Mike Domitrz explains how couples can talk about sex without guilt. Ask your partner what they'd love, not what you can do. When you decline, skip the apology: saying sorry implies you owe them something.
The mutual says, you didn't talk me into this, yes, I wanted this. And so a great question for a married person to ask their partner is, what would you love for me to do in bed for you right now? Notice it's not, well, what can I do in bed tonight? Because that is, what can I get away with, almost, right? Versus, what do you want? There's a massive difference. You say to your partner, hey, you want to have sex tonight? What's the first word most partners say? Before, if they don't want to, what's the first word do you think they say? Sorry, I'm not in the mood. Sorry, I'm not feeling well. Sorry. It's sorry. Sorry implies I owed you this and I should feel bad for not wanting it right now. So one of the things we wanna teach our partners is don't be sorry. That's why I asked you. I don't want you to think you ever have to do this. I asked because I wanna know that you want to do it or don't wanna do it. So whatever, I don't want you to feel sorry.
