Mike Domitrz argues that saying "I'm not the one doing this" or "I'm married" blocks learning and growth. Instead of defending yourself, ask: what could I do to help solve this? Pick one or two causes you care about and contribute what you can.
So welcome to today's video. As you know, we do a daily video each day, each day different topics, and every day you can leave comments below. By leaving comments below, then I know you're here so I can respond, we can talk, and I can bring your comments into the conversation. So please remember to leave comments below if you're watching this. It could just be hi, could be something that I'm discussing that relates to you, or you'd like to share a perspective, insight, expertise, or just A way, maybe an experience you've had that relates to today's topic. So what's today's topic? Well, today's topic is when we're discussing something in the world, it could be anything from race to culture to structural problems to political issues to the topic I work on, which is ending sexual violence, creating a culture of respect. You will often in topics that involve cultural discussions as far as have a historical reference to why that problem is occurring. You will hear people say, but, but I'm not the one doing this, so why do I need to get involved? I'm not the one doing this, so why do I need to be in the room? I've never done this, so why do I need to be in the room? I'm in a completely different stage of my life, so why do I need to be in the room? These are very common reactions in my own line of work. If I walk into a room and we're talking about reducing sexual violence, And everybody in the room is married and let's say over 40 as an example. And this happens sometimes and people will have those comments. Well, why do I need to be in the room? I'm married. Why do I need to be in the room? Well, first of all, married doesn't mean healthy relationship. Married doesn't mean healthy intimacy. Married doesn't mean respect. So there's an assumption there that because where I am at in life, that I don't need anything else. And that alone is a very dangerous perspective for any of us to have. So we have to be very careful of having that perspective. The other half, though, is, well, this isn't my fault, right? Why am I here if this isn't my fault? Which is a choice we make on where we're going to focus. Now, sometimes we make these choices subconsciously. Sometimes we make them consciously, intentionally. We make these choices. And when we make those choices, we have to pause and say, wait a second. If I'm not the cause, if it isn't my fault, why am I being so defensive about needing to be in the room? Why don't I just go in the room and see? Hmm. Wonder what I'll learn today about this that I haven't heard before. I wonder if I'll discover something today that I could do to help with this that I didn't know before. Why so much pushback about something that you say you're not the fault of? Right. Or is it fear sometimes for some people that when they walk into that room, they could recognize something they have done or are currently doing that's not okay, that's not the best choice, and that would cause self-reflection? So instead of opening that possibility, they just put the wall up. They put that barrier up so they don't even have to take in that possibility. And that's dangerous because as soon as we put barriers up to learning, to education, We stop growing. We stop developing our mind, our spirituality, our energy, our education. It all stops. So what I want to challenge everybody to do in this world right now is that when our brain says, but I didn't cause that, it's not my fault, I want us to all stop and ask a very simple question. I wonder what I could do to help solve that? And go in with that mindset to conversations you're having in social media, to discussions you may be having in virtual learning experiences, in live virtual trainings or sessions, live virtual keynotes at conferences. Those are all happening now. Maybe it's just a meeting you're going to within your company that's a virtual live experience where you're all sharing ideas. Is the mindset, this isn't my problem, or is the mindset, I wonder what I could learn today that I could do to help solve this? And that's what I'm challenging everybody to do out there as we move forward, we step forward. Ask ourselves, what could I do to help solve this? Now, keep in mind, I'm not saying that you have to solve all the world's problems, that you need to take on the weight on your shoulder of every topic that's happening. So maybe you're going to choose one topic or 2 topics that are most for you, go to your heart the most, that make you want to speak out, right? And that's where you're going to focus. But let's say you're in the room and it's not one of those topics. Maybe you could go in just saying, okay, this isn't going to be my focus because my energy is really consumed right now in these other 2 areas. But maybe there's something really tiny I could do that could make a difference here. So I'm going to open my mind to the little possibility that I could make. It's a matter of just opening the mind of how can I be part of the solution instead of defending myself against assuming I have nothing to do with the problem. It's not my fault. That, that's barrier building versus breaking down the barrier and learning for opportunity for growth. You've probably seen a lot of this online lately. You see people getting defensive instead of sharing and explaining and exploring, right? Instead of defensiveness, let's learn. Let's open our minds to what we can each do to be part of the solution. Thanks for joining me for today's video. Hope to see you tomorrow.
