Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Its okay to say, "No." #centerforrespect #mikedomitrz #askfirst #consent #safespace

3 Dec 2024 · 0 min

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0:25

In this brief instructional segment, the speaker outlines a communication technique to create a safe environment for a partner to decline a physical advance. The method involves a prelude that frames the request as a question, explicitly stating that any response—yes or no—is acceptable and that the speaker does not expect a particular answer. By saying, "Hey, I have this question I would love to ask you... before I ask, I want you to know whatever you answer, I'm good with," the speaker removes pressure and encourages honest consent, making it clear that the partner can say no without fear of disappointment.

How do I help a partner to feel safe saying no? So here's what you do. When we talked about asking for a kiss, do a little prelude to it. And here's what I mean by that. Hey, I have this question I would love to ask you. Open it up like that. That gets people intrigued, actually. They're like, ooh, what's the question? Well, before I ask you the question, I want you to know whatever you answer, whatever you're feeling, I'm good with. The last thing I want you to do is answer what you think I want to hear, because what I really would love to know is, may I kiss you? Boom. It lets them know I'm not expecting a yes here.