Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Do not assume with another person's body.

10 Oct 2023 · 1 min

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In this brief talk, Mike Domitrz warns that interpreting a partner’s body language as consent is unreliable and can lead to unwanted sexual advances. He illustrates the point with a date‑night scenario where one person misreads a touch on the leg as a green light, acting on an assumption and arrogance without seeking explicit confirmation, which could quickly become a disastrous situation. Domitrz defines two key pitfalls: Assumption—believing that observed behavior directly reveals desire, and Arrogance—thinking one has the right to act on that belief without verification. He emphasizes that no one should treat others based on these faulty premises and urges the need for clear, verbal consent.

Chapters

It was a Friday night. You were with your partner. They gave you a look. It led to what you wanted. It was awesome. Saturday night, they give you the exact same look. Does it necessarily mean they wanted the exact same thing? Yes or no? No. Same person, same look, not consistent because body language is unreliable. And some of you are going, well, Mike, well, how could it be dangerous? Well, let's imagine we have 2 people on a date. It's going great. Both of them are sitting next to each other and the one is hoping something's going to happen. They look down, they see the other person has placed their hand on their leg. Their ego sees this. says, oh, they're touching me, they want me, I should go for it. So they make a sexual advance the other person did not want. Could this quickly become a disastrous situation? Yes or no? Yes. That's the problem with body language. It relies on assumption and arrogance. Assumption: I know that what you're doing right now tells me exactly what you want. Arrogance: that I have the right to do that to you without confirmation. And I'm assuming nobody in this room wants to treat others based on arrogance or assumption.