78: Who are YOU lifting up? Former professional football player and speaker, Jan Spence, shares...

Welcome to the Mutually Amazing Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz, with the Center for Respect. The episode you're about to listen to was recorded when this show used to be called the Respect Podcast. So, you might hear that mentioned during this episode. Well, let's get to the show. Today's guest, through speaking, training, and coaching, Jan Spence inspires individuals to dare to be different so that together we can transform the world. She also fulfilled one of her lifelong dreams by playing women's professional full tackle football with the Jacksonville Dixie Blues. Thank you, Jan, for joining us today.

Thank you so much for having me, Mike. It's a pleasure.

Absolutely. Let's dive into that first one. What, if you don't mind me asking, what years was that that you were with the Jacksonville Dixie Blues?

I was with them from the 2001 to 2002 season, their inaugural year.

All right, because I knew someone that was with the team up here in, in the Wisconsin-Illinois region, I think at the same time, because there was— that league was only for a short period of time, if I remember right. But it's a small world. Uh, well, uh, let's dive right into this. I, I love the fact that you bring such a diverse background to the discussion. What inspired you to share a message of encouraging others Well, you know, a lot of it really goes back to obviously the way that I was brought up.

But really through that football story, I realized the impact of the fact that just a kind gesture like sharing a bottle of water with someone or something as simple as just calling out someone's name and encouraging them, it really, really has power. It actually, it turned a group of 80 very fierce competitors into teammates in about About an hour. So when I saw that played out live, I knew that there was something to that and that just a little bit of an encouragement from one peer to another peer can have some pretty impactful, dynamic results when we show that kind of respect for each other.

So how did you go from there to where you are today? You're speaking, you're an author.

So I have been a speaker for about 6 years now and really got onto this message. I used to share the stories of playing football as part of my keynote and had Lots of different little life lessons in there from different things that I learned during that experience. And it was actually working with someone to do my first TEDx talk. And I said, what's the real idea worth sharing that I have, the message to send to the world? And she zoned in on the power of the fact that that peer-to-peer encouragement— we often hear a lot about it, employees encouraging— excuse me, employers, the boss, the manager, the owner that encourages their employees. And their subordinates, but we don't hear a lot about employees encouraging others, especially when they're struggling. And so, she found that story very powerful. And so, we extracted that. And from there, it just kind of caught fire and wrote the book. And now, that's really just that whole employee engagement arena is the area that I've been focused on most lately.

And for all of our listeners, the book is Cheer On Your Team: 52 Tips to Increase Employee Retention. Engagement, and loyalty. So, how do you feel that respect plays a role in that discussion?

Especially in business world, Mike, it's competitive. And so, we go to work, everyone has their pressure to perform, to hold their job. And so often, that leads to not thinking about others around us. And so, I think when we take a moment to really just respect someone by honoring who they are or where they are in their career. You might be the top salesperson or the top dog at the company, but that doesn't mean that that person who's on that entry-level position doesn't need that respect, that encouragement, those kind words, those kind gestures any more than the person who's doing the best job at the company. So it's just, it's something that we should be intentional about. And that's a lot of the message is that it's very easy. What's easy to do is also easy not to do. So it's real easy to say thank you and please. It's easy to hold the door for someone. It's easy to fill the copy paper in the copy machine, but it's also easy to not do those things. And so, when we are intentional about looking for those opportunities that are plentiful, they're around us every day, when we're intentional about seeking those out, it gives us that chance to just honor that person as a human being and that they have value and they have worth and show them that kind of respect. On a day-to-day basis, whether it's in the workplace or at home or at the grocery store, everywhere.

And so, what would be— you have 52 specific lessons in the book. What are the 5 ones that you hear the most feedback on?

You know, one of the favorites is the sticky note sneak play. So, with this one is— and I just created it myself by accident. I happened to have a pack of sticky notes with me when I was traveling to see a friend overseas. And I thought, you know, I'm going to just leave her some messages. She was disappointed that I was leaving and sad to see me go. And I thought, you know what, I'm just going to leave some little sticky notes hidden in places around her home. So I put them inside the medicine cabinet, inside the freezer, inside the dishwasher. So just different places that I just put a little note of a word of encouragement. And I've done that with my spouse. I've done it with family and with coworkers. I was training a group of About 12 people. And when they were all at lunch, I snuck around and stuck little sticky notes, little words of encouragement to them all around the office. And so, people tend to have a lot of fun with that, both personally and professionally. So, top 5, gosh. You know, I think the one that I hear often and get a lot of feedback on is people just forget to say thank you. They just overlook it. And people are doing their job, but they forget to stop, actually look them in the eye, take the time to give them their full Say their name and just say, Mike, I really appreciate you, with sincerity and with authenticity. So, that's another one I hear.

Well, and that one's really key, right? You want to be specific because I made that mistake for a long time of just saying, great job. But if you're just saying great job, it doesn't have credibility. Like, what am I doing a great job with, right? What specifically made that a great job?

Exactly. And, and the timeliness is important. You bring up a great point. So, it's not only being specific, but it's also, Addressing it right then. So to hear it at your annual review that you did a great job handling an angry customer last May doesn't have as much impact as it does. And then depending on the person, there are some differing thoughts on this, but some people want to be praised privately and others appreciate it where it's public, where the whole team knows at the team meeting and you call them out and just say, hey, I just want to appreciate and acknowledge what a great job so-and-so did with handling this angry customer, and just acknowledge that in public. So that's The timeliness of it is important as well.

Awesome. So, what would be a couple more?

Here's another one. Very simple to do is just smiling. People get so intense during their day that they just forget to smile. Again, a simple thing that's easy to do, but it's also easy not to do. And then often, I see executives and individuals when they have to deliver some news that maybe is not going to be so welcome to the team, that putting a smile there at That actually is research that has been done that shows that when someone smiles, they actually communicate confidence. And so therefore, that instills in the group when they're hearing that glib news, but it's delivered with an authentic smile on someone's face, not a funny, quirky laughing smile, haha, we're in danger, the company's going downhill. That's not the kind of news I'm talking about. But just to say, hey, Guys, it's been a tough quarter. Things are tough, but you know what? We're going to get through this, and I'm behind you, and I know we can do it as a team. So, we're going to buckle up and switch some things up, and I know we're going to come out next quarter on the strong side. Saying that with a smile is very powerful and impactful and just subliminally communicates confidence in that leader, that the company, that they believe in them and they're with them. They're the coach leading the team, and they've got this.

Awesome. So what would be one last one?

One last one. So, and this is one of my favorite ones, just a good old energy drink. So when times are tough, it's stressful time, maybe it's, you know, the last day of the month and everyone's pushing to get orders out, just sharing energy drinks. There's different varieties in the book, doing ice cream, you know, getting a cooler full of ice cream, snow cones, that sort of thing to pass out to the staff, or even just finding out people's favorite candy bar and just bring them just a good old-fashioned sugary treat. So that's another easy one that is something that any leader or a peer can do that can just pick people up when they're having a stressful time. It just takes their mind off of things. So I think that's another one. It directly conflicts with the one that says, get everybody up to move and get exercise, but it's a lot more fun.

Sure, absolutely. Well, I love that there's so much variety in that, right? And that's why I wanted to go with the 5. I wanted to hear people hear different Possibilities, right? From having fun to the smile, which should be fun too, to all those different examples you gave, which were wonderful. So I'm going to back up now because this all started because of your experience playing professional football. What got you to even go that route? What got you to even try out?

You know what? It started with my mother. I would remember it as a little girl. She would sit there on Saturday afternoons. I'm from the South in case the accent didn't give it away. So in Georgia, we'd have SEC football on in the background, and she'd be watching football, college football, and be ironing clothes. And she would say, that looks like so much fun. I want to put on the shoulder pads and the helmet and hit people. And so as I listened to her, she didn't realize, but her words were having influence over me. And her dream actually became my dream because I didn't know that little girls didn't have football teams. I actually wanted to play football. And of course, the closest I got to doing that was to become a cheerleader because there weren't any football teams for little girls at the time. And so I carried that dream through my life. And it was actually a Sunday afternoon. My husband's reading the Sunday paper and he tells me that a team, an expansion team, is coming to Jacksonville with the women's full tackle football and the tryouts are soon. And I knew I had to do it. That's how it came about. It just kind of fell in my lap. Had I never shared that dream. And 2, on the point of respect, Mike, he respected that dream. As silly as it was for me, a grown woman, to play professional full tackle football was just absurd. But he knew that it was a true dream and he honored that. And so, he was willing to share that because I put it out there. He was willing to share that opportunity with me to have my dream come true.

No, that's cool. Now, how many seasons did you play?

I just played the one. So I was in the midst of my career change. And quite frankly, we never thought we would even go to the playoffs. I mean, we just— my goodness, you can imagine, you know, 50 women showing up. We've never put shoulder pads on. But, you know, half of us— well, most of us had thrown a football, had caught a football, you know, just kind of playing on the local ball field. But we had never—

Played in a game.

We'd never tackled someone before, so we had all these new basics that we had to figure out. And it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun for the coaches because they had these clean slates that they could impart upon us their wisdom on how to play the game, both physically and from a strategy standpoint. And so that was a lot of fun, just getting to learn those things. So anyway, we never thought we'd go to the playoffs. And again, I was in the middle of my career, so I had to make a choice at the end because it was a lot of time. us had full-time jobs. And so all of the practices, everything else had to take place after hours. And so it was, it was like having 2 full-time jobs at the time.

And you mentioned earlier that one lesson was the teamwork and, you know, sharing the bottle of water. What was another major takeaway you had from the entire, you know, looking back at the full season?

When, when I got there, when I arrived to the tryouts, the women weren't talking to each other, which is not normal. We're very social beings. And I could tell right away that it was a very competitive competitive environment, and I was not performing well with all of the exercises and the drills that we were doing. And so I thought, you know what, here's my— we were about to do the 40-yard dash, and I thought, this is my chance. I've got to make it, and gave it everything I had. And then from the sidelines, I just heard some cruel words from another player. And she just kind of like, why are you even here? Why do you even try? Is that the best you can do? And it was very hurtful. And I thought, you know, maybe I I should just leave and this is ridiculous. What do I think I'm doing here? And then I remembered that I deserved to be there too. And I thought, what can I give? And I thought, you know what? I'm going to turn this thing around. I remember my mother exemplifying that for me as a child, of including people and being intentional about seeking opportunities to respect other people and show them that they are important. And so my husband had sent me off with an Igloo cooler full of water and Gatorade. I just started giving women bottles of water. I would learn their name. And then when they were doing a drill, I would cheer for them and call out their name. And I encouraged those women that were doing well, but I was also encouraging the ones that were struggling. So I would say, you know what? Don't worry about it. You've got the next one. You've got this. And so just that spirit of encouragement, just that simple gesture of sharing a bottle of water, of calling out someone's name and applauding them, letting them know that you believed in them, had such power. So not only was it the words of encouragement. But the other thing I learned, Mike, was that that behavior is contagious. One by one, the women started to copy me. So it wasn't just me applauding on the sidelines as one person, but they began to follow suit, and they began to cheer for each other and high-five each other and help each other up when they fell down. So that was the other biggest lesson is that what we do when we either disrespect people or when we respect people. That behavior, people are watching and that has impact on others and that behavior is contagious. So, I think that's probably the other biggest lesson that I learned throughout that experience.

And you mentioned earlier that your grandmother played a role in the football side, but your mom, you've also shared, played a role in this, how you naturally said you were to lift others up, to be that teammate. So, how did your mom have that role?

It's an interesting story, Mike. I remember something that I recall that moment on the football field when I was at that point of decision-making of, do I just walk off and leave and give up my dream and admit defeat and leave? Or do I stay? And if I stay, what am I going to do? And I recalled my mother. She's a preacher's wife. And so she was leading a little youth group in a little small basement, a damp basement in some little tiny church in South Georgia. And I remember seeing her getting all the kids in a circle. She explains the rules, hot potato or something like that. And the kids began to play. And then she noticed this young gal, Cindy, and Cindy was over in the corner and she wasn't playing. And Cindy was that person, Mike, that we all know that's just a little bit awkward, that just kind of doesn't always fit in. And my mother actually stopped the game and she walked over to Cindy. She put her arms around her and she led her to the circle. And she said, Cindy's here and now we can all play. And then the game began again.

Wow.

So I think just seeing her constantly looking out for that person that's just not fitting in, that person that's on the outside, the person that's not contributing to the conversation. For kids, I think it's being in that lunchroom and noticing that kid that eats by himself or herself every day. What if you were that person to walk over, call them by name and say, hey, why don't you come sit with us? What kind of impact could that have? have on that individual's life. Um, so I think I saw her do that, and I've tried to emulate that, just to, to be intentional about looking for those people, the disadvantaged, the down and out. Just look them in the eyes, smile, say their name, and acknowledge them. And I believe that is giving respect to another human being, which we all deserve.

Yeah, I love that. And you once were at a place where you were struggling and a friend helped you out. Can you tell us about that?

You were, you were ready to As you know, in the speaking business, you just don't wake up one morning and hang your shingle and say, I'm a professional speaker. And so it's— it can be a tough business to enter into and lots of different ways to get into the business. So I had made another career change and was finally doing what I always wanted to do, which was be a motivational professional speaker, and had been working at this for a year. I had been networking. I had been trying to get booked. professional platforms. And finally, about the end of the year, my husband, who loves me and respects me, he just said, you know what? Maybe it's time while you're on this path to maybe get a part-time job. I finally booked my first paid speaking engagement, and a friend of mine, a very dear friend of mine, drove down from another state to come see it. And after, he took me to dinner that night after the luncheon, and I was in tears. You know what? This is taking too long. This is too hard. I just don't have the contacts. It's just not working. And his words had power to me. His words had impact. And he said, you've got a gift. You've got to do this. You can't give up. You were wonderful. It's just taking longer than you thought. I'll be here to help you and support you any way I can, but you can't give up. And so it was pivotal. I was just about to throw the towel in and just someone And being intentional about saying, I believe in you and you can do this, had power to keep me going. And here I am 6, 7 years later. So it was an important time. And he knows now how important that conversation was. It was pivotal in my life.

That's incredibly powerful. Now, we're all about respect here, and you've brought up a lot of great examples of respecting teammates and colleagues. What does the word mean to you, the word respect?

The word respect to me... Respect to me means honoring another individual in the place where they are at. So, they may not be on the same page with me or with what I believe, but just honoring them in the place that they're at and loving them where they are.

I love that. That's a very similar definition we use, which is to be seen for who you are, right? Is to be respected. And so, thank you for sharing that. I want to make sure everybody can find your book, find you. The book once again we brought up earlier is Cheer on Your Team: 52 Tips to Increase Employee Retention, Engagement, and Loyalty. Your website super easy: janspence.com. Exactly like it sounds: J-A-N-S-P-E-N-C-E dot com. So for all of our listeners, we'll have all of your LinkedIn, your social media, all of that in our show notes. Jan, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you for the message that you continue to share with the world. Love it, Mike. Thank you for having me.

Absolutely. And for our listeners, you know what's next? That is question. This week's question is, Mike, in the past year, what is a movie that you really enjoyed? And for me, it's, it's one I've recently seen, Peanut Butter Falcon. That's the name of the movie. Check it out. Really powerful because you see characters coming from different places and you see people having their own struggles. And then you see the journey of trying to respect each person's gifts, personalities, talents, and strengths.

That's great.

throughout the, the journey of the movie. And it doesn't mean that everybody makes all good choices, that everybody's always good to each other, but you see that process of the human existence and those characters. I think you're gonna see the movie up for some awards because the acting is sensational, the character development, and the journey it takes you on. That's the movie Peanut Butter Falcon. We'd love to hear your questions, your thoughts, and your ideas, and the best place to leave those with us is on our Facebook page at facebook.com/ Of course, you can always contact us on our website at mutuallyamazingpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe to the show so you automatically get it every week. And if you could take one moment to leave a review, that really helps other people find the show, which we are greatly appreciative of. So thank you so much for joining us. May you make today and every day a life full of mutually amazing relationships.