Mike Domitrz explains how people pressure themselves into sex out of obligation or fear of disappointing a partner, even when no crime happens. Real consent means recognizing you don't owe anyone your body or their happiness.
An essential element of consent that is not always discussed in all sessions around consent due to limited time is the nuanced ways people can put pressure on themselves or on their partners to engage in sexual activity they're not really in the mood for. And there's this feeling of almost debt, that I have to do something for them to keep them happy. People just, when they think of this topic, they'll think, don't commit sexual assault, don't commit rape. But they don't think about what are the nuances occurring in relationships that breach the concept of consent. It doesn't mean that a crime is happening, but it's breaching the values we want to believe in and live by. And so the subtlety can play a big role. Likewise, the person who's thinking, I don't know if I'm in the mood, but then in their head goes, I should just do something to get this over with. Now they've been taught, well, to just do something is better than doing nothing. That's not healthy because they're breaching their own standards and their own values just to keep somebody else— you don't owe them happiness. That's not your job, right? And so helping people realize you don't have to do that. You don't owe anybody. So these nuances can be from both directions.
