these are 5 steps, yes, exactly, to reinvent yourself and to be an expert. The first step is to develop your confident mindset. This is one of, I would say, This is the most important step because so many of us get into business, we're really good at what we're in business for, whether it's speaking, whether it's becoming a florist, whether it is being an accountant, and you're really good at what you do, but you've got to learn how to sell and you got to learn how to market, whether you like sales or marketing. If you're in business, you're going to have to do it. Right? So the first step is you got to build a confident mindset of what you have to present to the world, to your tribe, to your audience. You got to be confident with what you have, um, and what is valuable to your, your tribe. So that's the first thing, right? Confident in who you are, because then it's going to help you to be confident— more confident, I should say— in sales. The second step is you have to know what your core message is. You do not have to be a speaker to have a core message. Everybody who has a purpose has a message. Your purpose has a message and your message has a platform. It creates a platform and a space for you. So when you start showing up in your purpose, and once you know your message and you start repeating that message wherever you go— some people call it mission, some people call it core message— I call it your soul message of your purpose. Once you know it, you're clear on it, and you share it everywhere you go. And when I say share it, your core message is not just what you say and how you say it, but it's how you're showing up in the world. You know, your style, your mannerisms, those type of things. Once you're clear on that and you keep repeating it, eventually people are going to start paying attention And they will start to look for you or start to attach themselves to you. And so that takes us to the 3rd step, which is identifying your ideal client. So once you know your core message, then it's important to understand who your— actually, I call it your soulmate client is, because we've all been called to serve and attract certain people. And most of the time You're attracting a person that is just like you, a person that has desires and passions like you and challenges and struggles like you. Not all the time, but I've found, especially with the clients that I attract, most of the time that is the case. So who is your soulmate client? That's so important.

I love it. I love that language, soulmate client. It's, it's such a deep level. I love it. And, and so 4 is— where does 4 take Yes.

So 4 takes us to developing your influencer talk, or some people will call it your signature talk. So once you know your core message, you can create the steps to your signature talk. Some people, it might be a program, and you can repurpose your signature talk or your influencer talk into a program, a book, a blog, a recording. You know, you can repurpose that, but this is going to be now How are you going to share the value of what you have for your clients? And when you have a really good influencer talk, it attracts, it filters out your audience, and it will pull your soulmate clients to you because they'll be sitting there saying, wow, I need to talk to her. I need to, I need to connect with that person. I need to connect with him. I need to talk more with them because I think I need them. I love when I hear that. I think I need you. And then the 5th step is to have a winning conversation. So what I teach my clients is once you've got your surgeon to talk and/or your influencer to talk, invite them to sit down with you one-on-one and have a conversation and have a, um, a soul conversation, a winning conversation where you consult with them to find out Am I the right fit for you? Am I the right person for you? Are we a match for each other so that I can help you and serve you in the way that I've been called to serve my tribe?

I love that. And for you, you mentioned before the show, you, you know, obviously we communicate and you had mentioned that you, you actually came through depression. So how did that apply to your journey? How did that impact your journey into starting your own conferences?

Yes, um, I had noticed, and this was about 5 years ago, that, um, for 2 years in a row I had depression for 2 months, and it was always November and December. I'm not quite sure what that was about, but it was almost like I had expended all my energy by the end of the year, and I just went into a deep depression. Nobody knew. Um, that I did because I was good at showing up, or trying to at least show up in public with a smile. Then I would get home. It got to the point where I could hardly get out of the bed, and I was just like, what is wrong with me? One of the things that one of my friends— I remember her saying, she said, it's okay to be in this state and it's okay to take a break. And I had to receive that.

Mm-hmm.

That it was okay to take a break and it was okay to be in that space. Once I got that, then I had to do some things to start shifting my mindset. I didn't have the energy to do confessions out loud, but I did have a little bit of energy to start doing them in my mind. I always say to my clients, what can you do? When the excuses start showing up as far as what I can't do, What can you do? Well, what I could do was I could say some confessions and affirmations in my mind, and I could do some journaling. And so journaling and doing confessions in my mind really helped me. Getting out in the sun, because that's what it's designed for, to energize us. I started to do that. And maybe sharing with someone that you trust the space that you're in so that they can support you through. And once I did that, I realized, okay, I— there's more that I need to do. There's more that— there's something else I'm supposed to be doing. And once I figured that out, what I realized was I need to be sharing with more people. I'd gone to a place where there's more that I needed to be doing, or something in addition to what I was doing. And so I realized it was conferences, that just doing masterminds and speaking on someone else's stage wasn't enough. I needed to speak on my own stage. And so that's how I started doing my conferences.

So you do public conferences where you're, where you're drawing people in just to spend time with you. You're not being brought in by a company or organization for those specific events.

Correct. I do my own conferences. I actually have one coming up called Souled Out, S-O-U-L-E-D, um, in sunny Tampa, Florida, October 3rd and 4th. And, um, I'm really looking forward to that one. That one's going to be about redefining yourself, using your core message to attract the clients that want to work with you.

And so when you have these events, how many people, like if somebody wanted to come to that and think, well, how many will be there? How is it a small intimate or is it a larger big event?

Um, I call them boutique conferences. So usually about 50 people, but this one I'm going to have about 50 to 100 people. Okay.

Well, that's still small enough that everybody can feel like they're in their own journey. You know what I mean? You don't have to, you don't get lost in the numbers.

And that's how I like it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's great. And you have 2 books you recommend along your journey. One is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. The other is The Greatest Secret, which is different than The Secret. The Greatest Secret by Ron McIntosh. Why those 2 books?

Because it's all about mindset. I am all about helping people to change their mindset. Because if you can change your mind, you can change your life. And both of those books are about understanding how to consistently on a daily basis, shift your thinking so that you can shift your destiny.

That's beautiful. And you, you have really owned throughout this interview and throughout your work, the word soul. Why that word?

Um, my father died last year. And, um, so I temporarily, um, went to be with my mother in Boston, Massachusetts, so that, you know, she could, have support as she's going through her transition. And so I was spending more me time and quiet time, and I started doing a lot of meditating and praying. And that's what kept coming to me. And whatever I share with others is because I've had to do it for myself. And so what I realized was my soul needed a lot of repair, which is your mind, will, and your emotions needed a lot of repair. And I had been operating my business on a damaged soul for a very long time, and it was still— it was starting to show up in my business. And so when I look— because I have a teacher spirit, when I learn something or discover something, I always want to teach it to somebody else. I have a new program called the Sold Out Method, which is the 5 steps that I shared with you. It's a 10-week program, so I created that, and then this, um, sold-out conference. So when our soul is not— when it's in disarray, it's going to show up in your business, it's going to show up in your life. And if you don't take a handle on it quick enough, you can get ill, get into depression, which is probably why I got into depression, and all of those things. So repairing and nurturing our soul is so important in business.

Well, I want to thank you, Christine, for really opening our minds up in this discussion of how the soul is important in our work and in our mission, our purpose, and what we're doing. Thank you so much for joining us. I want to make sure that our listeners can find you, and it's very easy. It's talktocristine.com website. Christine, C-L-E-S-T-I-N-E. And all of this will be on our show notes because you also have a website, Get Souled Out, with soul, S-O-U-L-E-D. We just talked about that. Uh, your conference. And of course they can find you on Amazon too. So thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you. Thank you.

Absolutely. And listeners, you know what's coming up next. That is our question of the week. This week's question is, Mike, do you think being spiritual is important? Great question. Uh, and so I think it's very personal choice and what spirituality means to each person can be very different. Some people hear spirituality immediately think religion. Others think spirituality and think of it very differently than religion. A personal connection to the universe or to each other. I believe we are all connected through an energy in this universe. I personally believe that. Doesn't mean that everyone believes that. I choose to believe that that connection is love, that we are connected through all other human beings and creation through love. So for me, that's very spiritual. And for me, that can drive my decision-making. How I view the world, how I treat others. And so for me, it's really, really important. For other people, they're going to have a very different spiritual understanding of themselves and the world. And that's a personal choice. That's the power of spirituality is being able to figure out what does it mean to you? So I ask you, what does it mean to you? Share with me on our Facebook page. You can always find us at the Respect Podcast on Facebook. We have the Respect Podcast Facebook page. And we have the Respect Podcast Discussion Group on Facebook. We'd love to hear you. What does it mean for you to be spiritual, if you are? And do you think spirituality is important? Thanks. We'd love to hear your questions, your thoughts, and your ideas. And the best place to leave those with us is on our Facebook page at facebook.com/mutuallyamazingpodcast. Of course, you can always contact us on our website at mutuallyamazingpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe to this show so you automatically get it every week. And if you could take one moment to leave a review, that really helps other people find the show, which we are greatly appreciative of. So thank you so much for joining us. May you make today and every day a life full of mutually amazing relationships.