Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Consent is more than just permission.

19 Jun 2024 · 1 min

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In this segment of his educational talk, speaker Mike Domitrz critiques the common use of the word “permission” in consent education. He argues that permission is a poor framework because it can be obtained through guilt, shame, or legalistic compliance, allowing people to say “yes” to actions they do not truly want. Domitrz emphasizes that genuine consent should be defined by mutual desire and a clear, enthusiastic agreement, not merely the acquisition of a yes. He calls for a shift in language and teaching toward focusing on whether an action is mutually wanted and agreed upon, rather than simply seeking permission.

Chapters

Right? So what words do you want to see up there between 2 people? Did I hear permission? Okay, permission. I'm going to challenge that actually. So some of you go, what do you mean challenge permission? I think permission is the worst word we can use in education around consent. Some of you go, why would that be a horrible word? Because I can get your permission to do things you don't want to do. And I got your permission. See, I can guilt you, shame you into a yes. Do it legally and I'll have consent according to the law, 'cause I got your permission. But that doesn't mean it was mutually wanted. See, if we understood consent's not about getting permission, it's about is this mutually wanted, and then getting the agreement for that because it's mutually wanted is the critical step. Instead, what people hear is I need permission, so I just gotta get a what? I just gotta get a yes. So now they're focused on what do I have to do to get a yes?