Saying "that's who I am" ends debate and builds trust by shifting from logic to human connection. The phrase defuses defensiveness, triggers physical strength, and can be taught to build confidence from middle school on.
Who? I am. I care because that's who I am. Now, here's why I share this one. We have found this incredibly powerful, and from middle school up, when you teach people to say, because that's who I am, it ends all defense of their logic for trying to prove themselves to other human beings. Let me explain the difference. If I don't say that's who I am, and you say, why do you care so much about this project? Well, I mean, it could help you get a raise, it could help you do this. Yeah, but I don't want a raise. See how they can argue that? But if you go, well, Mike, why do you care so much about this project? Well, that's who I am. It's the end of the conversation. That's just who I am. I'm passionate. I care about you. I want you to succeed. It's who I am, right? It ends rational argument in the 10th— and then when I say rational, and I do mean that on purpose, because when you're talking about the human soul, this shouldn't be a rational argument. This should be about connecting about who we are as human beings. And by the way, when you say to someone, that's who I am, this happens. Your shoulders go back. You show strength because it feels good. Like, the body likes hearing that. That's who I am.
