Mike Domitrz, who has trained the US Military for over a decade, argues that sexual-violence prevention should teach concrete "what to do" skills instead of just "don'ts." He shares his sister's rape and the choice between vengeance and responsible action, then challenges the audience: is every person worth intervening for? His answer is yes, because respect is a core military value.
Chapters
When it comes to addressing sexual violence, the number one fear many military professionals have around the world is? The failure for their programs and training to create positive behavioral change in the lives of the men and women serving our country. We need to go from a don't— what not to do approach to a what to do approach. What can I personally do to make an impact? So I ask you as an audience, is Aaron worth intervening for, yes or no? Yes. Why? Raise your hand and give me reasons you believe Aaron is worth intervening for. Yes? Because it's a human being. Because it's a human being. How many agree that's the only reason I need? That every human being deserves to be treated with a basic level of dignity and respect. If you agree with that statement, say, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Today, installations know That they need programs that are going to give the men and women on that installation and in that community precise skills they can use immediately upon leaving the training. What Jordan's doing, just on a common sense level, is it right or wrong? Wrong! It's wrong. No matter where we go, people say, well, this is so easy. It's wrong. It would be nice to have role models out there that, you know, that are doing things to reflect the same message that was given today. That means we completely misread Stephanie. She was only letting us know she was a little interested, and we took it much further. Do these kind of misreads happen a little bit or a lot? If you're married, say, yes, I am. Do you still misread each other in marriage, yes or no? Listen, the women, yes, I got it. No, never! Yeah, there's a lot more yeses there than nos. For me, this is personal. In 1989, I received a phone call from my mom that the youngest of my older sisters had been raped. It was a very simple and clear thought. I wanted him dead. I felt the rage, I felt the anger. I thought what I was gonna do when I got my hands around his neck. And then I had to take a breath. And over time, I'd have to look in the mirror and ask myself, do I really have a right to want this person dead after they've raped someone I care about, if I didn't do anything to stop someone just like them Friday night right in front of me before they raped someone? Incredibly powerful and so crucial in our ranks. I learned a lot from this guy today. He gave us a briefing and, uh, He makes a lot of sense with the things he told us today. What we've been doing for 2 decades, specifically with the U.S. military, is asking the audience questions. The audience's answers determine where we go, and now we're giving them the solutions they're asking for. And one of the coolest aspects of working with the military is that we're not reinventing the wheel here. Respect is a core value within the US military. What we're doing is strengthening that foundation of respect so that we truly have a culture of respect throughout. Now here's the weird part. Most people believe asking first is the right thing to do. They do. Like, if you walk up to somebody and say, hey, does every human being deserve a choice before you do something with their body sexually or intimately? What would you answer to that? Does every human being deserve a choice before you do something to their body sexually or intimately? Yes or no? Yes. How do you normally give somebody a choice in life? You simply ask a— Question. We all believe in asking first.
