Being RIGHT - Do you have to be? Right vs Helpful.

Hello, welcome to today's video. Look, if you're out there and you're watching, please just say hi so we know you're here. It lets us know who's watching. It also allows me to be able to talk with you because I can see who's watching. So we can also highlight comments. As you know, I do a video a day. I believe we're on day 12 now of doing this 30 videos in 30 days. Uh, today we're gonna talk about being right, being right. So if you're watching right now, all I ask you to do is leave a comment so I know you're watching. If you want to respond to something I'm saying, do that in a comment, because then I can, I can see it and we can talk back and forth. We can have a conversation. That's always helpful. And so I appreciate you being able to do that. I said today was going to be about being right. Now, what do I mean by that? Well, we often want to believe that I'm right, right? That I want to believe I'm right, because to be right feels like I'm living the right life. I'm making the right choices. I believe in the right values. And we want to believe in that. That's a wonderful thing. So to believe you're doing the right thing, it's not a bad thing. To believe you have thoughts that are the right thing to do, the right way to live, not a bad thing. What I used to make the mistake of doing, and I don't know if you fall into this right now, there's a lot of differing opinions being expressed in social media, on the news, and conversations that are very challenging at times for many people. And the mistake I used to make is I used to think my being right was that if I believed I was right in that moment, it was my job to fix your being wrong. And that is not healthy. What that would lead to is me wanting to debate people, and I wouldn't even think in my mind I want to debate them. I would just think, oh, we got to engage because we have to, we have to get them to understand that's not right, right? We have to fix them is what we were thinking in our head, even though I never said that out loud. I never said that out loud when I used to do that. Just in my mind, I thought, no, that can't be right. I would almost think like that's unjust to think that way or to believe that way. And so I must change or I must express my view till they get it right. And that mindset is not focused on whether I'm right. That focus— that's focused on believing somebody else is wrong is your job to fix. That is dangerous because it doesn't actually lead to a mutual conversation. When I would do that, that doesn't make somebody want to go, sure, let's debate. Unless that person also loves to debate and wants to prove me wrong. Then you get 2 people trying to prove the other one's wrong. We've seen a lot of that lately on social media, right? 2 people both trying to prove the other one's wrong. No one's really engaging in the conversation. No one's really listening to the other person. And so nothing healthy is happening. It's not a mutual conversation. And I posted this about the other day. If you're not in a mutual conversation, you're not really in a conversation. So leave. the situation, leave the discussion, leave the dialogue, because you deserve to be in that. Now, what happened is I sort of had an awakening that happened to me years ago that made me stop and go, I don't want to be right necessarily. I want to learn from others to grow myself. I want to share what I believe is right with others. And I want to give people skills, opportunities, insights that I may have in the right opportunity where it's welcome, where it's even solicited. Yeah. Uh, I want to be able to do that, not at the cost of me though being all about proving you're wrong, because that's me focused with negative energy on you versus me going, okay, even if I believe what I'm saying is right, I want to hear them out to see if there's some way that, that I need to grow or that I need to adapt my way of thinking so that I can also better understand or maybe even change my mind. That might be possible. And so I've got to be coming from a listening standpoint. Lately, you may be aware, we've been doing a lot of panels where I bring— we brought people together, have conversations. And I don't talk a lot in those panels because I'm there more to moderate and listen. Now, I did at times where I thought, hey, we need to focus, or the point of this today was, and I try to keep people on target, but I want to listen more. Now, don't get me wrong. There are times where if somebody says something harmful, I'm going to intervene and talk in that moment. Here's what I'm not trying to do, though. I'm not actually trying to fix the person who did the harm. What I am trying to do is say, you might not be aware that comment can do this. I want to be helpful to that person. If I'm helpful, then we're helping each other, and then our minds are more likely to be open. Now, they might say back, I know exactly what I was doing. Okay. But what I'm also doing when I intervene in those moments, saying, I'm not sure if you're aware this could come off this way, is that I'm letting the person who might have been harmed by that conversation— so maybe there's other people watching the conversation who are being harmed by that conversation. It's triggering them. It hurts them. By me still saying, hey, I'm not sure if you're aware, have we thought of this, or can we consider that possibility? It allows them to see, oh, somebody is catching that this is hurtful. Somebody is catching that this could be unhealthy for me. And that person speaking out lets the person who's been harmed know, okay, I know there's somebody who sees this too, and I'm not alone. I'm not alone on this island. And that can be incredibly comforting. Now, there are times where somebody says, Mike, are you aware you did this? And it helps me learn and I change my ways. Right. There are times where somebody says, Mike, are you aware you do this? And I say yes. And that was intentional for this reason. So I want to treat others the same way people have helped me grow. Sure, let me know. I may not use it, what you shared. It doesn't mean I didn't listen. It means we have a different understanding. We have a different viewpoint. And so I may not listen to it, just like people may not listen to you when you share ideas. Here's what I don't want to have happen though. If you're afraid, well, if I say the wrong thing, Then I could be wrong, and I always want to be right, and you stay silent instead of saying something. Silence is way worse because that leaves the people who are being harmed feeling like nobody's willing to take a risk for them. Nobody's willing to speak up. And I get that because I used to do it. I used to think, well, if I say that, is somebody getting upset with me? I don't want to upset this group, so I won't say anything. Versus thinking, hey, if I say that, am I standing up for what I believe in, for my values, for my beliefs? Because if I am and it does upset that group, that's okay. If somebody disagrees with me or gets upset, doesn't mean I did harm at all. It just means we have different understandings of the world. So I always lead with, I don't want to do harm. That's not the same statement as I never want to upset someone. They're very different statements. I'm worried about never upsetting someone. Then it's all about my ego, my reputation. I don't want to— or you could say, well, you're always caring about what others think then, which could sound kind and loving, except then you have no personal voice because everybody else gets to dictate whether you talk or not. Because if you think somebody's going to be upset, you won't talk. The world controls your voice instead of you controlling your voice. And this all started because I asked about whether we want to be right or not. Right here we've got Scott saying You know that that he's hearing and validating somebody that that's so important to hear and validate. I agree 100%, Scott. That becomes super, super important. So today I want us to stop and think: One, do I need to be right? Because if this if my being right is about proving you wrong, that's about me just trying to prove you wrong. That's a negative energy I'm putting out in the world versus is my knowing wow what's happening is harmful and I want to step into. Help somebody, support somebody. That's not about me being right. That's about supporting others and helping others. All right. And that's where I want to go. Now, I know we sort of went all over the place here, but I like where we're closing right here, which is when I lead with, I have to be right, it's usually about you being wrong. When I lead with, am I helping someone right now? Am I supporting someone who needs help and who needs support? It's not about me at all being right or wrong. It's about supporting others. Hope you found today's video helpful. Remember, you can always leave a comment even when I'm done, because I do follow these through the rest of the day, the weekend, and I'll comment back. Thanks for joining me.