In this interactive campus presentation, speaker Mike Domitrz engages students and staff in a dialogue about sexual violence prevention. He frames the discussion around the fundamental belief that every human being deserves dignity and the right to choose what happens to their body. Through a series of audience polls, personal testimony about his sister’s rape, and role‑play scenarios, Domitrz illustrates why people often fail to ask for consent and how that can be changed. He emphasizes four concrete actions: (1) intervene as a bystander, (2) support survivors, (3) always ask first, and (4) respect the answer. The session also highlights practical steps for students to back each other up, the emotional work of processing anger after a sexual assault, and the broader goal of rebuilding campus culture on mutual respect and healthy relationships. The talk ends with a call for participants to leave the room equipped with the skill set to create safer, more respectful campus communities.
Chapters
When it comes to sexual violence, colleges and universities are struggling with how to solve the problem, with how to best give their students the skills that are going to make a difference.
So I ask you as an audience, is Erin worth intervening for, yes or no?
Yes. Why?
Raise your hand and give me reasons you believe Erin is worth intervening for. Yes? Because it's a human being. Because it's a human being. How many agree that's the only reason I need, that every human being deserves to be treated with a Basic level of dignity and respect. If you agree with that statement, say, yes, I do.
That's what is key— bringing in a program that makes your life as an administrator, your life as an educator easier because all your students have the skills they need to make a difference and they believe deeply in wanting to do the right thing.
1.
Give it up, give it up, give it up! If you've ever been in a relationship before, is it possible you give your partner the same look 2 nights in a row and they mean completely different things given the circumstance and the timing? Is that possible, yes or no? Yeah. Yeah, so same look, same person, unreliable.
The one major thing I learned is that you have to ask first. To ask first.
And I'm gonna ask first.
I'm gonna ask.
It's cool to ask. What's the real reason people don't ask? Here it is, ready? We never taught you how. 1, 2, 3. All right, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up. Could you see yourself doing that in a real situation? Yep. Why could you see yourself doing that in a real situation? All right, consent's important. That's a great answer. Give it up. That's all we need.
I'm going to be more sincere about the conversation I have with, like, my female cousins and my brothers and sisters because you never know what people are hiding It's important to let people know that you are there for them. So yeah, thanks, Mike.
So how do you intervene? I want you to go to your friends and just ask them to back you up. That's it. So you go up to some friends and say, hey, can you back me up? Instantly your friends are like, let's go. You gotta call it what it is. You gotta know it's your business because that's who you are. You stay calm and focused. That's the difference.
For me, this is personal. In 1989, I received a phone call from my mom that the youngest of my older sisters had been raped.
I was 19 at the time. Sherri was 23. One thing was going through my head. It was a very simple, clear thought. I wanted him dead. If you think you might feel the same way, say, yes, I would.
Yes, I would.
I know, I was there. I felt the rage, I felt the anger, I felt what I was gonna do when I get my hands around his neck. All normal feelings, by the way. Had I acted on those feelings, would it have made my sister's life better or worse?
Worse.
Way worse. It took me not days or weeks, it took me months to calm down. And you start to recognize there's nothing I could do to have stopped this. That's the truth. I can't reverse what happened, but I can do everything possible to make sure this never happens to a human being going forward. The sad part of my story is that it took my sister being raped for me to have this wake-up call. None of you need to wait for that phone call to do the right thing. You can all do the right thing when you leave this room today because one, it's who you are, and two, you have the skill set.
What are you actively doing in your schools to completely transform the culture to one being built on respect, to one being built on mutually amazing relationships?
Why do you think we are way more comfortable as a society telling you don't rape, don't commit sexual assault, than talking about that? It's easier to tell somebody what not to do than it is what to do. Is it easier if it's not effective? Because nobody wants to be told what not to do. Because I've only asked you to do 4 things today. That's it. 1, intervene. 2, support survivors. 3, ask first. And of course, respect the answer. You do all those, you're going to be building mutually amazing relationships.
The most exciting part is the results. See, when you rebuild a foundation of respect within a school community, you see students thriving in healthy relationships of all kinds. You see students more willing and excited to stand up for each other and support each other on their journey.
Question number one: Does every human being deserve a choice before you do something with their body, sexually or intimately? Yes or no? Yes. Question number two: How do you normally give somebody a choice? You simply ask a. We all believe in asking first.
