Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Don’t pity survivors. Be there for them!

7 Dec 2023 · 1 min

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In this segment of his YouTube video, Mike Domitrz outlines a compassionate, non‑judgmental approach for anyone who receives a disclosure of sexual assault. He warns against common pitfalls such as expressing pity or asking investigative questions, which can retraumatize the survivor. Instead, he recommends looking the survivor in the eye, thanking them for sharing, affirming their strength and courage, asking how you can help, and then listening attentively. The guidance is presented as a practical script for friends, allies, or professionals who want to be reliably supportive.

Chapters

Here's how the phone call goes. Hey, I went to this program tonight. It brought up sexual assault. I want to tell you something I've never told you before. If anybody ever has or ever does sexually touch you against your will or without your consent, I am always going to be here for you. Always. Now, some of you are looking at me going, but Mike, if I do this tonight, what if somebody says to me, Mike, that's happened to me? What do I— do I say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry? That'll come off as pity. I know we mean well, but it'll come off as pity. Well, do I say, well, who did it? No, no, no. That sounds like we're investigating. It could make it worse. Instead, I want to look that survivor right in the eyes and say, thank you so much for sharing. Clearly, you are strong. You are courageous. How can I help? And then you listen.