Mike Domitrz argues that partners must keep asking for consent and choice, even in long-term relationships, rather than assuming they know what the other wants. He shares a story from his own marriage and asks when a partner stops deserving a choice. Assuming you know what someone wants is a common source of conflict.
I'll have people do this. They'll raise their hand and go, Mike, are you married? They'll see the ring on my finger. I say, yes. They go, how long have you been married? I've been married 29 years. And they do this. Do you still ask your partner? Do you still ask your wife? To which I always respond to, what day did she stop deserving to have a choice? Isn't that weird that people think, well, we're in a long-term relationship. I don't need to give you choices anymore. Excuse me? Well, because we're in a relationship, I know what you want. That's how arguments begin. First of all, the moment you think you know what a partner's thinking, because that's not how it works. You're 2 different people that can, by the second, can change. By the way, how many agree you could be making out with someone and in a second it can change? Agree that's true? Say, that's true. That's true. You're 2 different people.
