"Mike and Sam" talk empathy in the workplace

Well, welcome. This is the Mike and Sam Show. I'm Mike, Mike Damisch.

Hi, Sam Silverstein.

And we are thrilled to be here with you today. You know, last yesterday was our very first episode, and as Sam said, I, I hope that becomes history someday. Uh, but something did happen that was cool yesterday.

Well, it will one way or the other, Mike.

Yeah, that, that is very true, Sam. You never know which way. Uh, something cool happened yesterday, and that is that one of you, one of our viewers, one of our listeners Left a comment asking us to have a conversation today, and hey, that's what Sam and I are here for. We want to have conversations you want to have. That's so we'd love it if you leave comments. Know that throughout this quick episode, all these episodes are five to ten minutes. When you leave comments below, Sam and I right there. When you leave comments below, we can see them. We can address them. We can talk about them, and we can even make them future shows. So we really encourage as you're watching this show to leave comments. Let's get right into it. Here is the comment that was left. yesterday by Alyssa. Alyssa said, hey, this was great stuff. Thanks for doing it. If you take suggestions, can you do a show on building empathy skills in the workplace? All right, so let's go there, Sam. Empathy skills in the workplace.

Well, that's, I mean, when it comes to accountability, it's all about people and keeping your commitments to the people and caring for people. And, and when Ultimately, one of the commitments that we need to make as leaders to build an accountable organization is, is the commitment to stand by you when all hell breaks loose. People face challenges. They, they face challenges in their daily business life, their activities, but they also face challenges in their personal life. And the leader that is able to connect to their people, understand what's going on in their life, and then be there for them builds a bond that's just incredible.

Well, and this is such an important discussion right now, because what happens is with all the isolation, with all the added stress, with all the unemployment, we get so caught into our own situation that we forget about empathy for others. We expect them to have it for us. Like, how dare, with all I have going on, they think that or they treat me that way. And yet we forget, am I leading with empathy? Am I even having empathetic understandings of why they're barking at me right now, why they're not being nice to me now? It's tough.

Well, it is. And, you know, the challenge with empathy really is we don't always know what other people are going through, what they're experiencing. We know what we're experiencing. And so for the leader to really be empathetic, what they need to do is they need to take the time to get to know their people, their likes, their desires, their goals, their dreams. But especially in times like this, they need to ask their people, what challenges are you facing? What is getting in your way of of doing what you want to do in your life or in your job? And by asking these questions, you get to know them. I had a client that told me, one of my consulting clients, he said, Sam, we've gone virtual. We're working from home. It's business as usual. And I said, wait a second. You might be working from home, but it's not business as usual. Because when your people went home, their kids came home. Kids that were in preschool, elementary school, even high school. But especially those younger kids, and it takes time to take care of them. So it's not business as usual, and we need to be empathetic and understanding of that. But we don't get there if we don't ask those questions.

Yeah, asking those questions and setting expectations of understandings so that we don't have such volatile situations, so we don't have disappointment that leads to usually more sharp-toned, more negative, disrespectful, or even mean situations that are not empathetic. I think we could start here almost by diving into what does empathy mean? It's one of my core values at the Center for Respect. We're about mutuality, empathy, and respect. These are our core, and consistency in those. Right? So let's talk about what empathy means, which I think a lot of times people think empathy, they can mistakenly think, well, I can walk in your shoes. But I can't, because I haven't lived the 25 years or the 50 years that made the shoes what they are. So how do you help somebody really have empathy for another person in one of those moments?

Well, it goes back to what I said before. I believe you have to engage in conversation with people. You have to get to know them and not be afraid to ask, what are the challenges that you're facing? I think a lot of people don't want to ask about what could potentially be negative, because then, oh my gosh, then I'll have to be in an awkward conversation or I'll have to deal with it. But as a leader, we need to send the message to our people first that we care. And it's asking those questions that show that you care. A lot of times, someone will come to me and say, wow, Sam, thanks for asking me. I really appreciate that. The other thing is, as a leader, if you want to, if you want to have empathy, is over time, you have to teach your people that you do care and that they can come to you. That they, that they feel very comfortable in saying, you know, Mike, I'm really struggling with this. Can you give me some assistance? Can you help? Can you help me work through it? Because when your people start coming to you, you know, you've built that relationship that's going to build a tremendous environment to work in.

Absolutely. And Marilyn, thanks for joining us today. We appreciate that. Here's the thing that I think becomes really important with that, Sam. And that is that we have to be willing to hear correctly in those moments as leaders. A lot of times leaders in those moments make the mistake of thinking, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you're going through that. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Well, sorry creates pity, and nobody likes being treated with pity. When someone says to you, oh, I'm so sorry, it sounds like you aren't going through tough times and only they are, and that doesn't make them feel good. The key language when somebody opens up to you, especially when you open the door for them to come forward, is to start with, thank you for sharing.

Yeah.

Because that lets them know you came to, you came to me and this was, I'm good, we're good. We can share this way. And that creates a safety net for them.

Exactly. And the other thing I love to coach leaders to do is to tap into their transparency. Because when you as a leader share what's going on in your world, some of the challenges that you're facing, some of the places that you've come up short, people see that you're real. No one is perfect. Anyone that paints themselves as being perfect is not someone that people tend to trust. So by being transparent and sharing, then what happens is you create that environment where others will be willing to share. And then you get a much richer, more meaningful dialogue.

Absolutely. And, and I was talking about Marilyn. There's Marilyn right there joining us. We want to make sure everybody watching this knows you can leave comments, you can leave questions. That's what we're here to have this conversation with you that becomes so important. And I think you just said something really important right there, Sam. Which is when people do come forward, being able to connect and being able to relate, right? That's a big piece of this, being able to relate. Now Hailey here is bringing up something really important, and that is that the leader needs to acknowledge they're struggling, right? And so, Sam, I'm gonna let you run with that because I think what Hailey is saying here— by the way, Hailey, Sam, just so you're aware, is an incredible individual who speaks around the world about her own journey of surviving While continuing to serve in the US military. So, Haley is out there making a difference in our world.

Yeah. And Haley, I appreciate that and the fact that you're willing to share that it was a struggle for you to share some of the things that you're challenged with. It's interesting because I really connect to that. I grew up in an environment where I was taught, in so many words, you don't show your weakness. And so, it was a very strict German background. You never showed your weakness. And so I struggled for years in being willing to be transparent, to share those, where my shortcomings are and where my challenges are and where my struggles are. And so in facing that, that excuse in my life that I can't show my weakness, what's happened is now by willing to share, people are there to help. People have solutions and answers that I could not have come up with myself. And Because I'm sharing my humanness, it has just changed the dialogue and we're able to build this amazing relationship because I was willing to be able to share. So thank you for, for sharing what that challenge was for you, because I definitely connect to that.

Oh, I, you know what I used to do when I first got started doing this work? I was young and this is, you know, decades ago. And I thought, well, I can't share what struggles I'm having as a parent because then no one will listen to me as a parenting expert that's helping parents. And I can't tell businesses that I've struggled in my business. Because then they'll think there's faults in me and they can't relate to me. And yet every time I'm with a company, I'm with an organization, and I let the shield down. In fact, but not— there's a difference in sharing private, personal versus sharing honestly, vulnerably. And when you do that and you can be honest, it's amazing the impact. Amazing that it allows everyone to feel safe with you and to now say, I'm safe to go on my own journey. of vulnerability because you helped open the door.

So bringing it together, Mike, and honoring our time commitment to, to our viewers is simply this: if you want to create an empathetic workplace, then show empathy. Ask questions. Get to know your people. Find out where their challenges are. Be transparent.

That's right. And that starts with me needing glasses now. Don't apologize. Be real. I was just adjusting them. Look, for everybody watching, this is The Mike and Sam Show. We're so happy you're with us today. If you're watching the rebroadcast of this, which you may see on one of our outlets, leave comments there. Because Alyssa, actually, that started this whole conversation was a comment that came after the live broadcast. We addressed it in today's show. Let us know what you want us to, want us to discuss.

Absolutely, because we're here to talk about accountability, mutually amazing relationships in your organization, your organizational culture. How to be the best we can be individually and, and build amazing organizations.

Have a great one.

Take care.