Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Being kind #centerforrespect #mikedomitrz #kindness #respect

11 Jan 2025 · 1 min

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In this instructional monologue, the speaker critiques the common mantra “be kind” when it is applied without regard for personal boundaries or mutual respect. Using middle‑school scenarios, they argue that many students act kindly merely to please others, even when it conflicts with their own values or when others violate their boundaries. The speaker asserts that genuine kindness must be contingent on being treated with respect; if respect is lacking, one should prioritize establishing and communicating boundaries, even if the interaction feels less “kind.” The talk emphasizes that setting boundaries is acceptable and necessary, and that authentic kindness follows respect rather than precedes it.

Chapters

We have a world that says, be kind, be kind, be kind. True, but not at the expense of a lack of respect. How many agree there are students being kind to everybody and doing things they don't even believe in just so everybody's happy with who they are, even though they're not representing themselves for who they are? They're just being kind because I was told I have to be kind and I don't even believe in what I'm doing, but I'm going to be kind even though this person might be violating my boundaries. I'm going to be kind because I don't want them to not like me. Does this happen in middle school? Yes or no? Yes. Yes. Kindness comes after respect, not before it. All right, so that's really important to understand. I will be kind to you if you are treating me with respect, but if you're not treating me with respect, I'm going to focus on treating you with respect, but it might not feel kind because I need to declare my boundaries, and that's okay to do.