91: Connectivity with Expert and Author Ginger Johnson

Welcome to the Mutually Amazing Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz, with the Center for Respect. The episode you're about to listen to was recorded when this show used to be called the Respect Podcast, so you might hear that mentioned during this episode. Well, let's get to the show. This week we have Ginger Johnson with us. Ginger will energetically share her message and mission of connectivity The human-to-human kind, not the fiber optic kind. Thank you, Ginger, for joining us.

Hey, Mike, it's a pleasure. Thanks for the invite.

Well, happy to have you here. I want to dive right into this. You have a story about a beer festival and a couch.

What's that story? Well, you picked a zinger. I love it. So, imagine yourself like in a really, really large convention center, full out, thousands of people, concrete floors, noisy revelers. And you're having a great time and you're walking up and down these aisles and you're getting a little taste here and a little taste there. You're seeing friends and so forth. Well, you're walking down one of these aisles and you spy somebody ahead of you and like, oh, there's my friend. And you think, I'm going to creep up on them. I'm going to surprise them. So I creeped up on this person and they were sitting, they happened to be sitting on a white Naugahyde couch. Maybe it was leather. I don't know. But I saw them from side profile. And I ran around the corner, I plopped myself on their lap. And guess what? I made a new friend. It was not, it was not the person I thought it was, but it became a new friend. So that's that story. That's a connection.

That was a beer festival, or that was a conference?

It was it. Well, so that, yes, it's a short answer. I believe it was for the CBC, which is the Craft Brewers Conference. It's the one of the biggest professional events for the brewing industry in America, perhaps in the world. And it was at that conference where I thought I saw my friend JD. It was actually my new friend now, Andy.

Very cool. All right. Well, you talk all about connectivity. We're about respect. How do they— one, what is connectivity? And then let's discuss how do they go hand in hand?

Yes, let's. So connectivity, Mike, is all about the why and the how of connecting with other people. It's actually bigger than just people to people because we've got a great big world and we're connected with place. and emotion and things like that. I primarily focus on the human-to-human kind, like you said, not the fiber optic. It's creating and developing relationships on purpose with a service mindset. How that is connected to respect is integral. It's fundamental. It's in the DNA of connectivity. It's about respectful relationship development, and that can span the gamut, Mike. That's where respect comes in, to have a mutually respectful connection is to have a meaningful relationship.

And what do you think is the sort of the stereotype people have in their mind when they hear connectivity that isn't true?

That they think it's networking, that they think that if they're an introvert, it's hard, that they think that it's shallow, that it's the card shove, it's the should, it's the have-to. And in fact, it is not any of those things.

So let's dive into that. How is it not each of those things? For instance, how is it not networking?

So networking came into vogue in the early 1900s, Mike, and the definition is to develop social capital. Okay, we can get that. We develop social capital, meaning we invest ourselves in situations around people, in relationships to build the life we love. A lot of times it's business-focused. Business is a part of life, as you well know. So that's where that word came from in modern parlance. So what it's morphed to Yeah. For a pretty collective consciousness is that it's the card shove. It is, oh, I have to go to this thing, or my boss said this, or I feel like I need to. You bring your cards and you pass them out. It's tip of the waves. It's not the depth or the meaning that connectivity is. I'm not knocking networking. I just don't use that N-word and I don't focus on that. I'm really interested in what's underneath the surface of the waves. I'm the berg. Connectivity is the berg underneath the surface of the water, Mike. If we think about tips of the waves or the top the iceberg, what's underneath is connectivity. It's where we want our lives to be. It's where growth happens. It's where respect engages. It's all those things. I run into that a lot, and I love it when people bring it up because I really want to delineate the difference with networking and connecting. Same with a variety of other terms, the whole introvert. Well, I'm an introvert. It's hard for me. Well, actually, it's not. It's a state of mind. It's a mindset, which is my second element of connectivity from my book, The Connectivity Canon. If you know your why, why do you want to connect with people to begin with, Mike? You and I having this conversation is a perfect example. So why did you choose to invite me? Well, we can explain that off air, but I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for the connection. Now let's see what we can do with it because there's meaning there. There's purpose. I want to be of service to you because of the connection we have. And that is not networking. That is more than networking.

So, if it was networking, would the focus be what I can get out of you versus how I can serve you?

Quite possibly. Like I said, I don't study networking. The common understanding though is that card shove, the sales push, the, uh, how many people— it's numbers. It feels kind of fake, forced, phony. Like Dan Pink says, sometimes it's bad aftershave and watered-down cocktails. And, and connecting isn't any of that.

So, let's look at that. And connecting, I get, right? You want a connection to a human being. Some people are sitting out there going, well, I mean, is that— how important is that in a work relationship? If I give them what they need and they get what they need out of me, why do I need to connect any further than that?

That's a terrific question, Mike. The people that are asking that sadly need some help. And what we need— and it's not a denigration or judgment. We really need to back up. If we feel that way, something is really missing. Respect for self, first of all, talking about respect. If you respect yourself, in my opinion, you want to develop meaningful relationships. Now, the depth of those is different for everybody and it's different for every relationship. So, they can still be on a continuum of, I want to serve that person. So, well beyond the perfunctory value of a sale, so to speak. If we skeletalize it and say, I need to meet somebody because I need to make money. Okay, totally legit. However, that is only going to go so far. It's going to not be as fulfilling. It's not going to be as long-lasting. It's not going to be as fruitful in every single way. Because think about it, if you come to me and say, hey Ginger, I've got this widget, would you like one? And I don't know you, well, give me a reason. I don't know you. There needs to be more to it. However, if you and I go and play racquetball every week or we run into each other, we We have a developing relationship and I ask you one day, so, you know, Mike, what do you do? And you're like, well, I sell widgets. Great, tell me more about it. That's the difference, Mike. And to force it to only be out for the jugular, it just like, you're always gonna have to hunt for more. Connecting is this mushroom cloud, this slow building thunderstorm of friendship. fulfillment and productivity. And, and yes, sales come along with it when you know how to connect. So that's part of the magic right there. Sales will happen when the service mindset of connectivity is in place.

That's awesome. What are some respectful connecting tactics that you love to teach to help people connect?

Love that you asked that question, Mike. This is a great question. So let's get to the tactical. Yes, some respectful connecting tactics. Greet People. This seems like a no-brainer, yet must be a lot of us wandering around without having that switched on. Looking somebody in the eye, giving them a smile, saying hello in a genuine way is critical. It is everything. We want to be acknowledged. It's respectful because it shows somebody that you acknowledge them. It shows them that you see them. That's a sign of respect. It opens the door for Any possibility. When we feel seen, we feel valued. When we feel valued, we feel respected. When we feel respected, we engage. That's a pretty good continuum. Another tactic is once you've made that greet, then be a curious one. Engage in a conversation being interested and being curious, not trying to be the interesting one in the room, Mike. If you've ever been in one of those conversations, or actually it's kind of a monologue delivered at you, And you think, gosh, again, suspending judgment. It's not about the person. It's like they just can't shut up about themselves. They're not listening. They're not a connector because they're so involved with their own perspective for whatever reason that they're not even thinking about the connection of what's coming out of their mouth with the person in front of them. So, be interested, be curious. And the third one is a great way to open a conversation because a lot of people ask about this, Mike. A great way to open a conversation is to ask a safe, pleasant question, open-ended question. For example, what kind of music do you enjoy? What's, what's been a good thing about your week so far? Those kinds of openers are something that everybody can answer in their own way, comfortably, non-threatening, and at their own pace.

I love that. Something as simple as music, or what is something great about your week? It brings in a positive right away.

Yeah, exactly.

And so you were mentioning the why, right? Connectivity is based in the why. How does somebody ID their why?

I teach workshops about that, Mike, and I'm glad you asked that question. Your why is your vision. It's your purpose. I would ask anybody listening right now to the show, anytime you're listening, close your eyes and envision yourself 3 years down the road. Now, we used to get asked this right out of college, like, what do you want to be doing in 5 years? This is not that exercise. I want you to close your eyes and envision yourself. What do you see yourself How do you see yourself? It's not about what you do. It's about who you are. So if we can close our eyes and envision ourselves, visualization, as you probably know very well, Mike, is incredibly powerful. If we can imagine the aspirational us doing the thing or the things that we love that make us hum, that's what our why is. If we can envision ourselves, then we internally inspire ourselves. It's not about external motivation. It's about internal fire, inspiration. So that vision, that why, that That purpose, that's what we need to get really clear on. It's easier for some than others, Mike, but how I teach it is to ask people to shut their eyes, to imagine themselves, to see themselves. This isn't all wonky and funky. This is real. There's science behind this. And when you can do that, okay, great. That's actually our starting point. And then we engineer, how do I get to that? If you want to be that, do that, Whatever that thing is, great. Hold that firmly. Hold it high. Don't let it balk. Now, let's figure out how you have to feel and your mindset that goes with that. So, your why is your vision, your purpose for how you see yourself. And then, the mindset is the next one. In fact, why is the first element of connectivity. The mindset is the second one because then you have to set your mind. You have to have the right attitude. Okay. If I'm going to do that thing, if I'm going to make that vision a reality, then I really have to set myself up mentally and emotionally to be willing to do that and get there.

All right, so now there's— you've got the why, right? So let's say they got that figured out. Now there's the 7 elements of connectivity.

You want me to explain those?

Yes, please.

So when I, uh, when I shifted into connectivity, Mike, I realized that it was totally my jam, and then I need to figure out what the heck it was so I could explain it to everybody. It was one of those things that was Very intrinsic for me, and I was able to identify it. So I'm glad that's my why. My why is to connect the world. So I wrote my book, The Connectivity Canon. I bring that up because in the writing of that book, which was, okay, how do I teach this? How do I give this to the world? A framework made itself known, and that framework are the 7 elements of connectivity. It's in a grid. I've also made it into a cosmos because cosmos is really fun to explain. And so the why is the first element. It is knowing your vision, your purpose. That greater vision of yourself. The mindset is the second one. It's the attitude. It's the deliberate state of mind we need to adopt and we need to reframe into if we are out of sorts. The sidebar here is everybody has a bad day. Everybody has a moment. Give yourself that grace and then get back into your mindset and keep going. The third step is first move. Now we get into the tactical. The why and the mindset are very vision and mindspace. The next ones are extremely tactical because I'm a how-to person and I want to be able to give people tools they can use right away. The first move is asking that open-ended pleasant question. At my post office, I'm doing this all the time. The people in my fine post office in Talent, Oregon, they know me well. They engage. Conversation starts. We bring community together. There's magic in there, Mike. That first move is that safe open-ended question. It can also be a compliment. So you want another tactic? Compliment somebody genuinely. It can't be a fake compliment, but compliment them genuinely. You can say, wow, Mike, that's a really sharp jacket. How long have you had that? And you go from there. A compliment, as long as it's safe and genuine, is an extraordinary first move. From the first move, we go into the Y in the road. And the Y in the road is where in that, hey, Mike, that's a great jacket, I decide as putting that first move out there, am I gonna stay with this conversation? Is there somewhere it could go? Or do I keep moving? And I call that stay or go. I don't call it stop or go because there's 7 billion people on the planet. There are a few more choices. So I decide in that moment, I'm going to either, you know, okay, great to meet you, or great jacket, thanks. And I just carry about my day. That can be what I call a micro connection. And if you stay, great. You can say, gosh, well, you know, I live in Talent too. Let's go grab a cup of coffee. Okay, great. Or I'll see you at the dog park or whatever it is. Or you go like, hey, nice to meet you. Or you just let it, let it go comfortably and you keep going. The next one after the why is pursue your path. That's whichever branch of that why you choose, Mike. If you can envision that why literally, that first move has gotten you up to that why, and then you either stay or go. Then whichever path it is you choose, you pursue that one. You're going to build that relationship or see where it can go, or you're going to keep moving. From there, the last 2 elements of connectivity from the framework are where there's the most opportunity. For both momentum as well as vulnerability of non-momentum, whatever that is. What I mean by that is when we follow up with somebody, say we're in that post office, I compliment you on your jacket, a real conversation begins like, wow, okay. We find out we both have something we'd like to talk with the other person. And so we say, let's go ahead and get together for coffee or tea or a walk or whatever. That's follow-up. Follow-up is the immediate subsequent action from that lead-up. And then the follow-through is we get together for that cup of tea and like, wow, this is, this is great. And we're both engaged and we want to keep going and so forth. And so the follow-through is how we decide that rhythm is going to move forward. It's the care and feeding, as I call it. It's the maintenance. It's the growth of your relationship. And it is the most opportune one for both success and for death, quite frankly, of a possibility. Because we— how many people would pull open a drawer right now and have business cards in there that they meant to follow up with? Not a judgment thing, just a common thing. So those are the 7 steps of connectivity in that framework.

All right, so how does POW come into that?

Well, we covered it. We got one of the first ones. It's the positive. So POW stands for positive, objective, and willing. When I was writing the book again, The world doesn't need any more glib acronyms. However, this one fits because connectors are a lot of things, and just like they are not other things, but POW came to be, Mike, because I realized that the most effective, most impactful connectors are positive, objective, and willing. That positivity is infectious, it's contagious, it's what the world always needs plenty of. And that mindset, that positivity is critical. The objectivity is suspending judgment. We're human. We judge. There's no way around that. At the same time, if you are aware of it, that's again where respect comes in. Look, I don't initially agree with what Mike is saying. I'm going to listen. I want to try to be objective. I respect him enough and I respect him as another human that I am going to listen, go along, whatever it is. And by the way, objectivity is There's a lot of trust in objectivity because you've got to trust yourself, and then you have to trust that everything is going to unfold safely. I mean, 99.9% of decisions, there's no fatal moves in. Then the willing wraps it all up, the willingness to be objective, to be positive, to suspend judgment, to be respectful. That willingness is an extraordinary trait that we don't talk about enough, the gameness, if you will, to engage and see where you can take something. That's what willing is.

I love it. Now, you had— before the show, we just communicated a little bit, and I know that there's a story behind the yellow sweaters. We started with a story, so I want to come back to a story. What is the yellow sweaters?

Picture us at another conference because I've been to lots of conferences. There's a room, it's a ballroom, pretty conventional hotel conference, a couple of ballrooms open. And there's 300, 400 people sitting at round tables. There's a speaker up on top at the elevated stage. And as a connector, I always look for the opportunity to make myself known in a way that's a magnet. And the yellow sweater is all about that. So this room of 300 or 400 people, I went to this conference very intentionally. I had a purpose. And part of what I do in my purpose, Mike, is I plan my wardrobe. Now, I'm not on TV yet, but I'm a professional speaker as part of my services. And so I want to wear things that people easily remember, and that yellow sweater is one of them. So I packed this yellow sweater and I was listening to the speaker and I didn't really like— what the speaker was talking about was fine, but it wasn't totally my jam, whatever. What I wanted though is I thought, I want to connect with some people in this room. So speaker said, okay, the microphones are over there and over there, and you can step up to one and we'll answer any questions you have. Okay, great. Ding! This is another tactic for everybody who's listening. If you want to get noticed and you want to connect, wear something that's a bright, solid color. So there's me, I'm in the audience, I got the yellow sweater on, I formulate a question, I step up to the mic. Well, first part of that tactic is I've stood. So most of the room is sitting down. So I've stood, I'm in a yellow sweater, and I'm standing at the microphone waiting. So the people behind me, which I was probably in the front third of the room, they can all see me. Okay. So it comes around. Yes, ma'am. What's your question? And so I say, here's another tactic. Hi, my name is Ginger. I'm with, and I say my company name. I have a question for you. Or if I have a question, I ask a question. It needs to be a meaningful question. I also really like to help the speaker. I like to shine the light on a speaker because one thing speakers hate is when somebody takes their thunder. And so I say, would you please comment on, or would you tell me more about? That is a huge respect move, by the way, Mike. That lets the speaker know that you are— you want to know more about where they're coming from. That's why they're on the stage. You are noticed. I was in that yellow sweater. So sure enough, fast forward to happy hour and a bunch of people come up to me like, oh yeah, you're the one who asked that question. And we're off and running.

That's powerful. Simple concept. I mean, simply what we wear makes an impact, right?

And the darker the colors, the harder it is for people to notice you. So I know a lot of people like black. Great color. I almost personally never wear it, Mike, because I fade out and I don't want to fade out. I want to, I want to be attractive to the people who are interested in positive change with connectivity. And that's one of my methods. That's one of my tactics.

Love it. Now I want to make sure everybody can find you, Ginger, because you've given a lot of great how-to, which I love. Your website's very easy, gingerjohnson.com, just like it sounds.

Yes, indeed. I'm also— I have a very robust YouTube channel. I am very active on LinkedIn. I would welcome connections. Let me know you heard about it on Mike's show. Um, Twitter, and I'm learning Instagram. So those are my primary platforms. And I, I am hosting my first summit This fall I've done lots of different events, but I'm, I'm pulling stops out and hosting the Art of Connecting Summit. That is also available on Ginger Johnson.

Awesome. And that'll definitely be out because this will be airing way after that point. So that's great for our listeners to know they can find that at gingerjohnson.com.

Thank you so much. All my events are on that page, of course, as well as the books.

Yeah. And we have all the links that you just mentioned. We have them all in the show notes. So all of our listeners will absolutely be able to find that. So thank you.

Thank you. What a pleasure.

Oh, absolutely. And for our listeners, you know what's next. It is question of the week. This week's question is, Mike, what's a quote maybe a lot of people don't know about respect that you really like? Well, this week's quote is from a former professional basketball player, Julius Erving. His quote is, I firmly believe that respect is a lot more important and a lot greater than popularity. And that's the end of the quote. And here's why I love this. Because you can make horrible choices and be very, very popular. You can make wonderful choices and not be liked. And you're making the right choices. You're treating others with respect. You're treating yourself with respect. That's why respect should be at the foundation of decision-making, not whether people are going to like this or like me when I make this choice. Now, the better question is, Am I respecting myself in this choice? Am I making the respectful choice in this moment for all people involved? Right? That's a great question to ask. We'd love to hear your questions, your thoughts, and your ideas. And the best place to leave those with us is on our Facebook page at facebook.com/mutuallyamazingpodcast. Of course, you can always contact us on our website at mutuallyamazingpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe to this show so you automatically get it every week. And if you could take one moment to leave a review, that really helps other people find the show, which we are greatly appreciative of. So thank you so much for joining us. May you make today and every day a life full of mutually amazing relationships.