Pity is why people agree to things they don't want, telling themselves they're sparing their partner's feelings. But saying no is honest and kind, not mean. Niceness that hides what you actually think isn't respect.
What's the number one reason people say yes when they want to say no? Pity. Pity is it. And here's it— they don't think it's pity in the moment. They think it is, I don't want to disappoint my partner. They're not calling it pity. They're calling it, I don't want to disappoint my partner, because somebody taught them that saying no was mean. Saying no is not mean. It's one of the kindest things you will ever do for yourself and your partner, because you're actually being honest with your partner. I had a student jump up the other day and go, I don't care if it's mean. Which is a great response, by the way. 'Cause life is not about being nice. I'd rather know you were respectful than nice. 'Cause how many agree nice can be fake? If you agree that's possible, say yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yeah, so we want to be real, right? Huge, huge difference.
