In this YouTube commentary, the speaker recounts a controversial moment on American Idol where judge Katy Perry kissed 19‑year‑old contestant Benjamin Glaze on the lips after he had explicitly said he was waiting for his first serious relationship and later limited any kiss to the cheek. The speaker describes Perry’s actions as an intentional breach of the contestant’s stated boundaries, highlighting his discomfort and the broader issue of assuming consent based on gender or age. The commentary critiques the stereotype that all men want such attention, emphasizing that consent must be asked for and respected regardless of gender, expression, or identity. The speaker urges parents and workplaces to discuss these assumptions, teaching that the proper protocol is to ask first and honor the answer, thereby preventing boundary violations and fostering dignity for all individuals.
Chapters
American Idol is in the news. This time, it's involving a situation with Katy Perry and a contestant. Here's what happened. A 19-year-old contestant was getting ready to perform on the show, where Katy Perry is a judge, and they asked him if he had ever been kissed before. Now, keep in mind, Katy Perry is known for a song called I Kissed a Girl. She's been famous for that for several, several years. So when he said, well, no, no, I haven't, I'm waiting till I'm in my first serious relationship, my first relationship. Right. He clearly stated that for him, this was very intentional, that he was waiting until he was in this relationship. That's when he wanted his first kiss to occur. Well, at that moment, Katy Perry said, hey, get over here, right? Called him over. Right away, he could see the potential breach happening here of boundaries, and he stated, okay, but only on the cheek. He stated that, right? So then it happened only on the cheek and she said, oh, it didn't even make the kiss sound on the cheek. Let's do that again. And when it went to happen again on the cheek, she turned so that she kissed him right on the lips intentionally. How do we know intentionally? Because once she did it, she celebrated, literally celebrated. What did he do? He drew back and was like, Katie, and couldn't believe it happened. He has said since that moment that that was very uncomfortable. Well, it's not a surprise it's uncomfortable. It's— what's sad is that it took this happening on live TV for Katy Perry and others to realize not everyone wants to be kissed because you're a celebrity or because they're on TV. And if you're sitting here going, well, what, what 19-year-old wouldn't want to be kissed on national TV by Katy Perry? Well, this one didn't. And to do that to any gender or age— a lot of people are going, well, it's a guy, every guy is going to want that. Think about that. The idea that because you identify as a guy, that suddenly you have to fall into these stereotypes, this broad brush of painting of what it means to be a guy. It's part of the whole problem here. We do it with all genders. Oh, you're a woman, that means this. Oh, you're a guy, that means this. That is a big part of this discussion that's a problem. Every human being, every human being of all genders, expressions, and identities Deserve to have dignity and respect and have their boundaries honored and respected at all times. He clearly stated his boundaries twice, right? Once he said, I'm waiting until that first relationship, and then second time when he said, hey, only on the cheek. Twice stated the boundaries. Katy Perry intentionally breached the boundaries. It's not okay. Now, afterwards, there has been a lot of backlash. So let's hope that Katy Perry has learned that that's not okay to do. For whatever reason she thought she could, hopefully she realizes now, well, not without the other person wanting it. I shouldn't have done that. How do you know whether somebody wants it or not? You ask first. That's what we're all about in our work. Now, here's the key. You ask first and you respect the answer. That's what failed here. Katie asked and then completely disrespected the answer. You need both components. Ask first, respect the answer. If you're a parent, talk to your kids about this because this is a good example of assumptions, and that leads to arrogance and people breaching people's boundaries. Not okay. And so if you're at work, talk to people about this because some of them might have stereotypes in their mind about all men want this or all 19-year-olds want this, and help break down those assumptions and stereotypes and say, well, still, why wouldn't you ask? Right. Then if that— you're sure that person wanted it, you could ask and they'd say yes. There'd be no harm in asking first. And then of course, respect the answer. And that's what we want everyone to take from this situation. Ask first, respect the answer.
