Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

How to respond to someone who wants you and is drunk.

31 Jul 2024 · 1 min

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0:53

In this segment of a YouTube advice video, the speaker sets up a common college party scenario: a person the speaker desires is heavily intoxicated and making sexual advances, while the speaker is sober. He asks the audience what most students would actually do—most would go along with the advance—even though the logical, ethical response is to stop it. He then solicits concrete language that can be used in the moment to refuse while still expressing interest for a future encounter. The speaker demonstrates a sample line: “Hey, I would love for this to happen. Not tonight.” The excerpt highlights the tension between peer behavior and consent principles, and provides a practical, respectful refusal script.

Chapters

You're at a party this weekend. The person you want is there. They've been drinking. You haven't been drinking that much. You haven't, but they have. And they're all over you and they want you right now. Let's get honest. What are most college students going to do in that moment? The person they desire and want is coming on to them. They've been drinking quite a bit, but they're the ones coming on to them. Do most college students stop that scene or go with it? Which one? Go with it. What logically should we actually do in that scene? Stop it. Stop it. But here's what students say to me. How would I do that? What's the words, Mike? Can anybody think of a way you could say something in that moment to say, this isn't happening? All right. Yeah, you could just say, hey, no, not doing it. How about this one? You do want it to happen, just not that night. Say it. Ready? Watch this. Hey, I would love for this to happen. Not tonight.