A four-step formula for asking consent: look them in the eye, smile, ask clearly (like "Can I kiss you?"), and respect the answer. The speaker argues that many people are taught to challenge a "no" instead of accepting it, a conditioning that starts early and reflects a cultural failure to teach consent properly.
every human being deserves a choice. The way you give them a choice is you ask first. So let's look at what it looks like to actually ask first. We're gonna imagine there's 2 people on a date. All right, so the 4 steps for asking, because that's all it is, it's 4 steps. Step number 1, look them in the eyes. It's a little weird if you're doing one of these. Um, um, can I kiss you? People do weird things when they're nervous. Agree that's true? Yes or no? Yes. Yes, look them in the eyes. 2, this should be fun, smile. If you're doing one of these, um, um, can I kiss you? Sounds like you're in a horror movie. So step number 3. 1, look them in the eyes. 2, smile. Number 3, ask the question. Now once you ask the question, you need to respect the answer. Are people good at respecting the answer when it's no? In fact, if your partner hears you say no in a sexual situation, what one-word question are they about to ask you? Isn't that fascinating? Everybody in every school in this country and in the world yells the same answer, why? But you were never put in a classroom to be taught that lesson. So you've learned from a young age that if I say no to someone I like or care about, my answer will not be respected. My answer will be challenged and questioned.
