Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Its okay to say, "No." #centerforrespect #mikedomitrz #askfirst #consent #kiss #no

31 Oct 2024 · 0 min

Watch on YouTube

0:25

In this instructional segment, the speaker outlines a concise, three‑step approach to asking for a kiss that encourages the partner to feel safe saying no. First, the asker opens with a neutral prelude—"I have a question I would love to ask you"—to spark curiosity without pressure. Second, they explicitly state that any answer is acceptable and that they do not want the partner to say what they think is expected. Finally, they pose the direct request, "May I kiss you?" This structure signals that a "no" is welcomed, reduces the urge to give a socially desirable answer, and creates a psychologically safe environment for honest consent.

How do I help a partner to feel safe saying no? So here's what you do. When we talked about asking for a kiss, do a little prelude to it. And here's what I mean by that. Hey, I have this question I would love to ask you. Open it up like that. That gets people intrigued, actually. They're like, ooh, what's the question? Well, before I ask you the question, I want you to know whatever you answer, whatever you're feeling, I'm good with. The last thing I want you to do is answer what you think I want to hear, because what I really would love to know is, may I kiss you? Boom. It lets them know I'm not expecting a yes here.