Mike Domitrz explains why couples avoid sexual communication: fear of hurting a partner, fear of anger, or never learning it's okay to speak up. Real consent isn't just permission. It's both people actively wanting it, asking for feedback, and listening when the other person speaks.
So even somebody who's been married a long time can think, well, our marriage is great. My partner never complains. And I'll pause and I'll say, okay, did you ask them for feedback? Did you give them any opportunity? Because if you didn't and they've never given feedback, there's usually one of 3 reasons this occurs. One, they don't think you can handle the feedback. In other words, you're going to give them sexual feedback and they think you're going to take it personal and you're going to be crushed. 2, they're afraid of your reaction. They think you could become violent. That's a real fear for some people. Or 3, they've never been taught that it's okay to have a sexual voice. So of course they're not expressing any sexual discussion with you because they've been taught that's not something you should ever use your voice for. So healthy consent is not just getting someone's permission, which is the phrase we used to hear forever. Healthy consent is understanding, is this mutually wanted? So does my partner want to do this with me, or have I talked them into doing this with
