Mike Domitrz breaks down five requirements for real consent: both people must actively want it, not just agree to it; consent applies only to the specific act being asked about; it must happen in the moment, not planned ahead; drunk people cannot consent; and either person can stop at any time.
And people say, well then, Mike, how do you actually define consent? We don't use the word permission. Too low a bar, too low a standard. Instead, mutually wanted. I don't talk you into it, you don't talk me into it. It is specific, which means if I say, can I kiss you? And you say yes, I don't get to do other things off that one question. It is also in the moment. So if I say, hey, it's 5 o'clock now, how about at 1 AM when we both come back, if we've been drinking, are you good with us having fun? And they say yes. That's not called consent. That's called making plans. Consent must occur in the moment of that 1 o'clock situation. By the way, if they're, if they're drunk or incapacitated, can they even consent in that scene? No. So that's making plans. That's why it has to be in the moment. It is free to be removed, which means the second someone says stop, you must stop. If your partner says, but I can't control myself, your partner sounds like a predator.
